Traditionalist & Bisexual; Question for the ladies & be honest!

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Bruised_Reed said:
Very interesting
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How so? Considering I’m a catholic on a catholic forum, I mean.
Bruised_Reed said:
It should give the person who is bisexual great pause too, if you were that concerned about them being unfaithful.
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It’s not a matter of being overly worried or paranoid about the person in particular. It’s just that everyone who gets married always plans to be faithful. We all plan to stay faithful, and we go into marriage trusting our spouses, but we all also know that it doesn’t always turn out the way we planned. It’s great that many women would be fine with marrying a bisexual man, and it also needs to be ok to feel uncomfortable with it.
 
I have to say, I am pretty surprised by the number of people that say it’s no big deal to them.
 
Few things I’d like to add into the mix here:

When I say I am open about being Bisexual, I DONT mean I’m dancing through the streets with rainbow flags covered in glitter. What I DO mean is that if anyone asks me, I am completely open about it and don’t hide it. I consider it to be just another biological fact about myself, in much the same way as one would talk about having blue eyes. I don’t tell people as soon as I meet them, but if it comes up in conversation, I absolutely let them know. I would also let people know if it might be a “sensitive” situation such as if I’m tutoring their kid or if I were to be involved in a relationship with a girl.

I’m European and I come from a family who are culturally Catholic. These issues, especially in my generation, are not big things and are not considered important. I guess I adopted that attitude and I agree with it. My sexuality isn’t a big thing for me, to be honest, it hardly comes into my mind at all. I do know however that some Catholics take issue with these sort of things. I was curious as to how that would be perceived by traditionalist Catholic girls because I know them to be very committed to the faith, as I am, and I wondered how they see it, especially in the context of relationships and dating for obvious reasons.

There also seems to be a little misunderstanding of what exactly Bisexuality is. In reality, it covers a wide range of sexual preferences, ranging from only having a passing interest in the same gender, to only having a passing interest in the opposite gender. For full disclosure, I fall in the middle, not really having a preference for either. This applies to attraction, not action. As a Catholic, I understand that certain actions are forbidden and in much the same way as I’m not fornicating my way through the town, neither am I sodomising my way either. My bisexuality is really a question of attractions; simple, pure biological facts- not ideology, wishes or intentions.
 
A post here remarked that I made an effort to point out good things about myself to the point where they thought they were viewing a singles ad. Please let me explain. I dont consider myself particularly great in many ways but others have said these things in the past to me. I included it to emphasise that if you were confronted with the situation of a guy, who has many good points but is bisexual, would that be an issue. It certainly wasn’t about me blowing my own trumpet and I would like to apologise if it seemed so.

Likewise, regarding Children, I did say I am great with children, which I am. I love kids and to be frank, they love me. I have 9 godchildren and I love each and every one of them. I have also been deeply involved in the raising of my nephew as my brother passed away a few years ago. I’d say I am far more prepared for marriage on the children side than 99% of guys. Children are the primary reason for marriage, not carnal passion. That’s precisely the reason why I have concentrated on getting financially secure before even thinking of marriage because you want to be able to provide a good home for your future (God willing) kids and wife. I do take issue with the suggestion that a guy who works hard for years to ensure this is really pandering to a secular ideal of marriage… No, its called a guy who’s realistic and knows kids need security, a roof over their head and a decent place to live, not to mention that I would never want to risk adding money problems to the stresses every marriage endures I know it might not be as romantic as running off to some cabin in the woods, and it may not be as edifying as relying entirely on Providence but I would have thought that ensuring that your prospective family can be provided for was in full imitation of St. Joseph.

To make things clear. The whole Catholic dating thing is new to me. I dont consider my sexuality a big thing but I know it might be an issue with my prospective partner. Confronted with the situation where you have a decent guy, who takes his faith seriously, is willing and fully intends 100% to be completely and utterly committed to his wife and family in imitation of the Holy Family and the Saints, but happens to be bisexual, would that be an issue?
 
Thanks for your sincerity and questions,and helping us to understand more 🙂
 
Gingersnaps4 said:
How so? Considering I’m a catholic on a catholic forum, I mean.
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Just seems like you see one as a bigger sin, or more problematic. Christians say that same sex marriage is a threat to traditional marriage. Au contraire. Hetero divorce and remarriage is the greater threat.
Gingersnaps4 said:
and it also needs to be ok to feel uncomfortable with it.
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Okay, but I think the discomfort comes from ignorance. I couldn’t wrap my head around same sex attraction or bisexuality until I decided to try. If you fell hard for someone and later found out they were bi I bet you’d want to know more before you wrote them off.
 
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You’re just waaaaay closer to the hetero side of the spectrum, that’s all.
 
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My reasoning is this: If I’m called to marriage, my job is to help get my husband to Heaven and have children. Helping him get to Heaven means working through and helping him with his temptations, and him with mine. If SSA truly is nothing more than a disordered attraction (assuming of course it’s not acted upon), then it’s no different than any other temptation. Shall I start fearing red headed women if he tells me he has a thing for red haired girls?

I don’t understand how we can tell people who are chaste with SSA who have an attraction to the opposite sex to focus on their heterosexual attractions and that SSA is just a cross to bear while simultaneously being suspicious about whether they’re capable of fidelity. Someone with a history of promiscuity may be one thing, but what of those who have never acted on it? Are they to be treated like ticking time bombs?
 
No, I agree that adultery with either sex is a mortal sin. One may be compounded and made worse by the fact that it’s intrinsically disordered but I’m not even sure of that, honestly.
 
StillWandering said:
A post here remarked that I made an effort to point out good things about myself to the point where they thought they were viewing a singles ad.
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If you read other threads you will read about all the great qualities someone is looking for in a potential spouse but they never mention what they bring to the table. I respect your OP more. It didn’t seem grandiose so, you’re good.
 
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I do know something of homosexuality and bisexuality. You can’t assume that you are more knowledgeable than someone else because you don’t agree with their opinions. As if, if they knew what you knew, they would have the same opinion. Life doesn’t work that way. Just look at the wide variety of political views people come to, when given the exact same information. hah.
 
I think the attraction is considered intrinsically disordered, but the act objectively disordered. I’m honestly not sure which “disorder” adultery is.
 
People spelled out what b.c there issues were and it illustrates the misunderstanding. Ha
 
There may be something to what bruised reed said, about wanting to find out more before writing them off, if someone you really liked said they were bi. My advice to you is to wait and get to know a woman first, and if it seems that you find each other mutually compatible then confide in her that you have these attractions that you never would act on. I don’t feel that that is deceptive, honestly. We aren’t obliged to tell our life story to people we are just getting to know. Give any woman in your life the chance to see how devoted you are to your faith before divulging something so personal to her. It seems more likely that a woman might be ok with it in that case.

On a side note, you need to do whatever you are comfortable with, but I personally don’t think your sexual orientation has anything to do with your tutoring abilities. I am a somewhat traditionally minded catholic and would not expect to hear or feel that I would need to know the orientation of a teacher or tutor for my kids. 🙂
 
It might be even worse in Europe, but we have really absorbed the warped perception of sexuality that western culture has been saturating us with now for generations. Having an appetite for your own sex is not so much a biological fact about you as it’s a psychological one. It’s what one does, not what one is. If I am tempted to drunkenness, and someone asks me, “Hey, are you a drunk?” I’m not going to happily reply, “Why yes, my good fellow, I am indeed!” As if being open about such a thing was just swell. By being open about it, I’m only exposing myself to temptation. While pleasurable, getting drunk is neither healthy, nor productive (and as you know, a serious sin). I’m using analogies to try to make the point: Lust is not something that you are, it’s what you want to do. I think the Church can help you untwist the warped self-perception that the culture has lead you into, but with proper catechesis, which may be in short supply lately in Europe (Germany comes to mind). I thought the traditional circles were better.
 
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