Um. . . praying during sex

[Detales]

Yep, “suppressed” is the better word. Thanks; I appreciate that kind of correction.

Bindar

 

[06convert]

I don’t think it’s bad. … If you start praying out loud it might worry DH.

 

[Detales]

I disagree. Had Twosweet started vocalizing her prayer, the whole matter would be on the table. Such a move might have placed things in a perspective capable of resolution and the initiation of a more genuine encounter.

Bindar Dondat, FZPC

 

[Al_Masetti]

“Thank you, Lord!”

 

[Dredgemate]

I don’t think it’s bad. … If you start praying out loud it might worry DH.

Does " Oh, God" count?

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Honestly, there’s nothing “wrong” with it, but there are some things that don’t seem right.

You said you prayed so as not to be mad at him about it. Why would you be mad about it? If he was going to force you to do something you didn’t want to do, that’s not okay. At the same time, did you communicate your lack of willingness to him beforehand?

I am married, and the “newlywed” feeling feels like it is wearing off a little in the bedroom for us. There are times (especially with my increased stress levels lately…) that I am just not feeling it, and it’s already been a week without for us. DH has a much higher drive than I do, which also doesn’t help. Well, we were being intimate and I (like you) wasn’t into it. I wasn’t praying, but my mind was on other things. He knew, but he never said anything until a few days later when I pestered him about what was wrong. He said how I seemed “distant” and we talked about it. It turns out, he’d prefer nothing at all than something with a wife who is so apathetic about it. “Quality over quantity” ya know? Well, now we have a nice balance where I tell him that I don’t want to “deprive” him but I am not feeling it. He knows those are times to romance me a little, and take the time on me a little more. He also says he loves those times because of the “thrill of the chase.” Turns out bedroom joys need lots of communication too!!

So while I think what you did wasn’t wrong at all, I’d suggest talking to your hubby about it. Communication never hurts! And you could probably find a good solution that makes both of you happy!

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Does " Oh, God" count?

And there is a good example of a prayer of thanksgiving!!

 

[mesurman]

Last night, DH was getting fresh, and I knew what he was after. I was not wanting it, but not wanting to deprive him, I gave in (he’ll be working these next nine days in a row, so the opportunity won’t present itself for a bit).

So I prayed the Rosary the whole time. I thought that was a far better alternative than getting mad; it was the first time I’d ever prayed anything during the sexual act (rather than thinking about the kids, work, other issues, etc.).

What say you?/QUOTE}

You gave in? Prayed the whole time. He is going to be away nine days and you didnot want to be “with” him, it sounds like you have a problem with DH. Maybe you should level with him about what is bothering you. He is probably not a mind reader like most of us men. However most of us are quite intuitive and he probably feels your reluctance and it makes him feel pretty bad knowing/feeling your mental absence but physical presence, the word rejection comes to mind, not good. Take it from me it stinks for the man in that situation.

 

[TLM08]

Last night, DH was getting fresh, and I knew what he was after. I was not wanting it, but not wanting to deprive him, I gave in (he’ll be working these next nine days in a row, so the opportunity won’t present itself for a bit).

So I prayed the Rosary the whole time. I thought that was a far better alternative than getting mad; it was the first time I’d ever prayed anything during the sexual act (rather than thinking about the kids, work, other issues, etc.).

What say you?

I don’t see anything terribly wrong with it. Earlier in our marriage when we didn’t snore so much and considerably less intestinal gas, I could tell when my wife wasn’t really “into” it. She would look at the ceiling and ask me to remind her to knock down those pesky cobwebs. My oh my! How those sounds in the bedroom change after 30 years!

 

[Eucharisted]

Last night, DH was getting fresh, and I knew what he was after. I was not wanting it, but not wanting to deprive him, I gave in (he’ll be working these next nine days in a row, so the opportunity won’t present itself for a bit).

So I prayed the Rosary the whole time. I thought that was a far better alternative than getting mad; it was the first time I’d ever prayed anything during the sexual act (rather than thinking about the kids, work, other issues, etc.).

What say you?

It is good that you didn’t deprive him. You belong to him and he belongs to you.

Prayer is necessary during good activities, such as sex. Sex itself becomes prayer when you do it for the glory of God.

 

[Paul1961]

Both husband and wife should expect and deserve a willing and enthusiastic partner. Your mental frame of mind is very important to both of you. Each of us wants to be loved and “wanted”/desired by our spouse. Anything less cheapens and degrades the unifying aspect of the marital embrace. This damage, over time, can destroy marriages or make them an empty existence.

So what do you do if your not in the mood. Finds ways to get there. Whatever works for you.

I remember a small talk I had with my wife a few years ago. Other than a few times when she wanted to get pregnant, she has never initiated sex in 12 years of marriage. I have always made sure she was “satisfied”. Anyway, when I would ask her, “Would you like to go upstairs to play?” Her usual response was, “if you want to.” After being mildly irritated by such an apathetic sounding response for years, I sat her down instead. I told her that while she may not mean it, she may as well say, “if I have to.” I want her to give me an enthusiastic response. Now, at times, she responds in some over the top way that gets us both laughing.

If I asked the children, "Do you want to go out for ice cream and they replied ‘if you want to’, the ice cream runs would end.

Enthusiasm. Be there in the moment for each other. Your mind should be on your spouse, not cobwebs or grocery lists.

 

[CarlaOLS]

Wow all- thanks for the laughs.

Anyway Twosweet - I just had to chime in …

After 25 years of marriage and eight, count 'em eight kids, I just loved your question. :blushing:
You my dear are a good girl, and your husband is lucky to have you.

Now to everyone who takes sex too seriously -
we are not perfect, our spouses are not perfect, nor are we always in perfect tune with each other’s needs or wants. We may be married, but we’re not synchronized for Pete’s sake.

Telling some one to “get in the mood” is like telling a cliniclally depressed person to “just snap out of it and cheer up.”

Not always possible and NOT always necessary to be in the mood. Your decision IMO not to deprive your husband (who by his very male nature will likely want it more often than you) was wise and charitable. St. Paul advised some to marry rather than try to live celibate so that they could avoid sin. He was very wise. With your husband leaving for nine days, a long time to avoid temptation - your beautiful act went far in helping him stay chaste.

As busy mothers, our minds are on many things, but the more we practice praying unceasingly the better. Of course, you do not do this every time you make love with your husband. Let’s be honest, most men if given a choice between being turned down or being “allowed” sex would choose the latter.

Of course in the future if a similar time should occur, instead of meditating on the mysteries of the rosary, you might try sending holy thoughts about your husband to Jesus or a particular saint - I like to choose either saints who were married or speak to his patrons. Thank God for him, ask for special graces he may need or graces you need in your marriage etc… You will see God joins your mind to the act of lovemaking in a new and wonderful way.

God bless you Twosweet! You are too sweet to worry about where or when you pray - it’s all good.

Now anyone thinking of starting a bathroom thread? My dad calls it his “office” and gets a good deal of praying done in there. The hemeroids are a bonus I suppose.

 

[kage_ar]

Scripture is clear “pray without ceasing”. Everything we do is to be a prayer. Prayer belongs in the bedroom as much as in the living room!

 

[EvelynEVF]

I would be concerned if this became even the tiniest bit of a pattern in twosweet’s life.

I did sex as a duty for more than a decade, and it tore me up inside and made me hate my husband more than any other thing he did.

Sexual desire is a call to love the other, and if the other isn’t able to be loved via sex at that moment, you need to find some alternative way to be loving. Sex is always to be unitive and procreative. We know subverting the procreative is sin, but I think we need to not overlook the other. Sex that isn’t unitive isn’t thereby neutral; it is divisive.

I expect we all agree that a real life conversion between twosweet and her dh is in order, ASAP!

 

[twosweetgirls]

I would be concerned if this became even the tiniest bit of a pattern in twosweet’s life.

I did sex as a duty for more than a decade, and it tore me up inside and made me hate my husband more than any other thing he did.

Sexual desire is a call to love the other, and if the other isn’t able to be loved via sex at that moment, you need to find some alternative way to be loving. Sex is always to be unitive and procreative. We know subverting the procreative is sin, but I think we need to not overlook the other. Sex that isn’t unitive isn’t thereby neutral; it is divisive.

I expect we all agree that a real life conversion between twosweet and her dh is in order, ASAP!

So if you “did sex” as a duty and hated your husband for it, then how did a real life conversion happen with you and your dh?

 

[twosweetgirls]

Wow all- thanks for the laughs.

Anyway Twosweet - I just had to chime in …

After 25 years of marriage and eight, count 'em eight kids, I just loved your question. :blushing:
You my dear are a good girl, and your husband is lucky to have you.

Now to everyone who takes sex too seriously -
we are not perfect, our spouses are not perfect, nor are we always in perfect tune with each other’s needs or wants. We may be married, but we’re not synchronized for Pete’s sake.

Telling some one to “get in the mood” is like telling a cliniclally depressed person to “just snap out of it and cheer up.”

Not always possible and NOT always necessary to be in the mood. Your decision IMO not to deprive your husband (who by his very male nature will likely want it more often than you) was wise and charitable. St. Paul advised some to marry rather than try to live celibate so that they could avoid sin. He was very wise. With your husband leaving for nine days, a long time to avoid temptation - your beautiful act went far in helping him stay chaste.

As busy mothers, our minds are on many things, but the more we practice praying unceasingly the better. Of course, you do not do this every time you make love with your husband. Let’s be honest, most men if given a choice between being turned down or being “allowed” sex would choose the latter.

Of course in the future if a similar time should occur, instead of meditating on the mysteries of the rosary, you might try sending holy thoughts about your husband to Jesus or a particular saint - I like to choose either saints who were married or speak to his patrons. Thank God for him, ask for special graces he may need or graces you need in your marriage etc… You will see God joins your mind to the act of lovemaking in a new and wonderful way.

God bless you Twosweet! You are too sweet to worry about where or when you pray - it’s all good.

Now anyone thinking of starting a bathroom thread? My dad calls it his “office” and gets a good deal of praying done in there. The hemeroids are a bonus I suppose.

That? Was a fantastic response! Thank you.

Funny you mention about your Dad doing his praying while on the potty. . . A friend of mine swears that his best praying is done on the pot. Somehow, I just can’t get my head around that, but whatever works. . .

 

[EvelynEVF]

So if you “did sex” as a duty and hated your husband for it, then how did a real life conversion happen with you and your dh?

That was supposed to be “conversation” Oops!

My dh and I had the conversation over and over during the course of twelve years of an abusive marriage, and eventually I had to pack up the kids and leave. If this is an isolated instance in your marriage, it’s just something to be talking about. For me it was part of a larger pattern of abuse. ymmv and I certainly hope it does.

 

[Al_Masetti]

That? Was a fantastic response! Thank you.

Funny you mention about your Dad doing his praying while on the potty. . . A friend of mine swears that his best praying is done on the pot. Somehow, I just can’t get my head around that, but whatever works. . .

One of my priest friends has said that he is constantly on the run … phone, requests for home visits, etc. BUT, there is ONE ROOM where no one will bother you!

 

[NoWhereMan]

I wouldnt think she physically had Rosary beads in her hand. She really wasnt interested in it at the time, but she accomodated her spouse, which was a good thing.
If she were holding Rosary Beads, I doubt the act would have taken place at all

 

[CarlaOLS]

I wouldnt think she physically had Rosary beads in her hand. She really wasnt interested in it at the time, but she accomodated her spouse, which was a good thing.
If she were holding Rosary Beads, I doubt the act would have taken place at all

Teehee, don’t be so sure. Mine are glued to my hand. LOL

And to Al and 2sweet:

Funny you mention about your Dad doing his praying while on the potty. . . but whatever works. . .

Al said : One of my priest friends has said that he is constantly on the run … phone, requests for home visits, etc. BUT, there is ONE ROOM where no one will bother you!

Yup. I think that’s what went on w/ my dad. He had 8 kids too.
Although sometimes he’d have the door open a crack,
and hold court that way.