Too Scared to Be Catholic, Too Interested to Stop Learning?

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As you were baptised as a Catholic as an infant, you are, I believe, considered by the Catholic Church to already be a Catholic. I think you need to discuss this yourself with the priest and ask about how you go forward from there as regards receiving the sacraments of Confession, the Eucharist and Confirmation. Would he want you to confess your sins prior to your marriage?

I think your situation may get a bit easier once you and your fiance are married. Then your immediate family will be you and him (and in the future, any children you may come to have). Your duty will be primarily to him (and he to you) and not to your parents. I think that will help you greatly in reducing the barriers to your becoming a full part of the Catholic Church (which I believe you are actually already a part of as a result of your Catholic Baptism).

Best wishes to both of you for the future.
 
I’m not taking RCIA at the moment. Though that is something I would be interested in, going forward. It’ll be a huge step for me so I’m a bit nervous about it and worried about if I can meet the expectations. It’s just an irrational nervousness and fear. Despite that I still have an overwhelming desire to learn and grow in the Catholic faith.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re also dealing with difficult relatives. I’m hoping that at least people can be civil. Best of wishes to you!
 
Your description is perfect. It does feel like there’s a constant tugging at my heart. Even when I’ve thought to myself it might be too much trouble to look into this all. I’ve always found myself right back to reading about Catholicism and wanting to know more.

And wow you definitely seem like you have a mountain to climb which makes your courage all the more admirable. I’m definitely going to take a look at that thread. Thank you!
 
Good idea. I think it’s just a reflex for my family more than anything, and it’s frustrating that I can’t even bring up activities I’m just doing for the day without a theological debate being started. It’s just bizzarre especially coming from my mother who doesn’t even seem too stringent on matters of faith.
 
Ellie727 said:
it’s frustrating that I can’t even bring up activities I’m just doing for the day without a theological debate being started.
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Now you know that when you speak about church stuff, there’s a debate going to happen. Don’t bring it up, and have a question ready to change the subject and steer them in another direction. Sports, favorite tv shows, hobbies can switch their brain to a new topic.

My family did not go to church at all and when I was in my 20s and single, I started going. They were hostile to me going even thought their neighbors, who they were friendly with for 20 years, went to the same church. Questions like ‘what’s wrong with you’ and ‘you’re getting brainwashed’. What do you do with that? You have your fiance to plan a strategy of being kind, yet firm. The 2 of you together can start to figure out what kind of boundaries are going to be put on family.

God bless you both on your journey!
 
Ellie727 said:
I’m a bit nervous about it and worried about if I can meet the expectations.
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I don’t think there are any particularly onerous expectations as such. Accept what the Church teaches, try as best as you can to live a good Christian life, go to Mass on Sundays and Holy days of obligation, and receive the sacraments appropriately. There are no ‘exams’ to pass and no requirement to be an expert on Catholic teachings. I think our faith is, in essence, fairly simple.
 
Rest assured that the Holy Spirit is guiding your path. At some point, it will be good for both you and your parents to watch some of the conversion stories on the Coming Home Network. Seeing how their consciences were formed, and some of the sacrifices they made to become Catholic is inspiring. Here are the specifically Baptist conversion stories. My absolute favorite is the conversion of Glen Allen. The logic that he used is perfect, and even though he was the victim of racist physical abuse as a young man in Catholic school, he converted anyway. The struggle to bring his wife along with him reveals the reward that awaits those who persevere.
 
Welcome to CAF @Ellie727 🙋 Praying for you and your fiance. How wonderful that God is leading you back home to your roots by your love for your fiance and the sacrament of holy matrimony. 🌹 🌹 🌼 💍 💒 In the gift of giving your life in this relationship of marriage (when the day comes) all is new and your call is to "cling to your husband to be and become one) You are not called to cling to your mom and dad. Isn’t it natural and gentle to feel awkward at a mass you are only learning to grow in? It is beautiful that you are slowly entering into all that is new in your Catholic faith…in time, in prayer your dear parents might return to their faith. Hoping you continue on this new journey and that you courageously keep following the Holy Spirit and trust that the mother of Jesus is hoping you get to know her too. Prayers for you and your fiance. 🙏
 
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Ellie, you’re certainly not alone. I was baptized Catholic as an infant, but never told about it. I always assumed it was Episcopalian, until I was 50 years old, when I wanted to convert and my mother told me I had already been baptized Catholic. It made entering the church easier.
It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I was nervous too, since I didn’t know what to do at mass, but you pick it up pretty fast. It is not as intimidating as it seems at first. And no one is looking at you.
God bless you.
 
The good news is that you are already Catholic. You were baptized a Catholic, and you remain a Catholic. Now, you are being called to embrace the faith as an adult with free will. God will guide you if you continue your prayer and study with an open mind toward following his will.
From what you wrote you mainly sound concerned about your parents’ reaction. You are not the first to experience disharmony with family members over the possibility of conversion, by any means! As others have stated, it is now time to cleave to your husband and break away from your parents. But even more, remember that Jesus stated emphatically to his disciples that he came to bring a “sword” that would separate even family members; that one had to even “hate” their family members to be his disciple. What he meant is that God and God’s calling for YOU is the priority, and you must serve Him first, even if it means disappointing others. God bless you on your journey!
 
@Ellie727

Welcome to CAF, Ellie! We’re glad to have such a thoughtful and sincere person come aboard. For topics that you want to know more about, click on the magnifying glass, then try different wordings of topics and questions to see threads from months or years ago.

Between Youtube videos and your fiance, you’ll be fine as to what to do. Few people pay attention anyway, as most are concentrating back and forth between the altar and the missalette, which includes instructions as to when to stand, sit, or kneel. It is common for non-Catholics and people with limited mobility to sit while the rest of us follow along. It’s not a big deal at all.

As far as living up to Catholic expectations, just be your own sincere self, doing what you think God is asking of you each day. For most of us that simply means being the best we can be in the positions we’re in, under the circumstances that are our reality, while obeying all facets of the commandments and maintaining our responsibilities in our daily life and at Church.

You’re probably worrying about honoring your parents. Your first responsibility is to put God first. Align your soul with Him and gradually, although perhaps with a bit of grief, you and your parents will reach an understanding. Who knows? Maybe your example will lead them to revert to the only true Church!

Try to keep looking at the big picture, and not worry too much about the little stuff. What’s gone before is history and can be forgotten, especially when you start with a new, clean slate after receiving absolution in confession and receiving Holy Communion. Think of the Catholic Church as being the Hospital for Sinners; we don’t need to be perfect to go there. It’s where we heal and become strong. Best wishes to you.
 
I will pray for you we are called to follow God over all things. The sacrament of marriage in the Catholic Church is a beautiful thing.

If you don’t know what to say and do pick up a missal they are usually in the pews or the St Joseph missal can be purchased every year for only a few dollars.

You can also pay more money and pick up a missal that follows the yearly liturgical cycles that you can use for a long time.

You are an adult and at the end of the day your family loves you and should no matter what especially if they are God loving folk after all God is love.

Follow God and your heart and join your fiancee in the bright shining light of the Catholic Church.

God Bless
 
Thank you so much for the warm welcome and words of encouragement, you have no idea how touching it is for me. It’s wonderful to hear all these responses and feel the support of you all it really helps strengthen my resolve.

And you’re right about the parents thing I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to basically trash their beliefs but at the same time I can’t help but feel that this is the right path for me. I hope one day they can understand that.
 
Welcome home! You were already advised to look up conversion stories, here’s The Journey Home shows, I just love watching. And these are mostly former protestans, many of them Southern Baptists.
It’s evidently the work of Grace, you finding your husband and being drawn to the Church.
I should say, don’t worry too much about the family - difficult as it is - just pray for them, and trust in the Lord.
My own family, meaning my brother and my mother (father being deceased) rejected me due to my faith (they are atheists), and it was unbelievably hard (it sometimes still is, but doesn’t hurst so much), but how can I choose them instead of Jesus? So think along these lines, too - you don’t love your family less for your choices, you just love God more, and by loving GOd more and more, you also learn to love other people more. It’s a beautiful path.
 
If you are truly and honestly believing that the Catholic Church is the one that Christ founded, you should join. Not to be too harsh, but with the exception of your Dad it sounds like the religion of most of your family is basically ‘don’t be Catholic’ instead of firm belief in a particular creed. It sounds like they got hooked pretty hard by an anti-Catholic congregation in the past.

But if you believe, be honest with them. Heck, you can quote Luther and say it’s neither right nor safe to go against your conscience.

As to fitting in, please, please, please don’t let that be an obstacle. I’m in my mid 40’s and a cradle Catholic and I still flub things from time to time. It happens. The Mass is very Christocentric; not based on singing or hymns. That has things that will be good (most people are focused on the Altar) and things that will be tough (don’t expect the fellowship you see in some protestant churches).

On the outside chance you make a mistake and someone notices, they likely won’t care. If you find someone that gives you a dirty look; that’s on them, not you.

I’ll keep you in my prayers, both for your faith journey and for your marriage. I’m 21 years in and it’s wonderful overall.

As an aside… one thing that I love about Catholicism that isn’t true with many protestant groups. Marriage in the Catholic Church is a sacramental relationship. A covenant relationship with your spouse. That’s a big deal. For me the fact that we swore to God and each other and bound ourselves in the sacrament is a huge thing.
 
As an aside… do listen to the ‘Called to Communion’ podcast. He deals with many situations like this; and went from Presbyterian to Catholic.
 
Start going to RCIA; they will work with you so that you are comfortable. None of us are worthy so you are in good company. Your parents will feel better about your decision when they see the peace and joy your journey has brought you. So be sure to keep lines of communication open. They only want is best for you!
 
Dear Ellie727, first and foremost, welcome to the Forum.
Hey, it is your soul, not your parent’s soul, and not your family’s soul.
Yes, I know you don’t want to argue religion with your family, but they seem to be the one’s who have problems with Catholicism, not you.
If you want to become a practicing Catholic, take RCIA classes and join us. Being a Catholic will enhance your soon to be wedding to your beloved who is Catholic.
The Catholic Church’s welcome mat is out. God bless you in your journey!!! 🙏🙏🙏
 
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the kind replies and the suggestions for resources to look into! I really appreciate it and have been watching about others experiences and learning so much. You have no idea how thankful I am to be able to share my feelings about this and hear such kindness and support. It means a lot.
 
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