Trouble with Roommate

[fencetennis]

Hey all! I’m currently a college sophomore and I have a good friend as my roommate in the dorm. We get along very well and often have deeper discussions about life and faith (he is Jewish and I’m Catholic).

The trouble with him is that throughout the year he has been putting up pictures of scantily clad women as his computer background. In the past, I have asked him to take the pictures off and he has always done so (although invariably a new picture appears a few weeks later).

This time, however, he is being defiant and refuses to take the pictures down. I have approached the issue from a variety of angles, from disrespect of women to lack of professionalism to just being embarrassing when a female enters the room. Unfortunately, he doesn’t agree with these arguments or any others I have tried (including just me asking him to respect my wishes as a friend and roomie). What am I to do?

 

[GraceDK]

Hey all! I’m currently a college sophomore and I have a good friend as my roommate in the dorm. We get along very well and often have deeper discussions about life and faith (he is Jewish and I’m Catholic).

The trouble with him is that throughout the year he has been putting up pictures of scantily clad women as his computer background. In the past, I have asked him to take the pictures off and he has always done so (although invariably a new picture appears a few weeks later).

This time, however, he is being defiant and refuses to take the pictures down. I have approached the issue from a variety of angles, from disrespect of women to lack of professionalism to just being embarrassing when a female enters the room. Unfortunately, he doesn’t agree with these arguments or any others I have tried (including just me asking him to respect my wishes as a friend and roomie). What am I to do?

He is gross!
Can you get another room mate? I worked at a hospital once as a cleaning lady, and there was a workers room only used by men. When I came in there one day I felt like someone hit me in the stomach. There were perverse posters everywhere… I felt extremely bad and had to leave immediately. I felt repulsed at the guys that worked there, couldn’t even look them in the eye… and I told a male colleague, that if we were ever asked to clean that place he would have to go alone because I felt so degraded there as a woman. Although he was an agnostic he respected my wish.

Just to say… I don’t think you should accept this filth in your living quaters at all. Indeed for the sake of both your self and whatever girl who might happen to notice it, you do yourself a favour by putting limits. It severely degrades both him, the women on the pictures and you to have such filth in the room where you live. If he doesn’t respect women, then you can find other friends… or how would you like to have friends who had the n-word on their walls or screens, who disrespected people of colour. Its the same…

.

 

[smichhertz]

Hey all! I’m currently a college sophomore and I have a good friend as my roommate in the dorm. We get along very well and often have deeper discussions about life and faith (he is Jewish and I’m Catholic).

The trouble with him is that throughout the year he has been putting up pictures of scantily clad women as his computer background. In the past, I have asked him to take the pictures off and he has always done so (although invariably a new picture appears a few weeks later).

This time, however, he is being defiant and refuses to take the pictures down. I have approached the issue from a variety of angles, from disrespect of women to lack of professionalism to just being embarrassing when a female enters the room. Unfortunately, he doesn’t agree with these arguments or any others I have tried (including just me asking him to respect my wishes as a friend and roomie). What am I to do?

Pray. It sounds like you have tried everything else.

 

[alongexpected]

Hey all! I’m currently a college sophomore and I have a good friend as my roommate in the dorm. We get along very well and often have deeper discussions about life and faith (he is Jewish and I’m Catholic).

The trouble with him is that throughout the year he has been putting up pictures of scantily clad women as his computer background. In the past, I have asked him to take the pictures off and he has always done so (although invariably a new picture appears a few weeks later).

This time, however, he is being defiant and refuses to take the pictures down. I have approached the issue from a variety of angles, from disrespect of women to lack of professionalism to just being embarrassing when a female enters the room. Unfortunately, he doesn’t agree with these arguments or any others I have tried (including just me asking him to respect my wishes as a friend and roomie). What am I to do?

You need to back off and chill out. This isn’t a classroom or a church. It’s a college dorm room! You talk about it not being professional? Why does a dorm room need to look professional? It should look like two nineteen year old guys with penises live there.

How scantily clad are we talking about? I mean if it’s full on hardcore porn I can see where that would be uncomfortable, but if it’s sports illustrated swimsuit style than you need to stop being a Puritan and relax.

 

[JM3]

You cannot force your morality onto others. You have asked and he has refused. Time to move on.

 

[fencetennis]

Thanks for the reply Grace. Unfortunately, he claims that he’s asked females and he claims that women here don’t mind it. In truth, that’s only because they say it doesn’t bother them because they see it everywhere and if they say anything about it they get a reputation of being oversensitive or too easily offended. What’s worse is that we are at the Naval Academy and the official regulation states you cannot have such material on your computer or anywhere in your room (or on a ship in the fleet)–pornography is contraband!

 

[GraceDK]

You cannot force your morality onto others. You have asked and he has refused. Time to move on.

And you cannot rape people’s eyes with perverse images.
Where is the freedom of the OP to NOT have to look at this filth against his wishes?

It ought to be a human right to be able to choose if you wanna look at perversion or not.
That rigtht the OP should have… as well as should I and every decent person in the western world.

 

[fencetennis]

You cannot force your morality onto others. You have asked and he has refused. Time to move on.

This isn’t a question of “forcing morality.” It’s a basic Christian responsibility to maintain sexual respect in those places in which you live and operate. The Lord doesn’t expect me to run around and delete all disrespectful backgrounds, but he certainly expects me to correct my friend and roommate. Yeah it’s uncomfortable, but Christ promises suffering in this life for the sake of the Kingdom.

 

[GraceDK]

Thanks for the reply Grace. Unfortunately, he claims that he’s asked females and he claims that women here don’t mind it. In truth, that’s only because they say it doesn’t bother them because they see it everywhere and if they say anything about it they get a reputation of being oversensitive or too easily offended. What’s worse is that we are at the Naval Academy and the official regulation states you cannot have such material on your computer or anywhere in your room (or on a ship in the fleet)–pornography is contraband!

Tell the guy to respect you, and the rules, or that you will report him… tell him you don’t wanna report him, but you feel he doesn’t respect you… which indeed he doesn’t. he doesn’t respect women either but is quite happy with a reductionist view and use of them.

 

[GraceDK]

Thanks for the reply Grace. Unfortunately, he claims that he’s asked females and he claims that women here don’t mind it. In truth, that’s only because they say it doesn’t bother them because they see it everywhere and if they say anything about it they get a reputation of being oversensitive or too easily offended. What’s worse is that we are at the Naval Academy and the official regulation states you cannot have such material on your computer or anywhere in your room (or on a ship in the fleet)–pornography is contraband!

By the way… yes, many women might say they are fine with perversion, either because theu haven’t learned to respect themselves, not learned to expect true gentlemanlike behaviour (because of good male role models in their life) and because girls who complain are often called prudish etc.
But keep standing up for whats right. You are the strong and real man and women will respect you much deeper than that guy will ever be respected.
I assure you that many women, both religious and non-religious, are repulsed at men who view porn, are severely hurt in relationships where porn is viewed and would much rather be with a man who respects the dignity of women and sacredness of sexuality (his and theirs).

 

[JM3]

This isn’t a question of “forcing morality.” It’s a basic Christian responsibility to maintain sexual respect in those places in which you live and operate. The Lord doesn’t expect me to run around and delete all disrespectful backgrounds, but he certainly expects me to correct my friend and roommate. Yeah it’s uncomfortable, but Christ promises suffering in this life for the sake of the Kingdom.

You have already stated that your roommate is not christian. To make him comply to christian morality is wrong. You also state that it is against regulation at the naval academy. As a christian you have the responsibility to obey these regulations. Not to could be seen as approval.

 

[Thoughtfulone]

Thanks for the reply Grace. Unfortunately, he claims that he’s asked females and he claims that women here don’t mind it. In truth, that’s only because they say it doesn’t bother them because they see it everywhere and if they say anything about it they get a reputation of being oversensitive or too easily offended. What’s worse is that we are at the Naval Academy and the official regulation states you cannot have such material on your computer or anywhere in your room (or on a ship in the fleet)–pornography is contraband!

A woman dressed in a bikini or underwear is NOT pornography. I could understand if it was a picture of your mom, but come on. It’s HIS computer. Just get over it.

 

[JM3]

A woman dressed in a bikini or underwear is NOT pornography. I could understand if it was a picture of your mom, but come on. It’s HIS computer. Just get over it.

Pictures of women that lead men to sin is pornography.

 

[Thoughtfulone]

Pictures of women that lead men to sin is pornography.

No. By that definition, any picture could be pornography. Some men are turned on by feet. Is the Payless catalog pornography? No.

 

[wild_thing]

If it is truly against regulations, then I agree, you are going to have to report him. Sit him down and talk to him first; warn him that this is truly bothering you and against the rules. That is not going to be easy at all, and likely you will get a lot of flak from other people (men) if you actually do report him. If it is not against regulations, then the poster who said prayer is the only thing you can do at this point has the best advice. Either way, pray for him. Girls don’t like to see scantily clad women on guys’ walls. Trust me, they don’t.

 

[JM3]

No. By that definition, any picture could be pornography. Some men are turned on by feet. Is the Payless catalog pornography? No.

An image that causes a sexual desire is pornography. To generalize it to particular images is an error in reasoning that will lead you to sin.

 

[JM3]

And you cannot rape people’s eyes with perverse images.
Where is the freedom of the OP to NOT have to look at this filth against his wishes?

It ought to be a human right to be able to choose if you wanna look at perversion or not.
That rigtht the OP should have… as well as should I and every decent person in the western world.

Are you saying that other people’s human rights should be violated to protect your human rights?

 

[fencetennis]

A sexually suggestive background is certainly against the regulations. But so is putting your hands in your pockets or working out in the evening. The problem is that rules and regulations aren’t so effective, especially when there is widespread disregard for a particular rule. So it seems at this point that I must pray for him and trust that the Lord will take care of it. Thanks and God Bless!

 

[JM3]

A sexually suggestive background is certainly against the regulations. But so is putting your hands in your pockets or working out in the evening. The problem is that rules and regulations aren’t so effective, especially when there is widespread disregard for a particular rule. So it seems at this point that I must pray for him and trust that the Lord will take care of it. Thanks and God Bless!

So you compromise your soul and comform to the status quo. How is that ‘christian’?

 

[fencetennis]

So you compromise your soul and comform to the status quo. How is that ‘christian’?

I don’t understand JM3, you originally responded saying that I just had to “move on.” I’m trying every angle right now but nothing is working–so I need to lay it before the Lord and pray for His divine grace to save me and my roommate and our friendship. I am not accepting the status quo at all, but I do understand that because of that status quo my moral arguments and citations of regulations are seemingly ineffective.