Tubal Ligation and Con-validation

[puzzleannie]

to OP, first, welcome home
please feel comfortable coming here, and I am glad you feel safe enough to share your sad story. Yes some horrible priests and a clueless bishop did let you down, and you were the victim of an evil that seems endemic in our society, and our culture now seems to be trying to normalize such behavior as you endured. Be that as it may, the whole Church did not harm you, but those charged with your immediate welfare did so. God will judge them and punish them in His good time and we continue to work and pray for healing and conversion within the Church so these offenses do not happen again.

our concern is you and your needs at this time

short answer to the question in thread title, no the tubal or vasectomy would not be a barrier to convalidation. it does need to be confessed, along with all the person’s sins of their past life, when they prepare for the sacrament of marriage or the other sacraments, but it does not need to be reversed. I would not accept any other outside advice on this topic here or anyplace else except from the priest in confession.

I would say do a search, because we have this discussed the topic here and on Family and Parenting, but it seems we can’t search just now until that function is up again.

because this question may also come up, since you already have all the initiation sacraments, for you a general confession and convalidation, along with any instruction you may need to prepare for these, is all the is necessary for your return to the sacraments. For your wife, if as I assume she is not Catholic, she needs RCIA to prepare for baptism, confirmation and first communion, whatever she is lacking. Before she can be received into the church the marriage issue must be resolved so that is your starting point.

call the parish office, make an appointment with the priest or deacon in charge of marriage prep, and go from there. You need tell the secretary nothing except that you are a returning Catholic who needs an appointment with the priest to discuss your marriage convalidation.

I encourage you to write–on paper, the old fashioned way, not blog–your story, as doing so goes a long way toward healing. I would not blog or otherwise publish until you have done so, because only after you see the finished product will you be in a better frame of mind to judge the wisdom of publishing all or part of the story. above all, be honest with your wife about your past, since she is the one who has most to deal with in understanding how it relates to your present.

 

[mdstanzel]

Thank you for your posts. I think this thread can end. My wife and I both participated in this thread. She is a candidate in RCIA. Our oldest son is a candidate in RCIC *, our 2 youngest children are in the process of being baptized, and our con-validation date is January 27, 2007. We’ve done all the paperwork for con-validation. We just want to make sure the priest is doing his job correctly. If you’ve read some of my threads you’d know that I personally know way too many “bad” priests operating outside the Majesterium of the Church. This is going to be interesting in that both my wife and I can be very scrupulous – a form of OCD. We have encountered very judgmental people in our past, both Catholic and non-Catholics since we married.

God will judge them and punish them in His good time and we continue to work and pray for healing and conversion within the Church so these offenses do not happen again.

Thank you for the support, but I pray that God will forgive him whether or not he or the Diocese accepts responsibility. However, no one should stop those who feel the need for closure in this way. Everyone is different and at different spiritual levels within their journey.

short answer to the question in thread title, no the tubal or vasectomy would not be a barrier to convalidation. it does need to be confessed, along with all the person’s sins of their past life, when they prepare for the sacrament of marriage or the other sacraments, but it does not need to be reversed. I would not accept any other outside advice on this topic here or anyplace else except from the priest in confession.

We are both comfortable now on this subject, but only after seeking out valid answers from various sources to clear our consciences. Our parish priest did not specifically address this subjest. It’s one of those things that I thought he might be purposefully overlooking to “help” us out. But I would not be able to live in a lie and I’d probably live as brother and sister until our children were old enough to take care of themselves.

It all boils down to trusting God in spite of mean “Christian” people and financial difficulty trying to rise above poverty wages. We’ve always had to fend for ourselves without family help. The wife wishes she would not have done it now. But reversing the procedure is risky (like any procedure) and expensive. I will carry this badge of pain with love because we already have been blessed with 3 children and would love for God to naturally undo the procedure. So really, we believe that we are open and would love to have more children. But to practice discipline, we are talking about abstaining during the times less likely to conceive rather than the opposite to avoid more children.

I encourage you to write–on paper, the old fashioned way, not blog–your story, as doing so goes a long way toward healing. I would not blog or otherwise publish until you have done so, because only after you see the finished product will you be in a better frame of mind to judge the wisdom of publishing all or part of the story. above all, be honest with your wife about your past, since she is the one who has most to deal with in understanding how it relates to your present.

That’s Good Advice. I agree on this point and for similar reasons avoid publicly journaling about it until I get it all down and making sense. Things are still a bit emotional but some very remarkable things have occurred and now I have to decide who or whether to share it.

I wish to close out this thread now. Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement and direction.

God bless all of you.*