Toe nail polish and toddlers?

[annannyc]

That’s what little girls do. I see it as the same as playing dress-up.

I’ve never figured out the female need to do this. It is preconditioning our girls to be “prettied up”.

That aside nail polish and nail polish removers can be very dangerous toxins, I don’t like them near myself let alone a toddler.

We are killing our children with sugar, fat and other bad foods and make up with chemicals are no different. If you wouldn’t be happy having your daughter eat it, don’t put it on her. (And yes, that goes for anything that comes with a warning label.)

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

I’ve never figured out the female need to do this. It is preconditioning our girls to be “prettied up”.

**YES! Sure it is, that’s part of being female. Little girls want to be like mom. What should we precondition them for? Being ‘butch’? Maybe they shouldn’t wear dresses or cute shoes either. Wanting to look nice is not wrong. Anymore than boys wanting to look handsome are wrong. Many a time my boys have wanted me to paint scars and battle wounds as they pretend to be ‘men protecting the ___’. I don’t believe for one minute that boys don’t do the same thing in different ways. I’ve seen boys want to wear ties, shave, concealer for their acne (what’s concealer for boys called? I forget.) and have their hair “just so”. **

That aside nail polish and nail polish removers can be very dangerous toxins, I don’t like them near myself let alone a toddler.

We are killing our children with sugar, fat and other bad foods and make up with chemicals are no different. If you wouldn’t be happy having your daughter eat it, don’t put it on her. (And yes, that goes for anything that comes with a warning label.)

**Oh geez. Sugar and fat don’t kill children anymore than water does. All of those are neccessary for healthy development in children. It’s drowning in sugars and fats that kills. A little bit of pie won’t kill my girl and neither will some toe polish. I don’t view polish as make-up. I don’t wear make-up, mostly because I just don’t like to. When my dd is about 12, I’ll show her how to wear it properly if she wants to. **

 

[dulcissima]

I’ve never figured out the female need to do this. It is preconditioning our girls to be “prettied up”.

That aside nail polish and nail polish removers can be very dangerous toxins, I don’t like them near myself let alone a toddler.

We are killing our children with sugar, fat and other bad foods and make up with chemicals are no different. If you wouldn’t be happy having your daughter eat it, don’t put it on her. (And yes, that goes for anything that comes with a warning label.)

Most girls don’t need to be pre-conditioned to be “prettied up” that is just the way that God made us. I grew up during a time where all of these “sexist” roles were looked down upon, and I am just going to have to disagree with that whole philosophy. To put all of that “girl stuff” down is to deny our God-given femininity. That’s not to say that being girly means I can’t like hiking, camping, or drinking a beer because I do like that stuff too.

My daughter is the exact same way(except about the drinking beer part.) She developed her taste for pink, sparkles, and frills all on her own. Now that she is a teenager, she loves clothes, makeup, and doing her hair. We have fun sharing clothes or going to the mall and picking out outfits for eachother to try on – not that any of these are the most important things in life, because they certainly aren’t. They are just a fun part and there is nothing dangerous about any of it as long as it is all kept in perspective.

My sons, on the otherhand, love all the guy things like playing in the mud, fighting, and being generally little barbarians. That’s OK in moderation too. I’m just glad they are also interested in having me read them a story at night and maybe even saying the rosary together.

I still say there is nothing wrong with a little nail polish…

 

[BlestOne]

It’s not about sexy…it’s about feeling special and emulating mommy. My dd loved the time I spent with her doing curls or braiding her hair or putting polish on her finger or toe nails. My dd is now 15 yo and very feminine and very conscience of how she looks. My boys were no different… they dressed up (oldest son age 19 still loves to dress up), they loved to play “shave” and even wear aftershave and slick their hair or spike it. This is all a part of growing up and learning how to groom. OTOH, I have an 11 yo step daughter that has never had mom do anything with her hair, do her nails, teach her how to wear a dress etc… Last year when I was preparing for the wedding, I had to spend more time teaching her how to walk with 1 inch heels, wear pantyhose, wear dresses, do her hair, etc. I swear this is the truth… she didn’t even know what a slip was!:bigyikes: I literally spend over 10 hours teaching her how to walk like a girl! Her mom’s idea of shopping for her school clothes… well let’s just say mom doesn’t take her along, so she buys boys monotone oversized clothes for her so she knows it won’t be too small and it all matches. It is so sad… she has no idea what to do when I take her out shopping, she has no patience for trying on clothes or trying to match outfits. No lie, she was getting dressed for church (I insist that she wear skirts or dresses to church) last visit… horizontal periwinkle and coral striped sweater with a pink, yellow and black vibrant floral pattern summer skirt…:bigyikes: :bigyikes: :bigyikes: and she had no clue that it didn’t match on so many levels… I would rather have a kid wear nail polish and girly stuff as a toddler than try to convince an 11 yo that being a girl isn’t a bad thing.

 

[annannyc]

What should we precondition them for? Being ‘butch’? Maybe they shouldn’t wear dresses or cute shoes either.

Do you have to see things only in polar opposites?

If we are already programmed to be “female” why do we need people to foist their own ideas on us at 18 months? At 18 months a baby doesn’t WANT to be like mom, she needs to be a baby first before you start turning her into a doll. Her internal programing is what will make her into a woman. Do you think that if you put nail polish on a boy he will only want to emulate mom? Sexuality isn’t learned, it’s ingrained, part of your DNA.

And yes, sorry to be the bearer of bad news but most people feed their kids soda, candy and fast food and most other food that has made us this big ole obese, diabetic nation. I can assure you that probably 70% of the people reading these forums are either overweight or on some medication or other for a disease with its root cause in diet.

 

[annannyc]

Last year when I was preparing for the wedding, I had to spend more time teaching her how to walk with 1 inch heels, wear pantyhose, wear dresses, do her hair, etc. I swear this is the truth… she didn’t even know what a slip was

Maybe at 11 she was still a child and didn’t want to wear heels or nasty pantyhose. God knows, I;ve never wanted to wear panty hose (but no, I’m not butch, I just prefer stockings if I wear a skirt).

Here’s my point, some young girls do not like the girlie stuff. I hated it until I was probably 20. She may have not wanted to be like you because you were the opposite to her mom and about to marry her dad.

I’m not sure it’s very Christ like to talk about her mom that way either. Sometimes if you have nothing good to say it’s best not to say anything. Be charitable, do not compare your step daughter to your daughter. Looks and dress are only surface things, it’s what’s in a person’s heart that counts.

 

[annannyc]

horizontal periwinkle and coral striped sweater with a pink, yellow and black vibrant floral pattern summer ski

LOL!! See, I like this girl. I think she was trying to tell you “back off with the girlie stuff or I’ll embarrass you in public by wearing this”.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

If we are already programmed to be “female” why do we need people to foist their own ideas on us at 18 months? At 18 months a baby doesn’t WANT to be like mom, she needs to be a baby first before you start turning her into a doll. Her internal programing is what will make her into a woman.

**Oh please. Talk about polar opposites. No one here is saying anything about foisting anything. The girl WANTS to wear it. Just like she wants to wear dresses. Or jeans with embellishments. Or Dora the Explorer shoes. **
And yes, sorry to be the bearer of bad news but most people feed their kids soda, candy and fast food and most other food that has made us this big ole obese, diabetic nation. I can assure you that probably 70% of the people reading these forums are either overweight or on some medication or other for a disease with its root cause in diet.

Well, I’m not and neither are any of my kids. And again, the health problems are NOT due to sugar or fat. It’s due to drowning in something - to over consumming. Even too much water can kill a person, but that doesn’t make water unhealthy. My dh who’s been diabetic since kindergarten says he isn’t fat either (in fact, he needs to gain weight) says he’s sick of people who don’t know squat about diabetes making judgements.

Here’s my point, some young girls do not like the girlie stuff. I hated it until I was probably 20.

But if they do like it, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with some nail polish. Just because you don’t or didn’t like it, doesn’t mean a lot of little girls can’t.

She may have not wanted to be like you because you were the opposite to her mom and about to marry her dad. Be charitable, do not compare your step daughter to your daughter. Looks and dress are only surface things, it’s what’s in a person’s heart that counts.

BlestOne - this I agree with although I don’t think you would ever err to speak this way in her presence? I think you may be a little harsh to this young step-daughter. Honestly I’ve never owned a slip or a pair of panty hose and probably never will. I would have venemently decried wearing heals of any size at that age. I’ve always had a profound hatred of shopping for clothes. I like to buy, not shop. If at all possible - I’ll order online to avoid the entire shopping experience. Would it have been such a hardship to simply have her hair brushed with a headband or barret or simple braid, rather than fussed over?

**My mother was one of the last southern bells. Right up to the day she died of cancer and even through the funeral, I have never seen her without mascara, lipstick and painted nails. She wanted a girlie girl and well… she got me. It was very upsetting to her because my much older sisters never gave her any problems. I think I am very much a woman. I’ve never had a man treat me as less than a lady because of it. I’d still rather have stained jeans, a books, and comfortable Reboks any day. ****Oh and one of the things I love best about denim is how practical it is. EVERYTHING matches jeans! **

I know you are doing your best to help and identify with this young girl, but I strongly caution you not to push her too hard. It can backfire. If her relationship is truely that difficult with her own mother, the last thing she needs is to feel unworthy with you. I would insist it be clean and fits properly, but other than that… be as uncritical as possible.

She might find it fun to have grace classes or ladies deportment classes. Yes, they have these for the average gal now! lol There will be other girls her age learning the same things. (Like how to sit ladylike in a dress or how to put on makeup lightly and effectively. Which fork is the shrimp fork. Basic manners 101.) If you chose the right instructor, this is very non-confronting and the kids don’t feel stupid or unworthy. In fact, they learn the value of civility. Just a thought. It may go over better when she’s about 12/13 and from a stranger.

**Sorry this was so long. I truely am not judging you. I just remember with much hurt feelings and regret similiar arguments with my own mother and hope to spare you both some of that. **

 

[Katie1723]

… At 18 months a baby doesn’t WANT to be like mom, she needs to be a baby first before you start turning her into a doll. …

I could not agree with you more.
Kathy

 

[puzzleannie]

I have no opinion on toddlers and nail polish, it seems relatively harmless to me, but as a general rule when disagreements on child-rearing policies crop up in between parents, I think the most sensible thing is for the opinion of the party who has a much stronger feeling or opinion to weigh more heavily than that of the party who has no strong feelings either way. The discussion by the way should take place out of earshot of the toddler or child involved, and should stick to the matter at hand.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

the most sensible thing is for the opinion of the party who has a much stronger feeling or opinion to weigh more heavily than that of the party who has no strong feelings either way. The discussion by the way should take place out of earshot of the toddler or child involved

**I completely agree. Nail polish is not a moral issue worthy of argument. Take dh aside to discuss it. Maybe you can compromise on only toe polish in girly colors only as a ladies bonding thing. If not though, it’s really not worth arguing about it. **

 

[annannyc]

QUOTE]And again, the health problems are NOT due to sugar or fat.

You know, I might have sounded dogmatic in my earlier post and I apologize, but, it’s because I do know plenty about diabetes and I stand by my 70% claim. Perhaps your husband is in the 30%.

Our western fast food diets are deadly, soda, diet soda and any food with high fructose syrup are helping to make us sick. Just goolge it.

As for emulating mom, no harm there unless it involves make-up and adult-ifying the child. It is wrong to take a baby–and an 18 month is a baby-- and treat it like a plaything. If something is toxic – like most nail varnishes and removers-- it has no place near a baby.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I have no opinion on toddlers and nail polish, it seems relatively harmless to me, but as a general rule when disagreements on child-rearing policies crop up in between parents, I think the most sensible thing is for the opinion of the party who has a much stronger feeling or opinion to weigh more heavily than that of the party who has no strong feelings either way. The discussion by the way should take place out of earshot of the toddler or child involved, and should stick to the matter at hand.

You know, all throughout our marriage, hubby and I have heard this advice. But we still can’t apply it. Maybe it’s beacause we don’t really argue about the “little things”. So when we do disagree, it tends to be about something that we both feel is important. It’s very hard to compromise when each party believes strongly in their view.

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But I do agree, nail polish is not a major issue. Hopefully the OP and her hubby can work something out that satisfies them both.

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malia

 

[ack]

To register a dissenting opinion here:

I am a male and I share the mindset of the OP’s husband – nail polish on a young child would make me uncomfortable. (On the other hand, I have no problem with earrings and temp-tattoos…)

Take a look at some of the posts here – the women in this thread mostly agree that “girly” colors are okay but blood-red is off-limits. For women, it seems like this slight shift in color makes a big difference in acceptability. As a man, I don’t really see the “fine line” here. Any nail polish on babies evokes the same feeling in me as red/black nail polish on babies evokes in you.

In other words, when I see nail polish on babies, I get the same feeling that I got when I saw that picture of the overly-made-up woman on another thread on this board.

Maybe these feelings aren’t rational, but feelings are never really rational to being with, and you should understand where your husband is coming from.

Well he won’t like my house then. lol
We pierce the girls ears by 4 weeks and they leave the hospital with toe polish, maybe even nail polish. Always little girl colors, no racey red or babaric blacks.

It’s no different than a hair bow, imo. It’s just a girly-girl accessory.

My girls have never worn any make up other than colorless chap stick.

For feast days, I’ve been known to do face paint or homemade temp tats. Green shamrocks, lillies on a cross, scared heart, ect… but that’s not restricted to the girls. I even let my 2nd oldest ds get “J.M.J.” shaved into his hair once at his request. (after spending every public moment for a week or 2 explaining what it meant and being rather shocked at some people’s ignorance/ rudeness - he didn’t request it again) I’ve braided my dd’s hair into a heart shape and use those oriental hair stick thingies as “swords”…

**I consider myself a fairly strict parent. Fair being the key word in there. **

 

[DonProfondo]

Disgusting. Not in my house.

 

[BlestOne]

**BlestOne - this I agree with although I don’t think you would ever err to speak this way in her presence? No, I would never say anything of the sort in her presence…**I think you may be a little harsh to this young step-daughter. Honestly I’ve never owned a slip or a pair of panty hose and probably never will. I would have venemently decried wearing heals of any size at that age. OK I have to clarify here…she wanted to be in the wedding… we didn’t choose the 3 inch heels that would have matched better and were great for my DD because it wasn’t good for her. Her dad and I discussed it and he talked to her about learning to walk in 1 inch heels and she wanted to learn for the wedding. As for the slip… it was necessary for the dresses we picked for the wedding, ordinarily I don’t “make” her wear a slip or pantyhose at all. I’ve always had a profound hatred of shopping for clothes. I like to buy, not shop. If at all possible - I’ll order online to avoid the entire shopping experience. Would it have been such a hardship to simply have her hair brushed with a headband or barret or simple braid, rather than fussed over?The hair thing is a sore point because her mom butch cuts her hair and it causes her trouble in school when other children mistake her for a boy because of the buzz cut and boy clothes. Her mom is actually conditioning her not me.

**My mother was one of the last southern bells. Right up to the day she died of cancer and even through the funeral, I have never seen her without mascara, lipstick and painted nails. She wanted a girlie girl and well… she got me. It was very upsetting to her because my much older sisters never gave her any problems. I think I am very much a woman. I’ve never had a man treat me as less than a lady because of it. I’d still rather have stained jeans, a books, and comfortable Reboks any day. ****Oh and one of the things I love best about denim is how practical it is. EVERYTHING matches jeans! **I totally agree that you are very much a woman and jeans and sneakers are my typical dress too, but I was just mentioning the wedding and church. I don’t care what she wears on a typical weekend, although when I buy clothes for her, I like them to fit and have at least a slight feminine cut to them.

**I know you are doing your best to help and identify with this young girl, but I strongly caution you not to push her too hard. It can backfire. If her relationship is truely that difficult with her own mother, the last thing she needs is to feel unworthy with you. I would insist it be clean and fits properly, but other than that… be as uncritical as possible.**That is great for anything but church… I believe very strongly that we should dress with the respect we would afford any VIP…whether it be president, king, or the King of Kings! As to me being critical… I let her dad know when something is inappropriate and let him have the last word. If he feels it is inappropriate, he says something to her to avoid me being the big bad step.

**She might find it fun to have grace classes or ladies deportment classes. Yes, they have these for the average gal now! lol There will be other girls her age learning the same things. (Like how to sit ladylike in a dress or how to put on makeup lightly and effectively. Which fork is the shrimp fork. Basic manners 101.) If you chose the right instructor, this is very non-confronting and the kids don’t feel stupid or unworthy. In fact, they learn the value of civility. Just a thought. It may go over better when she’s about 12/13 and from a stranger.**I agree but it is totally impractical in our case, her mom moved 3 1/2 hours away from us so we spend very much time in transit when we have her for the weekend.

**Sorry this was so long. I truely am not judging you. I just remember with much hurt feelings and regret similiar arguments with my own mother and hope to spare you both some of that. **

I appreciated your comments actually. I thought it was obvious I was talking about the wedding and church, but I guess it wasn’t. I try to teach her the things I do because she is a very awkward child and has alot of self esteem issues. I was the one that had to buy her first bra, teach her how to wear antiperspirant, wear a dress or skirt, gel her hair…etc.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

I appreciated your comments actually. I thought it was obvious I was talking about the wedding and church, but I guess it wasn’t. I try to teach her the things I do because she is a very awkward child and has alot of self esteem issues. I was the one that had to buy her first bra, teach her how to wear antiperspirant, wear a dress or skirt, gel her hair…etc.

**aww, her situation is so sad. I’m glad you are doing your best by her. About the only thing I can think is I’d let her dye what hair she has pink or something to add a feminen touch. Poor thing. It’s one thing to not glam up, but to buzz cut her hair?? Againt her will? That’s so cruel to an 11 year old girl. If she likes it, that’s one thing. But otherwise, that’s just mean of her mom. **

 

[BlestOne]

**aww, her situation is so sad. I’m glad you are doing your best by her. About the only thing I can think is I’d let her dye what hair she has pink or something to add a feminen touch. Poor thing. It’s one thing to not glam up, but to buzz cut her hair?? Againt her will? That’s so cruel to an 11 year old girl. If she likes it, that’s one thing. But otherwise, that’s just mean of her mom. **

Yeah it is, but I have to tread very carefully so she doesn’t think I am pushing her. She tells me and my dh that she wants to grow her hair longer, then the very next visit it is buzzed again. It isn’t even a good cut. She confided in us that her mom now wants her to be feminine and grow her hair, but then the mom gets impatient and gets it chopped off. It is really sad! Pink would be funny! One time we bought her a coat and let her pick it out. She picked a purple reversible jacket with flowers on the one side. She wore it home one day and her mom looked at it, made a face and said too girly. I guess she thought I picked it out for her but dd heard it and was crushed, then refused to ever wear it again. I have no clue what all her mom says to her when I am not there, but I do know she openly talks about me in front of the kid. I get kinda bummed about it because she will say things like, “I am never going to have kids, they are too much work” and I want to scream! Why is her mother sending her such screwed up messages? When she was mistaken for a boy in the girls room, I gently suggested that maybe if she grew her hair or wore pink they might not think she was a boy. Her mom’s reaction was to call the kid that thought her dd was a boy stupid. Last week she got punched in the face at school by a boy because wanted to get sent home and he asked if she would tell on him (his true reason for punching her) and she said no, so he punched her in the eye so he could get sent home. It is these kind of self esteem issues we have. She so desperately wants to have friends she would let someone punch her out. She gets called things like summo wrestler because of her size. Her mom just responds by calling the other kids names and not addressing the issues. The first time I dressed her up all pretty in a dress and curled her hair, she loved it, twirled and danced like a little girl does when she feels like a princess, and very excited (she was 5 at the time) asked her mom if they had any hair gel…her mom responded by telling her she smelled like cigarette smoke (because I smoke) when I had only had 1 cigarette outside that evening. She was mad because I did something her child liked and she was embarrassed because she didn’t recognise her own daughter and had made some snippy comment in church about forgetting her (it was a welcome back to school service at the Lutheran School she was about to enter kindergarten at). Her daughter was sitting right next to her daddy and her mom sat right behind us at the church. This kid has so many issues she desperately needs counselling but that will never happen because mom is too proud to admit her dd has issues. Either that or she is afraid that they will tell her that the kid’s problems were caused by her…and she is never wrong! It is really sad. She asked if she could live with us and dh told her she would have to be the one that asks her mom but she is too terrified to because mom will punish her.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

This is probably a stupid question… but has your dh considered getting primary custody, esp. now as he is remarried? Are you a SAHM? That would certainly be a point in his favor.

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Never mind. this is completely off topic and none of my business. Just sad.

 

[Island_Oak]

I have no opinion on toddlers and nail polish, it seems relatively harmless to me, but as a general rule when disagreements on child-rearing policies crop up in between parents, I think the most sensible thing is for the opinion of the party who has a much stronger feeling or opinion to weigh more heavily than that of the party who has no strong feelings either way. The discussion by the way should take place out of earshot of the toddler or child involved, and should stick to the matter at hand.

AMEN! For me this does not even come close to a “moral” issue, but it’s also not the issue I’d go to the mat on or the hill I’d want to die on. Pick your battles carefully and if this one rubs your husband the wrong way–it’s an easy one to concede–especially since the 18 month old doesn’t get a vote.