Told to leave...often

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Belgarion

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Some people know me on here. And I’ll advise you to not judge me based on what you see me say here. I am biased in this situation, obviously. But I’ll try to make this as fair as possible.

So I am told, quite frequently, by my parents, to leave…As in, move out.
Not because “its time” or because “I’m ready” but instead because of my “attitude”.

Now I’m not perfect. I know that. I can be a real butt sometimes.

But according to my parents, I am alway wrong. They are always right. If I say something, and they think I have an attitude, that’s it. No debate necessary because no matter what I say, I am having a bad attitude.
They take the 4th commandment seriously. I have to obey them and not argue no matter what. And if they treat me like crud, I am still wrong. They will not apologize, and if they do…its sarcastically.
I am 19, working very scarcely. Usually for my mom at her office. I’ve only worked twice for my brother in law.
My high school work isn’t even finished because I have been at home…all day, nearly every day…watching my 4 siblings (Ages 2, 5, 7 and 11) while my parents worked.
This is the 3rd year of my HS senior year. But even so…its my own fault…according to them. or at least, partially my fault. Because I mess around too much and play games all the time.

Fine, I play video games…But I don’t play them THAT much.

So my dad lost his job a month or so ago. And now he’s at home all the time. Even though he says he understands why I never got anything done…he still treats me like crud about it.
And when I do other stuff throughout the day…like…I dunno SCHOOLWORK…I am “doing nothing all day”

So let’s get to some of the threats…

The other night, I was saying the rosary with my family (save my dad who doesn’t say it. he was out anyways) And my little brother (2) was running around making noise. My mom was over-reacting to him, and I told her so. But in a deliberately calm way. Minutes later, my little sister (7) was messing around and I said “Haley…Relax”…Of course, all my mom cared to hear was “Relax” and even though I wasn’t even looking at her, she freaks out and tells me to leave (As in, walk out the door and leave the house. Not leave the room) and I calmly got up, and went to the door. I calmly said “If you had bothered to listen, you would have heard that I said ‘HALEY (I had raised my voice on that one and lost my cool) relax’!”
I went upstairs and to my room. Or course, she never bothered me about it again. She never apologized either. The fact that she didn’t mention it again led me to believe that she knew she was wrong. But stll no apology. Because, as I said…they are never wrong.

So today, I was doing schoolwork in my living room. I had the radio on, and I stopped listening to it. My dad asked me to read some questions to my 7 year old sister. I had to first read the short story those questions were about so that I could know the answers.
So I am reading, and my little sister asks me to turn off the radio. I asked her to hold on. (According to my dad, I was getting mad at her…He’s never wrong remember?) and she went right to my dad and said that I wasn’t turning the radio off. My dad tells me to do so. Because “she can’t concentrate”…but I informed him that she was only sitting on the couch. I was reading that for her. But he wouldn’t hear it and told me to go to my room. Then he told me to get dressed and leave.

Of course when I talk to him about it when he “allowed” me to go back downstairs (I wouldn’t leave, I’m not a jerk) he was telling me that I was getting mad at my sister. And I am never wrong…ha…I am wrong all the time, but at least I can admit when I am. He said he didn’t know what I said, but heard I was getting mad at her. Yeah…Right…To be fair, assume that was true. Does it still deserve that threat? I said “Oh my gosh!” to HIM after he refused to listen to me. I may have repeated myself to Haley who couldn’t wait half a minute for me to finish reading first.

That’s not even all of it. There are MANY other times where they tell me to leave. Like if I am upset, or if they hurt my feelings, they tell me “You know where the door is”

I can’ stand this anymore. But I can’t leave.
I am not done with HS. And all the babysitting I have done these last years (ha, like 5 or MORe) was for college. They promised to pay for my college. BUT if I leave, they won’t. And I don’t have a job. and I’m saving up what little money I earn to get married. And it will be extremely difficult to save if I am living on my own. Especially if I’m going to college as well.

This is impossible and I cannot stand they way they are treating me. Because I am always wrong. No matter what.
 
**Honestly? If this situation has been like this for a long time and you see no hope of it changing, make plans and LEAVE. Seriously. You are an adult now. You can make your own choices. You can choose to let them control you or you can choose to finally take control of your own life.

Start thinking about how you would do this…logistically and financially. Prove to them and to yourself that you can be a grown up. Think about ways to save money (like renting a place with a couple of guy friends). Getting a job, how to pay for school…etc etc etc. It’s time to “accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can”.

Going out on your own, making your own mistakes, having the freedom to make your own choices…priceless. If you keep God in the front of your mind and include Him in all of your decisions, He will take care of you.

I would leave now because you want to, not later when things get so unbearable that you feel you have to.
**
 
**Honestly? If this situation has been like this for a long time and you see no hope of it changing, make plans and LEAVE. Seriously. You are an adult now. You can make your own choices. You can choose to let them control you or you can choose to finally take control of your own life.

Start thinking about how you would do this…logistically and financially. Prove to them and to yourself that you can be a grown up. Think about ways to save money (like renting a place with a couple of guy friends). Getting a job, how to pay for school…etc etc etc. It’s time to “accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can”.

Going out on your own, making your own mistakes, having the freedom to make your own choices…priceless. If you keep God in the front of your mind and include Him in all of your decisions, He will take care of you.

I would leave now because you want to, not later when things get so unbearable that you feel you have to.
**
I know that I’d be able to make it out there.
I can work and all that.
But I’m currently enrolled in Seton Home Study School. And I’m not quite finished yet. So if I left, then what?

Also, as I said before…I worked years and years at home for a free college education. And if I left, it would be for nothing.

Ha, and one more thing. They gave me a car, and the title is still under their names. So I would have to give that up as well.

They’ve got me pretty decently trapped here.

other people in this situation may be more concerned with cable TV, the xbox or something like that. Heck, my own dad left home because his parents told him to stay home when he wanted to go out.

And now my own dad is hanging my social life over my head. I hadly ever get to do anything, and the past 3 weekends I’ve actually been able to go do something with my friends, and my dad is actually holding that against me

But of course that’s not the problem here…
The problem is that I am “always” a jerk or something…
And they are always in some sort of mood.
I can never be having as many problems as them though.

If my mom is sick with a cold (like a few days ago) then I have to wait on her. She couldn’t even put her own plate in the sink! Yet, I got the same cold, and I not only had to do everything myself, but I had to do a bunch of other chores! Sure, stuff I normally do. But I was SICK! I still am sick!
But that doesn’t matter. Because I wasn’t as sick as she was…even though she said it was the same thing…
 
**I wouldn’t trade my human dignity for a college education, a car, or anything else… I would rather start over from scratch, and make money to take care of myself than to pay with my freedom.

I wish we could look into the future once in awhile, lol. 10 years from now (if you decided to leave) would you be amazed at how strong you were, how resourceful, and so glad to have gotten out from under your parents manipulation? Or would you be kickin’ yourself in the butt for making a big deal out of something that really wasn’t and making things harder on yourself than they needed to be?**
 
Go apply for your GED and take the test. If you’ve done well in your high school studies, you should pass. Then go to college. Apply for loans and grants.

I don’t know the whole situation, but if you’ve been trying to get your senior year done for 3 years now, then I would just get the GED. You may have to go to a community college for a year or two, or not. shrug
 
Aw, this is a sad story. I’ve read two deeply sad stories on here today. :bighanky: I have read quite a few of your posts, Belgarion, and you seem to be very mature.😦 It truly seems like to me that your entire family, sans the small kids, need to go into counseling together. It’s not ‘fair’ for you to be watching your siblings constantly, and I imagine this has played into your grades, and not graduating. But, I’d try my hardest to graduate and get out on my own, if I were you.

I wholeheartedly agree with Malia’s post. Your parents ‘don’t have you over a barrel,’ where there is a will, there is a way. I know it might be hard, but try to find a way, to get out on your own.

Oh, I shared your story with my 16 yr old son, and he said that he read…‘people who play video games live happier and longer lives.’ Oh my word…what has he been reading? lol :ehh: :rotfl:

I wish you good luck…I’m sorry that your parents tell you to leave…your post made me so sad. I know that there are two sides to every story–and I am sure that you can probably be annoying to your parents, just like they can be to you–but it just made me sad to read that your story.😦

Were you treated like this when you were younger? Like waiting on your parents and stuff? Wait a minute…that sounds like it could be a good thing, for me…the parent…to get my kids to wait on me for a change. lol Kidding…I’m trying to make you laugh.:o

I know you can’t suggest family counseling, but it sounds like it’s in order here. Every family has its dysfunctions. But, there is a definite disconnect between how your parents treat you, and how they expect you to treat them in return. Do you all go to mass together?
 
Go apply for your GED and take the test. If you’ve done well in your high school studies, you should pass. Then go to college. Apply for loans and grants.

I don’t know the whole situation, but if you’ve been trying to get your senior year done for 3 years now, then I would just get the GED. You may have to go to a community college for a year or two, or not. shrug
I was going to a community college anyways. At least for a first two years. depending of course on what kind of career I’m trying to get or what I already will have.

Also, Seton recommended graduating and getting a diploma instead of getting a GED.
Feanaro's Wife:
Or would you be kickin’ yourself in the butt for making a big deal out of something that really wasn’t and making things harder on yourself than they needed to be?
They aren’t manipulative. Or rather, they aren’t THAT bad. I love my parents. But I am just so IRRITATED by all that stuff. All of that stuff I mentioned is true. They did do that stuff.

I am just in a position where I don’t know if I should just deal with it, and get that head start on life, or just leave and forget about any of their promises.

I just don’t know. And as I said, I am obviously biased in all this. I’m sure they’d tell you a different story if they wanted to.
I am going to start carrying a digital audio recorder to record everything I say and they say. So that when they say I did something, I can prove them wrong. Or they could prove ME wrong.
Either way, it can be resolved
 
Go apply for your GED and take the test. If you’ve done well in your high school studies, you should pass. Then go to college. Apply for loans and grants.

I don’t know the whole situation, but if you’ve been trying to get your senior year done for 3 years now, then I would just get the GED. You may have to go to a community college for a year or two, or not. shrug
That’s a great idea, I didn’t know someone could do that.

PS–Amber, where did you get the blinking heart, etc in your signature? I love it!🙂
 
Aw, this is a sad story. I’ve read two deeply sad stories on here today. :bighanky: I have read quite a few of your posts, Belgarion, and you seem to be very mature.😦 It truly seems like to me that your entire family, sans the small kids, need to go into counseling together. It’s not ‘fair’ for you to be watching your siblings constantly, and I imagine this has played into your grades, and not graduating. But, I’d try my hardest to graduate and get out on my own, if I were you.

I wholeheartedly agree with Malia’s post. Your parents ‘don’t have you over a barrel,’ where there is a will, there is a way. I know it might be hard, but try to find a way, to get out on your own.

Oh, I shared your story with my 16 yr old son, and he said that he read…‘people who play video games live happier and longer lives.’ Oh my word…what has he been reading? lol :ehh: :rotfl:

I wish you good luck…I’m sorry that your parents tell you to leave…your post made me so sad. I know that there are two sides to every story–and I am sure that you can probably be annoying to your parents, just like they can be to you–but it just made me sad to read that your story.😦

Were you treated like this when you were younger? Like waiting on your parents and stuff? Wait a minute…that sounds like it could be a good thing, for me…the parent…to get my kids to wait on me for a change. lol Kidding…I’m trying to make you laugh.

I know you can’t suggest family counseling, but it sounds like it’s in order here. Every family has its dysfunctions. But, there is a definite disconnect between how your parents treat you, and how they expect you to treat them in return. Do you all go to mass together?
I’m sorry that I made you sad:( I didn’t mean to. I’m mostly just irritated. And that was the emotion I was trying to convey!🙂

I appreciate your advice…I just need to figure things out.

(BTW, I play video games, sure…but I’ve gone months without touching them. Its no problem. Usually when I buy an Xbox LIVE subscription, that’s when I play them more often)

You’re right, though. I can be annoying to them. I know I have faults and failing. But at least I can admit that. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that they believe they’re infallible.

It hasn’t been like THIS for too long. I mean, they have threatened to kick me out before, but not this often. But I have been doing things for them for A LONG TIME. Baby sitting, cleaning, etc. I mean, they often just sit don and watch TV while I cook dinner and even clean up afterwards. No problem…But asking for help is just ridiculous
:rolleyes:

I understand that it teaches me to work. I can cook and run a house…but come on. It hasn’t affected my GRADES…I have a 4.0 for crying out loud. But of course I’m not done after all this time…
But of course, my time on the computer and my video games is to blame for that, too. That’s true, actually. But not to the extent that they would lead you to believe.

My mom does counseling, and she suggested that I do it as well.
But that was when I was having depression issues. Dietary changes solved my depression problems though. Thank God.

Also…yes…you made me laugh!
 
I have a question…how does your mom/dad get you to cook AND clean up afterwards?:hmmm: I have a hard time getting my kids to clean (they are 12 and 16)…it ends up into a yelling match, my husband has to start laying down the law:rolleyes: …I start threatening to take privileges away, but I never do…and then finally, after nearly having a stroke, they clean. Okay, it’s not that bad;) , but they would laugh if we asked them to cook AND clean up?

:rotfl: <<=== this would be them

They help out a lot, they do…but, cooking AND CLEANING!!!:o Your parents should be thankful you do so much. Might it be that something is really stressing them out, though? To the point where they just can’t see the positive sometimes? I know when my dh and I are stressed, we sometimes are not easy to be around.

You sound like maybe venting here helped you a bit. Getting your thoughts and frustrations out on ‘paper.’ Hang in there…keep up your good grades, and try to get out on your own soon. And when I say on your own, try to borrow minimally from your parents, so you can become more independent. 👍
 
Is there any way you could possibly get a job and still do your studies? Then, maybe, you could rent a room somewhere or something like that. If you aren’t around them so much, maybe the mutual frustration would ease up a bit.
 
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Belgarion:
Also, Seton recommended graduating and getting a diploma instead of getting a GED.
Well, I’m sure that Seton doesn’t also recommend taking three years to finish your senior year. The recommendations are for normal/ideal situations- yours as described is neither. Seriously- I second everyone else here who’s told you to get your GED, move out, and get on with your life. It’s lovely that your parents promised to pay for your education IF you follow their rules (although they appear to be making this impossible to do), and lovely that you’re saving to get married, but I can tell you right now, if I had a daughter, I would fight tooth and nail to keep her from marrying a young man who did not have at least a diploma or GED, no work experience outside of mom and dad’s house, and who could not stand up to his parents. Sorry to be blunt, but that’s how I see it.

You’ve got a lot going for you. You are intelligent and have a good work ethic as demonstrated so far. You have a lot of respect for women and for family life. And you’re a legal adult. It’s time to cut yourself loose for your own good.
 
alrighty. Remember you asked.
Remember I’ve taken care of myself and some others since I was about 12.
Remember I’m a rather blunt no nonsense kind of gal.

Get a job then. You don’t need their permission for it. Worse they could do is change the locks on you while you’re at work. I wouldn’t move out until I had to b/c hey free rent = save some money for an apartment lease. Get a job, get an apartment near by said job so you can get by w/o a car if neccessary. A teeny tiny cheap apartment. Look into the local transit system there. What’s the nearest major city if you are out in the burbs? Look into moving there. More jobs, more apartments, maybe better transit/commute.

Well do you know what you need to turn into Seton to get your diploma? I’m presuming you’ve made SOME progress? Can you go look on the student courses site to see what you have left to turn in? Maybe you should just only submit the graded assignments and get your diploma? (I don’t know if you are capable of that level of work, but it’s a thought.) Or are your parents guarding access to Seton?

Or you can go the GED route. Just call your local comunity college and ask what you have to do to take the test. Again, being 19 you don’t need any permission from your parents to do it.


they tell me “You know where the door is”

I really have no issue with that. Frankly, my house = my rules and any adult that doesn’t like the rules is just as welcome to exit my door as they are to enter it.

I can’ stand this anymore. But I can’t leave.

Yes. You can.

All the babysitting I have done these last years (ha, like 5 or MORe) was for college. They promised to pay for my college. BUT if I leave, they won’t.

I hate to tell you this.
They are never going to pay for your college.
So you might as well leave.

Aside from that, I would NEVER set up a sibling dynamic like that. You shouldn’t be paid to care/help about family.

Aside from that, your Dad can take care of his own kids when he’s home. Esp if he’s not working.


And I don’t have a job.

Then get one.

I’m saving up what little money I earn to get married.

That’s just foolish. You can’t even get your diploma, a basic job, apartment, car… and you’re worried about saving for a wedding? That’s insane. You have no business even thinking about marriage when you can’t even stand on your feet yet. Which really has nothing to do with living at home either, but any grown adult who is still blaming mom and dad for their not having basic adult functions and attainments has no business getting married, imho.

I say that as a woman from a cru
y family who did manage to graduate highschool while holding a fulltime job since the age of 12, sans car (or even a license!) and her own apartment (age 17) and savings account (since age 15) and got married at the age of 19.**

Get a job.
Get your diploma or GED.

**Get an apartment. **
**Go to college p/t or trade school. **
Maybe meet a nice, stable, hard-working guy.
Then worry about money for a wedding/marriage.


They gave me a car, and the title is still under their names. So I would have to give that up as well.

Then they didn’t give you a car. If you don’t own it and you didn’t pay for it = it’s not yours to begin with. Get a job, get a car.

They’ve got me pretty decently trapped here.

Blarney. You are perfectly capable of getting a job, getting an apartment, getting a GED, getting a car, and getting out. You are only trapped by yourself. They’ve told you where the door is. Use it.

If my mom is sick with a cold (like a few days ago) then I have to wait on her. She couldn’t even put her own plate in the sink! Yet, I got the same cold, and I not only had to do everything myself, but I had to do a bunch of other chores! Sure, stuff I normally do. But I was SICK!.

boohoo. You didn’t have to do diddly. You could have refused. You could have taken them up on the offer to walk out. You could have been busy at a job. And the reality is most people work their bums off even while sick because work doesn’t wait and many people don’t get paid for being sick.

You can have a pity party or you can do something.
You’re an adult and it’s your choice.

I have a hard time dredging up sympathy here.
One, I don’t know your parents side.
Two, I did grow up in a cra
y home and decided enough was enough. You are only trapped if you choose to be.**

I feel for your siblings and you. Heck, I might even feel a bit for your parents if I knew their side.

But sentiment only goes so far.
Bottom line is that this is the hand you’ve been dealt.
It’s not an option to keep complaining.
Go be a sterling example for your younger siblings!

**A big sister who can think and work and attain goals on her own merit and efforts.🙂 **
 
alrighty. Remember you asked.
Remember I’ve taken care of myself and some others since I was about 12.
Remember I’m a rather blunt no nonsense kind of gal.

Get a job then. You don’t need their permission for it. Worse they could do is change the locks on you while you’re at work. I wouldn’t move out until I had to b/c hey free rent = save some money for an apartment lease. Get a job, get an apartment near by said job so you can get by w/o a car if neccessary. A teeny tiny cheap apartment. Look into the local transit system there. What’s the nearest major city if you are out in the burbs? Look into moving there. More jobs, more apartments, maybe better transit/commute.

Or you can go the GED route. Just call your local comunity college and ask what you have to do to take the test. Again, being 19 you don’t need any permission from your parents to do it.


they tell me “You know where the door is”

I really have no issue with that. Frankly, my house = my rules and any adult that doesn’t like the rules is just as welcome to exit my door as they are to enter it.

I can’ stand this anymore. But I can’t leave.

Yes. You can.

All the babysitting I have done these last years (ha, like 5 or MORe) was for college. They promised to pay for my college. BUT if I leave, they won’t.

I hate to tell you this.
They are never going to pay for your college.
So you might as well leave.

Aside from that, I would NEVER set up a sibling dynamic like that. You shouldn’t be paid to care/help about family.

Aside from that, your Dad can take care of his own kids when he’s home. Esp if he’s not working.


And I don’t have a job.

Then get one.

I’m saving up what little money I earn to get married.

That’s just foolish. You can’t even get your diploma, a basic job, apartment, car… and you’re worried about saving for a wedding? That’s insane. You have no business even thinking about marriage when you can’t even stand on your feet yet. Which really has nothing to do with living at home either, but any grown adult who is still blaming mom and dad for their not having basic adult functions and attainments has no business getting married, imho.

I say that as a woman from a cru
y family who did manage to graduate highschool while holding a fulltime job since the age of 12, sans car (or even a license!) and her own apartment (age 17) and savings account (since age 15) and got married at the age of 19.**

Get a job.
Get your diploma or GED.

**Get an apartment. **
**Go to college p/t or trade school. **
Maybe meet a nice, stable, hard-working guy.
Then worry about money for a wedding/marriage.

They gave me a car, and the title is still under their names. So I would have to give that up as well.

Then they didn’t give you a car. If you don’t own it and you didn’t pay for it = it’s not yours to begin with. Get a job, get a car.

They’ve got me pretty decently trapped here.

Blarney. You are perfectly capable of getting a job, getting an apartment, getting a GED, getting a car, and getting out. You are only trapped by yourself. They’ve told you where the door is. Use it.

If my mom is sick with a cold (like a few days ago) then I have to wait on her. She couldn’t even put her own plate in the sink! Yet, I got the same cold, and I not only had to do everything myself, but I had to do a bunch of other chores! Sure, stuff I normally do. But I was SICK!.

boohoo. You didn’t have to do diddly. You could have refused. You could have taken them up on the offer to walk out. You could have been busy at a job. And the reality is most people work their bums off even while sick because work doesn’t wait and many people don’t get paid for being sick.

You can have a pity party or you can do something.
You’re an adult and it’s your choice.

I have a hard time dredging up sympathy here.
One, I don’t know your parents side.
Two, I did grow up in a cra
y home and decided enough was enough. You are only trapped if you choose to be.**

I feel for your siblings and you. Heck, I might even feel a bit for your parents if I knew their side.

But sentiment only goes so far.
Bottom line is that this is the hand you’ve been dealt.
It’s not an option to keep complaining.
Go be a sterling example for your younger siblings!

**A big sister who can think and work and attain goals on her own merit and efforts.🙂 **
Bama’s not here to say it so I will…

DAAAAANNNNNNG!!! :eek:

Can you come and spend some time at my house?:yup: In all seriousness, my kids are great kids. Their listening skills could use improvement, though.
 
Can you come and spend some time at my house?:yup: In all seriousness, my kids are great kids. Their listening skills could use improvement, though.
My dh and I joke that when the kids are grown we could be the next generation’s Super Nanny, with Attitude.😃

**It’s a joke b/c we fully expect to be too busy with grandbabies for that. Totally doting, cookie carrying grandparents.😉 **
 
Running away never solved anything. it needs to be discussed in a mature manner with someone else there to mediate. They aren’t abusive, just demanding. Walking out would be a mistake.
 
One quick thing while I have time…
Rob’s Wife…

I am a guy…so…er…yeah…I don’t think I want to meet a hard-working guy to marry 😃

And I’d rather not be a big sister to anyone…
 
Running away never solved anything. it needs to be discussed in a mature manner with someone else there to mediate. They aren’t abusive, just demanding. Walking out would be a mistake.
well, well, well…
Look who’s here…

You’re just as biased as I am, sis.
 
My dh and I joke that when the kids are grown we could be the next generation’s Super Nanny, with Attitude.😃

**It’s a joke b/c we fully expect to be too busy with grandbabies for that. Totally doting, cookie carrying grandparents.😉 **
Yes you will complete morph into milk toast, I can see it now, when you’re grandparents…and your kids will be like…whhhaaaat? haha 😃
 
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