Troubled teenager

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Please keep Steven in your prayers. Ashley’s father went and picked him up from the hospital today. They stopped by Steven’s home to pick up his things and his mother has changed the locks. He called his mom at work and she said the only way he could get his stuff back is he comes and talks to her tonight -alone. I’m waiting on a call from my friend (Ashley’s mom) for any updates. We’re all very worried for Steven.
 
Please do everything you can to keep him from seeing her alone. She sounds like a time bomb waiting to go off on him. Maybe I’m too paranoid but it wouldn’t take her anything to do something to herself and claim he did it.
 
He should not see his mother alone. She is wanting to emotionally devastate him in some way. I would contact the police. They can supervise him picking up his things.
 
My heart is in a million peices right now. Steven chose to go home and wait for his mom to get off work at 9. He was supposedly home alone so I drove over there to talk to him. His house is about 10 minutes from mine. When I pulled up in the driveway he was sitting in his truck with a teenage boy -they started scambling around as I walked up the driveway. My heart just sunk because my gut told me he was getting high and I was right.

As soon as I walked up to the window he started crying and apologizing. He kept saying there’s just too much pressure and he can’t handle it. I tried talking to him. I said that is why we wanted you with us, I asked if he would come home with me. But he said he just wanted to stay at his mom’s until he graduated and then he was going to join the military and go away. I tried talking to him for a while, he was shaking and crying and said he needed his medication. He said he wanted so badly to leave the hospital but now he almost wants to go back.

My husband did drugs as a teenager and I was dating him through out it even though we constantly battled about it. Everything Steven said to me I had heard before. All the rationalizing, all the excuses- I felt like I was being thrown back in time a couple decades. The saddest thing is as much as you want to just shake them it doesn’t do any good, they won’t stop until they are ready to stop. They just can’t see it. They destroy themselves because they don’t think they deserve better. According to Steven it’s St. Patrick’s day and he needs to go out and get drunk.

I talked to him about my experiences, I told him to talk to my husband that if anyone would understand it would be him. I kept trying to reach him but the more I talked the more I realized I couldn’t make him make the choices he needed to make. He was so not ready to be out of the hospital yet. He took our phone number and I told him if changed his mind we were here for him. He hugged me and said he loved me, and I told him I loved him too and I didn’t want anything bad to happen to him.

As I drove away I just broke down and had to pull over. I’m not sure why God has placed this boy in our lives but I look at Steven and I see the depressed, distructive teenager my husband once was. There has to be a reason, I know God has a plan -my heart is just so heavy right now.

Please pray that Steven stays safe until he can make the right choices for himself.
 
Rayne, you have the biggest heart. You have done everything possible and then some. You have my prayers also.
 
Before my hubby joined the military he did pot. One good thing about the Air Force is that they test you for drugs, especially young soldiers. Be sure to warn him that if he gets tested for drugs and shows up positive he will get kicked out though.

The military might be the best thing for this young man. He can find order in his life and have structure.

If he goes into the military tell him to make certain that they put him in a field that will give him training for a job that he can do on the outside, like nursing.

He will also be seperated physically from his parents, which is probably a big plus for him.
 
deb1 said:
Before my hubby joined the military he did pot. One good thing about the Air Force is that they test you for drugs, especially young soldiers. Be sure to warn him that if he gets tested for drugs and shows up positive he will get kicked out though.

The military might be the best thing for this young man. He can find order in his life and have structure.

If he goes into the military tell him to make certain that they put him in a field that will give him training for a job that he can do on the outside, like nursing.

He will also be seperated physically from his parents, which is probably a big plus for him.
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I did tell him that the military will test him for drugs. He thinks there are ways to get around that.:rolleyes: I also told him when your in the military if you pop positive for drugs they will kick your butt right out.
And my husband had planned to talk to him about the military when he came and stayed with us because that is what my husband did after high school and it really turned things around for him (and us).
 
rayne89 said:
I did tell him that the military will test him for drugs. He thinks there are ways to get around that.:rolleyes: I also told him when your in the military if you pop positive for drugs they will kick your butt right out.
And my husband had planned to talk to him about the military when he came and stayed with us because that is what my husband did after high school and it really turned things around for him (and us).
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There are no ways around the drug test. Not only that but they pick people to watch you urinate during the drug test so you can’t cheat. My husband, much to his displeasure, gets picked for this job often. He has to instruct the person-another male, of course- to take off their coat and roll up their sleeves. Then he has to make certain that they wash their hands before the pee test. This is so that there is nothing on the person’s hands to alter the results. After all this, my poor hubby has to sit and watch the person urinate. Yes, it is pretty gross but the military is very, very serious about preventing people from cheating. By the way, when my hubby takes his urine test, he is watched also.:rolleyes: You can tell him that an 18 year old kids doesn’t have much chance of cheating such a system.🤷
 
Rayne, I am so sorry. I think you know though that he has to be the one to really want things to change. A lot of times change for the better requires sacrifice, which unfortunately quite a lot of people are keen to avoid.

As far as drug testing and the military…I know from working at a continuation high school last year that the recruiters tell the kids how to get around the drug tests. I had a kid in one class turn crimson red from the supplement that the recruiter told him to take to flush out his system.

Praying for this boy, and if God is very good to him, he will let him experience the very negative consequences of his choices in this lifetime. Better that he should learn these hard lessons now than to be protected from the consequences and think that they don’t apply to him.
 
I hate to say this but are you sure you are capable of doing this? Please realize that my heart goes out to this boy but i would be scared to death to bring him in my house. The boy does drugs and he should not be around your girls. You heart is in the right place but you need to worry about your family. He could so easily bring these girls down with him. Please try to get a professional to help this boy. You are too good and he is going to play you like a fiddle. You have a soft and blind spot for this boy. I have seen it happen over and over and good people get taken down. And trust me kids today know how to get around drug tests. I admit he is troubled and needs help, but i dont feel at the expense of your girls. Please try to find someone who knows how to deal with him. You are just too sweet and you are going to get hurt real bad.
 
rinnie said:
I hate to say this but are you sure you are capable of doing this? Please realize that my heart goes out to this boy but i would be scared to death to bring him in my house. The boy does drugs and he should not be around your girls. You heart is in the right place but you need to worry about your family. He could so easily bring these girls down with him. Please try to get a professional to help this boy. You are too good and he is going to play you like a fiddle. You have a soft and blind spot for this boy. I have seen it happen over and over and good people get taken down. And trust me kids today know how to get around drug tests. I admit he is troubled and needs help, but i dont feel at the expense of your girls. Please try to find someone who knows how to deal with him. You are just too sweet and you are going to get hurt real bad.
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He is not coming here right now and he knows if he does he can not do drugs of any kind. If he was here he knew he would be required to attend counseling. My husband was just like Steven, in fact Steven repeated verbatim things my husband said to me when we were battling his drug and alcohol problem. Honestly it was almost creepy.

There is no way on this earth I would put our daughter in harms ways, she is 12 and very innocent.

We will continue to pray for God’s will in this. I’m trying to fiugure out what God wants from me in this situation. Today was unbelievable unnerving because how exact the words were that Steven used, the relationizations, apologies, excuses I heard so many, many times back when my husband was 18 years old.
My daughter and I prayed the rosary tonight for Steven. We will do what we can to help Steven but not at the expense of my own family ofcourse.
 
rayne89 said:
He is not coming here right now and he knows if he does he can not do drugs of any kind. If he was here he knew he would be required to attend counseling. My husband was just like Steven, in fact Steven repeated verbatim things my husband said to me when we were battling his drug and alcohol problem. Honestly it was almost creepy.

There is no way on this earth I would put our daughter in harms ways, she is 12 and very innocent.

We will continue to pray for God’s will in this. I’m trying to fiugure out what God wants from me in this situation. Today was unbelievable unnerving because how exact the words were that Steven used, the relationizations, apologies, excuses I heard so many, many times back when my husband was 18 years old.
My daughter and I prayed the rosary tonight for Steven. We will do what we can to help Steven but not at the expense of my own family ofcourse.
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I will also keep you guys in my prayers, just be careful
 
Ashley’s mom called Steven last night to check on him and he was higher than a kite. She warned him that if he keeps going in this direction he is going to lose his daughter.

Later that night he called Ashley, he told her he and his mom talked and everything is fine now. He said his mom has always been there for him and he needs to stay with his mom.

Little Deb’s analogy was so right on. He is so used to the abuse, he choses that over normalcy. His mother is so twisted. She kicked him out so he would feel alone and he would have to come begging back. When she saw people actually reaching out to Steven and helping him she wants him back. I’m sure she knows Steven is going to self distruct and alienate Ashley and her family and then the cycle will start all over again. She needs him to need her. Why on earth would she want Steven home alone the day he gets out of the hospital for being suicidal?

Steven he’s been hearing what a worthless peice of trash he is for so long, even though he desparately wants love when it’s actually given to him sabatoges it because underneath he doesn’t think he deserves it.

Ashley is going to contact Friend of the Court and work toward getting Steven supervised visitation only. Added to this stress Ashley’s bestfriend was hospitalized two days ago for a suicide attempt. Ashley is so amazingly strong and so mature the way she is handling all this but she has to feel so overwhelmed right now.

Steven called Ashley’s mom this morning and left a message on their machine. Then he called Ashley’s dad’s cell, he’s full of apologies ofcourse. He did keep his counseling appointment today. I guess he’s supposed to go everyday right now. Hopefully someone can’t break through to this boy.
Thank you all for your prayers.
 
As sad as this is it has happend over and over again. The worst part is all this kids wants is his mothers love. And he is never going to get it. I have a sister in law just like this kid. No one could ever love her enough. No matter what anyone has ever done you could never please her. My brother has gven her everything in this world possible. It is never enough. It is so sad, but i pray you dont let this boy tear up your family. As horrible as this sounds no matter how much love, material things, and therapy some people just become just like the abusers. That is Love to them. the only Love they have ever seen, and they repeat the process. Untill they destory themselves and alot of inocent people. Just please be careful, trust me you are good people i can tell, but some people just dont want to be helped.
 
I know this is an old thread but I wanted to update those who had been following it. Steven has been clean for about two months now. I’ve kind of developed a surrogate mom relationship with him. We talk every few days and he often comes to my house when I’m babysitting his daughter (for her mother). He is still living at home with his mom.

Things are slowly improving. He has had set backs as far as emotional issues. He definitely has anger problems and trouble controlling his emotions. Ashley the mother of his daughter has become pretty serious with her new boyfriend. Steven is intensely jealous of their relationship and worried this guy will try to take his place as his baby daughter’s father. He decided not to join the military because of this. He has caused scenes and fought quite a bit with Ashley over this new boyfriend.

I’ve come to realize he has serious emotional problems, I’m sure that stem from his family life. His mother actually pulled him out of school and has had him completing his schoolwork from home. He is graduating thankfully. He has a constuction job that is labor intensive and keeps him outside a lot which is good for his depression.

Tonight is his Prom and he is attending with a female friend. I pray he stays safe and out of trouble. His mom asked to speak with me about a week ago while Steven and I were talking on the phone. She actually thanked me for trying to make things smoother between Steven and Ashley for the baby’s sake. She said I was a godsend and I seem to be the one person that Steven really respects and listens to. I know with her own psychological problems she could hate me next week but it was nice to hear regardless.

Please keep praying for Steven. He is very slowly making progress. He carries tremendous emotional pain, I’m very proud that he has managed to stay clean so far. I know this is going to be a long road.
 
Thank you for the update. It reminded me to pray for him.

You might see great changes soon, or you might have to wait for eternity. Either way your time is well spent. I’m glad that his mom took the moment to thank you. I prayed for her too.

Of course, I’m praying for your safety in all this. You have been very inspirational to me in your dedication to authentic Catholic teaching, so I don’t want to lose you! Don’t hesitate to call for police help if the need arises.

You are doing the right thing. God bless you for your sacrifice.
 
LittleDeb said:
Thank you for the update. It reminded me to pray for him.

You might see great changes soon, or you might have to wait for eternity. Either way your time is well spent. I’m glad that his mom took the moment to thank you. I prayed for her too.

Of course, I’m praying for your safety in all this. You have been very inspirational to me in your dedication to authentic Catholic teaching, so I don’t want to lose you! Don’t hesitate to call for police help if the need arises.

You are doing the right thing. God bless you for your sacrifice.
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Thanks so much for you kind words and encouragement. It’s been such an amazing journey.

I’m so glad I didn’t let my fears stop me from reaching out this time. It has been frustrating at times but an incredible blessing from God for Him to use me in this way. My next step is going to be approaching Steven about our family taking his daughter to Mass with us on the weekends he has her since my husband and I are her Godparents. We have a late evening Sunday Mass that wouldn’t cut into his visitation time and we could just bring her back to her mother’s home afterward. Ofcourse I will tell him he’s welcome to come with us to Mass. He may not come right away but maybe eventually.

I’ve been proceeding very slowly on faith issues, following my instincts on when is the right time to gently speak about it. Kind of listening for God’s voice.

I’m not afraid of Steven, he’s never directed his anger at me in any way and he’s never expressed his anger towards anyone in a physical manner. He has a hard time keeping his mouth under control when he’s angry - we’ve discussed that at length.

Also thanks for the continued prayers from both you and sanctamaria.🙂
 
rayne89 said:
I’m not afraid of Steven, he’s never directed his anger at me in any way and he’s never expressed his anger towards anyone in a physical manner. He has a hard time keeping his mouth under control when he’s angry - we’ve discussed that at length.
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Actually, it is his brick-throwing mother who concerns me. 😉

My dad would say to make sure that you continue to hear the Spirit, do your best to keep your own emotional reactions at bay. It sounds like you have a good handle on that too.
 
Rayne89,
I’ve come late to this thread but have read the entries. I’m glad things are going better for Steven. Everyone deserves a chance to be a normal human being without harassment - especially from the one’s who should love them the most, their family.
I commend you on your intentions and actions but like others here, I caution you to not lose sight of the need to protect your daughter. You said, quite understandably, that “There is no way on this earth I would put our daughter in harms ways, she is 12 and very innocent.” As a stranger to you and your situation all I can do is offer this friendly advice - be careful that even though **you **would not put your daughter in harms way, and she is 12 and very innocent, you mush make certain to prevent situation(s) to come about wherein harm may find her, despite your efforts.

Good luck, God Bless & be careful. The world, as you know, does not play by ‘stable’ or consistent rules.

I will pray for you and Steven and your husband and daughter.

Sincerely,
David
 
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