Troubled teenager

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rayne89

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This is a pretty long story, I will try keep it as short as possible.

First some background information: My dearest friend since we were 12 years old has an 18 year old teenage daughter, “Ashley”. Last year “Ashley” became pregnant. After the baby is born the grandmother on the father’s side wanted the baby baptized. My friend and her family are protestant but the father of the child and his family are Catholic. Hubby and I were asked to be the Godparents, which after prayer and discernment we agreed.

Steven, the father, comes from a broken home where the father abandoned the family when he was very young. His father has since remarried and has young children of his own at this time. He takes no interest in Steven. Steven’s mother is emotionally and mentally unstable woman. Steven’s only sibling, his older sister moved out of the house the day she turned 18. Steven has since been the focus of this woman’s abuse. I have seen the way this woman treats her son myself and it is heart breaking.

The last twelve months have been very tough for Steven. His grandfather, whom he was very close to, cut him out of his life when he found out Steven fathered a child out of wedlock. Steven’s sister’s husband was in accident late last year and ended up dying from his injuries –some else Steven was very close to. Several weeks later a high school friend died in an accident. Ashley broke up with Steven after he spiraled downward into alcohol and drug abuse, but they have remained in contact because of their daughter. He recently has been trying to overcome his drug problems and his drinking.

Apparently there was some kind of argument between Steven and his mother this weekend. His mother threw a brick through the windshield of her son’s truck and threw a hot cup of tea in his face, among other irrational behaviors. Later last night Ashley got a call from Steven’s mother saying she had called the police on Steven and they took him to a psych hospital, she was yelling at Ashley that it was all her fault. My friend and her husband went to the hospital with her daughter where the hospital only allowed Ashely to see Steven briefly.

This boy has fallen into despair. He feels unloved by everyone. He wants Ashley to be his girlfriend again but she is not comfortable with that at this point. She is trying to give him emotional support and be a friend to him.

Even though he is not practicing his faith right now he is a baptized Catholic. I have contacted our parish priest about him through email and am awaiting his response.

My friend has contacted the youth pastor of their church, and he is looking for a family to take Steven in so he won’t have to go back to his mentally unstable mother. Right now the hospital is holding him for 72 hours for an evaluation, but it’s not this boy that need to be in a psych hospital it’s his mother.

I know what it is like to grow up with a mentally unstable parent and I just feel sick inside for all this boy is going through. We’ve been praying for him as a family. I want to do more, but I’m not quite sure what that is yet. I am praying about it.

Any advice would be appreciated.
 
All involved in this need prayers…alot of them!

The only advice I will give is to pray and keep an eye out to make sure the baby is not in any harm.

Be sure that you have my prayers and from others on CAF.

:blessyou:
 
what a sad story. The ex girlfriend is correct, she can not get into a romantic relationship with this boy, but she is doing good by offering him friendship.

Getting himself straight for his child might be an incentive.

The boy will be in my prayers.
 
tragic that it sounds like this boy is still a minor, subjected to an abusive mother, who has never been reported to authorities, and the mother is not only free but getting no help. hopefully the boy will tell his story while he is hospitalized and someone will take action. good for OP for being godparents to the baby, hope your good influence will break a damaging cycle. hope some action is taken about the abusive grandmother, who is perfectly capable of claiming custody or some rights over the baby in the future.
 
The cops should be called on “Steven”'s mom so she can be arrested for assault, batery, and vandalism.
 
I have an update on Steven. Apparently Sunday night his mother discovered a belt hanging in the basement that Steven had set up and was going to use to hang himself.

The hospital is keeping him for 2 weeks right now, and they have him on medication which according to my friend is keeping him pretty groggy. He keeps saying no one cares about him or cares what happens to him. His mother has not been to visit him.

I am going to approach my husband and see if he would be open to having Steven come here after he is released. Honestly the idea of handling a troubled 18 year boy scares me. I do feel God is calling me to reach out to him, to move out of my comfort zone.

I do have a 12 year old daughter who ofcourse I have to consider. I just feel I can’t sit by and do nothing. This kid is not a bad kid. I spent time with him on several occasions. He just doesn’t know what a loving family looks like. His birthday was a couple months ago and no one is family so much as got him a card. My friend felt so bad for him her family went and had a little celebration for him with a cake and everything. I see so much of my husband’s situation and my situation growing up, in this boy’s life. I just eats me up inside.

Please pray for Steven and also for my husband and I -that God’s will is revealed to us for this situation. Thanks so much.
 
Blessings to you for being willing to “step outside of your comfort zone” to help this young man out. If you decide to bring him into your home, I definitely would not allow him to be alone with your daughter until you get a better read on how he’s going to handle being with a normal, loving family. I would definitely get him set up in some counseling – maybe with a priest or a psychologist/psychiatrist who can help him learn to deal with his feelings.

I will pray for your situation. I know how scary it is; but I feel if God is leading you to do something like this, He’s going to give you the tools you need.

Paula
 
rayne89 said:
I am going to approach my husband and see if he would be open to having Steven come here after he is released. Honestly the idea of handling a troubled 18 year boy scares me. I do feel God is calling me to reach out to him, to move out of my comfort zone.

Please pray for Steven and also for my husband and I -that God’s will is revealed to us for this situation. Thanks so much.
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The moment I read your first post it came to me, peacefully, that you are probably called to take him in. Your family will be in my prayers. I pray that you will all remain safe if you do take him in. Pray and discern, pray and discern. May God deeply bless all those involved.
 
I talked to my friend today and have more information on Steven. Apparently he will be staying in the hospital for a while -up to 60 days. On the evening when he had hung a belt in the basement earlier in the day his mother told him he should kill himself and his life wasn’t worth anything.:crying:

The reason she threw the brick through his windsheild is because she told him she didn’t want him there anymore so he was sleeping in his truck in front of their house. Apparently that wasn’t good enough so she threw the brick through the windshield with him in the truck.

I am going to visit him tomorrow and plan on talking to him about coming to live with us once he is out of the hospital. My friend said he is sad and lonely. Neither his mother or father has gone to visit him. His sister has gone to see him, and a cousin.

Please continue to pray for this boy. He needs all the prayers he can get.
 
I went and visited with Steven today. They allowed “Ashley” to bring their baby daughter up to see him. We were put in a locked corridor to keep the baby away from other patients. There was a nurse or aid that stayed in the corridor with us. I have to say what an ugly, depressing place. Driving up to the hospital it looks like a early 19th century asylum.:eek: Everything is old, the floors are that checked ugly green and yellowed white linoleum. Since he’s 18 he is with all adults and there are people shuffling around with that look .
They have him on an anti-depressant and give him a sleeping pill at night. He has talked to his mom but it’s all negative. She told him she can’t have his truck when he get’s out and she refuses to pay to replace the windshield she broke. Apparently she didn’t talk to him long because she had to go work. His dad is supposed to be going to see him but Ashley said he’s said that before but doesn’t follow through.
I told him about him coming with to stay with us when he was released. He was thinking about going to stay with a friend (who is a drug user and was expelled from school) but I think we convinced him he’d be better with us.

He offered to give us money for rent, he said he’d follow the rules we laid out, that we could kick him out anytime, in a couple months he’d have enough money to get his own place (he does have a job at a local orchard) , he didn’t want to be a bother etc. That he would help out around the house. It seemed like he felt he had to make himself somehow worthy of our help.He reminds me of an abused puppy. Even his posture, the way he sits hunched over.

I told him not to worry about rent and as long as he follows the rules there’d be no reason to kick him out. We are a family not a hotel, that we were there to be supportive. He said “I just don’t want to go back to my mom’s.” I told him we didn’t want him to go back there either. I also talked about how he need to be a good example to our daughter, and he promised he would be.

Please keep praying for this boy and for us as we enter into “uncharted territories”. I also think my own father is going to blow a gasket at the idea of us bringing a teenage boy into our home. He’s from the school of “you don’t get involved in other people’s families.” Ugh.
 
Thanks for the update. It sounds like such a terrible situation for him. The way you wrote about it made it really come alive. I could smell the place, see the floors, and feel the cold looks.

Your uncharted territories are going to be rough. I had a long discussion once with a friend about these exact troubles. We came up with the analogy of someone who had slept on a rock bed for so long that he would actually be afraid of a soft, feather bed.

No matter how many times the soft bed is offered he will still want the rocks. He knows the rocks. Or in the case of Steven, he knows the bricks.
 
rayne89 said:
She told him she can’t have his truck when he get’s out and she refuses to pay to replace the windshield she broke.
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I have to repeat this: someone needs to see what charges can be pressed against her. After all, she is what drove him to attempt suicide. Have you contacted an attorney? Unless the “mother” paid for the truck, what legal authority does she have to not let him have his truck back? And what will stop her from keeping him locked up?

This may not sound “forgiving” in the eyes of some, but maybe if the mother were held accountable and - dare I say - punished or institutionalized for what she did, it might prove therapeutic for Steven, for then he will know that what his mother did was wrong and that not everything in his situation is his fault (although he isn’t off the hook for fathering the kid out of wedlock, perhaps relieving the pressure in other areas of life will free him up to live up to his new responsibilities as a father).
 
Norseman82 said:
I have to repeat this: someone needs to see what charges can be pressed against her. After all, she is what drove him to attempt suicide. Have you contacted an attorney? Unless the “mother” paid for the truck, what legal authority does she have to not let him have his truck back? And what will stop her from keeping him locked up?
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Supposedly Steven’s father is looking into the truck issue -and his mom in general. His father is the one that bought it -although he paid cash so there is no record. I think Steven’s mom manipulated him when he first got the truck to put it in her name because she said otherwise she couldn’t add it to her insurance. From what I understand Steven’s father does a lot of talking but not much action, so I’m not really sure if we’ll actually get any help from him.
Steven is 18, so his mother can not “keep him locked up”. Apparently the staff at the hospital convinced Steven late this week to sign himself in voluntarily.

His family is really no help. Ashley made a list for Steven’s sister of all the basic things his sister and their family needed to bring for Steven while he was in the hospital, like his clothes for instance. When Steven’s sister finally went to see Steven she complained to him about this “big list” of stuff Ashley wanted her to get for Steven. She told Steven Ashley is the one that should be doing those things, and if Ashley really loved and cared for Steven she’d be up there every day to visit him. Her brother is suicidal and depressed and she feels the need to point out that she thinks his ex-girlfriend doesn’t really care about him? And she is his sister, his *family -*but bringing her brother clothes and some personal items is too much trouble?:banghead:

Actually Ashley and her family have been there the most out of any body. Someone from Ashley’s family has been up to visit him nearly every day. And they call and talk with him. It’s just such a sad situation.😦
 
Well there has been a surprise turn of events. Steven may be released from the hospital today. We are now scrambling to make preparations. The room he will have at our house is being used for storage at the moment. Ashley’s parents are going store most of its contents in their barn. They will also be bringing a bed and another friend is giving us a dresser.
Steven will be staying with Ashley’s family for a couple days while we get everything ready.
Please pray for him and for us.
 
Said an Our Father for you all during your scramble to be ready.

Each word seemed especially poignant. “Thy will be done,…our daily bread,…forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Those will be milestones for this young man to embrace.

I hope for healing for him and safety for your family.
 
I think you and your family are amazing!!! I know in my life there’s been chances where I could make a difference in someone’s life, but nothing near as monumental as you are doing!!! I work in a courtroom and I see the kids that fall through the crack. You have such a wonderful opportunity to fill one such crack for this young man. I know you will have some trials and tribulations but what you are doing is wonderful. You are truly an example of Christian living. Easter blessings to you all.

Paula
 
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