Toddler Watching Videos During Mass

[Tis_Bearself]

If there is a concern over something posted on the forum applying to a particular family (“are the children young enough” etc), then the appropriate behavior, as indicated in the Catechism, would be for the parent to ask the parish priest if a dispensation is needed, and if so, would he grant one.

I find it odd that anyone would try to argue that a toddler is not an “infant”, just based on common sense and the way the Church uses the term, but if there is truly a worry then the parish priest is the one who should sort it out, not me or you. The priest may say “No dispensation is needed” or he may grant a dispensation.

With that, I am muting the thread. It has gone off topic and I believe everything that needs to be said to the original topic has been said, and then some. Have a nice day.

 

[vz71]

I find it odd that anyone would try to argue that a toddler is not an “infant”, just based on common sense and the way the Church uses the term, but if there is truly a worry then the parish priest is the one who should sort it out, not me or you.

Exactly.

It is a disservice to tell someone that the child is sufficient reason to skip Mass.
That is advice their priest needs to give.

 

[JanR]

My wife and I have a 2-and-a-half year old who (surprise) gets bored during Mass and wants to wander/run around and generally be, well, a toddler. She’ll last about 20 minutes being quiet. My wife and I take turns taking her out into the narthex to calm down, but it will oftentimes mean one of us spends the rest of Mass on the narthex.

It’s rarely my go-to parenting technique, but I know my daughter will sit quietly if I put a video on my cell phone (on silent). Thoughts about doing this during Mass?

I’m not sure what a narthex is – I’ve never heard that term before. Is it like a cry room?

First, I want to commend you for having enough consideration for the rest of the congregation to remove your toddler from the immediate service area so she can’t disrupt the Mass for anyone else.

We have a cry room at our church, and everyone knows about it, yet most of the parents in our parish will just sit in the pew and let their kids scream at the top of their lungs so nobody else can hear or participate in the Mass.They simply WILL NOT use the cry room. And if anyone dares to complain about it, we get accused of being “child unfriendly”.

I’m sure your fellow parishioners thank you for being thoughtful of them.

To address the boredom for your toddler, maybe some colorful children’s books with Catholic oriented themes would help spark your child’s interest in the faith. You can read these at home to your toddler, as you begin teaching her about the Mass and what is happening there. Approach it from a place of God’s love – don’t make it scary or punitive. And, keep it simple, on the kid’s level, so she can gradually grow to understand it.

If your toddler starts asking questions, be sure to give her clear answers so she doesn’t end up confused and/or frustrated. Teach her what she can easily absorb, and as she grows older, she may want to learn more and more. That’s when you can start sending her to Catechism classes.

Don’t indulge her with a silent video during Mass – as she will come to expect that, and as others have said here, you’ll have a bigger problem.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

We have a cry room at our church, and everyone knows about it, yet most of the parents in our parish will just sit in the pew and let their kids scream at the top of their lungs so nobody else can hear or participate in the Mass.They simply WILL NOT use the cry room. And if anyone dares to complain about it, we get accused of being “child unfriendly”.

I don’t know if your cry room is like my cry room, but ours is full of kids playing on phones, tablets, handheld video games, toys with sirens, and various other things to “keep them busy”. In addition, there are kids with gummies and chips and cookies. Our cry room is the last place you’d want to take a child you want to learn how to behave in mass…

 

[YourNameHere]

Videos is not the way to go.

 

[heidi_storage]

The narthex is like the lobby of the church.

 

[Catholic361]

This is a cool idea, kind of a “I spy” game saint style vary cute

 

[starlady]

As mentioned by many, I would personally do everything to avoid using technology.

My parents always said that they would make sure that we as children understood that it would be worse for us to have to be taken outside during Mass. Obviously, that can mean different things to different people, and it varies greatly depending on the age of the child involved. I have read that when a toddler gets to be about 3 years old is when they can start understanding the concept of “consequences” to their actions.

That being said, my son is 20 months old and we are going through the same thing. Usually, my husband and I take turns taking him out to the narthex if he acts up (which he does, without fail…he’s at the stage where he’s climbing everything to he tries to get around us to leave the pew lol). He’s starting to learn how to move a pen/crayons, so maybe we’ll be able to start bringing coloring books and such to Mass so he can work on some fine motor skills. Maybe having some “special toys/activities” for Mass might help.

 

[TC3033]

I’ve done videos in the past, but only in the cry room or gathering space. I would never do that in Church.

With our youngest, from the time he could walk to present (a little over 3), he can sit still for about 5-10 min then I would end up walking around the gathering space, the church basement, etc… for about 45 min.

We got to the point where I wouldn’t go to Mass. I’d just stay home with him.

 

[Jessie]

Would you whack on a video if a priest were sitting next to you? Or another family with children? Can you imagine what Mass would be like if all the kids are sitting glued to videos? What happens when your child is no longer satisfied with silent videos? What happens when you think they are old enough to do without but refuse to give it up? What happens if you have several children? The youngest can watch videos and the older ones not? Or would you have a pew full of kids staring at screens? It sounds over the top, but I’m just trying to think the idea through to very possible situations in the future, as should you before you reach for the easy - fix short term solution. Believe me, if it’s an easy fix now, whatever the situation, poor sleeping, fussy eating… trying to get back on track once the quick - fix no longer works, is much, much harder than just biting the bullet in the first place.

I think the responses are unanimous. Technology to numb or bribe your child is a terrible way to go. It’s like an addiction. Your child will always demand it, you will disrupt other people no matter how discrete you try to be, you still won’t really be able to concentrate, it’s plain disrespectful.

Children have been brought to Mass for hundreds of years without aids. It is hard. I know it is really hard sometimes, but I would strongly recommend you avoid technology as much as possible. Definitely never in church. And not at meal tables either.

 

[ConcernedConvert]

No I would definitely not allow videos, I think this would make things worse in the long run. That on top of it being very irreverent are a big no for me. . As a fellow parent of a couple of toddlers I understand your point. Take hope in the fact that with persistence things will get better as your child grows. My boy is now 3 1/2, he is doing better and better every week in mass. Meanwhile I am out with his sister who is 1 1/2 because she wants to scream and talk to everybody all mass long haha

 

[Horton]

I think it is a bad idea to be asking parenting advice on this forum.
Just a quick read through tells me a lot of the responses are coming from people with no children of their own.

I have read that ranged from the bizarre (children are just little adults, just explain to them and everything will be fine)

Have you ever tried this? How do you know it is bizarre? It worked with me as a child, it worked with my children, and it works with my grandchildren. Of course it starts with an expectation of good behavior at home and outside of church. No one can expect children to behave in church if they are not expected to behave anywhere else.

Your whole misconstrued understanding of my advice is perhaps ignorance of children’s behavior in general.