Too much noise and talking in Church

[lovesMary]

If you want a prayerful, quiet experience, the Christmas Eve Mass is the last place to get it. As one poster said, people who rarely come to church are visiting their families. Also, people are already starting their merrymaking with alcoholic beverages. Children are excited and pent up from waiting for their presents. The church is more crowded. It’s just better to accept things as they are sigh, which is not a time for contemplative prayer! There’s just no other recourse but acceptance.

There are many opportunities during Advent and Lent for daily Masses that will be prayerful and respectful, but I would call it a miracle to have Christmas or Easter Masses to be that way. I’ve given up stressing over it since I can’t change it (ala Serenity Prayer)

 

[pmoo]

I think the biggest single reason for this behavior is that many parishes neglect the fellowship needs of their parishioners. Being social by nature, because there are either limited or no chances to socialize with our fellow faithful we end-up talking in church.

I have seen two things work. First, a group went to the pastor and said they would be responsible for unlocking/locking the adjacent parish hall a 1/2 hour before and after Mass. With that commitment the pastor told everyone from the ambo and the bulletin to use the parish hall and not the church as the place to engage in fellowship. It took awhile but it worked.

Even better is to have a program of coffee and goodies after Mass. Yes this often gets to be a lot of work for a small handful, it gets political, people whine and it takes a long time to get people to regularly attend, but the results are worth it. People have a means of fellowship which keeps the church quiet but it does something even more important – it allows Catholic Christians to get to know one another. Just make certain you get an iron-clad commitment from your pastor before you begin. If you start having to “postpone” coffee and goodies because other people are using your meeting space then it’s going to die for sure. Similarly, once it starts showing some promise, if the wrong people offer to “take over” don’t allow them to or again it will die in short order.

What doesn’t work is wringing one’s hands, getting angry and confronting either the talkers or the pastor.

My church in south Florida has a wonderful pavillion area where we congregate before and after mass. We can buy coffee, donuts, newspapers and sometimes pancake breakfasts. There are many tables and chairs and even ceiling fans to cool us off (sorry to those in the cold states Thus, there really is no reason for adults to be talking aloud during prayer or communion or even any other time. I’m not being judgmental and to the person who said he would talk even louder if someone shushed him, Shame on you! Church is not a place to play games or get into a p…ing contest with others. It’s great that some of us can find that interior quiet, but for some of us, we need help getting there and the surroundings can help us.

 

[pmoo]

What is a “NO parish?” I don’t know of anything the Church offers that is called a “NO parish.”

I didn’t post that, but my guess is that it is a New Orleans parish.

 

[nobeerinheaven]

I didn’t post that, but my guess is that it is a New Orleans parish.

LOL - NO stands for “Novus Ordo” Mass, which is the ordinary form of the Mass, as opposed to the Traditional Latin Mass.

Yes, I am quite familiar with all those problems. Except, for me it was the morning Sunday Mass, not a children’s liturgy. I solved them all by going to the Latin Mass. Ah, peace, reverence and quiet!

Ah, you’re lucky. Some of our wonderful Bishops dislike the motu proprio and prevent us from having this more reverent option.

 

[pmoo]

LOL - NO stands for “Novus Ordo” Mass, which is the ordinary form of the Mass, as opposed to the Traditional Latin Mass.

Ah, you’re lucky. Some of our wonderful Bishops dislike the motu proprio and prevent us from having this more reverent option.

Well, we really do learn something new everyday. Thanks for the lesson on NO masses!

 

[Gagi]

We don’t have a problem at the beginning of Mass which I am very thankful for. However, the end of Mass is different. As long as the priest stays at the alter during the closing hymn people do not leave and do not talk. However, people leave the pews and follow directly behind the priest even if the final hymn is not completed. I enjoy the singing and it bothers me that people not only leave but start to talk loudly while Mass is still going on. . At least I feel that Mass is still in progress until the final hymn is finsihed. One of our priests stays until the last verse is partly over and then leaves and you can watch many of the people wiggle and squirm just waiting to lunge out of the pew to leave.
There is another noise in church that bothers me. The banging of the kneelers. I am a convert and I can raise and lower a kneeler in silence and it doesn’t take any effort at all. I get the feeling that many people get great joy in seeing how much noise they can make. I really wish people would respect others around them although our world today doesn’t teach respect. I’ll just keep praying that somehow respect will come back.

 

[pmoo]

We don’t have a problem at the beginning of Mass which I am very thankful for. However, the end of Mass is different. As long as the priest stays at the alter during the closing hymn people do not leave and do not talk. However, people leave the pews and follow directly behind the priest even if the final hymn is not completed. I enjoy the singing and it bothers me that people not only leave but start to talk loudly while Mass is still going on. . At least I feel that Mass is still in progress until the final hymn is finsihed. One of our priests stays until the last verse is partly over and then leaves and you can watch many of the people wiggle and squirm just waiting to lunge out of the pew to leave.
There is another noise in church that bothers me. The banging of the kneelers. I am a convert and I can raise and lower a kneeler in silence and it doesn’t take any effort at all. I get the feeling that many people get great joy in seeing how much noise they can make. I really wish people would respect others around them although our world today doesn’t teach respect. I’ll just keep praying that somehow respect will come back.

We have exactly the same situation. I always stay until the singing is over and everyone then applauds our choir. One of our priests stays at the altar until almost the end of the song, but our pastor leaves earlier and many follow right after him. Can’t imagine what is so important that a few extra minutes matter. Some even leave earlier…when Fr. is blessing the children.

 

[KarenElissa]

We don’t have a problem at the beginning of Mass which I am very thankful for. However, the end of Mass is different. As long as the priest stays at the alter during the closing hymn people do not leave and do not talk. However, people leave the pews and follow directly behind the priest even if the final hymn is not completed. I enjoy the singing and it bothers me that people not only leave but start to talk loudly while Mass is still going on. . At least I feel that Mass is still in progress until the final hymn is finsihed. One of our priests stays until the last verse is partly over and then leaves and you can watch many of the people wiggle and squirm just waiting to lunge out of the pew to leave.
There is another noise in church that bothers me. The banging of the kneelers. I am a convert and I can raise and lower a kneeler in silence and it doesn’t take any effort at all. I get the feeling that many people get great joy in seeing how much noise they can make. I really wish people would respect others around them although our world today doesn’t teach respect. I’ll just keep praying that somehow respect will come back.

One of our priests has done that a couple of times. He stopped at the alter and prayed for and extra long time and then processed s…l…o…w…l…y… down the aisle. I loved it, but it also made me want to laugh!

 

[pmoo]

1. This should be the very thing that should cause us to stop and take notice of our behavior. Remember elementary school? Keep your hands and feet to yourself? Settle down? Even teachers have said that many parents who won’t control their children, send them to school and expect the school to do it. Now that is what is sad.
2. As for the second responder; that is what proves my point. The adults are worse then the children. Unless you are prepared to get into a fist fight at Church, you better head into the cry room right away, because there are people out there like myself that will not tolerate it, period. I’ve never put a finger in people’s faces.

When I was young, my parents taught me respect. Today it is called abuse. Every now and then if we acted up, a nun would pull us by the ear into another room and scold us for our bad behavior, excessive noise, etc. We even got spanked, which today is a crime. I never developed a psychological disorder as a result, and turned out quite normal.
It is obvious that I am speaking to deaf ears on this point, and so the arguing is pointless. But let me give you a modern day parable, if this will help:

“It is as if someone was walking down the street and saw someone and said,” How would you like to play a Priest today, and he said ok.” Then they went over to a crowd of people and said, “How would you like to come over and see what it is like to be a Catholic?” And so they followed. And then they went over to a strip bar and asked some strippers, “Would you like to come along?” And so they followed. Now this is the state of many Catholic Churches today."

We went to Mass at a Church in our city. During Mass, they had a baptism. We were horrified that some of the adults were dressed provocatively. When this was brought up to the Priest there, he responded by saying, “We are to be accepting and loving of everyone.” I reminded him that he is a Priest, and that he has a duty to insure that children as well as adults are required to conform to Catholic teaching. It made me wonder what RCIA is teaching.

What are we to tell our Protestant friends who attend churches that are a lot quieter? Come to the Catholic Church so you can learn our bad habits and immoral ways? Come watch our children run up and down the isle ways shouting Tarzan yells while their parents look the other way? Isn’t this the very reason that Hell Fire and Brimstone fell on Sodom and Gomorrah? Would Jesus Christ have to pull out a whip in many of our Churches today and remind us that Church is to be a house of prayer?

This is the very reason why so many Catholics are leaving the Church. They are going to unapproved Tridentine Churches, Greek Orthodox Churches, Protestant Churches and Non-Denominational Churches; and the reason is because these other Churches are taking their worship a lot more seriously then we are. They simply won’t put up with bad behavior. And unless we stop and realize that bad behavior is offensive and unacceptable, the problem will only get worse. I am only saying what millions have not said, but are most definitely thinking.

One day you will get more serious about God and the Mass; and then you will know exactly where I am coming from.

If you wish to respond in a childish way, this will be all I will say on this subject. If you wish to continue a more adult dialogue, then I will respond.

Your post reminded me of what my RCIA instructor told us. His Protestant friend came to mass with him. He (Protestant) was appalled at the behavior of some people during communion and said they couldn’t possibly believe they were receiving the body and blood of Christ because of the sloppy, noisy, and irreverent behavior in the church.

 

[ZuzuBailey]

My opinion is it should be like a library with small lite whispers because many people are deep in prayer.

 

[lovesMary]

My opinion is it should be like a library with small lite whispers because many people are deep in prayer.

Unfortunately, libraries are noisy too. Basically, people are disrespectful whereever they go these days.

 

[catherineajt]

This thread makes me very grateful for the Byzantine church we attended last week–about 12 adults, 6 kids (not counting ourselves) and it was quiet right up until Father started the liturgy. A little kid every now and then made a scuffle or whispered, but it was clear that everybody there was determined to respect each other. People did their “visiting” beforehand, if at all, out in the vestibule and not in the sanctuary.

Contrast this to the Orthodox church we had been attending, where parents let kids scream (literally) during the Liturgy without taking them out, people were smacking each other on the bottom during the service, and altar boys were whispering and snickering to each other right up by the altar. Very sad. And the obligatory cell phone going off at least once during every Liturgy, usually the SAME person every week, who always looks surprised that their cell phone ringer is still turned on!

I have three kids under the age of 8 and I have always been mindful of how loud they’re getting. Children will naturally try to chatter and comment, and we make it clear that they may whisper, if they absolutely must tell us something, or chant with the cantor if they feel like making “holy noise”. With the baby, I have to take him out before he gets wound up and too loud. Luckily, with the Ruthenian rite, usually so much is going on–with the priest and deacon moving in and out of the doors all the time–that he’s kept busy watching them.

 

[ChooseLove]

1. I’ve never put a finger in people’s faces.

LOL NOT in their faces! against your OWN mouth!

 

[ChooseLove]

I’m not being judgmental and to the person who said he would talk even louder if someone shushed him, Shame on you! Church is not a place to play games or get into a p…ing contest with others.

LOL, NOT ME!!!.. others would do it just to agravate you or anyone else who would shush them. shushing is a VERY mean sound, definately NOT a christian attitude if you ask me. maybe all who are truly bothered by the noise level (I am also) might just OFFER IT UP! God can do more with THOSE prayers, than the shushing sounds being made by angry, annoyed, faithful catholics. why not just stop and listen one time to someone shushing someone and put yourself in the noisy persons shoes. would that be a welcoming into your parish? you want people to come back, you have to welcome them back with LOVE not angry shushing sounds.

i was once shushed, and i almost flipped out on the person. you see, i was consoling a friend who had just had a MAJOR fight with her abusive husband. she came to mass to be healed of the anger. needless to say, the shusher made her even more upset.
so before you shush, maybe you should say a prayer and offer it up!

 

[pmoo]

LOL, NOT ME!!!.. others would do it just to agravate you or anyone else who would shush them. shushing is a VERY mean sound, definately NOT a christian attitude if you ask me. maybe all who are truly bothered by the noise level (I am also) might just OFFER IT UP! God can do more with THOSE prayers, than the shushing sounds being made by angry, annoyed, faithful catholics. why not just stop and listen one time to someone shushing someone and put yourself in the noisy persons shoes. would that be a welcoming into your parish? you want people to come back, you have to welcome them back with LOVE not angry shushing sounds.

i was once shushed, and i almost flipped out on the person. you see, i was consoling a friend who had just had a MAJOR fight with her abusive husband. she came to mass to be healed of the anger. needless to say, the shusher made her even more upset.
so before you shush, maybe you should say a prayer and offer it up!

Well, I can honestly say I have never shushed an adult at church, nor have I shushed a child with an adult. I have shushed children who are for some reason alone. So, I can actually see the other side. I shush my students all the time, so I do understand it can be a bit insulting for one adult to shush another.

Overall, I still feel God’s house is a place for worship and not conversation and that people who want or need to talk should go outside. I’m just one of those people who needs quiet to focus. I wish I could block it all out, but I can’t.

 

[Ghoti]

Overall, I still feel God’s house is a place for worship and not conversation and that people who want or need to talk should go outside. **I’m just one of those people who needs quiet to focus. I wish I could block it all out, but I can’t. **

I agree – I have severe ADD, I get easily distracted, no matter how hard I focus. (How severe? Put it to you this way – I have been known to stroll into traffic.) I try to sit in one of the first two rows of pews, if I can. Unfortunately I have sometimes gone to a First Communion or Baptismal Mass, where the first half-dozen or more rows are reserved for the young initiates and their families. I end up far back, sometimes unable to see clearly, and getting quite easily distracted by the talking, fidgeting etc going on around me (it’s like being either in the back of class or the back of the school bus sometimes). Plus, when you add kids into the mix, it can sometimes devolve even further.

I don’t mind so much the “congregatin’” of the congregation beforehand, especially out in the vestibule; I do believe however, that the congregation should be silent from the lector’s “Please stand” to the last strains of the recessional – excepting of course all those bits in the Missal that start with R.

As for people bolting out of Mass – I have never seen behaviour as unChristian as a congregation of Christians trying to get out of a church parking lot. Perhaps they figure, “Hey, I’m up to date on Confession, just did Mass, venials taken care of for last week, got my Scapular – if I die now, ZOOM! Straight to Heaven!”

 

[Heckesh]

LOL - NO stands for “Novus Ordo” Mass, which is the ordinary form of the Mass, as opposed to the Traditional Latin Mass.

That’s not what was asked. Someone mentioned a “NO parish.” There is no such thing that I know of in the Church.

Yes, there are parishes where the Ordinary Form of the Mass, the Pauline Mass is exclusively celebrated, but I have never heard the Church issue the designation “NO parish.” That sounds like some sort of slur to be candid.

 

[Heckesh]

This thread makes me very grateful for the Byzantine church we attended last week–about 12 adults, 6 kids (not counting ourselves) and it was quiet right up until Father started the liturgy. A little kid every now and then made a scuffle or whispered, but it was clear that everybody there was determined to respect each other. People did their “visiting” beforehand, if at all, out in the vestibule and not in the sanctuary.

Contrast this to the Orthodox church we had been attending, where parents let kids scream (literally) during the Liturgy without taking them out, people were smacking each other on the bottom during the service, and altar boys were whispering and snickering to each other right up by the altar. Very sad. And the obligatory cell phone going off at least once during every Liturgy, usually the SAME person every week, who always looks surprised that their cell phone ringer is still turned on!

I have three kids under the age of 8 and I have always been mindful of how loud they’re getting. Children will naturally try to chatter and comment, and we make it clear that they may whisper, if they absolutely must tell us something, or chant with the cantor if they feel like making “holy noise”. With the baby, I have to take him out before he gets wound up and too loud. Luckily, with the Ruthenian rite, usually so much is going on–with the priest and deacon moving in and out of the doors all the time–that he’s kept busy watching them.

 

[Heckesh]

This thread makes me very grateful for the Byzantine church we attended last week–about 12 adults, 6 kids (not counting ourselves) and it was quiet right up until Father started the liturgy. A little kid every now and then made a scuffle or whispered, but it was clear that everybody there was determined to respect each other. People did their “visiting” beforehand, if at all, out in the vestibule and not in the sanctuary.

Contrast this to the Orthodox church we had been attending, where parents let kids scream (literally) during the Liturgy without taking them out, people were smacking each other on the bottom during the service, and altar boys were whispering and snickering to each other right up by the altar. Very sad. And the obligatory cell phone going off at least once during every Liturgy, usually the SAME person every week, who always looks surprised that their cell phone ringer is still turned on!

I have three kids under the age of 8 and I have always been mindful of how loud they’re getting. Children will naturally try to chatter and comment, and we make it clear that they may whisper, if they absolutely must tell us something, or chant with the cantor if they feel like making “holy noise”. With the baby, I have to take him out before he gets wound up and too loud. Luckily, with the Ruthenian rite, usually so much is going on–with the priest and deacon moving in and out of the doors all the time–that he’s kept busy watching them.

Did you know the main reason for the 12 bells on the chains of an eastern censer is to grab and keep the attention of the faithful?

 

[Senior]

If people are leaving the Catholic faith because others are talking in Church, then they have a serious problem that requires further explanation. Actually I rather doubt people are leaving the faith due to others talking during Mass. It sounds like another straw man to me.

If you really believe that way, then you are seriously deceived, have your head in the sand and/or are ignoring reality.
Here are a few comments I have gotten by those I know that are non-Catholic.
“Catholic’s are hypocrites; look at the way they act like in Mass. They go to Confession, tell their sins to a man, leave and continue showing the same disrespect to God as they did before.”
“Catholic’s can’t have the Holy Spirit, because if they did, their behavior would show it. Look how rude they are in Mass.”
“Look at how many Catholic’s go and party down at Mardi gras, then do the 40 days of Lent; and then continue acting as stupid as they did before Lent. What hypocrites. I’m glad I left.”
“Catholic’s go to Mass to act all holy, and then continue cussing and drinking afterwards. Notice how they act like before and after Mass. I’m glad my church takes the bible seriously.”