Toddler Watching Videos During Mass

  • Thread starter Thread starter Aquila_Lucis
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

Aquila_Lucis

Guest
My wife and I have a 2-and-a-half year old who (surprise) gets bored during Mass and wants to wander/run around and generally be, well, a toddler. She’ll last about 20 minutes being quiet. My wife and I take turns taking her out into the narthex to calm down, but it will oftentimes mean one of us spends the rest of Mass on the narthex.

It’s rarely my go-to parenting technique, but I know my daughter will sit quietly if I put a video on my cell phone (on silent). Thoughts about doing this during Mass?
 
I think it’s a bad precedent to set. What happens when she is a bit older, 4-5 and should be able to make it through Mass but still wants to watch videos? You end up with a bigger problem.

Children are teachable and a 2 1/2 year old can be taught. It’s not easy, but it is doable. Talking to her before Mass and setting the expectations, explaining what Mass is will help.

I’m not saying this will change her behavior next Sunday, but over time she will learn. A small quiet toy or small coloring pad may keep her quiet.
 
What is your goal further down the road-- for her to be able participate in the Mass?

If so, start teaching her some of the prayers said at Mass. Encourage her to listen to “the stories,” maybe even talking to her about the Gospel reading for the week ahead of time. Quiet playthings, books about the saints, etc., are also helpful.

However, you will have to spend some time outside during Mass. She is very young and just learning, after all. Try to make it less interesting than being in Mass as much as possible.

This is a suffering for you or your wife. It is very good to offer this up 🙂 Remember that because you are doing this in doing the duties of your state in life, it is a good thing and not at all a bad thing.
 
Have you tried sitting in the very front, so she can see? I guess there is no"cry room". How about a reward after Mass for good behavior?
 
We had this problem with our oldest. And with her we did silent videos and it worked great. We finally broke the video habit around 5. She’s 7 now and reads well, enjoys the mass and can speak much of the Latin in the Latin mass as well! Our youngest is 4 and we learned our lesson, we did not do many videos with her and we just deal with it. Talks, coaching and etc. Games during church involved identifying one or two saints in the windows we’ve taught her, who the priest is this time, what is he doing with that circle bread? She used to whisper “Body-a-Jesus” and people would giggle. So now at age 4, she’s much better. I put silent stars on the tops of her hands (invisible stars) when she is not breaking a rule (e.g. playing with her hands above the pew, making noises too loud, yelling and being rude.) Once she gets 10 stars on each hand she gets some small prize. Some days, she and I forget about the prize and she just give this silly smile with the stars (on good days). LOL The point is, I would try to limit the videos. Don’t just cut it off, you will resent folks who say it’s bad. There a lot of catholic color books we use and lacing boards. 2 1/2 is a tough age, it will get easier soon. Deal as you need to.
This drawing tablet (no electronics) might help you transition away from the video.

https://www.amazon.com/Writing-Tabl...ds=drawing+tablets+kids&qid=1580677807&sr=8-5

Toddler Missal: https://www.amazon.com/Missal-Toddl...keywords=toddler+missal&qid=1580677896&sr=8-1
 
What’s the difference between a picture book and a video, in reality?
 
I was wondering this myself. The poster who said “absolutely not” to videos suggested a colouring book. Why is the latter intrinsically better in this setting?
 
Sure, as long as you and your video aren’t sitting anywhere near where my kids can see you.
 
The items from Loyola, the flip book of Mass, etc. are excellent.

To the OP, 20 minute segments will cover the “quiet times” in Mass. Homily ought be 15 minutes. Other times there is standing, singing, responding.
 
My first year teaching elementary school music, we had this ancient technology in the classroom called a TV set. It normally sat dormant in the corner, but every now and then, I got it out to show a film that I thought would help in teaching a concept. One day, I showed a video to a group of kindergarteners. After they left, a group of 4th graders came in and in the transition, I forgot to turn the TV off. The video was off, so all it showed was a blank, blue screen. It took them three times longer than normal to find their seats and one of them literally ran into another one because they were staring at the screen. I commenced with the warmups, but several of them were still staring. I tried to redirect the kids three times before I finally gave up and went over to shut the thing off. I have no flipping idea why lit screens attract the attention of children from across the room when coloring books don’t. Might be a good subject for someone to do a dissertation or thesis. All I know is, it is what it is.
 
I thought the OP meant he would use the screen in the foyer during those moments when he’s had to step out with her to settle her down… but perhaps he meant in the pew. That’s not what I had in mind.
 
I guess it might be more tolerable in the foyer, as long as nobody could hear it or see it.
 
We had a few parents allowing silent screens but Father put a notice in the bulletin to avoid using them. I don’t know how your church is set up, but ours has seating on both the main floor and the balcony. I can vouch that screens with moving pictures down on the main floor was very distracting to me when I sat upstairs. My kids were also distracted by them as well. I know this season of parenting can be difficult and there were years where I felt like I didn’t fully participate at Mass but it does pass.
 
Maelstrom1 said:
What’s the difference between a picture book and a video, in reality?
Click to expand...
It’s called screen time. I used to think my son had strong concentration skills. He was diagnosed with ADHD and the psychologist told me screen time was not focused time. The brain more or less zones out. So a book is definitely better as it engages the brain.
 
You can put together a Mass tote with quiet toys, books, a few crayons and a coloring book, that your child only sees at Mass so it has a bit of novelty. I always tried to keep the theme of the items in the Mass bag Christian (soft saint dolls, angels, prayer bears, books and coloring books with a christian focus etc.). What is the difference between these distractions and screens? Well, there is something about screens that can become addictively entertaining. There is a certain passivity that takes over and the brain becomes less active. Our entire society seems to need this stimulating entertainment all the time so much so that things like quiet prayer, the ability to use the imagination in contemplation about God, the ability to philosophize and reason gets more and more stunted. Those things don’t seem quite appealing to the screen addicted brain. It may not be readily apparent but this inability to be at leisure and to just think, imagine, pray, read a book quietly, create art and contemplate sort of stunts our spiritual life. Our brains get rewired to be passive rather than active and I really think it affects our ability to pray and to hear God. I know all these things may be above the level of a 2 yr old. but I think that play, use of their imagination, looking at pictures in books that they can really study and that are not constantly moving and even their primitive drawing are all goods that will develop (if encouraged and cultivated) and serve their ability to know and love God in a deeper way as they grow.
 
My concern would be twofold:
  1. A video on a screen, even silent, has the potential to distract other people sitting in church who are in a position to see the screen, even out of the corner of their eye.
  2. It’s teaching a dependency on a video rather than teaching her to extend the time she can sit quietly and engage with/ participate in the Mass.
    If she’s already up to 20 minutes, that’s pretty good for her age. Work on making it 30 minutes, and so on.
 
I would stick with what you are doing and don’t resort to a screen.

I’ve been in the same situation where my wife and I have and to be running out of mass with crying/loud/disruptive toddlers. I’ve found that they get used to the routine of mass quickly and will be able to sit through it. I’d be concerned that giving a screen is going to mean it takes much longer to adjust.

The biggest thing that helped for us was sitting at the front so that the kids can see what’s going on rather than looking at somebody’s back in the pew in front.

I’ve heard of children’s picture missals but I haven’t personally tried it.

Also - I once heard a clip of Mother Angelica talking about going to confession and being proud & happy with yourself after - she said “go and treat yourself to an ice cream even”. I’ve applied this to kids at times - make mass a positive experience by doing something fun for the kids afterwards (if they behave). It doesn’t have to be ice cream, but it could be if you wish… otherwise some type of activity that they enjoy and look forward to. I try to make mass something to look forward to.

But at the end of the day, kids will be kids and it takes patience.
 
If you have a toddler who is too young to be at mass then you are excused from your obligation to attend mass.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top