Trapped in hartred

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Nata -

“slap her face”

Let me echo what others have said - the only one who needs a slap is your husband. He has a moral obligation to you, she doesn’t. HE IS THE ONE WITH THE MOST FAULT.

" have to help her, at least let her stay in our house. I refuse, and DH said, " Do you have a heart to leave her also? She have no where to go. Just help her as a friend." "

She is not your friend. And at this point, I would wonder whether your husband is even your friend. You worry about humiliating him, but he doesn’t care about humiliating you.

And he has. I’ll bet that many people have ideas that something is going on. It is said that the wronged spouse is usually the last to know.

His loyalty is to you, not her. He needs to man up (act like a man) and make some serious decisions. Remember, refusing to make a decision IS making a decision.

I’ll pray for you.
 
Last weekend I go and meet my priest. We talked and he said that if after a few session of the counseling she and DH still contacting each other, then he will help me to arrange a meeting (me, DH and her) to discuss this and he will be there to be the mediator.

The counseling itself went good, DH come late because of the jam but at least he came. Each of us got a turn to talk in private to the counselor. I myself learn a lot from the session.

The big thing happen yesterday. Our family go to our friend’s home to chill out. And turn out that she and her family also came, I didn’t know that she will come. When I saw her arriving, I just numb and start praying that she will not try to do anything anymore. DH and me laugh together, sharing food and things, we do try not to be auckward anymore.

But just as I fear before, she pull something again. When I turn my back and talk to the other friend about something, they whispering things. Luckily, I catch them up. I ask DH in private, according to DH, she told him that she just fall down and DH only ask if she and the baby is okay. It pissed me up. And I remind DH that we have an agreement that he will not talk to her anymore. Then we decide to go home.

Before we go home, I manage to talk to her in private. I told her politely not to talk to DH anymore and not to tell him anything about herself. Or I definitely will talk to her husband. I even use the word ‘would you please’. She’s angry, and ask me if I know the consequences bringing her husband in this matter and leave me.

In the way home, she and I exchanging some sms. She told me that by asking her and DH not to contact each other, means that I’m selfish. I told her that she’s the third person in my marriage not me, she’s the one who’s being selfish. After that she said that I should thank her for not demanding DH to be responsible for the baby. And I told her that she have no shame at all, after sleeping with DH still asking me to thank her, I also said if she decide to demand DH responsibility and bring it to public then be my guest.

She thought DH don’t know about all of this sms things and tell me that if DH know that I demand her not to contact him, DH would hate me. And my last sms to her is: “DH is on my side when I type this, he know all this sms. DH and me already have an agreement. So if you want to bring this to public, be my guest.”

After that, DH and me have a long talk. Bottom line is I ask him to choose between us. And if they still contacting each other, I will definitely talk to her husband. I also told DH if he decide to choose her, then it’s over for us. I will definitely leave. And I also remind DH that if this things go public, he and that woman who will be humiliated NOT me.

Thank you all… At last, I have a courage to step up and I’m not afraid of separation anymore. For all this time I always try to deny this option. Actually separation is still my last option. I really hope we still can save this marriage.

Now, it’s depend on DH. If he can prove himself by not contacting her anymore and ignore her if she contact, then I believe with the counseling going on we still can try to save our marriage. But if DH decide to choose her then it would be over for us.

Concerning the hatred, after a long talk to my priest and counselor and reading all your support, I understand that my feeling toward her is not hatred, it’s anger and it’s normal. I also learn to channel my anger to prayer and leave the punishment to God.

For now, I just pray to Holy Family to bless us and help us to go through this. Please continue to pray for and with me…
 
AveSantaMaria said:
Here is a website that might help: wifeboat.com/

You are in my prayers. 😦

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *
Click to expand...
Thanks, the website is really great. It helps me…
And thanks a lot for the prayer…:o

GBU
 
Nata,

My prayers are with you. You are a very Brave and Forgiving Women! Your husband should count his lucky stars that you are even willing to try. If he really wants you and your marriage, he’d better step up to the plate and End that relationship with that women.

I agee with you, I’d stand firm and if this women contacts your husband and your husband replies, or talks to her then I **Would Tell **her husband.

The bottom line is this… You and Her Husband are the ones who were cheated on.

Of course she doesn’t want her husband to know. Because **she’s lieing **when she says her husband knows she cheats, but as long as he doesn’t know who the other man is, it’s ok.

No more warnings to this women or your husband. If they contact each other in any way, shape or form…Go tell her husband.

You and your son deserve better! You deserve a loving husband and father, who is faithful to his family. If your husband is willing to be this, then fine, ending it with that women Completely, (it doesn’t matter who’s baby it is, after all she says her husband doesn’t care, so he’s willing to be the father no matter what. So that leaves your husband Out of it.)

I agree with the others, go to a different Mass. Avoid this women at all cost! If she shows up to someones house that you both know, then by all means you and your husband need to excuse yourselfs and leave!

There is nothing wrong with letting others know that you and your husband are no longer friends with this women and would prefer not to be invited to things if this other couple are going to be there. If they ask why, just say it’s personel and you don’t want to talk about it. And believe me this other women is not about to tell any of them the truth and without a doubt, she’ll agree if they ask her it’s personel.

You might even want to tell this women this is what you are going to do and I’d let her know, if she wants to Save her marriage, she’d better stick to it. Or you will tell her husband what happened in front of everyone. Believe me, she’ll back you up on this even if she doesn’t like it, (of course she might try to argue with you, but just flat out tell her, you don’t care what her thoughts are, this is what you are going to do if she pushes you.)

Again, I believe you are one Brave and Forgiving Women. I will pray for you.
 
Nata,

First and foremost, you have my prayers.

Second, as a man I must tell you that your husband is not acting like a man. He is acting like a kid that has his toy and yet wants someone else’s toy. Not that you are a toy, just an analogy.

If your husband continues down this path, I can see no other option for you than to divorce him.

His role is in life, like the rest of us, is to emulate St. Joseph and while all men fail we have to at least try earnestly

Bryan
 
I also have to add that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Forgiving your husband does not necessarily mean not leaving him. It means letting go of the hate and moving on. Life is too short to be unhappy and dealing with people who do not respect you.
 
Wow I just wanted to sayI really admire you for sticking through this! If it were me I would already be long gone! You must be a very patient woman! I will pray for you today!!

Jill
 
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