Trapped in my life

[AnneElizabeth]

…

I’m just wondering if someone has been through similar situations.
…!

People, this ^ is his question. Not," ‘fix me’ and point out all my faults".

Let him have a whine, he’s frustrated. Wouldn’t you want that too?

Yeah, the money making thing/comments sounds arrogant, but we all compensate in some way or other for hurts. He’s hurt and frustrated. Using hurt as a motivator to do well is not so bad. Making lemons into lemonade type thing, right?

 

[Cricket2]

As another stated you need to make choices. You are old enough to be on your own. Your mother could get assistance with housing if she needs it, or even select an assisted living situation if her ability to live on her own is limited.

Your brother needs to get out on his own and get professional help with his addictions. You and your mother are probably co-dependent so you really can’t help him unless you get help. Therefore it may be best for him to be declared medically indigent and be on his own with assistance. And getting disability as an alcoholic or junkie seems to be easier (from experience with my family) than if you have MS, Lupus, MD, or Crohns. He needs to get help.

You need to decide how you want to live your life and get to it. And living on your own for a year might be a good idea, so you really work out your own issues before getting involved with anyone else.

 

[Kount_C]

I’m not trying to be arrogant. I’m talking from life’s experience and situation.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

That was a popular misconception, in this post, by responders, that I am some how clinging at home. But, when family is thin lined, where does the responsibility lie?

None the less, suppose, I did stay at home, until I am 40 due to given circumstances, then by the time I'm 40, I would own two houses, and at least one outright.

Yeah, I hear you Kount and I saw that…

To answer your first question, yeah, I think there are lots of people in your situation.As another poster pointed out here, everyone has their problems. :sad_yes:

 

[AnneElizabeth]

As another stated you need to make choices. You are old enough to be on your own. Your mother could get assistance with housing if she needs it, or even select an assisted living situation if her ability to live on her own is limited.

Cricket, This goes against the natural law of family responsibility. Can’t remember the exact name of it, but I learned it from a guest speaker on Women of Grace show on EWTN. Maybe someone would help me out with that. The church says that we are responsible for the care of our family members first. It is that people are first to be responsible for their family members, not government first. Its only if and when the family members cannot support one of their own and themselves that they then can go to the government for help. Something to do with subsidiary. spelling? Sorry I can’t be helpful in remembering the term. I’ll try and look it up and post it here.

 

[SuperLuigi]

I’ve made similar post before. But I think my life is frozen as I am a 35 year old college student. Whom hates his major, BTW. I am living with my widowed mother and junkie brother.

At this point in my life, I am still meeting nice girls for courting opportunities but I have limited means to move out of my mothers, because even at 64 years old, she is not financially winning. She would be doing ok, however, my brother had really cost her a lot of money in the past and still does to this day. 

 Life is moving very fast, and quite honestly I do not wan to settle down with someone that has children. Even in my 30's I think that's a small shot. However, I have no dated anyone with kids in like 5 years.

That being said. I would get married right now, but, my mom can not afford to live alone, and also. I do not want to stay in my general area. Therefore I have a massive obstacle in my way. That demands a certain level of above average success to see all of this play through.

I’m just wondering if someone has been through similar situations.

Cheers!

I can relate best to the dating part. I give you credit for realizing that sitting around the house with relatives won’t land you dates or a girlfriend.

I think it’s really generous of you to take care of your mom, but I think your brother needs to get a life of his own.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

…

Your brother needs to get out on his own and get professional help with his addictions. …

How is the OP going to make his brother do that? he can’t. What would Jesus do in this situation, ignore him?

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I’m not trying to be arrogant. I’m talking from life’s experience and situation.

I understand. I’m not saying you are, but that it just comes out sounding that way to people here, I guess.

An arrogant person wouldn’t even care to help his family, especially a brother with a drug addiction. They’d just leave.

 

[Kount_C]

Yeah, I hear you Kount and I saw that…

To answer your first question, yeah, I think there are lots of people in your situation.As another poster pointed out here, everyone has their problems. :sad_yes:

Well, I live in Vacation land… the Sun shine state, Florida. Almost everyone I have grown up with, is in a worse situation then I am, for the most part. The Kennedy Space Center area that I am in, is like the cast for the Walking Dead
Its the land of the eternal teenager here.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Well, I live in Vacation land… the Sun shine state, Florida. Almost everyone I have grown up with, is in a worse situation then I am, for the most part. The Kennedy Space Center area that I am in, is like the cast for the Walking Dead

Its the land of the eternal teenager here.

Must be all that glorious sunshine… keeps people young and healthy… at least you have some there!

Yeah, I hear you. My sis lived in Florida for a while, so I know what you are talking about. You do good to help others out.

 

[litldog2]

Wow. You hit the nail on the head when you wrote you’re trapped in your life.

Instead of asking “What if” why don’t you ask yourself, “Why not?”

There are many examples of people who have overcome insurmountable odds and succeeded.

***David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants Hardcover –

by Malcolm Gladwell***

It’s not the Bible, but there’s an excellent chapter on just how David Slew Goliath.

 

[Kount_C]

Wow. You hit the nail on the head when you wrote you’re trapped in your life.

Instead of asking “What if” why don’t you ask yourself, “Why not?”

There are many examples of people who have overcome insurmountable odds and succeeded.

***David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants Hardcover –

by Malcolm Gladwell***

It’s not the Bible, but there’s an excellent chapter on just how David Slew Goliath.

Ya man, I feel the same exact way. I just feel like time is pressuring me, on delaying situations. I’ve got a guaranteed way out. However, its the less comfortable option.

Cheers!

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Cricket, …I’ll try and look it up and post it here.

Here it is:

" Subsidiarity

The social teaching of the Church is based on the human person as the principle, subject and object of every social organization. Subsidiarity is one of the core principles of this teaching. This principle holds that human affairs are best handled at the lowest possible level, closest to the affected pesons…"

More about it here: catholicculture.org/culture/what_you_need_to_know/?id=84

 

[ClearWater]

**What is Al-Anon? **Quite frankly I value money over companionship.
I like the power I have in my life if I have a years pay in my money market.
I feel incredible, if I can be rejected by someone, and still have 50k making me interest every month.

I think because when I was younger. I was rejected a lot, so money was what I always had, working 7 days a week.

I’ve learned in my experience in life, that looking for a woman, is like having a job.
Its not that difficult. I usually know if I’ve got more cash, and more freedom then I’m winning. I love being rejected when I’m on top. Its a satisfying feeling, for me it is better then sex. To have zero emotional consideration towards someone , if they are rejecting me.

I’ve seen having worked with older people all my life, that nothing changes, the body ages fast then the mind. Most of my co workers where swingers or 43 year old divorcees.
Working on their 2nd family. I just feel anchored.

Alanon is a 12-step program designed for people who have a FAMILY member who is alcoholic. Often when one has that scenario, it’s easy to do things to “enable” their behavior and not allow them to stand on their own two feet.

Although, this program is for families of alcoholics, not for families of those using drugs, the steps are the same.

When we have a family member like that, we often feel a responsibility to bail them out. However, as long as we continue to do that, they will suck the very life out of us. Further, our “help” will tend to backfire, because there is no incentive for them to ever change and take responsibilities for themselves, because they never experience any negative consequences.

Often times, in alcoholic families, the sober people in the family learn to cover up and “help” the alcoholic. They often make excuses for that behavior, support the alcoholics, instead of allowing the alcoholics to support themselves. Similar thing happens with drugs. This can often develop into “codependency”.

Well, when we grow up in a family that has a lot of dysfunction, we often learn the same. So, were you to even try to enter a relationship, you might attract, or be attracted to, the wrong people, due to your background, but the good news is that it can be unlearned, as well.

What they would teach one is to stop enabling these people with addictions. Now, it sounds harsh, but so is it they are pulling down entire families year after year.

I agree wholeheartedly with the suggestion to get some counseling as a person who has a family member with an addiction. Also, why not try Alanon?

al-anon.alateen.org/ Why not consider going to one meeting and taking it from there?

As to counseling, schools often offer (as part of their student activity fees) free individual and/or group counseling. You’re probably paying for this anyway, so why not use it?

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

 

[ClearWater]

What is Al-Anon? Quite frankly I value money over companionship.
I like the power I have in my life if I have a years pay in my money market.
I feel incredible, if I can be rejected by someone, and still have 50k making me interest every month.

I think because when I was younger. I was rejected a lot, so money was what I always had, working 7 days a week.

I’ve learned in my experience in life, that looking for a woman, is like having a job.
Its not that difficult. I usually know if I’ve got more cash, and more freedom then I’m winning. I love being rejected when I’m on top. Its a satisfying feeling, for me it is better then sex. To have zero emotional consideration towards someone , if they are rejecting me.

I’ve seen having worked with older people all my life, that nothing changes, the body ages fast then the mind. Most of my co workers where swingers or 43 year old divorcees.
Working on their 2nd family. I just feel anchored.

Maybe you feel this way because, up till now, your relationships have all been so bad.
You may not have ever had anyone to help model a good relationship for you.

Without that, and your current circumstances, it will be difficult for you to attract the kind of life partner you’d want.

Also, it’s sad you feel that $50,000 is a substitute for love. Money is great, but there are certain things that even money can’t do.

Many people believe that life, without love, is almost not worth living.

 

[Kount_C]

As another stated you need to make choices. You are old enough to be on your own. Your mother could get assistance with housing if she needs it, or even select an assisted living situation if her ability to live on her own is limited.

Your brother needs to get out on his own and get professional help with his addictions. You and your mother are probably co-dependent so you really can’t help him unless you get help. Therefore it may be best for him to be declared medically indigent and be on his own with assistance. And getting disability as an alcoholic or junkie seems to be easier (from experience with my family) than if you have MS, Lupus, MD, or Crohns. He needs to get help.

You need to decide how you want to live your life and get to it. And living on your own for a year might be a good idea, so you really work out your own issues before getting involved with anyone else.

 I've lived on my own plenty in the past. That is not an issue. Getting involved with someone means being the alpha male. Not showing weak emotions and solubility to a to the typical emotional black mail, and manipulation that follows when involved with someone. 

Indeed; most men get into trouble in their relationship, because they do not realize that their woman, is not their mom. Or that their woman is not going to hang around because they are a nice guy. Woman want actions and results, this much has already been established.  Go look at the "Plenty of Fish" website, it is beyond my comprehension, why the "yes, no" check list, has the question, "Do you have a car"? V Do you have a job?.

Why would someone even bother trying to date, if they do not have a car or job?

Much of the co dependency you speak of, is a large variable, due to fiances and some health reasons. I personally would rather live at home longer and put 100k in the bank then buy a house cash.  In Florida, where I am, in 2005. When I was trying to buy homes, you could not get one for under 200k. My entire generation, with out respect to those, whom where given great academic opportunities as kids growing up, that I know. Are in worst situations then I am. I know guys that can't get jobs anywhere. I also have a lot of old friends doing a lot of hard time right now with the state.

I think I might be misinterpreting some of the conclusions, some people are writing. For some reason I think, I’m getting responses from more of the baby boomer, or early 50’s types. This is a great form though, I usually type these if I’m brain storming on solutions.
and short term planning.

Have a great week. Cheers!

 

[underacloud]

I’ve lived on my own plenty in the past. That is not an issue. Getting involved with someone means being the alpha male. Not showing weak emotions and solubility to a to the typical emotional black mail, and manipulation that follows when involved with someone.

Indeed; most men get into trouble in their relationship, because they do not realize that their woman, is not their mom. Or that their woman is not going to hang around because they are a nice guy. Woman want actions and results, this much has already been established.  Go look at the "Plenty of Fish" website, it is beyond my comprehension, why the "yes, no" check list, has the question, "Do you have a car"? V Do you have a job?.

As before, your attitude is terrible. Nothing you describe here is how a good Catholic marriage operates. You have a very cynical view towards women and it makes you unsuited to marriage until your attitude changes.

I think I might be misinterpreting some of the conclusions, some people are writing. For some reason I think, I’m getting responses from more of the baby boomer, or early 50’s types. This is a great form though, I usually type these if I’m brain storming on solutions.
and short term planning.

I’m very similar in age to you.

But regardless, why discount the advice of people who have had longstanding successful marriages? If you want a successful marriage, as with most other things in life, taking advice from those who have acheived it already is a good foundation.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m very similar in age to you.

But regardless, why discount the advice of people who have had longstanding successful marriages? If you want a successful marriage, as with most other things in life, taking advice from those who have acheived it already is a good foundation.

Yes.

People may sound older just because they’ve been married longer.

I’m 39, married 16 years with three kids.

 

[Xantippe]

I’ve lived on my own plenty in the past. That is not an issue. Getting involved with someone means being the alpha male. Not showing weak emotions and solubility to a to the typical emotional black mail, and manipulation that follows when involved with someone.

**???

If you’re dealing with a reasonable adult female, you don’t have to be play-acting all the time.**

Indeed; most men get into trouble in their relationship, because they do not realize that their woman, is not their mom. Or that their woman is not going to hang around because they are a nice guy. Woman want actions and results, this much has already been established.  Go look at the "Plenty of Fish" website, it is beyond my comprehension, why the "yes, no" check list, has the question, "Do you have a car"? V Do you have a job?.

Why would someone even bother trying to date, if they do not have a car or job?

**When I met my future husband, neither of us had a car, but we were young, living in a city with reasonable bus service, and not too far apart from each other. We also neither of us technically had a job, as we both had graduate fellowships. When we got married (which was admittedly 16 years ago, so inflation), our combined income was probably something like $24k a year.

We’ve done OK since then.

**

I think I might be misinterpreting some of the conclusions, some people are writing. For some reason I think, I’m getting responses from more of the baby boomer, or early 50’s types. This is a great form though, I usually type these if I’m brain storming on solutions.
and short term planning.

Have a great week. Cheers!

 

[Kount_C]

Xantippe:

Well said, I don't disagree with you completely.

But I can’t deny the relevance that, the woman in Rome paid to sleep with Gladiators not
the sculptures of the day. There is also a reason why, Ray Rice’s wife is defending him after he assaulted her. Woman are attracted to the alpha, that doesn’t necessarily mean physical either. Bill gates for instance could have probably any woman he wants.

It is the natural order of things. You have to adapt and survive, I’ve been on the losing end before plenty when I was younger and naive.

Cheers! and God bless,