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Prodigal_Son
Guest
Of course, he would struggle with the desire to do it. As many married men struggle with the desire to have sex with another woman. Are we supposed to only marry people who never are tempted by another?
Traditionalist & Bisexual; Question for the ladies & be honest!
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
To his future wife, you mean? That would practically be grounds for annulment. It’s certainly not wise.
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
How so?
No one does. No one could ever get so bisexual that they constantly are tempted! Usually temptation is pretty rare, for anyone.And we don’t struggle with desire to have sex with another all time!
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DisorientingSneeze
Guest
Married woman with traditionalist preferences here. It wouldn’t have been a 100 percent deal breaker for me but it would cause GREAT hesitation. It is possible for someone to not meet your exact preferred credentials and you still feel a call that it is your vocation to marry them. It comes down to the individual. Would you be open to marrying a woman who didn’t meet your exact preferred credentials? What if she were not traditionalist? What if she were not catholic? Maybe a woman who also had bisexual inclinations would best understand your feelings.
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RuthAnne
Guest
Not in a million years.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
To me this is the bigger concern, not whether the guy is tempted by other men or other women. Is the guy going to be faithful? Is temptation a big issue for him?
There is a tendency for some people to see same-sex attraction as going hand in hand with promiscuity and an undesirable lifestyle. When the popular example of a bisexual married man is Freddy Mercury or Chris Burrous, people might not understand that there are bi men out there who don’t conduct themselves in those sorts of risky or promiscuous ways (with women or with men), and can actually give up the sexual variety in order to commit themselves to one partner. A lot of potential partners (women or men) would just see the risk of infidelity doubling because if somebody’s attracted to both genders then there’s twice as many potential threats. So the bi person is going to have to live in a really faithful and responsible way and show that they can be faithful to one partner.
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DisorientingSneeze
Guest
For me knowing that my husband desired to have sex with men, even if he didn’t act on it would probably be too much. I want be his whole world in that respect.
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
I’m not sure what you mean. As in, “this is a desire my spouse has that I can’t possibly satisfy”? I would guess that such a worry could apply to any physical characteristic, even with a straight spouse – e.g. not having large breasts, not being thin/thick enough for his tastes, etc.
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CapitalistCatholic
Guest
Not sure what you mean by Bisexual. I guess what you mean is you have a prominent attraction toward men. Be honest with your future partner. Make sure they know and are okay with it.
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DisorientingSneeze
Guest
Maybe it would be better if we provided resources for a young unmarried man about the vocation of marriage to help learn and discern. Any idead, crew?
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
This isn’t how bisexuality works, though. I’m attracted to far fewer people than many of my straight friends. If I walk down the street, I find most women and men that I see unattractive. But the ones I do find attractive are no more likely to be women than men.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
Yes, I know that’s not how it works for everybody, and not how it works for you. I’m bisexual myself, though I never acted on the SSA part beyond some fantasies here and there. It would have created headaches on top of the headaches I already had in my life (one of the women I was strongly attracted to was my upper level boss at work, many years ago). My husband (who knew about all of this) did not have to worry about me going and cheating on him with a woman, or me wistfully missing the experience of having sex with women.
As I said, bi means different things to different people. I have met bi people in committed relationships who said they really missed the experience of having sex with the other gender. It wasn’t so much about being attracted to a specific person for them (although they wanted a particular type or age or weight or looks of course), it was a sexual variety thing for them. Some of them cheated or created a poly relationship in order to get these “needs” met. It obviously isn’t that way for you and it isn’t that way for me.
As I said, bi means different things to different people. I have met bi people in committed relationships who said they really missed the experience of having sex with the other gender. It wasn’t so much about being attracted to a specific person for them (although they wanted a particular type or age or weight or looks of course), it was a sexual variety thing for them. Some of them cheated or created a poly relationship in order to get these “needs” met. It obviously isn’t that way for you and it isn’t that way for me.
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
I would be interested in statistics, though. It may be that, on average, bi people are attracted to fewer random people they meet. However, I do think that any same-sex attracted man is more likely than a straight man to be promiscuous. This may just be because it’s easier to find other men willing to have no-strings-attached sex, unfortunately.
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LawyersGunsAndMoney
Guest
I don’t mean to be flip about it, and I have no doubt your husband is faithful, but this will never be the case even if your husband is 10000% straight, not an ounce of bisexuality in him. He’s still going to find other women sexually attractive. Presumably, he will refrain from ever acting on these attractions, but you’re not going to be the only person on earth he finds attractive.
And I’m sure that you occasionally find other men attractive, even if you would never actually pursue it.
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DisorientingSneeze
Guest
I don’t. It was like a switch flipped for me and I am not attracted to anyone else. I suppose it is naive to think it would be the same for my spouse, but I hope attractive visuals are just that. Like oh thats an attractive person not oh I want to have sex with that person.
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LawyersGunsAndMoney
Guest
I mean, I assume you’re not engaging in explicit fantasies about passerby.
But I do think most people continue to notice other attractive people in the world even when they’re married and in love with/attracted to their spouse. They don’t pursue it obviously, or deliberately stoke the fantasy, but they still notice.
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LawyersGunsAndMoney
Guest
Anyway, to the question, I think a lot of this depends on what bisexuality means in an individuals case. As Bearself said, it can mean anything from a transient, long past attraction to the same gender that might have involved some limited experimentation, all the way up to a deep-seated, ingrained attraction that is daily present. “Bisexual” covers a lot of ground.
It should also be noted that many bi people are not 50/50 in their attractions. They might be lopsided; ie very attracted to the opposite sex with only an occasional, mild interest in the same sex, for example.
It should also be noted that many bi people are not 50/50 in their attractions. They might be lopsided; ie very attracted to the opposite sex with only an occasional, mild interest in the same sex, for example.
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Teek
Guest
I am a “traditionalist” woman. No, I would not consider it. Knowing I could never be the fulfillment of half of your sexual desires would break my heart. If you have to sacrifice half of your sexual identity to be in a committed relationship with me, I would not feel secure.
I know in any marriage both spouses have to give up their attraction to everyone else to stay faithful. But in that case, the sexual relationship between the spouses becomes the purified focus of all sexual desires…the husband gives up all desires for other women and unites himself to the fulfillment of all of those desires who is his wife, a woman. But if he were sexually attracted to both men and women, I could only be the fulfillment of his desires for women.
Another option I would not consider: a man who openly talks about his sexual attractions to other women. I’m trying to put this “openly bisexual” conversation into a heterosexual equivalent, or translation. It is difficult, because the heterosexual men who have a healthy enough sexuality to be “considered” never talk about their sexual desires! It is a private intimate matter that they save to be open with their spouse about. If a guy I’m friends with sits and tells me how sexually attracted he is to women of a certain type, yuck. It might be true—I don’t want to know. Or just talks about how sexually attracted he is to women in general—yuck! Good for you, buddy. Have at ‘em. But stay away from me. I don’t want to be the one in a sea of people you find sexually attractive who is conveniently available to you for the moment.
What is appealing to me is a man who knows that all of his sexuality is ordered towards his spouse. There is a huge difference between, “I find women sexually appealing. I am looking for the only one who is the fulfillment of that desire” and “I am sexually attracted to women. YOU are a woman…”
In this case, the case of being openly bisexual…you have just declared, “I am sexually attracted to men and women. YOU are a woman…what do you think?” Well, I think rather less of that than I do of “I am sexually attracted to women. YOU are a woman…”
But “I am sexually attracted to women. YOU are a woman…” was already rejected: it’s not necessarily just the bisexuality I would not consider.
I know in any marriage both spouses have to give up their attraction to everyone else to stay faithful. But in that case, the sexual relationship between the spouses becomes the purified focus of all sexual desires…the husband gives up all desires for other women and unites himself to the fulfillment of all of those desires who is his wife, a woman. But if he were sexually attracted to both men and women, I could only be the fulfillment of his desires for women.
Another option I would not consider: a man who openly talks about his sexual attractions to other women. I’m trying to put this “openly bisexual” conversation into a heterosexual equivalent, or translation. It is difficult, because the heterosexual men who have a healthy enough sexuality to be “considered” never talk about their sexual desires! It is a private intimate matter that they save to be open with their spouse about. If a guy I’m friends with sits and tells me how sexually attracted he is to women of a certain type, yuck. It might be true—I don’t want to know. Or just talks about how sexually attracted he is to women in general—yuck! Good for you, buddy. Have at ‘em. But stay away from me. I don’t want to be the one in a sea of people you find sexually attractive who is conveniently available to you for the moment.
What is appealing to me is a man who knows that all of his sexuality is ordered towards his spouse. There is a huge difference between, “I find women sexually appealing. I am looking for the only one who is the fulfillment of that desire” and “I am sexually attracted to women. YOU are a woman…”
In this case, the case of being openly bisexual…you have just declared, “I am sexually attracted to men and women. YOU are a woman…what do you think?” Well, I think rather less of that than I do of “I am sexually attracted to women. YOU are a woman…”
But “I am sexually attracted to women. YOU are a woman…” was already rejected: it’s not necessarily just the bisexuality I would not consider.
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