Trouble forgiving husband's emotional infidelity

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Dear Faithfully,
I would like to reply more fully to your response.

I do not believe that this woman’s absence from the choir would fully solve my marriage problems. However, there is something called an occasion of sin. That is, if I am an alcoholic, I should steer clear of a bar. Doing so doesn’t mean I am no longer an alcoholic. It doesn’t mean I don’t still have a problem. But staying away would at least keep me from drinking too much and indulging my addiction. If I am overweight, keeping chocolate cake out of the house might not mean I don’t still like chocolate cake. But maybe I’ll think about it less if it’s not sitting there in my refrigerator, tempting me. If it’s not there, maybe I’ll begin to enjoy something else again, something good for me, like fruit.

If the woman left the choir, it would not solve my marriage problems.But it would at least keep her out of my husband’s constant line of sight. It would at least not crush my heart every time I see her. How would you feel if your husband had fallen in love with someone else, and every Saturday at 7:00 p.m., someone came and showed you a picture of her and said “remember this woman? She’s the woman your husband fell in love with.” Well, then, imagine how it feels when, every Saturday at 7:00, I not only have to look at a photo of her, but she herself walks into the room. Whatever is happening in my marriage, think of how that feels. A hurting marriage does not need that.

I would also like to add this.I have been unhappy with my husband for many years.He made many promises to me which he has not fulfilled, and in many ways deceived me about the kind of husband I would have if I married him. Within 2 months of our marriage, he started letting his guard down and becoming who he really was, letting the persona fall away and being who he really was. He became emotionally abusive to me, and to my son by a prior marriage, very soon after our marriage, not through anything I did but because he had his “conquest” and could now just be himself without trying to “win” me. I have found out since our marriage what his prior history was, so I know some of his problems are just who he has always been, apart from me.I have been unhappily married for 12 years. He has been, in most ways, a terrible husband. But nevertheless-- I married him. I vowed my life to him. In my moments of deepest unhappiness I have never so much as glanced at another man. If we vowed ONE THING to each other, it was fidelity. We did not vow to be perfect, to remain attractive, to be successful, to be perfect. We vowed to be faithful. In all my misery in all these years, no matter what my faults have been, I have kept that marriage vow. I have been faithful. To me, that was the LEAST we should have done for each other. However we may have each failed in other ways, fidelity was the ONE thing we actually vowed. So, if we have “marriage problems,” no, I don’t look to the other woman to solve them.But neither do I believe that a good Catholic woman would knowingly come between a husband and a wife.

She was innocent before she knew about this. But once she did know about it-- and I do NOT regret telling her because I should have had a right to expect her to recede from our life–since she has remained front and center in his life, now she IS culpable. Just like, I might give an alcoholic a drink and I am innocent if I do not know it, once I DO know he is a drunk, I am guilty if I keep giving him drink after drink, or drinking in front of him. Her being in our life is like putting a bottle of gin in front of an alcoholic.
 
ladyofshalott said:
That is, if I am an alcoholic, I should steer clear of a bar.
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Exactly! It is up to the person with the problem to steer clear. It is completely wrong to insist that since you are an alcoholic, all bars and liquor stores need to close. Which is, in effect, what you are insisting on when you keep trying to blame the innocent woman.
 
Hi All. I just read through some posts I had not seen before. I am not computer savvy and this kind of thing is new to me, so I missed a few.

Wow. I was really hurt and heartbroken by a person or two who said this “doesn’t add up.” Implying that I am somehow deceptive or at fault here. The reason it doesn’t add up is, it is an emotionally abusive and dysfunctional situation. If it seems strange to you, it’s because it is. Marriage problems are NOT always 50-50. Sometimes you just marry a loser, a liar. That is what I did. I married a man who wanted to re-make himself. he had grandiose ideas about the kind of husband he would be. Okay, here is my fault: i believed him. Maybe I was vain. He had been married twice before and I believed the line that it would “be different with me.” Okay, so there’s my big fault. If you think that earns me this kind of torment, you’re entitled to your opinion.

A word about my pastor. He is wonderful in many ways. Our parish has many wonderful programs that he is involved in in a hands-on way. But-- my pastor is the child of a father who abandoned him when he was a little boy. His mother was a paragon who raised him alone and gave him the security his father never did. Keep in mind, she did this with the help of a large extended family.So this is a man whose memory of his mother is that she was a saint, and yet she was able to do this because of an extended family situation that few of us have. I have spoken with a number of women in my parish who have gone to him for counseling. With the exception of a few older (over 70) women, his advice invariably is, “The husband isn’t going to change, so YOU have to manage everything.” In other words, his expectation is that the man is going to be a failure and the woman is going to somehow cope. Again, he is wonderful in many ways, but here, he has a blind spot. Because of his background of abandonment by his father, in his view if a man goes to work during the day and comes home at night, he’s doing great and nothing more is to be expected.

I’ve been 100 percent faithful.

I smile and am friendly to the woman involved. I give her clothes for her son. I have had her over to my home.

Now look in your heart and tell me how this is my fault.
 
Hi again.
I have received a number of replies that suggest I am wrong to have hoped that the woman in question would have left the choir when I told her about the problem.

You are right that she has no obligation.

But as Catholics, I take the sacrament of marriage ore seriously than that.“What God has joined, let no man put asunder.” To me that means, let none of us knowingly come between husband and wife.

Maybe your interpretation is that I am selfish for wishing the woman would have opted out of the choir. I disagree. I know that if the shoe was on the other foot and I learned that my presence in tis activity was destroying a marriage, I would leave. I would leave happily, knowing I was doing the right thing.

Someone wondered whether this was a “Catholic” issue. Of course it is. the secular world would say, it’s her right to be in the choir, so tough luck for me. The secular world would say: leave the bum.

But our Catholic faith asks deeper questions. It asks: am I my brother’s keeper? It asks, do I have a role in helping others live a good and holy life? Or am I all for myself, and so if I like to sing, tough luck for you if your husband falls in love with me? It asks, do I leave my husband because he makes me miserable, or do I try to find a way to forgive him-- which was my original question on this forum?

This is a very Catholic question indeed.
 
I understand what you are saying. I understand that you are in pain.

Let’s get this clear. Is your husband some sort of sex addict? I don’t understand comparing him to an alcoholic. I can NOT believe that you hold this woman who NEVER engaged your husband responsible for any of his behavior. Does she show up to rehearsals dressed inappropriately? I get that women should not dress to lure. But we’re talking about her mere presence right?

At the very least, Choir practice needs to be moved OUT OF YOUR HOME. So you don’t have to see this woman and your husband in the same room. It should be moved to the church.

Maybe this woman is just not very intelligent. Honestly, I would be grossed out by your husband’s behavior. I would have left. Not for you, sadly, but because I wouldn’t want to be near him. His entire presence would make me sick to my stomach. Honestly, I’d like to think I’d keep my mouth shut about it. I think you are quite lucky this woman has not blabbed to the entire church what he’s done. At the very least, I’d have made sure your husband quit the choir. Or was forced out by his sexual harassment. I would feel sorry for you.

I still think he should quit. And I’m sorry he’s not volunteering to quit under the right circumstances for you… but I’d still make him quit. And if he says or implies "will that make you shut up? I’d say NOPE, but it’s a start. You’re going to have to show yourself as real man fully sorry for what he’s done. He says the vow meant nothing. How about the vow he made on your wedding day? That was just spoken not written down and signed.

Refresh my memory. Does you husband KNOW that you told this woman what he did? If he does, and he still continues, I wonder why he’s not humilated to have done such a thing. His behavior is that of an abuser. It’s like a rapist showing up at the work of the woman he raped who hasn’t turned him in out of fear and humilation.

The very sad thing is, now it even sounds as though you’d have grounds for an annullment. That he was not his true self prior to marriage. Plus it’s clear he has NO IDEA what a vow is or entails. He’s an abuser. To you, to your son, and to at least one choir member.

Sadly, he has turned you into a woman who blames other women for his failures. Who holds other women responsible for his failures. It seems this is necesssary to stay married. I imagine if you fully held him responsible, then you’d be out of there one way or another. Until you hold him fully responsible, he will NOT take it. That I promise.
 
Phaedra777 said:
Exactly! It is up to the person with the problem to steer clear. It is completely wrong to insist that since you are an alcoholic, all bars and liquor stores need to close. Which is, in effect, what you are insisting on when you keep trying to blame the innocent woman.
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👍 This is what I was thinking too. Your husband has a problem and you want the innocent woman to pay the price.

I have had problems with married man in the gym. The wife hated me even though her husband was harrassing me. Should I have quit the gym? There is a married man that protest at planned parenthood that’s always trying to hug me, says thing to me that make me uncomfortable and kissed last week, should I stop protesting against abortion which is very important to me? There was a man at our town pool that was following around, his wife was my daughter’s CCD teacher. Should I have stopped taking my daughter to the pool? Maybe have her quit CCD?

I refuse to change my life and let the man harassing me win. Maybe this woman has had problems before and is not willing to change her life and become a victim. I attract aggressive, controlling men and refuse to let them win.

I agree with all of faithfully posts on this thread.

If it hurts you to see this woman then you need to stop going to choir practice not her.
 
ladyofshalott said:
I know that if the shoe was on the other foot and I learned that my presence in tis activity was destroying a marriage, I would leave.
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REALLY? Her presence is DESTROYING??? your marriage?

How does she hold that power? Who gave it to her? In the end, you never should have made her a REAL part of your marriage.

I understand you’ve made vows that you take seriously. You want to fight for your marriage.

THEN FIGHT!!! WITH HIM!

Get in there and tell him HE’S OUT OF THE CHOIR! You can’t make her leave. But if he wants to stay married. And put on a good show of great marriage, then make HIM LEAVE!
He does in fact owe you that! Not her.

Demand he acts like YOUR husband! Given his behavior, he’s not going to come to his senses anytime soon. You’re going to have to lay it out for him.

Maybe you can look into the "fireproofing’ of your marriage. The 40 day program. That might help.

But you’re making it more and more clear, this is not a man that just lost his way. This is a hateful man. You’re trying to change him to what you thought he was. Do you think he can really be that person?

There are some women here that have been through some very awful marriages. And they left. I’m sure it was scary. And I have a feeling they’d have some great advise for you.

There is nothing in our faith that says to stay married to an abuser. NOTHING.
 
faithfully said:
Maybe this woman is just not very intelligent. Honestly, I would be grossed out by your husband’s behavior. I would have left. Not for you, sadly, but because I wouldn’t want to be near him. His entire presence would make me sick to my stomach. Honestly, I’d like to think I’d keep my mouth shut about it. I think you are quite lucky this woman has not blabbed to the entire church what he’s done. At the very least, I’d have made sure your husband quit the choir. Or was forced out by his sexual harassment. I would feel sorry for you
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I am guessing the husband never showed his feelings at all–otherwise the whole choir would’ve been talking about it. So when the wife says, “my husband loves you, quit.”, the woman didn’t believe her.

As I pointed out earlier in this thread, I bet this innocent, pretty woman has had to deal with jealous women telling her to go hide all her life.
 
For What it’s worth…

I’m not trying to make you feel worse. YOU have truly been victimized. I get that.

I’m sooooo sorry, for what HE’s done to you. No human deserves to be treated this way.
 
faithfully said:
For What it’s worth…

I’m not trying to make you feel worse. YOU have truly been victimized. I get that.

I’m sooooo sorry, for what HE’s done to you. No human deserves to be treated this way.
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Like faithfully said you are being victimized. By your husband. You need to focus on your husband and not the innocent woman. It would be different if they had an affair.

I would find a different priest to talk to. You and your son should not stay in an abusive situation.
 
Dear Faithfully,
I am sorry I have given the impression that I blame another woman for the failures of my marriage. I have said repeatedly that she is not to blame, at least not originally. However, I stand by my statement that if I were in her place, I would leave the choir, and I feel that by not doing so, she is knowingly placing a constant temptation in my husband’s path. To believe this is not the same as believing liquor stores should close because there are alcoholics in the world. It is closer to believing that a friend should avoid placing a bottle of scotch right in front of his friend with a drinking problem. My husband may not have an addiction per se, but he was unable to get this woman out of his thoughts, and her presence certainly made it impossible for him not to.

But let me use a different example. In our parish, there is a beautiful poster asking the women to dress modestly (no shorts, tank tops, etc). It mentions Our Lady of Fatima and how she told Jacinta, one of the children at Fatima, that immodest dress would cause many sins in the future. The poster in our church asks women to dress modestly so that, while they are at Mass, the men are not distracted by impure thoughts. It is designed for women to realize that, while we may not be directly responsible for the impure thoughts of men, as Christians we want to help each other avoid sin rather than cause temptation. So, it asks the women kindly to dress modestly so that everyone at church can focus on Jesus. I feel similarly about the woman in the choir. I feel is shows a certain callous disregard for me, and for the sacrament of marriage, for her to remain as a temptation to my husband and a source of pain for me.Need the temptation be only sexual to count? Was not the temptation to desire to marry her, and to offer all his prayers and works and Masses for her, and to carry her picture, not great enough?

Let me add that this woman was my friend. Not a close friend, but a fellow singer who had come to my home many times and whose kids were involved with my kids in many church activities. I have given gifts to her children for their First Communions and Confirmations. Let me also add that, having told her about this incident, I have never mentioned it again. I have remained unfailingly kind and friendly toward her. The choir practice is no longer in my home (we moved it to the church 2 years ago because some members were allergic to my daughter’s new kitten), but prior to that, I had her in my home for rehearsal where I also cooked dinner for over a dozen people every week for several years. I think I was right to tell her, not only because I hoped she would leave, but because I felt that I myself would have wanted to be aware if someone else’s husband had his eye on me. But I certainly cannot be faulted for any unkindness toward her.

As for “making my husband leave,” that is hardly possible. It is also hardly possible to simply tell him to direct a choir elsewhere. I know your suggestions are well-meant, but a little unrealistic, and because this is only the internet, you can’t be blamed for not really knowing the whole situation. When he has offered to leave, it was more to silence me than to help. He wanted to make sure that his leaving would mean I would never mention this again. It was not out of a desire to help me heal. It was to get him off the hook. Therefore, if I said to him that leaving would be a “start,” no, it wouldn’t. It would be an END to any efforts on his part. He is not interested in making any efforts. If he left, he would consider himself to have done a heroic act, and would expect me to be thanking him for it for the rest of my life. Faithfully, you have had a tone of cynicism about everything I have written as though you don’t believe me, but I’m afraid this is the truth. This is why I did not accept his offer. It is not stubbornness; I would love nothing more than for the choir to cease to be a part of our life. But he would only resent leaving, and then blame me for it for the rest of his life. However misguided this may be, he would blame me for the loss of this important thing in his life. Maybe then the woman would be less of a presence, but he would deeply resent me so it would not help our marriage, it would make it worse.

He had done nothing to try to help me heal, or to heal our marriage.Instead of becoming transparent like most psychologists suggest when there has been a betrayal, he has become more secretive. He has many password-protected gadgets and computers so that I can never again stumble on any of his private information. By the way, that’s how I found the vow. We shared a computer, and it had a file name similar to a file of mine that I was looking for, and so I opened it by mistake. After that, which was accidental, you bet I did some searching! I certainly don’t deny that at that point, his privacy ceased to be the most important thing. (I asked a priest on the internet about this and he agreed that since I had been betrayed, I had a right to know the extent of it without relying on my husband’s word which had proven to be untrustworthy. He also added that, in this case, my feelings of jealousy were not a sin because I only wished to reclaim what belonged to me-- my husband’s fidelity and love–rather than desiring something that belonged to someone else.) Anyway, that’s when I came up with her photo and other things he wrote about her, including an imaginary romantic scenario between the two of them.
 
I’m sorry, I must be coming off very cold hearted. I don’t mean to.

I am talking to you the way I would (and have infact) talked to a friend. Only I’d be offering you a place to live.

You mention that you only mentioned this to the woman once. And YEARS ago. And then you remained friendly with her since.

You’ve also mentioned that your husband is big on the facade of a happy marriage.

I’m going to guess, she is utterly clueless as to the pain this has continued to cause you. Especially if all “looks” ok? Perhaps that’s why she hasn’t gone running from the choir. This was years ago, and mentioned once. Perhaps she thinks you’re over it. We all know your husband thinks it’s over.

I wonder, is there any Catholic, battered women’s facility near you? I bet they have a councelor that you could work with. That would understand your marriage obligation etc. and could help you with the verbal abuse. Perhaps how to deal with it productively???

Regardless of your desire this woman leave the choir, it seems quite clear neither she nor your husband is.

It also sounds as though you have absolutely no ability/willingness to depart this scene yourself.

It which case, sadly, you are forced to figure out how to live through it. Again, in lieu of your ability to find a councelor that will work for you, I’d look into the Fireproof program. I’d also look into daily devotions. Perhaps daily mass. I’d look to confide in a different priest than the one at your church who cares more about a choir than you.

Many say you have to choose to love. I don’t personally think I’d choose to love a man who clearly chooses to love only himself. But you and I are not one. And you want to stay. I don’t know how to do it other than through prayer and ignoring terrible behavior. But you may just have to choose to love, and pretend this never happened.

You are in a terrible situation. I do offer prayers for you. May you find a light at the end of this tunnel.

God Bless
 
Hi. The woman in question knows very well how I feel about it. I remain friendly toward her, but I told her my feelings when I first spoke of it. It is also not possible to hide my discomfort in the situation. She made a statement at the time that because she hadn’t encouraged his feelings, she was not going to leave. So, it is not because she is not aware how I feel. It’s because she has chosen to stay despite knowing.

I actually did seek counseling at a women’s organization in my town. It was not helpful. The woman who counseled me made light of the situation, kind of laughed it off in a way, as though this is just how men are and we just have to accept it, which I found odd coming from a woman who counsels abused women.

If I had no children, I would have been gone in a moment. The children are the ones who would suffer if we separated. I have nowhere to stay in this area, so they would be separated from their friends, their church, everything they know, to go live with family. We have a low income as it is, and they would live in near poverty if we left. Maybe this sounds stubborn to some, but I will not make them the next victims of my husband’s betrayal. I try to shield them from as much as I can. I believe that is my job as their mother-- that, through my being with them, teaching them, loving them, involving them in a lot of enjoyable activities, that I am creating a buffer of happiness for them. We have lovely times together. To leave everything they know here, or go out to work full time in order to leave my husband but remain in the area, would be to change their whole life because of my husband’s issues. And, they do love him.

My husband says it’s over, but the day after I found the vow, he was telling me it was suddenly and magically “over.” I don’t buy it. It’s something he fabricated to get himself off the hook and silence me.I don’t believe some miracle occurred whereby he suddenly lost all attraction for this woman. Especially because none of the circumstances have changed since the day I found out about it-- he still sees her every bit as often. Nothing has changed except his saying so, and I’m afraid he has lost credibility with me. There have also been many times since the vow when, for example, a decision has to be made about something in the choir and he often takes her part.Or, she will be very nasty about something and he will smilingly accept it, whereas the same comment from me would result in an angry tirade.

There have been a couple of other instances as well. For awhile, he had been meeting a woman on his lunch hour at work. Then, for awhile he had a holy hour at the chapel and would stay afterward to talk with an attractive young blonde woman who had the next hour. This was late at night when I was waiting home for him. It seems there will always be someone. It never crosses the line physically, but I think my husband is one of those men who needs affirmation from women besides his wife. If only he knew that he COULD receive it from me if he cared to. If he treated me like a wife again.

Well, thanks for your thoughts. I do appreciate it.

I have come to conclude that I have to somehow move on despite having to continue living with him for the children’s sake. I am no saint, but I do know examples of saints who have made similar choices.
 
LadyofShalot,
I get what you want from him…to genuinely show love for you and to stop making a list of all the dramatic things hes doing for you…(second part written with drama and sarcasm). You just want him to treat you as you should be…as a beautifully and wonderfully made child of God, who happens to be–presumably the other half of himself. he is not treating his own body (you) well, but abusing himself by abusing you. It makes you wonder, what a person thinks about when he hits himself, runs himself into a wall, yells at himself…

I guess when pride is making a person fall, they become blind to anyone’s needs even their own. I am familiar with this pride. It isn’t over another woman, but I understand to a degree, where you are coming from…I am sorry you are being hurt.

I have found that people, don’t always “get” the situation. Faithfully and others are trying to be supportive of you. If you are not getting the support you are looking for keep leaning on Jesus and praying and maybe you will figure out what you are supposed to do. It sounds like folks at home and folks on here are not validating what you need validated. What is it that YOU need us to “get”?
(not being mean, just trying to “get” your point so I can be supportive.)
 
Thank you so much for this kind response. I appreciate it so much. Thank you! God bless you.
 
I just realized I did not answer your question. You are so very kind to ask what I need. What I need understanding about is this:

I cannot leave. I have nowhere to go that would not result in misery for my children. For their sake, I have to stay. My family lives far away, none of them are Catholic, we have a low income…in short, I cannot make my children siffer by taking them from everything they know and care about.

My husband will not leave the choir without punishing me for it. He will make my life a living hell and treat me like he made a huge sacrifice for me-- even though he SHOULD have left long ago.

The woman in question will not leave. Someone suggested she may not know the problem is ongoing. Someone mentioned that, since she knows, my husband probably feels (or should feel) humiliated to face her. I should have mentioned-- it is very likely that my husband contacted her and told her I was either lying or exaggerating. He has dine the same thing with attempts at counseling-- he contacts the counselor privately and gives HIS version of things, so that we never go into it as equals, and the therapist is prejudiced against me. This is one reason I no longer seek counseling with him. The other is, if I am honest in a session, he will punish me for it later. This has happened.

I cannot make him quit the choir. I cannot make the other woman quit the choir.My pastor has washed his hands of it. he WANTS this choir, and doesn’t care about the personal issues as long as the choir continues. If I leave the choir, all that means is that my husband is there at rehearsal with this woman without me there. I cannot accept that. Of all the people involved, why should it be ME, who has been completely faithful, who is punished by his betrayal and her stubborn refusal to leave despite KNOWING it hurts me, and my marriage?

To those who seem annoyed that I blame the woman: I have been incredibly kind and charitable toward her. Other than telling her the situation, I have been unfailingly kind to her. She, on the other hand, has been nasty to me on several occasions. I am very surprised that anyone can find fault with my behavior toward her. If I was in her position and my presence in an elective activity was causing a rift in someone’s marriage, I would leave. My “caring about” the activity would be secondary. I am not asking for anything more than I would give. I ask my husband no more than I give to him. I ask the other woman no more than I would extend to HER if it was her marriage at stake.

Someone mentioned caring about pro-life activities and not wanting to leave them because someone else’s husband was hitting on her. Well, I will say to that person: you can be involved in pro-life somewhere ELSE. If you are an occasion of sin to someone else’s husband, it may not be your fault at the outset-- but it BECOMES your fault if you allow it to continue. This is the beauty of the Catholic Church: we ARE called to help each other avoid sin, not just to do the activities we want to do regardless of the outcome! We are “our brother’s keeper.” I think your pro-life activities will lose their value in God’s eyes if you do them regardless of the strain on someone else’s marriage. Find another place to picket.

Thank you and God bless you for asking.
 
My prayers for you and your family.
As Jesus did with some of His twelve, and with the chosen people who rejected and betrayed Him, you live with rejection, dismissal and betrayal.
May the Lord be with you each day and each moment.
He continued despite all the wrongful responses and betrayals.
May He give you continued strength,
and may He give your heart comfort and safeguard your children in all things
 
ladyofshalott said:
If I was in her position and my presence in an elective activity was causing a rift in someone’s marriage
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Only thing is, her presence in the choir is NOT the cause of the rift in your marriage. It sounds more like you just want a convenient scapegoat.

Anyway let’s just say she does quit the choir like you keep asking her to. What are you going to do when your husband continues to obsess over her after that… ask her to secretly transfer to another parish? :rolleyes:
 
ladyofshalott said:
I should have mentioned-- it is very likely that my husband contacted her and told her I was either lying or exaggerating.So. you admit the innocent woman very well might not believe you. He has dine the same thing with attempts at counseling-- he contacts the counselor privately and gives HIS version of things, so that we never go into it as equals, and the therapist is prejudiced against me. This is one reason I no longer seek counseling with him. The other is, if I am honest in a session, he will punish me for it later. This has happened. So, as you pointed out in your original post, you don’t believe counseling will help.

I cannot make him quit the choir.Yet, he offered to and YOU told him not to. I cannot make the other woman quit the choir.Yet you say it’s likely your husband convinced her you were lying. Plus, he never showed his feelings. Plus, she is INNOCENT.My pastor has washed his hands of it. he WANTS this choir, and doesn’t care about the personal issues as long as the choir continues. Of all the people involved, why should it be ME, who has been completely faithful, who is punishedIt should be your husband;and it would have been two years ago if YOU had let him quit when he offered.

To those who seem annoyed that I blame the woman: I have been incredibly kind and charitable toward her. Other than telling her the situation, I have been unfailingly kind to her. She, on the other hand, has been nasty to me on several occasions.Oh, NOW we’re just hearing about this? Bah! I am not asking for anything more than I would give.This is absolutely untrue. Your husband offered to leave. You said no. You won’t leave. You only want the innocent woman to leave.
Someone mentioned caring about pro-life activities and not wanting to leave them because someone else’s husband was hitting on her. Well, I will say to that person: you can be involved in pro-life somewhere ELSE.The husband needs to go somewhere else. If you are an occasion of sin to someone else’s husband, it may not be your fault at the outset-- but it BECOMES your fault if you allow it to continue.Pure bunk. The one with the problem needs to leave. This is the beauty of the Catholic Church: we ARE called to help each other avoid sin,Then help your husband avoid sin and and tell him to quit the choir.We are "our brother’s keeper."And husbands and wives are each others keepers. Quit the choir.
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It’s been two years and you are still insisting on having your way despite the fact that no one is doing what you have decided they should do. The subtitle to your posts is very likely, “I’d Rather Be Right Than Happy”.

Unless James Miller has been right all along. This just keeps goin’ and goin’. :eek:
 
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