Oh and one more thing…
How to deal with “homophobic” Catholic / Protestant:
Well, if I sense a person is really uncomfortable with or hates people who are gay or lesbian trans etc I don’t usually engage in meaningful conversation. I weigh everything I say to people. I get a sense as to where they are at in the dialogue. I also weigh in how much that persons relationship means to me.
For example, my dad - his opinion is " don’t ask, don’t tell" so I’ve never had that conversation with him. At the same time I know that my dad loves me in the way he can. I don’t take his "don’t ask - don’t tell " position as homophobic. He’s old school Catholic and perhaps he is a little homophobic but we have quite a few lgbt folks in our family so nobody in my family is actually blind to these things. We weigh every conversation. Sometimes we’ll have a friendly debate on things and have learned to know when to walk away in our conversations while still loving each other. We also recognize the fact that disagreements with each other is not an indication of our love for the other. Others are super accepting of it and it’s such a non-issue that I just continue living my life as congruently to my faith as possible. There are others who love to engage in dialogue or have a friendly debate and as you can tell I’m pretty eager to have these kinds of conversations.
I have a cousin who just recently came out. His parents, my aunt an uncle are having a rather difficult time with it. However, they love their son. My cousin hasn’t figured out yet that we all love him regardless so he’s still very guarded with us.
Point is this, sometimes you can be bold and just blurt it out. Sometimes you can say a few words here or there to test the water so to speak. Just be careful with how much you share with people. You have to be in a place where you are ready to encounter all kinds of responses including rejection. If you know the possibility of rejection would hurt so much it would nearly kill you then don’t rush into telling them. You have to weigh every conversation carefully. Gain needed support. Of course, I say get connected with Courage. You definitely need a support system before you talk to those who are closest to you. You need a good support system outside of your family because sometimes family is just too close to the situation.
And one thing I’ve learned is that we don’t have to actually say anything really because chances are family is family and family generally will have some indication to what it is you’re struggling with so don’t be surprised if they already know and are kinda dancing around the issue awkwardly and making a few mistakes along the way.
One rule of thumb is, I reflect the love to my family I’d like to receive from them… I extend a tone of grace and a tone of forgiveness although I have boundaries with my family. I can have such boundaries because I moved away from home at the age of 18. I worked on myself, I gained a support system. Sometimes we have to have the greater maturity to take into consideration those we’re sharing our story with. There will be some you won’t want to share everything with and others you might find are safe and that you’d be able to open up to them. There are people you shouldn’t trust with the most intimate details of your story so just use wisdom. If you’re unsure don’t rush into it. The conversation can wait and sometimes the conversation is not necessary. Like I said, I never really had to have the conversation with my family because for the most part they know but they also know my choices without me actually having to say anything. I also know that I’d be loved and accepted regardless so I feel no need to have “the conversation”.
Anyway, I sincerely hope that you won’t be a stranger on this forum.
