It is called humility. The humility to know that you CAN make mistakes.
Yes Yes we are on the same page.
Through the grace of God, we are still together. He's been sober now for nearly 7 years, and together, we worked on how to handle my mental illness. Together, we've been working hard to insure that we keep tabs on our finances. Though I've reverted back to the Faith and he has basically stayed agnostic, he's allowed me to grow and sees nothing but positive things in my new life. We still deal with the kids, but we're more united now than ever before.
More than trust and honesty is having the fortitude to be committed to a relationship - and really meaning it. It's so easy to let little things get in the way that when something big happens, the only way to deal with it is to abandon that person. Like you, I've seen it time and time again with friends and other family members.
Unlike you, I've had the benefit of seeing my parents survive over 47 years of marriage. My sister and her husband will soon be celebrating 20 years of marriage - first and only marriage for both of them. Though my first marriage failed, their shining examples gave me the strength and fortitude to stick it out with my current one - the other day, my husband expressed to me that no matter what happens, his commitment to me and our family is solid and he's ready for the long haul til death do us part.
God never gave us guarantees that life would be easy. We'll probably in our lifetimes have more knocks against us than triumphs. God however gave us abilities to handle such hardships. They say there are not two people in a marriage but three: the husband, the wife, and God. Trust in Him....and you'll be given the grace of strength to live out your vocation of marriage with confidence and fortitude.
God Bless.Thankyou for sharing that.When I married my husband, it looked like we had everything going for us. We were able to communicate to each other, we had trust in each other. We had the same life philosophies, we had the same life experiences. I knew he was the one for me, and I placed all my trust in knowing in my heart that he would never disappoint me.
Then I “found out” he was an alcoholic. And he “found out” that I was bipolar. We had issues over my children from a previous marriage. Issues about faith and finances surfaced also. The communication broke down. The trust was starting to erode.
How was I suppose to know???
Code:Through the grace of God, we are still together. He's been sober now for nearly 7 years, and together, we worked on how to handle my mental illness. Together, we've been working hard to insure that we keep tabs on our finances. Though I've reverted back to the Faith and he has basically stayed agnostic, he's allowed me to grow and sees nothing but positive things in my new life. We still deal with the kids, but we're more united now than ever before. More than trust and honesty is having the fortitude to be committed to a relationship - and really meaning it. It's so easy to let little things get in the way that when something big happens, the only way to deal with it is to abandon that person. Like you, I've seen it time and time again with friends and other family members. Unlike you, I've had the benefit of seeing my parents survive over 47 years of marriage. My sister and her husband will soon be celebrating 20 years of marriage - first and only marriage for both of them. Though my first marriage failed, their shining examples gave me the strength and fortitude to stick it out with my current one - the other day, my husband expressed to me that no matter what happens, his commitment to me and our family is solid and he's ready for the long haul til death do us part. God never gave us guarantees that life would be easy. We'll probably in our lifetimes have more knocks against us than triumphs. God however gave us abilities to handle such hardships. They say there are not two people in a marriage but three: the husband, the wife, and God. Trust in Him....and you'll be given the grace of strength to live out your vocation of marriage with confidence and fortitude. God Bless.
My parents were married for nearly 30 years before they got divorced. Somehow I doubt they had foreseen that coming when they first were married. Even growing up, I never saw it coming, not even when the seperated after about 15 years and “reconciled” after about 9 months of living apart. Hindsight being 20/20, yeah, I should have seen it coming. I’ve never had the courage to confront my father as to why this happened in our family (I’m pretty sure I know why though) and in some ways, I do blame myself for not be stronger at that time in my life to sit down with him and say “What’s going on?” Maybe nothing would have changed, but I have to live the rest of my life knowing I made no attempt to help them. That hurts.
I also would like to have been stronger when my parents broke up.
No, you haven’t offended me by asking too many questions. I like talking about my relationship!
Honestly, I think there are a large number of people with whom I could have a happy marriage. I’m kind of an optimist that way. I’m sure God brought me and my boyfriend together, but if it turns out we can’t stay together for whatever reason, I’m certain that another wonderful man will come along. I think I’m a pretty agreeable person, and I’m sure there are thousands of men whose values would match mine. I don’t exclude people from other countries in that number, just because it’s what I grew up with. And he’s Catholic and through him I am being brought to the Church, which was unexpected and eye-opening for me. 
Thanks for your thoughts.
No, you haven’t offended me by asking too many questions. I like talking about my relationship!
My parents are both immigrants to Canada, and almost nobody in my family married somebody who was born in the same country. It’s just what I’m used to. I’m living as an ex-pat (long-term foreign resident) in Korea, where I met my boyfriend. I don’t like North American-style dating, so I often considered dating someone from another country. I met my boyfriend here in Korea - we’ve known each other for 18 months, dating for 10 of those months.
He’s Filipino, which means that culturally he’s not too different from what I’m used to. Filipinos are very family-oriented (much more so than Canadians) and they work for money, not self-actualization. They also tend to be very devout Catholics.
I know what I want, and I don’t think it’s too picky. I don’t think it’s too open, either. My husband should be:
*]masculine - assertive and a good leader, not afraid to make decisions or do what needs doing. (Yes, women can be like this too, but I see this as the “head of the household” thing.)
*]confident and funny - this is just the personality I like to interact with.
*]family-oriented - he should love the relatives he has, enjoy spending time with his family, and want to start a large family of his own.
*]morally compatible - I want to respect him for his decisions, not question them. I want to be confident that if he were widowed and had to raise our children alone, I would have absolute trust in what he’d teach them.
*]affectionate and demonstrative - I like to be told (explicitly and often) that he loves me. I want him to be open and honest about how he feels about me and the relationship. He used the “m” word and the “l” word in the first week we were dating. (Keep in mind we had been friends for 8 months first.) He let me know his intentions were honourable from the beginning. I like that.
*]hard-working - capable and willing to hold down a job, even if it’s not what he wants to be doing. Willing to put in long hours at home and at work (as am I) for the benefit of the family and to meet our personal goals. He should also have compatible dreams for the future, and be willing to work toward them rather than just talk about them.
I’m sure there are thousands of men who meet those “requirements”. However, I only need one, and I have him.
Well, we’ve talked about that. Right from the beginning, we talked about it. This is one issue that I struggled with at the beginning, because my boyfriend was in an invalid and annulled marriage before. The reason the marriage broke up is that she left. She abandoned their two children and left the marriage. This made me REALLY nervous - what if he didn’t tell me the whole story? What if it was some lack of commitment on his part that ended the marriage? What if, what if, what if?
This is a great example of how one would know when to make that decision. You owe it to yourself to explore all possibilities that could happen in a marriage, but then there comes a point where you have to decide. No marriage is perfect - if someone tells you that, they don’t know what marriage is. And there are no guarantees that all the preventative measure you take to diminish risks will be enough to sustain your marriage.
This is true, and a word to the wise.
Getting in my business? No. But I did find at the time, their views (and even some of the views of the RCC) conflicted with some of my views and my wife’s views. Admittedly, I was very wrong about a lot of things during that time of my life.
You have gone through a lot, just while dating…that gives you a realistic view of eachother.
I like the idea of that Catholics do counseling first.Catholic standards are so high…but standards in America are sooo low.Dating is almosed a game in this country.
It is difficult for men, in america because sex is wayyy over emphasized. Women have pushup braws…high heals…perfumes…all sorts of color in there hair…paint on fingernails and toe nails… tight jeans and short dresses.
Football widow…LOL