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joshvanrad
Guest
+1 Deb.
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Joe_5859
Guest
I’ll just toss this out there, but if he’s that interested in taking a road trip to explore America, why not get a whole group together? I had freinds in college that did this. A group of like 6-8 of them (a mix of guys and gals) rented a car and hit the road going to various parks and national monuments. You could pitch tents and camp (which would be cheaper than a hotel). Or even if you got a hotel, you could get a guys’ room and a girls’ room and you’d still be spending less money if there were three or four of each gender. It would be much less of an “intimate” sort of expedition, too, if there were more than the two of you.
Just something else to consider. I still think it’s a bad idea to go with just the two of you.
Just something else to consider. I still think it’s a bad idea to go with just the two of you.
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Kelfa28
Guest
You’re absolutely right and I agree with you.
When my husband and I converted to the faith, when we were engaged, we still lived together in the same place and slept in the same bed. But because we were so committed to being totally chaste until marriage…we had zero issues and zero slip ups. We did this for months and months until we got married.
For some people it’s not a problem at all.
But I think you agree…this comes with time and a certain maturity from both parties within the relationship.
I don’t recommend doing what I did at all…because it simply may not be feasible for another couple.
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Walking_Home
Guest
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Debora123
Guest
I’ll just toss this out there, but if he’s that interested in taking a road trip to explore America, why not get a whole group together? I had freinds in college that did this. A group of like 6-8 of them (a mix of guys and gals) rented a car and hit the road going to various parks and national monuments. You could pitch tents and camp (which would be cheaper than a hotel). Or even if you got a hotel, you could get a guys’ room and a girls’ room and you’d still be spending less money if there were three or four of each gender. It would be much less of an “intimate” sort of expedition, too, if there were more than the two of you.
Just something else to consider. I still think it’s a bad idea to go with just the two of you.
Six to eight people may be a little too much (there’s always going to someone who needs to stop to go to the bathroom, or who get’s a headache, or who starts running out of money…), but perhaps a group of 4 would work out… and it would make it a lot more fun too!
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Debora123
Guest
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Joe_5859
Guest
Yeah, they had to take a big van.
Six to eight people may be a little too much (there’s always going to someone who needs to stop to go to the bathroom, or who get’s a headache, or who starts running out of money…), but perhaps a group of 4 would work out… and it would make it a lot more fun too!
A group of four would be less logistically challenging. I agree, a group would make it much more fun.
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eyesopening
Guest
Forgive me if this is harsh sounding, but did you know that the vast majority of sexual predation occurs between two people who know each other relatively well? Most people are SHOCKED when a person they thought they knew so well sexually assaults them. Now, you might think, “Jack would NEVER do such a thing!” (And you’d probably be absolutely right) but in this world we live in, you just never know for sure. Since you have not truly established a relationship and have only known one another to a limited extent I’d play it safer than sorry!
I wouldn’t go on a trip until you know one another better.
I wouldn’t go on a trip until you know one another better.
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Bezant
Guest
By far I think this is the best alternative option mentioned.
Just mind my previous advice however about traveling with responsible people, and have a back up plan in case something falls through.
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Evania
Guest
True, it may not be “intrinsically evil” to share a bed with someone who isn’t your spouse, but I don’t think it’s something Our Lord would necessarily approve of either. I guess I don’t see the point. Any cuddling that one can do in bed, you can do out of bed, no?
Anyway, in response to the OP:
I’m sure he’s a pretty cool guy. I would just explain your reservations (no pun intended).
Anyway, in response to the OP:
I’m sure he’s a pretty cool guy. I would just explain your reservations (no pun intended).
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Xantippe
Guest
Joe said:
“Do not voluntarily place yourself into a situation that will make you uncomfortable – particularly since there will be no means of immediate escape should you want to leave.”
Right. If you’re alone with this guy in a strange city and he gets suddenly fresh, what then? It would be a bad, bad situation.
eyesopening said:
“Forgive me if this is harsh sounding, but did you know that the vast majority of sexual predation occurs between two people who know each other relatively well?”
Right. I bet quite a number of women on the board could share stories of situations that unexpectedly went very badly wrong. Listen to your instincts. If something doesn’t feel wise or doesn’t feel safe, it probably isn’t.
You may feel that this all may be very unfair and he may be the greatest guy ever, but your relationship is still developing and you don’t know that yet for sure.
“Do not voluntarily place yourself into a situation that will make you uncomfortable – particularly since there will be no means of immediate escape should you want to leave.”
Right. If you’re alone with this guy in a strange city and he gets suddenly fresh, what then? It would be a bad, bad situation.
eyesopening said:
“Forgive me if this is harsh sounding, but did you know that the vast majority of sexual predation occurs between two people who know each other relatively well?”
Right. I bet quite a number of women on the board could share stories of situations that unexpectedly went very badly wrong. Listen to your instincts. If something doesn’t feel wise or doesn’t feel safe, it probably isn’t.
You may feel that this all may be very unfair and he may be the greatest guy ever, but your relationship is still developing and you don’t know that yet for sure.
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Kamaduck
Guest
I wouldn’t go on the trip, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. Taking a road trip with more people, as others have said, may be a better alternative.
Sharing a room, OTOH, is definitely out of bounds. If you can’t afford two rooms, you shouldn’t go. Whatever you do, don’t share a room with a guy- preferably not at all before marriage, even for a day, and definitely not with someone you’re at the “more than friends” stage with. There are multiple problems with it, even if both people have only the best intentions.
Sharing a room, OTOH, is definitely out of bounds. If you can’t afford two rooms, you shouldn’t go. Whatever you do, don’t share a room with a guy- preferably not at all before marriage, even for a day, and definitely not with someone you’re at the “more than friends” stage with. There are multiple problems with it, even if both people have only the best intentions.
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UbiCaritas
Guest
I’m going to second what a lot of other people have said on here, but with the caveat that I’ve been in similar situations before because my now-husband and I dated long-distance and had our engagement the same way, so I am somewhat familiar with this sort of situation.
We lived four hours apart from one another. Each of us had our own apartment in which we lived alone. We did spend some time in one another’s apartments by ourselves simply because it’s impossible, really, to not do so if you spend a full weekend in the other person’s city, but we used common sense: no cuddling on the couch, no physical affection except as a hello/goodbye thing at an open door. In public, we’d hold hands and that sort of thing, but we didn’t if we were alone. It wasn’t a door we wanted to open.
We also bit the bullet and had the person who travelled get a hotel room. Yes, it was expensive. Yes, it was annoying. Yes, it was possible that nothing would have happened if one of us slept on the other’s couch, but there is also the question of how it would have looked. And again, we weren’t going to take that chance.
Trust me when I say that getting a hotel every other weekend can add up pretty quickly, and we both did without a lot to make it happen. I understand that this might not be possible for you, but if that’s the case, just don’t go. I’d say “don’t go” anyway, but the room thing would be a breaking point.
When we got serious, we took a couple of trips together so that I could meet his family and so that he could come with me to my sister’s graduation. In both cases, we stayed in a house with multiple people; we stayed with his family when we visited them, and with a family who are my friends when we went to the graduation. We stayed in separate rooms, and in both cases it happened that each of us shared a room with family or friends. Nothing wrong with that scenario, and if on this roadtrip you’d be visiting people you’d know who would consider that to be the normal scenario (rather than the awkwardness of explaining why you aren’t sharing a room), then that would also be fine. But from what you’re saying, you wouldn’t.
As someone else said, no, this isn’t intrinsically evil, though it could give the appearance of scandal and that is wrong. However, it is, if I may say so, just a bad idea.
I hope you come to a good decision and find peace about it, and that if this young man is a good one he’ll support you in it and/or come up with another solution.
We lived four hours apart from one another. Each of us had our own apartment in which we lived alone. We did spend some time in one another’s apartments by ourselves simply because it’s impossible, really, to not do so if you spend a full weekend in the other person’s city, but we used common sense: no cuddling on the couch, no physical affection except as a hello/goodbye thing at an open door. In public, we’d hold hands and that sort of thing, but we didn’t if we were alone. It wasn’t a door we wanted to open.
We also bit the bullet and had the person who travelled get a hotel room. Yes, it was expensive. Yes, it was annoying. Yes, it was possible that nothing would have happened if one of us slept on the other’s couch, but there is also the question of how it would have looked. And again, we weren’t going to take that chance.
Trust me when I say that getting a hotel every other weekend can add up pretty quickly, and we both did without a lot to make it happen. I understand that this might not be possible for you, but if that’s the case, just don’t go. I’d say “don’t go” anyway, but the room thing would be a breaking point.
When we got serious, we took a couple of trips together so that I could meet his family and so that he could come with me to my sister’s graduation. In both cases, we stayed in a house with multiple people; we stayed with his family when we visited them, and with a family who are my friends when we went to the graduation. We stayed in separate rooms, and in both cases it happened that each of us shared a room with family or friends. Nothing wrong with that scenario, and if on this roadtrip you’d be visiting people you’d know who would consider that to be the normal scenario (rather than the awkwardness of explaining why you aren’t sharing a room), then that would also be fine. But from what you’re saying, you wouldn’t.
As someone else said, no, this isn’t intrinsically evil, though it could give the appearance of scandal and that is wrong. However, it is, if I may say so, just a bad idea.
I hope you come to a good decision and find peace about it, and that if this young man is a good one he’ll support you in it and/or come up with another solution.
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Allegra
Guest
I highly recommend that you do not go on a trip with this guy and stay in a room with him alone. The best option would be to find one or two other friends to go with you and then you could afford seperate rooms. Otherwise, save up and pay for two rooms.
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Cojuanco
Guest
A road trip with a guy friend? Go ahead.
Sleeping in the same room if it means sharing a bed? No. As in, “this is a bad idea even the perspective of a pinko commie atheist” bad.
I qualify what I say because we all know there are rooms with two separate beds in a lot of hotels. But even then I would just get another room.
Sleeping in the same room if it means sharing a bed? No. As in, “this is a bad idea even the perspective of a pinko commie atheist” bad.
I qualify what I say because we all know there are rooms with two separate beds in a lot of hotels. But even then I would just get another room.
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lifeisbeautiful
Guest
I’m going to second what a lot of other people have said on here, but with the caveat that I’ve been in similar situations before because my now-husband and I dated long-distance and had our engagement the same way, so I am somewhat familiar with this sort of situation.
We lived four hours apart from one another. Each of us had our own apartment in which we lived alone. We did spend some time in one another’s apartments by ourselves simply because it’s impossible, really, to not do so if you spend a full weekend in the other person’s city, but we used common sense: no cuddling on the couch, no physical affection except as a hello/goodbye thing at an open door. In public, we’d hold hands and that sort of thing, but we didn’t if we were alone. It wasn’t a door we wanted to open.
We also bit the bullet and had the person who travelled get a hotel room. Yes, it was expensive. Yes, it was annoying. Yes, it was possible that nothing would have happened if one of us slept on the other’s couch, but there is also the question of how it would have looked. And again, we weren’t going to take that chance.
Trust me when I say that getting a hotel every other weekend can add up pretty quickly, and we both did without a lot to make it happen. I understand that this might not be possible for you, but if that’s the case, just don’t go. I’d say “don’t go” anyway, but the room thing would be a breaking point.
When we got serious, we took a couple of trips together so that I could meet his family and so that he could come with me to my sister’s graduation. In both cases, we stayed in a house with multiple people; we stayed with his family when we visited them, and with a family who are my friends when we went to the graduation. We stayed in separate rooms, and in both cases it happened that each of us shared a room with family or friends. Nothing wrong with that scenario, and if on this roadtrip you’d be visiting people you’d know who would consider that to be the normal scenario (rather than the awkwardness of explaining why you aren’t sharing a room), then that would also be fine. But from what you’re saying, you wouldn’t.
As someone else said, no, this isn’t intrinsically evil, though it could give the appearance of scandal and that is wrong. However, it is, if I may say so, just a bad idea.
I hope you come to a good decision and find peace about it, and that if this young man is a good one he’ll support you in it and/or come up with another solution.
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