Uncle and my son

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Blessed_is_He

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My uncle came to stay for awhile. He is my favorite uncle. I have a 2 yr. old son. I am very weary of guys since as a child I have been molested and now as a parent. I never let my son out of my sight basics shadowing him. I have noticed things but do not know what to think of it. My uncle often runs his fingers through my sons hair and a couple of times blew on his neck for play but the oddest thing is my uncle was sitting on the couch and my son goes over and puts his hands on my uncles legs and my uncle names like legs yes those are legs than my son goes upward and places his hand on my uncles private parts. I figured ok he is a baby Crouse etc. well the more odd part is my uncle did not say anything like no don’t put hands there etc. I seen this and said no get your hand off of there. Then my son put his hand on my uncles belly and then my uncle said belly like continued listing the body parts. I just don’t know what to think since it did not happened the opposite was than that would be molestation. I know it is not my son to blame. Why didn’t my uncle say anything? Should I be concerned other am I just overreacting?
 
This is your favorite Uncle - have you noticed any out of the ordinary behavior from him in the past? He could easily have been uncomfortable and at a loss for words when the toddler did that. It is up to you to reinforce that your Son has private parts that no one other than you or his Father or his Doctor (with you or his Father present) are allowed to touch and he should not touch or look at any other person’s private parts. Reinforce that he can tell you anything at anytime.
 
I would simply said ‘Uncle, I know DS is at an age where he can do things with out realizing it is inappropriate. Please, when he touches your privates, remove his hand and say ‘no’.’

Then see how uncle reacts. After all, some people are of the opinion, if you make a big deal, the kid will want to do it more

Angie
 
You are probably over-reacting. Babies put their hands all over at that age and your uncle probably knows that and wasn’t offended. Most people are not quick to correct other people’s children, even for small offenses, because they know it’s a good way to get their heads blown off.
 
Blessed_is_He said:
My uncle came to stay for awhile. He is my favorite uncle. I have a 2 yr. old son. I am very weary of guys since as a child I have been molested and now as a parent. I never let my son out of my sight basics shadowing him. I have noticed things but do not know what to think of it. My uncle often runs his fingers through my sons hair and a couple of times blew on his neck for play but the oddest thing is my uncle was sitting on the couch and my son goes over and puts his hands on my uncles legs and my uncle names like legs yes those are legs than my son goes upward and places his hand on my uncles private parts. I figured ok he is a baby Crouse etc. well the more odd part is my uncle did not say anything like no don’t put hands there etc. I seen this and said no get your hand off of there. Then my son put his hand on my uncles belly and then my uncle said belly like continued listing the body parts. I just don’t know what to think since it did not happened the opposite was than that would be molestation. I know it is not my son to blame. Why didn’t my uncle say anything? Should I be concerned other am I just overreacting?
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I am surprised that your uncle didn’t say no. Your son didn’t know what he was doing but your uncle does. I think this game is a little weird anyway and all these touchy feeling things are concerning. A 2 year old can begin to be directed on where they can and can’t touch people. Considering your past and concern, I would probably tell your favorite uncle that you were bothered that he didn’t direct your son not to touch in private areas. Something just seems amiss here and there are better ways to have 2 year old learn basic body parts that touching other people. I would stop this sort of game.
 
The only thing that went through my head was if your son does not do this to you why would he do it to your Uncle, just seems strange, don’t have a good feeling about this at all, children do not normally touch an Uncle or Aunty on there private parts or anywhere for that matter. I would talk to a Doctor to see what is going on with your child and explain to your Doctor.
 
I can see how he might have not known what to do/say about the touching, but the blowing on the neck sounds really creepy…
 
I can see how he might have been startled and not known what to do/say about the touching, but the blowing on the neck sounds really creepy…
 
What you described–brief contact initiated by the child and not encouraged by the adult–sounds like an awkward but relatively typical type of early childhood moment, as toddlers start to push boundaries (2 years old, you say? Yeah). Ideally your uncle could have reacted differently, but it would be totally normal if he was simply surprised or uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say, or if he thought that freaking out would be worse than ignoring it.

**You are the parent. **It is your job to explain and enforce appropriate boundaries for your children. Your uncle didn’t say anything, but you did (good job). If your kid starts to make a habit of grabbing peoples’ groins, or this uncle’s groin in particular, THAT would definitely be reason for concern.

You are right to be vigilant, but it seems very unlikely that he was passively molesting your child right in front of you, especially if your own childhood molestation is known to the family.

You may need to speak privately with your uncle, just for your own peace of mind.

I have nieces, and their mother was sexually victimized as a teen, and precisely for this reason I keep far away from her children, knowing that a simple misunderstanding (like the one you describe) could be blown way out of proportion. Keep your eyes open, but don’t burn any bridges just yet.
 
Celtic_Maiden said:
The only thing that went through my head was if your son does not do this to you why would he do it to your Uncle, just seems strange, don’t have a good feeling about this at all, children do not normally touch an Uncle or Aunty on there private parts or anywhere for that matter. I would talk to a Doctor to see what is going on with your child and explain to your Doctor.
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Not in my experience. I’ve had several kids go for my boobs, try to stick their hands up my shirt to touch my belly button, etc. They don’t know those areas are off limits, however, I agree that two is an appropriate age to say “no”. The problem is, who is the appropriate person to say something.
 
AClaire11 said:
I can see how he might have not known what to do/say about the touching, but the blowing on the neck sounds really creepy…
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It sounds creepy, but I recall a game form my childhood that involved blowing on the child’s neck/back during the course of a rhyme. (X marks the spot with a circle and dot and big question mark. With pinches and squeezes and cool summer breezes…)

If it was that sort of game, it’s probably legit.
mccoyskc.com/menu/
 
Celtic_Maiden said:
The only thing that went through my head was if your son does not do this to you why would he do it to your Uncle, just seems strange, don’t have a good feeling about this at all, children do not normally touch an Uncle or Aunty on there private parts or anywhere for that matter. I would talk to a Doctor to see what is going on with your child and explain to your Doctor.
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Meh, I’ve taught elementary school and had my butt felt because a child like the material of my skirt. Same with the legs and wearing certain leggings. Granted, I gently stopped children who did this, but it’s not odd behavior per se. Kids aren’t good with knowing those boundaries. The uncle may just have not really known what to say.
 
Allegra said:
It sounds creepy, but I recall a game form my childhood that involved blowing on the child’s neck/back during the course of a rhyme. (X marks the spot with a circle and dot and big question mark. With pinches and squeezes and cool summer breezes…)

If it was that sort of game, it’s probably legit.
mccoyskc.com/menu/
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Yes, exactly. I’ve seen this game. Kids are more sensitive to different tactile sensations.
 
Celtic_Maiden said:
I would talk to a Doctor to see what is going on with your child and explain to your Doctor.
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Doctor???/ What on earth for? Her kid sounds normal. The question the OP had was is her uncle normal and what should she do about this situation.

Perhaps your uncle is from the generation where men did not show affection to their children and now that society permits it, he just doesn’t know how to go about it
 
To me the blowing on the neck isn’t really that creepy. When my son was a few years younger I used to playfully blow on his neck, because my breath would tickle his neck and make laugh. It was a stupid little game I used to do with him.

As far as the touching goes. I think that if you are there witnessing inappropriate behavior of your son touching other people inappropriately then it would be your responsibility as his mother to step in and stop your son and tell him no. it really isn’t all that unusual for children to not know “touching” boundaries. But again you are the mother, you’re the disciplinarian, if you are witnessing him doing something inappropriate then you really are the best person to intervene and tell him no.
 
Blessed_is_He said:
My uncle came to stay for awhile. He is my favorite uncle. I have a 2 yr. old son. I am very weary of guys since as a child I have been molested and now as a parent. I never let my son out of my sight basics shadowing him. I have noticed things but do not know what to think of it. My uncle often runs his fingers through my sons hair and a couple of times blew on his neck for play but the oddest thing is my uncle was sitting on the couch and my son goes over and puts his hands on my uncles legs and my uncle names like legs yes those are legs than my son goes upward and places his hand on my uncles private parts. I figured ok he is a baby Crouse etc. well the more odd part is my uncle did not say anything like no don’t put hands there etc. I seen this and said no get your hand off of there. Then my son put his hand on my uncles belly and then my uncle said belly like continued listing the body parts. I just don’t know what to think since it did not happened the opposite was than that would be molestation. I know it is not my son to blame. Why didn’t my uncle say anything? Should I be concerned other am I just overreacting?
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Have a frank and private discussion with your uncle. Let him know that you feel uncomfortable with what’s happening but also draw the line and make it clear you will protect your son. If your uncle is not willing to live by the rules of your house, remember your duty as a parent. I’m sure your uncle will find other relatives to stay with if he’s a great guy. God Bless you.
 
WingsOfEagles said:
Meh, I’ve taught elementary school and had my butt felt because a child like the material of my skirt. Same with the legs and wearing certain leggings. Granted, I gently stopped children who did this, but it’s not odd behavior per se. Kids aren’t good with knowing those boundaries. The uncle may just have not really known what to say.
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👍

I’ve had a little kid put his arms around my leg and hug me. I was wearing a shirt, and yes, it was a tad bit uncomfortable. 😊

I froze and the mom called her son, asking him what he was doing. And did he think I was her.

Nope. He liked the way I smelled. Must have been my soap. 🤷
 
maryjk said:
👍

I’ve had a little kid put his arms around my leg and hug me. I was wearing a shirt, and yes, it was a tad bit uncomfortable. 😊

I froze and the mom called her son, asking him what he was doing. And did he think I was her.

Nope. He liked the way I smelled. Must have been my soap. 🤷
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I left school early once to take my daughter to a doctor’s appointment. As I went out, there was a kindergartener also leaving early with her mother. She screamed across the parking lot, “Mrs. Allegra, give me a hug!” so when I got over to where they were, I gave her a hug, after which she said, “Mommy, give Mrs. Allegra a hug! Where are your manners?”
 
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