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marietta
Guest
uch:marietta
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uch:marietta
V
vtsunsets
Guest
Perhaps I wasn’t clear. He says that he has “forgiven” me. He has said this over and over again! However, what he does say is that he doesn’t feel the same anymore. He too has been hurt by women in his past and I though he says he does nothing out of fear I believe that one email that I sent to him has him worried that this is a pattern of behavior for me. I have dealt with what my ex did to me. I am solid on my own and do not need a man in my life to “take care of me”. What I crave is a partner to walk through life with. To share in life’s triumphs and challenges. To pray with. To lean on. To support and encourage. I watched my parents share 44 beautiful years together with mutual respect and love… that’s what I want…that’s what I crave. My mother was a widow with 4 children when she married my dad and had me and my brother. he accepted her children as his own. To this day they still have pictures of her first husband in the home. they have shown me what a true marriage can be and should be. I just hope that the opportunity will come where Ray will allow us to have this once again.
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Seatuck
Guest
No dating until the decree of nullity situations are all ironed out.
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chevalier
Guest
I know I may not be very sensitive in saying this, but please don’t take it the wrong way. There is no such thing as an official or unofficial nullity decree. Only the church tribunal is entitled to make the decision. The tribunal’s decree is not just a confirmation of the person’s decision to divorce. In short, one either has the nullity decree or not. The simplest way is to ask, a more reliable way is to see it. You need to be sure before you commit. You don’t want to end up committed to someone who is married.
L
LSK
Guest
At the risk of sounding insensitive myself, we all know what you mean when you use the words ‘annulled’ or ‘decree of nullity’. Do not get caught up in the ‘jot and tittle of the law’.
I think it is a little disconcerting that this man has suddenly changed how he felt about you because of some misunderstandings BUT is still taking your phone calls and continuing some sort of relationship when he knows you feel something for him that he does not share for you. I see 'red lights a’flashing" myself.
Remember, not all abuse is physical. You may need to do some real healing before you are able to recognize a ‘wonderful’ man.
Just a thought - you are in my prayers.
I think it is a little disconcerting that this man has suddenly changed how he felt about you because of some misunderstandings BUT is still taking your phone calls and continuing some sort of relationship when he knows you feel something for him that he does not share for you. I see 'red lights a’flashing" myself.
Remember, not all abuse is physical. You may need to do some real healing before you are able to recognize a ‘wonderful’ man.
Just a thought - you are in my prayers.
C
chevalier
Guest
The distinction is important. To annul means to make null. You cannot make a valid thing null. The name “annulment” suggests you can have your marriage nullified, which would be just a stronger form of divorce because it would not only end the marriage but also erase it with a backdate, even though it was valid. You can nullify a faulty administrative decision this way, you can nullify an erroneous invoice the same way, you can nullify some other things (i.e. you can retroactively erase them), but you cannot nullify a marriage. You can only examine it and find out whether it is valid or null. There is a basic distinction between finding something null and making it null. Lack of observance of this distinction could lead to serious misperceptions. This is just a clarification, not an accusation against anyone who uses the wrong term.
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iluvmybabies
Guest
Maybe he’s waiting to have sex until he’s married with her???
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iluvmybabies
Guest
In this situation the best thing I can advise you to do is pray! Pray a lot and ask God for guidance.
If this person is not feeling the same for you, then talk with him and find out what it is he wants, ask him to be direct and not beat about the bush…To be honest with you that way you don’t get your hopes up about having a relationship with someone that doesn’t want it… You know??
Once you know his true intentions and wishes you can COMMUNICATE better then and express your feelings as well.
I am sorry you had a terrible marriage before, hopefully you will get your marriage annulled??? You might want to think about counseling to help you feel better about things since you went through a traumatizing event during your marriage…
Hang in there and hopefully all will work out for the best!
Good luck and God bless!
If this person is not feeling the same for you, then talk with him and find out what it is he wants, ask him to be direct and not beat about the bush…To be honest with you that way you don’t get your hopes up about having a relationship with someone that doesn’t want it… You know??
Once you know his true intentions and wishes you can COMMUNICATE better then and express your feelings as well.
I am sorry you had a terrible marriage before, hopefully you will get your marriage annulled??? You might want to think about counseling to help you feel better about things since you went through a traumatizing event during your marriage…
Hang in there and hopefully all will work out for the best!
Good luck and God bless!
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vtsunsets
Guest
He believes that even with me- that there should be no intimacy until after marriage!
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iluvmybabies
Guest
I am sorry, say what???
V
vtsunsets
Guest
Yes, I know it’s a bit strange at our age… I’m 40 he’s 48. At first I was taken a back and wondering if there was another reason why but I’ve come to accept it. I understand that it’s more of an example that he’s setting for his kids. And that he believes it should be saved for a partner to whom he’s married to. It actually brought me security when so other men have pushed for it. I’ve only had 2 partners (my exhusband and one other) so I guess in essence I understand but I also have been in the mindset that it’s okay once in a committed relationship. But I respect his stance and values system.
I pray. I pray all the time. I try to stay positive that time and understanding can heal this tension between us.
I pray. I pray all the time. I try to stay positive that time and understanding can heal this tension between us.
L
lifeisbeautiful
Guest
Actually, it is not strange, it is what is correct. It doesn’t matter how old one is, sex should be experienced only between a husband and wife. Having sex outside of marriage can have a myriad of negative effects: moral, psychological, interpersonal, practical, etc etc. There are all sorts of interesting studies on this out there.
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vtsunsets
Guest
It’s been several months since I first posted on this topic and I have learned much in that time. First, I do find that I love Ray more than I did before. I can appreciate the things that I did wrong in our relationship and how I took for granted so many things. Second, I have really spent much time looking into myself and understanding why I had so much uncertainty while we were together. Finally learning that while it had nothing to do with Ray, that it had to do more with my fears of abandonement and abuse that I thought I had dealt with but that I now understand is always lingering. Third, I have begun my annulment procedures and in doing so it has forced me to really deal with those issues that I thought were long buried. Fourth, I spent a couple hours at the retreat that Ray taught in regards to intimacy after marriage. I so wish we had talked in those terms while we were together. while I hope that what he was saying wasn’t wasted on the teens I know that it spoke volumes to me. It was so refreshing to hear a single man that I respect and love talk about a love and values that I have held close to myself for years. In a society that boasts that if your single and over 40 that it’s okay to go out and “have fun”. He may never know but I fell more in love with him at that very moment than I ever thought possible in this lifetime. Not only for what he said but for validating emotions that I have felt for a lifetime. Fifth and most importantly, I have learned to really pray. To trust in the Lord and to put things in His hands. I think in the past two months I have prayed more than I have ever done. I feel at peace with myself and secure in the knowledge that God will have a hand in what is to become of my relationship with Ray. I believe that for the past 10 years He has put us together. Perhaps we both had things to learn, perhaps it was only that I did. Ultimately I know that God knows my heart and that He knows how pure and selfless my love is. If He has it in His plan that we will be together than it will be. Until then, I continue to set boundaries for my children and others in my life. I continue to try new things and expand my verizons. Most importantly I continue to find peace and harmony with God.
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