Trying to Find a Catholic Community

[ConfusedLucy]

OP do what good positive things you can even if it seems small and insufficient. You aren’t walking an easy road so go easy on yourself.

 

[Bluebright]

Well you aren’t forced to go, you just get up and let them pass then sit down again, or just move so they can pass you when they sit down. You are never forced to go. Free choice. But I am sorry you feel that way, it is embarrassing to have it made so obvious that you aren’t going up yes. Anxiety is a terrible condition, it is the next worst thing for our soul than sin. Maybe try sitting at the very back of the church and then when you queue to ‘go up’ as you put it then merely sit down in a seat nearer the front instead of going up, as if you had already been up and were coming back to your seat. But do remember, people don’t go forward for communion for many reasons. Having been guilty of mortal sin is just one of them. They could have mistakenly eaten within the last hour or already had the Blessed Sacrament twice that day or not be Catholic so don’t worry what people think if you dont go up as only what God knows is relevant and He loves you and wants you there in mass and is very very happy to see you there mortal sin or not. So that is all that matters, pleasing God.

A detox place could be a good idea but perhaps you should ask a therapist about that. I am not sure that us internet people are the best to advise on that. It is likely an addiction and I believe their are groups like AA for people with addiction to such things. Could you not discuss such a thing with your priest in confession and ask him if he knows of any such thing? or of counsellors? I really think Catholic counsellors are the only sort that would help. Or through your college. I do think that there are gay people in the church and they live celibate lives but I am not sure who supports them ie. if it is ordinary Catholic lay groups or if there are any specific groups. I suspect it is ordinary groups. I think that porn is a problem for non gay people as well and sometimes even married people. I was only suggesting discerning a single life vocation possibly in one of the orders as you have obviously been called to a single life by necessity as a gay person and it may be that one orders will be your vocation and they can be incredibly supportive throughout life. But stop being so negative about God helping you and ask him too and then trust him. We can’t help you other than prayer, but God can, ask and trust him and go to mass, even if it makes you anxious… give him your anxiety and let him love you. God will only take you to a community when you are ready.

 

[Fraevo63]

I would like to also suggest that fully embracing your local Catholic parish is indeed real community living if you choose to allow it to be. Daily Mass, adoration, reconciliation, library, faith formation, and open doors to you 7 days a week. Never underestimate the blessings and grace available at your local Catholic parish.
Peace and blessings in Christ.

 

[Fets]

Is it wrong to leave when Communion happens? I personally stay till the last verse of the last hymn (or I used to). But now, leaving then seems like some kind of solution. No one here doesn’t receive. Even my roommates said the same thing. They are often the only ones too, they said. Anyways, I think I"m gonna actually go to Mass this Saturday. I haven’t actually gone since the last week of September…

I have been praying more, recently. Idk what else to say. I think this thread has kind of run its course. I’m going to be meeting with a priest here soon. And hopefully getting involved in something here where I live.

Sorry I ranted at y’all when I was depressed. Feel free to private message me if you want. I think that would be helpful if anyone here wanted to do that, you’re certainly welcome to. Thank you!

 

[Fets]

Well, being Catholic we’re obligated to be at least somewhat involved in a parish. But, I guess I disagree with you on what constitutes “real community”.

Here’s Acts Chapter 2:
42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke breadin their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

I think the Church is hoping that when we “Go forth! Proclaim the Gospel with your lives!” We would be kind of attempting to do what Acts 2 is talking about. I don’t think parish life encompasses that. Maybe it does for some people at some parishes. But, in as much as we live in an individualistic society, we have failed to create Christian community. I think that is an important point. And there can be only two responses to that: agreeing that that is the case, or denying that its true.

Many people don’t like it when I talk about community, because they seem to think that Catholics in America are doing fine. That we aren’t as individualistic and consumeristic as our secular neighbors. But, I think overall, there isn’t much that sets us apart from them. I feel that we are salt that is losing its flavor, by and large.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Sadly I agree with you about a lot of parishes

 

[Clare]

The parish here is tiny, only gets full when it’s Christmas and Easter, very little going on, we get Adoration once a year, the church is rarely open outside of Mass. However I’ve still made friends there, I joined up to a sewing group, I can’t sew and they’ve been trying to teach me how to knit for a good year now, but I mostly just go and have a cup of tea and a chat, most of the ladies there are at least double my age! Through meeting them I’ve met others and although I’ve been there around 3 years now I do know most parishioners by sight if not by name. you do have to take the first step, in meeting people, not necessarily volunteering for something, but just going to coffee after Mass, or turning up to a meeting, even if you don’t say anything there, people will see you and get to know who you are.

God has given you His Church, you have to take the step through the door.

I’m single and do spend far more time than I should on the laptop, I don’t socialise much, I certainly wouldn’t call my manager a friend and there’s just the two of us at work, but as I grow more in faith I see that the right friends have shown themselves more to me. People you were more acquaintances have become friends because of a shared belief, however it has gone the other way too.

You say you have an addiction to porn, have you put a block on those websites so you cannot access them? Yes that’s easy to get around but it’s a start. Do you have magazines, have you thrown them away?

 

[guanophore]

Many people don’t like it when I talk about community, because they seem to think that Catholics in America are doing fine. That we aren’t as individualistic and consumeristic as our secular neighbors. But, I think overall, there isn’t much that sets us apart from them. I feel that we are salt that is losing its flavor, by and large.

I think you hit the nail on the head Fets. This kind of radical community is very rare in secular circles, and where it does exist (monasteries) is shrinking. Many communities have closed due to a lack of vocations.

Communities such as this (in monasteries) can and do support the changes that we need to make to become holy and resist temptations in our lives, but they are not intended to be therapeutic communities in the sense that providing therapy is the focus. They are a vehicle for the consecrated life, and while people do heal from various maladies by living the consecrated life, such communities usually lack the resources to provide for severe mental health/sexual problems.

It is also unlikely that a community would be open to accept someone who defines themselves by their sexuality. The central aspect of such communities is defining oneself as a disciple of Christ, not whether one is “gay” or “straight” etc. The definition of oneself in a manner that is centered around one’s sexuality is considered an impediment to consecrated life.

 

[Fets]

Well, I’m a Catholic. You all are “my people”. Gay people are not “my people”. I don’t really relate to most of them. We happen to share a sexuality. So, I don’t consider my sexuality as THE thing that defines me. At the same time, I’m not about to start saying “I experience same-sex attraction”. I’m gay. If that causes confusion on these forums, so be it. I’ll guess I’ll just have to repeat this.

You can’t join a religious order and have a porn addiction. Maybe part of the reason there’s a decline in vocations is that there are a number of people with a vocation (to priesthood or religious life), who are struggling too much with various things, be it porn or drugs or alcohol. As you said, our society doesn’t have community. We’re very individualistic. It seems very difficult to pursue holiness by yourself.

I think you agree with me, but just to be clear, that radical community was a part of Christianity for everyone. At least at the time of Jesus. Acts wasn’t written for a small group of monastics, thats how Christianity was back then. I think Christianity is still like that in places today. Like if you’re a Christian in Iraq or Syria. Or Egypt.
That’s how Orthodox Jews are. If I was having problems as an Orthodox Jew, I’d have plenty of people in the Community I could go to for help. They certainly have admirable levels of community.

 

[guanophore]

Well, I’m a Catholic. You all are “my people”. Gay people are not “my people”.

There are many Catholics who wish to have both, though this is not the Teaching on discipleship.

There are plenty of Catholics who have same sex attraction. This is not a sin. What is problematic is when persons define their identity by their sexual orientation over and above their relationship with Christ. One can be a Catholic and live in community even though one suffers from same sex attraction, but if one chooses to define themselves by the modern cultural conception of “gay” (referring to a lifestyle) this is not compatible with living in Christian community.

I don’t consider my sexuality as THE thing that defines me.

If that is the case, then you might make more progress faster if you can say that you have same sex attraction, rather than claiming to be “gay”. The latter indicates that your primary self understanding is centered around your same sex attraction, rather than being a disciple of Christ.

I’m not about to start saying “I experience same-sex attraction”. I’m gay. If that causes confusion on these forums, so be it. I’ll guess I’ll just have to repeat this.

It is your decision, of course. If you wish to communicate that you define yourself by your sexual orientation, rather than your discipleship, that is your prerogative. But I was not so concerned about a forum of anonymous internet contacts as you needs in the real world. Defining yourself in this manner may push you further away from the community that you seek.

You can’t join a religious order and have a porn addiction.

There are plenty of people who are members of religious orders that have suffered from all kinds of addictions. Religious life is a magnificent cure for many evils of this world. People suffering from all kinds of maladies have been deposited at religious communities ever since the third century (that we know of).

Maybe part of the reason there’s a decline in vocations is that there are a number of people with a vocation (to priesthood or religious life), who are struggling too much with various things, be it porn or drugs or alcohol.

I don’t think that is the main reason, but I do agree with you that there are many worldly conditions that are impediments to a vocation. One of the major ones is debt, especially student debt. Communities cannot afford to make student loan payments, and the balances can run into the tens of thousands.

It seems very difficult to pursue holiness by yourself.

I agree, and would even submit that it is impossible, as so much of developing holiness occurs in relationship.

 

[guanophore]

I think you agree with me, but just to be clear, that radical community was a part of Christianity for everyone.

Certainly that was the case at the birth of the Church, but the Church never required anyone to sell all their property, or to embrace celibacy. There have been some communities of lay people residing within secular society. All members of third orders are persons living in the world, usually working a job and having families.

But I do agree with you that the call of Jesus was intended to be radical for everyone, and that we are all called to take up our cross, which means that we are to be crucified to the world and the world to us.

I think Christianity is still like that in places today.

It is a fact that persons who are persecuted in their society have more in common with the original church. Most Western Christians do not risk their lives to practice their faith. This makes a lot of us soft and complacent.

They certainly have admirable levels of community.

Have you considered that God may be calling you to establish and nurture this kind of community where you live?