Dear Bpcatholic,
you already did the right thing by coming to this forum and asking for help. You got the ball rolling, now you should take the next steps and find a solution to get out of there and get a place of your own, you MUST GET AWAY FROM EMOTIONAL ABUSE. Emotional abuse is like a quicksand, right now you are into it up to your ancle or up to your calf, and you can make an effort and get out of it relatively easily. Don’t wait until you get immersed up to your waist or higher, because then it gets more difficult to escape and beyond a certain point it will become impossible to get out without a lot of outside help.
Please do these 2 things: go talk to your priest, discreetly, and ask him to put you in touch with any Catholic or other social services or support groups, because you need to move out and you need to get a job. Also, do the same thing at your college/university: they usually have a social services/support infrastructure in place to help people who find themselves in your situation. Go to your Dean’s Office, look up the telephone book of your college/university, find out where is your social services group located, and go and get help. There might be a possibility to stay at a dormitory on campus, they might have student employment opportunities available for you, they could help you out with a loan or grant. Go and get help. We are your family here at CAF and God will send you other fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters, too, and you will be helped out and your problems will be solved.
It seems to me that your mother has serious emotional or mental health issues and unless she is acknowledging those issues and is actively and systematically working to solve them, the situation will not get better. Also, your father will not protect you, it seems like he is simply trying to avoid getting into conflict with your mother. These are the facts and there is no need to aggravate the situation by giving your mother more opportunities to further abuse you emotionally. Pray for your mother and help her wherever you can, but FIRST GET OUT OF THERE AND PROTECT YOURSELF. It is the responsible and Christian thing to do it. You should not give a bottle of whiskey as a present to an alcoholic, and you should not give further opportunity to your mother to behave in abusive ways, because that will not help her in any way.
I have a nephew who is 22 and a niece who is 21. If any of them would do something really stupid and self-destructive, such as converting to Islam and going to live with Taliban, or becoming a Hare Khrishna groupie, my whole family, sister, brother-in-law, myself, as well as my mother and aunt would still be there for them, we would still fully support them emotionally and in any other way necessary. Even if your mother is completely convinced that the Catholic Church is wrong, and that you did the wrong thing by becoming Catholic, there’s no need to treat you like that. Yes, you have been let down by your own family and God placed a heavy cross on your shoulders, and I guess this is related to the fact that we all live in a fallen world where we all have to share in Christ’s passion in one way or another. All I can say to comfort you, please accept my well-wishes and know that I keep you in my prayers together with my nephew and niece - you see, you’ve got an uncle you didn’t even know about!
In the meantime while you are looking for your way to move out, you should try to minimize conflict situations at home - which is not easy, given that your mother is deliberately trying to stir up conflict. Spending less time at home and getting out of your mother’s way could work to some extent, as others suggested here. If you can find a social worker or psychologist at your college, someone who starts working with you for a solution (employment and place to stay on campus, perhaps), ask this professional to call your mother and set up an appointment with your mother. Let the professional explain to your mother (face-to-face appointment, not telephone or e-mail) that you will honor her wish and move out, and you are in the process of working out the details. This can reduce the tension at home and make it bearable to stay at home temporarily while you are looking for a place to move out to. Also, when your mother knows that an outside professional, a social worker or psychologist is involved and knows about your situation, that will hold her back to some extent.
How old is your brother? How is your mother treating your brother?
At least the kitchen and the living room are clean! Apparantly not good enough! 