Trouble with Roommate

[Thoughtfulone]

An image that causes a sexual desire is pornography. To generalize it to particular images is an error in reasoning that will lead you to sin.

The point is, we all have to live in the real world, and men need to learn to control themselves. Scantily clad women? So, we’re basically talking about women in bikinis. I sure hope none of you go to the beach EVER, or watch any movies EVER, because you are GOING to see women in bikinis at some point in your life, probably quite often. And when you do, you need to be strong enough not to run behind the nearest bush and start masturbating.

You can’t blame other men who don’t follow your strict moral code because they choose to have a bikini-clad woman as a screensaver on their own computer. Look away and move on with your life. Or join a monastery if you honestly cannot live in the real world without falling into sin.

In the Victorian era, the wrist and ankle were a source of sexual arousal in men. In the Middle East, it’s anything less than a burqa. Bottom line: if nobody’s naked, it’s not pornography, and if you bring it up to your superiors, you will look like a tattle-tale and a fool-2 traits that are probably not ideal if you’re in the military.

 

[JM3]

I don’t understand JM3, you originally responded saying that I just had to “move on.” I’m trying every angle right now but nothing is working–so I need to lay it before the Lord and pray for His divine grace to save me and my roommate and our friendship. I am not accepting the status quo at all, but I do understand that because of that status quo my moral arguments and citations of regulations are seemingly ineffective.

Is there a regulation requiring you to report violations of the regulations? Is it ‘christian’ for you to violate a regulation, because others are violating regulations? Is following the status quo what Jesus taught? Would you want somebody who does not follow the rules with you in battle?

Yes, I said to ‘move on’. Your roommate has already told you that these pictures are more important to him than your friendship.

 

[JM3]

The point is, we all have to live in the real world, and men need to learn to control themselves. Scantily clad women? So, we’re basically talking about women in bikinis. I sure hope none of you go to the beach EVER, or watch any movies EVER, because you are GOING to see women in bikinis at some point in your life, probably quite often. And when you do, you need to be strong enough not to run behind the nearest bush and start masturbating.

You can’t blame other men who don’t follow your strict moral code because they choose to have a bikini-clad woman as a screensaver on their own computer. Look away and move on with your life. Or join a monastery if you honestly cannot live in the real world without falling into sin.

In the Victorian era, the wrist and ankle were a source of sexual arousal in men. In the Middle East, it’s anything less than a burqa. Bottom line: if nobody’s naked, it’s not pornography, and if you bring it up to your superiors, you will look like a tattle-tale and a fool-2 traits that are probably not ideal if you’re in the military.

I fail to see your reasoning that if it is everywhere it is ok, just live with it.

Are you saying that it is all right to infringe on someone’s ‘human rights’ if you feel they are violating yours? Survival of the strongest (or majority)?

 

[Thoughtfulone]

I fail to see your reasoning that if it is everywhere it is ok, just live with it.

Are you saying that it is all right to infringe on someone’s ‘human rights’ if you feel they are violating yours? Survival of the strongest (or majority)?

This is not a human rights issue. It’s a picture of a girl in a bikini. Have some perspective.

 

[JM3]

This is not a human rights issue. It’s a picture of a girl in a bikini. Have some perspective.

I am trying to understand your ‘perspective’.

To say that anyone can do anything they want, no matter how it effects others, does not seem like sound reasoning.

Or is it, little evils are ok?

How can I understand, if you do not explain?

 

[puzzleannie]

). What am I to do?

don’t look at his computer of the pictures bother you
if they are wallpaper, then they are only viewable for short times

why give somebody a weapon to annoy you, especially in an area where you have no authority or right to protest, his own computer. If he were covering the walls with pictures that would be another matter.

if you think you have a right to protest what he has on the computer, you must grant him the right to censor everything on yours

 

[markomalley]

What am I to do?

Move.

Get another roommate. Or move into an off-campus apartment where you have your own bedroom. But move.

You should not have to put up with something that creates a hostile environment for you. Period.

 

[mark_a]

What am I to do?

Men’s eyes are drawn to images of females no matter what.

Pray for your immature roommate. He’ll realize what a pinhead he is when he has kids of his own.

Start developing the habit right now, right this minute, of averting your eyes and asking Jesus and especially His Mother for help.

Pray every single time these immages and their father, Satan, confront you until it becomes a habit, because no matter how old you are or how or where you spend your time, these images must be dealt with on an ever increasing frequency, especially in this culture.

Even at Mass, the amount of cleavage on display is astounding.

 

[GraceDK]

Are you saying that other people’s human rights should be violated to protect your human rights?

It’s not anyone’s right to put naked people up in my face when I am innocently passing by or have to live with a person whom I didn’t choose (like the OP).

Indeed I am for a ban on all porn in the public room. It has no business in the public room, and a few decades ago sleazy person’s with perversion problems went to little alleys and
shops to get their filthy magazines and nobody bragged about it because it was understood by all normal people that such persons lacked both character and taste.
.
Now, in Europe even old ladys have to involuntarily have a pair of fake breasts or other obscene images up in their face when they just come into a shop to buy a bit of sugar.
Indeed its my right to not have to look at nudity unless I choose to myself.

And yes I think we can be quite sure there is talk of a pornographic picture on the screen of the OPs roommate. What certain people have come to call porn has become totally extreme things in the same rate as these individuals get more and more impure in their eyes and hearts.

Porn: Images or movies that display men and/or women with the intent of reducing them to their sexual value alone, reducing their bodies to be mere objects of prostitution and use instead of respecting the intrinsic nature of human sexuality in its inherent unity of responsible love and procreation, thereby seeking to create erotic reactions and desire for sexual release in those who view.

 

[Love_Divine]

Tell the guy to respect you, and the rules, or that you will report him… tell him you don’t wanna report him, but you feel he doesn’t respect you… which indeed he doesn’t. he doesn’t respect women either but is quite happy with a reductionist view and use of them.

I had a similiar issue with my roommates putting up pictures of sexually explicit posters of women in the living room of the rez. The way it worked was, he residences were considered school property, and therefore such images were prohibited and fell under the school’s sexual harassment policy. It’s a route you might want to look into.

 

[Wampa]

No. By that definition, any picture could be pornography. Some men are turned on by feet. Is the Payless catalog pornography? No.

An image that causes a sexual desire is pornography. To generalize it to particular images is an error in reasoning that will lead you to sin.

Actually, I think you both have the definition wrong. If you look it up in pretty much any dictionary, the key element is that the display is intended to stimulate erotic or sexual feelings. It’s all about the intent and presentation.

The OP’s concern, and any Maxim/Sports Illustrated-type of stuff, is pornography, because its only purpose is to turn men on. It is created and presented in such a way to accomplish specifically that purpose. The Payless shoe catalog is of course not, because it is intended to show off the shoes they are selling. That some odd fellows might get turned on by that is the fault of the man, not the publication. Likewise, a publication with much more nudity can be less pornographic than OP’s example, if the intent - and therefore presentation - is right (e.g. an ob/gyn or urology medical text).

Unfortunately, our (American) society has moved to a place where the vast majority of people believe that this is innocent “guys being guys”, when this is really softcore porn. Society only considers hardcore porn to be actual pornography anymore, but that doesn’t change the reality of how it negatively affects men (and women). It’s a sick, immoral culture we live in.

Good luck on this one OP. Unfortunately, by saying something, you look like the freak, when it’s really society that is.

 

[Teen4Christ]

It’s understandable that you feel inclined to ask and encourage him to remove a photo you find distasteful and disrespectful towards females…but…there’s nothing you can do to change that, if it’s not pornographic in nature then he likely has every right to have that photo as his desktop. If you feel it’s sinful in nature than pray for him…but other than that…let it go. It’s not that bad.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thanks for the reply Grace. Unfortunately, he claims that he’s asked females and he claims that women here don’t mind it. In truth, that’s only because they say it doesn’t bother them because they see it everywhere and if they say anything about it they get a reputation of being oversensitive or too easily offended. What’s worse is that we are at the Naval Academy and the official regulation states you cannot have such material on your computer or anywhere in your room (or on a ship in the fleet)–pornography is contraband!

I would advise you to go up the chain of command. Start with someone just above you - do you have such things as RAs in the Academy? If you do have someone who handles these kinds of situations, go and find out if you should report your roommate or not. Get advice before creating a situation. Regulations are one thing, reality is another (sometimes). It used to be common practice where warriors were, to have naked pictures of women around. Not saying it was right, but it was common. Now, it’s considered sexual harassment so men don’t put the pictures in plain sight, but many men do still have them.

I might go to something like mediation before reporting him. Take it like any other conflict, like him leaving a mess in the bathroom (head?) or playing music too loudly. It’s a disagreement between the two of you. If you are advised not to take this any further, then heed that advice and pray. These are good lessons for you to learn because you are going to have to deal with this issue again, I feel certain. Avert your own eyes from his computer. If he calls you to look at his wallpaper, then tell him in no uncertain terms that you do not intend to do that,

Lust-creating images of women, to say nothing of the real women, are all around you in society. You need to learn how to stay pure in thought and in action. Good for you for standing up for your own morals.

 

[Thoughtfulone]

I am trying to understand your ‘perspective’.

To say that anyone can do anything they want, no matter how it effects others, does not seem like sound reasoning.

Or is it, little evils are ok?

How can I understand, if you do not explain?

You cannot make someone conform to your exact standards of morality, especially when it is something so benign as a picture of a girl in a bathing suit. 99.99% of people are not offended in any way by such a picture, and when you live in a dorm with another person, you have to learn to get along and choose your battles. Someone is always going to be offended or annoyed by someone or something else, and in America they have a right to be offended and we have a right to say “too damn bad”. It’s freedom of expression and it is a First Amendment right.

How do you feel about atheists who are offended by the fact that the Pledge of Allegiance says “One nation under God” and want that phrase removed? Or how about Jewish people who are offended when someone puts up a nativity scene? Should we pander to the whims of every ridiculous minority? Is NOT EVER being offended some sort of right that everyone should have?

The OP has expressed his disapproval of the picture. The picture does not constitute pornography. It is his roommate’s computer and this screensaver does not violate any rules. The roommate has a right to leave the picture up if he so chooses. Whining about it to one’s superiors will be looked at very poorly by everyone, especially considering the military setting. The mature thing to do is to just drop it.

 

[fencetennis]

The OP has expressed his disapproval of the picture. The picture does not constitute pornography. It is his roommate’s computer and this screensaver does not violate any rules. The roommate has a right to leave the picture up if he so chooses. Whining about it to one’s superiors will be looked at very poorly by everyone, especially considering the military setting. The mature thing to do is to just drop it.

I have already stated that it does indeed break official regulations to have sexual pictures anywhere in your room, especially on your visible computer background.

Also, you appear to equate his “right” to objectify women through sexual pictures to his right to practice the Jewish faith. This couldn’t be more wrong. Judaism and Christianity are faiths and they are holy, but LUST is a dangerous evil which both of those faiths denounce.

It’s plain and simple: the pictures are there for his lustful pleasure.

 

[Thoughtfulone]

I have already stated that it does indeed break official regulations to have sexual pictures anywhere in your room, especially on your visible computer background.

Also, you appear to equate his “right” to objectify women through sexual pictures to his right to practice the Jewish faith. This couldn’t be more wrong. Judaism and Christianity are faiths and they are holy, but LUST is a dangerous evil which both of those faiths denounce.

It’s plain and simple: the pictures are there for his lustful pleasure.

You said that pornography is banned, not pictures of a girl in a bathing suit. There is a huge difference.

You say Judaism and Christianity are holy, but not everyone feels that way, just as not everyone feels that a picture of a girl in a bathing suit is inappropriate material. A Muslim may find both Christian and Jewish symbols to be quite offensive. He is entitled to those feelings and they are just as valid as your feelings about pictures of girls in bathing suits or short skirts or whatever.

If this is a battle you really feel is worth fighting, feel free. In my personal opinion, you are making a HUGE deal out of nothing, and you are risking your reputation among your peers and your superiors if you choose to go the tattle-tale route. You are basically saying that at the age of 18, you are incapable of handling even a minor disagreement with a fellow soldier without tattling. This will not be looked upon favorably.

I would learn to ignore it. There will be many times in your life when you will have to try to ignore scantily clad women if you find them so offensive. Might as well start now.

 

[JM3]

You cannot make someone conform to your exact standards of morality, especially when it is something so benign as a picture of a girl in a bathing suit. 99.99% of people are not offended in any way by such a picture, and when you live in a dorm with another person, you have to learn to get along and choose your battles. Someone is always going to be offended or annoyed by someone or something else, and in America they have a right to be offended and we have a right to say “too damn bad”. It’s freedom of expression and it is a First Amendment right.

OK, I understand your perspective now. You are an american first and a catholic second.

You will need many prayers.

 

[GraceDK]

You cannot make someone conform to your exact standards of morality, especially when it is something so benign as a picture of a girl in a bathing suit. 99.99% of people are not offended in any way by such a picture, and when you live in a dorm with another person, you have to learn to get along and choose your battles.

The OP has expressed his disapproval of the picture. The picture does not constitute pornography. It is his roommate’s computer and this screensaver does not violate any rules. The roommate has a right to leave the picture up if he so chooses. Whining about it to one’s superiors will be looked at very poorly by everyone, especially considering the military setting. The mature thing to do is to just drop it.

Its sad that you as a Catholic finds soft porn images to be okay. Wonder if you wouldn’t feel sick to your stomach if it was your mother, girl friend, or daughter on those pictures… why, because it represents a reductionist and utilitarian view of women. These women are reduced to sexual objects, and the images are made to create lust.
Hard core porn is not the only kind of porn. You have bought into a wrong kind of thinking.

You say to the OP: choose your battles. But he, not you, have chosen well.
I am proud to see that a Catholic man is standing up for the right not to see images that really discriminate women.
A few years ago I needed a job desperately in a vacation. Then the perfect job offered it self and I was picked out for job interview. I was going to be a cleaning lady at a hospital. But when I came to the job interview they told me I might have to take out the “trash” after abortion procedures. I said there was no way I could cooperate in that, and I declined the job. The two people at the interview had never met such a strange person like me, their eyes nearly popped out of their heads, and one of them even got angry at me. But when I drove away I felt jobless but free and happy, because I had done mine, and stood up for the rights of the unborn.

As a woman I am proud and happy about the OP. Because of people like him the world is a better place. Jesus says: if I can’t trust you in small things, why should I trust you in big things. Think about that.
I could neither befriend nor date a man who would tolerate degration of women in his own living quarters without a battle. There are enough coward men outthere…

 

[Thoughtfulone]

OK, I understand your perspective now. You are an american first and a catholic second.

You will need many prayers.

This is uncalled for and absolutely untrue! I just don’t want to live in a theocracy. Do you understand how dangerous this is? What if all of our laws were based around the Muslim religion and we had to follow Sharia law? Or is that different because it’s not YOUR religion of choice?

 

[Thoughtfulone]

Its sad that you as a Catholic finds soft porn images to be okay. Wonder if you wouldn’t feel sick to your stomach if it was your mother, girl friend, or daughter on those pictures… why, because it represents a reductionist and utilitarian view of women. These women are reduced to sexual objects, and the images are made to create lust.
Hard core porn is not the only kind of porn. You have bought into a wrong kind of thinking.

You say to the OP: choose your battles. But he, not you, have chosen well.
I am proud to see that a Catholic man is standing up for the right not to see images that really discriminate women.
A few years ago I needed a job desperately in a vacation. Then the perfect job offered it self and I was picked out for job interview. I was going to be a cleaning lady at a hospital. But when I came to the job interview they told me I might have to take out the “trash” after abortion procedures. I said there was no way I could cooperate in that, and I declined the job. The two people at the interview had never met such a strange person like me, their eyes nearly popped out of their heads, and one of them even got angry at me. But when I drove away I felt jobless but free and happy, because I had done mine, and stood up for the rights of the unborn.

As a woman I am proud and happy about the OP. Because of people like him the world is a better place. Jesus says: if I can’t trust you in small things, why should I trust you in big things. Think about that.
I could neither befriend nor date a man who would tolerate degration of women in his own living quarters without a battle. There are enough coward men outthere…

Comparing a picture of a girl in a bikini to abortion is absurd.

And saying that this man would be a coward for not wanting to make a fool of himself and possibly ruin his college experience and reputation over his roommate’s right to have a picture of a girl in a bathing suit on his own computer is actually irresponsible.

I suppose you never watch movies (half of them contain such images), or sporting events (cheerleaders) or go to the beach (gasp! bathing suits, nooooooooooooo!!!).

This is not a big deal. As I said, it is not a right of ours to never be offended by anything another person does or says. To expect everyone to conform to our moral standards is arrogant and hypocritical, unless you are willing to do the same. Are you willing to walk around in a burqa because Muslims are offended by YOUR attire?