And what exactly is the difference between a biological fact and a psychological fact? The brain is just as much an organ of the body as the heart or the lungs or kidneys. It has neurons and neurotransmitters and is something that biologists study. And study of the brain is making it increasingly evident that many of our behaviors are influenced by both our genes and our environment. Many mental states and personality characteristics probably have a biological component to them. Most of the attention of researchers has so far been directed at understanding undesirable things like depression. People are more likely to suffer from things depression if they come from certain families which shows that it probably has a genetic component.Having an appetite for your own sex is not so much a biological fact about you as it’s a psychological one. It’s what one does, not what one is. If I am tempted to drunkenness, and someone asks me, “Hey, are you a drunk?” I’m not going to happily reply, “Why yes, my good fellow, I am indeed!” As if being open about such a thing was just swell.
This is not true. I’m bisexual (though I rarely use that word to describe myself), and I am attracted to rather few people (maybe 1 in every 10 adults). It’s just that those people aren’t exclusively of one sex.Yes but they strongly appreciate the way men look too, and that’s the point. They are just plainly attracted to human beings.
Marriage isn’t about fulfilling the other person. None of us are capable of fulfilling another person. That ain’t in the vows!I understand that, but I also know that if I marry a bisexual man, there is something within him that I can personally never fulfill. I can fulfill his attraction to women.
This applies to some marriages, for sure. But if you’re honest, your wife will know what kind of guys you’re attracted to. My wife knows that I’m not attracted to most of my male friends, and she also knows that I have never had a single sexual fall in a male friendship, for my entire life. I think that makes her pretty secure that I’m safe to hang out with my buddies.The example doesn’t prove infidelity would be everywhere, but she has a point about propriety with friends. I mostly wouldn’t find it appropriate for my husband to spend a lot of time alone with a straight female friend nor for me to spend a lot if time alone with a straight male friend even though I know neither of us would cheat. Bisexuality complicates that some.
At least according to my understanding, there’s also no sin in someone saying “I’m a man who is sexually attracted to other men” (i.e. “I’m gay”) or “I’m a man who is sexually attracted to both men and women” (i.e. “I’m bisexual”). And the church in it’s documents on homosexuality sometimes seems to be talking about what people are, not just what they do. So, when the Church issues something called, “Letter to the Bishops of the Church on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons,” it sounds to me as if they’re talking about what someone is (i.e. they’re a “homosexual person”), not just what they do. This, it seems to me is just another way of saying that someone is gay.Biology as in “this is what I am (or was born to be)” and psychology as in “this is what I do (or am tempted to do).” One is identity, the other is behaviour. There is no sin in the former.
When someone says, “I’m an alcoholic,” they’re not just saying that the last 100 times they had a drink of alcohol, they couldn’t stop drinking. They’re not just talking about actions in the past. They’re saying that if they have a drink next week or next year, they won’t be able to stop drinking before they’re drunk and therefore, they can’t ever drink alcohol because not being able to drink in moderation is an intrinsic part of who they are. They’re an alcoholic. Unfortunately, because it’s considered by some people to be shameful to say that they’re an alcoholic and that’s just the way they are, they refuse to admit to themselves that they have a problem drinking alcohol and that’s just a fact about themselves that they need to recognize.A drunk is admitting his behaviour, not his biology, in AA meetings, otherwise he could not work the 12 steps, which requires seeking forgiveness.
The only reason I can think of for why a person should be against someone saying that they’re gay or bisexual is if being gay or bisexual is something shameful that should be concealed.Sure our genetics influence our behaviour and some of us are tempted to some things more than others because of our nature. But what is the motive for identifying ourselves with destructive tendencies? To what extent should we label ourselves with our weaknesses and faults? This is also borrowing language and norms from a culture that promotes perversion, so that confuses things.
People have trouble imagining sexual attraction working differently from their own experience. And sadly, this leads to a lot of condemnation and judgment.I think people have a hard time understanding or believing that men exist who genuinely are sexually attracted to both sexes. I find it bizarre, since to me, both sexes are so obviously sexually attractive. But many people think that my experience of the world just doesn’t exist. Perhaps because it confirms their own simplistic understandings of sex?
Well, not twice the threats. More like, the typical advice of “men and women can’t be just friends” goes out the window. Afterall, you need friendships, and if you’re just going to avoid everyone you are attracted to, that’s going to mean living a pretty lonely life. Chris Damien, a celibate gay Catholic, talks about this problem of organizations like Courage discouraging exclusive friendships altogether and encouraging homosexuals to not identify as homosexual and to live rather closed off with only superficial groups of friends with nothing like a best friend.A lot of potential partners (women or men) would just see the risk of infidelity doubling because if somebody’s attracted to both genders then there’s twice as many potential threats
This.Well, not twice the threats. More like, the typical advice of “men and women can’t be just friends” goes out the window. Afterall, you need friendships, and if you’re just going to avoid everyone you are attracted to, that’s going to mean living a pretty lonely life.
This sounds like the conversations here on CAF about why a gay man probably has to live alone. If he lives with another gay man even if it’s not romantic and they’re just friends, it’s still a “near occasion of sin” and if he lives with a woman he’s not married to and other people don’t know that he’s gay, it is a possible source of scandal. So, I guess that gay people are supposed to not only not ever have any sex, they’re also not supposed to have any close friends.Well, not twice the threats. More like, the typical advice of “men and women can’t be just friends” goes out the window. Afterall, you need friendships, and if you’re just going to avoid everyone you are attracted to, that’s going to mean living a pretty lonely life. Chris Damien, a celibate gay Catholic, talks about this problem of organizations like Courage discouraging exclusive friendships altogether and encouraging homosexuals to not identify as homosexual and to live rather closed off with only superficial groups of friends with nothing like a best friend.
Most people live with a spouse and children or with a significant other (boyfriend or girlfriend) when they grow up. If someone’s not married, perhaps doesn’t have a significant other, and doesn’t have any children, what’s wrong with living with friends who’re in a similar situation? In the sitcom Friends, Rachel shares an apartment with her friend Monica. In the Big Bang Theory, Leonard and Sheldon share an apartment together. Perhaps some people like to live alone, but to me, living with a friend would seem preferable to living alone.How many people live with their friends when they are grown up?