Uncomfortable with Priest

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nickybr38

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My roommate has a bit of a dilemma. We have a new priest in our parish and recently she went to confession alone. I guess after she confessed her sins he lingered and asked her questions, the questions he was asking were all related to sexuality (What do you do when you get horny? What will you do if you get excited when you’re with your boyfriend?) those type of questions.She just started dating a fellow a few months back. I do NOT know the nature of her confession but his questions disturbed her a great deal.

Now her and her boyfriend are engaged and I went with her to talk to the Father about her plans. Again he brought up the subject of; how are you going to handle it if your boyfriend gets horny, after she told him they hadn’t been intimate with each other yet.

Now she’s so uncomfortable with him that she won’t go to Mass unless I’m with her (which has caused her to miss Mass twice) and she won’t go to confession with him at all (I found a nearby town where she can go to confession but it’s too far away to attend Mass regularly).

I’m not sure what to think about all this. He’s made her so uncomfortable she refuses to be near him unless I’m with her (even at Mass!!!). I’m not sure if this is a personality clash or not. I’ve tried talking her through it but she won’t be consoled.

She has told him outright that she’s not comfortable discussing those sort of things and he brought it up again despite that.

What should be done in this situation? Just quietly go to Confession at the other parish? She won’t attend Mass without me so she’ll be missing Mass twice a month. I’ve tried to talk to her and I think she’ll try going to the other parish on the weeks I can’t attend with her but I’m uncertain if she’ll carry through.

She’s a brand spanking new Catholic (like me!). She was just baptized this April so this whole thing is really unfortunate.

Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

PS: Is it appropriate for a priest to bring up sexuality when the penitent did not initiate the topic?
 
nickybr38 said:
My roommate has a bit of a dilemma. We have a new priest in our parish and recently she went to confession alone. I guess after she confessed her sins he lingered and asked her questions, the questions he was asking were all related to sexuality (What do you do when you get horny? What will you do if you get excited when you’re with your boyfriend?) those type of questions.She just started dating a fellow a few months back. I do NOT know the nature of her confession but his questions disturbed her a great deal.

Now her and her boyfriend are engaged and I went with her to talk to the Father about her plans. Again he brought up the subject of; how are you going to handle it if your boyfriend gets horny, after she told him they hadn’t been intimate with each other yet.

Now she’s so uncomfortable with him that she won’t go to Mass unless I’m with her (which has caused her to miss Mass twice) and she won’t go to confession with him at all (I found a nearby town where she can go to confession but it’s too far away to attend Mass regularly).

I’m not sure what to think about all this. He’s made her so uncomfortable she refuses to be near him unless I’m with her (even at Mass!!!). I’m not sure if this is a personality clash or not. I’ve tried talking her through it but she won’t be consoled.

She has told him outright that she’s not comfortable discussing those sort of things and he brought it up again despite that.

What should be done in this situation? Just quietly go to Confession at the other parish? She won’t attend Mass without me so she’ll be missing Mass twice a month. I’ve tried to talk to her and I think she’ll try going to the other parish on the weeks I can’t attend with her but I’m uncertain if she’ll carry through.

She’s a brand spanking new Catholic (like me!). She was just baptized this April so this whole thing is really unfortunate.

Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

PS: Is it appropriate for a priest to bring up sexuality when the penitent did not initiate the topic?
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Why would a priest use language such as “horny” to describe arousal? And then continue to bring it up over and over again. Assuming your friend is relaying the incidents just as they happened, something is not kosher with that priest.
 
nickybr38 said:
Just quietly go to Confession at the other parish?
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There is no need to tell any priest where you go to confession. One could drive miles and miles to see a priest to confess, and attend mass at a different parish entirely. If the creepy priest asks her where she goes to confession, she is not obligated to tell him anything. She just has to say that is between her and her confessor, not even saying who her confessor is.

He sounds really creepy.
 
Yes, there is no rule that states that you must attend confession at your local parish. I admit I have visited another parish to have a more anonymous confession. :o

Also, there is no rule that you must belong to the closest parish to your home. Feel free to visit others and find a new home parish.👍
 
Go elsewhere and don’t worry about it. Any priest with valid faculties will do.
 
Go to a different parish for Mass and/or further confessions.This kind of behavior needs to be reported to his superiors.
 
Your friend should not be depriving herself of Mass because of that priest. She can go to another parish.
 
Catholic90 said:
There is no need to tell any priest where you go to confession. One could drive miles and miles to see a priest to confess, and attend mass at a different parish entirely. If the creepy priest asks her where she goes to confession, she is not obligated to tell him anything. She just has to say that is between her and her confessor, not even saying who her confessor is.

He sounds really creepy.
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I had a horribe experience and I want to share it ONLY because I hope she will NOT do what I did.

I was in a church as a brand new Catholic and the priest would ask me intimate details about things I confessed. I realized this priest was very shady and I reported him. It seems that eventually he left the priesthood over immorality. I left the church for 11 years. I was so angry and hurt that I didn’t come back for that long and in that time my life crumbled and I really went into serious spritual crisis. I thank God I am back.

I think she should tell the bishop in a letter detailing what he’s saying, the words he’s using and the discomfort she’s feeling. The reason is what if he’s doing this (or worse) to others in the parish? Let the Diocese sort it out, that’s what they are for, that’s their job. Wouldn’t it be something if this wouldn’t even be the first letter they get on this guy? . Definitely go to another parish and leave that one in the dust. If she makes herself go to the one with the “creepy” priest she will spend all her time upset anyway and probably won’t get much out of the Mass. Take the drive, and also do a search and make sure there isn’t a campus church or chapel or alternative that might be closer. I drove 30 minutes and I LOVE it!

Lorrie
 
If she is able, she really should tell somebody about this inappropriate behavior. If the priest in question is not the pastor, the pastor would be the first person to approach. If he is the pastor, then go to the diocese. There should be a department there that deals specifically with concerns about priests. Ever since the abuse scandals, all diocese have such a department. Even though this isn’t an abuse case, it it probably the starting point to bring this to someone else’s attention.

In the meantime, she can (and should) go to Confession at another parish. Maybe she can attend Mass there too.
 
Irishgal49 said:
I think she should tell the bishop in a letter detailing what he’s saying, the words he’s using and the discomfort she’s feeling. The reason is what if he’s doing this (or worse) to others in the parish? Let the Diocese sort it out, that’s what they are for, that’s their job. Wouldn’t it be something if this wouldn’t even be the first letter they get on this guy? .
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Yep, I agree. Predators come in all shapes, sizes, and so forth. He could very well be a predator - at the very least he is a creep.

Complain. You may be saving someone else who is not as strong as your friend.
 
i would report it to your local Bishop this “priest” is ruining the name of God by being creepy and ruining Church for your friend
 
The posters who mentioned that this inappropriate discussion by the priest should be taken to the pastor or the diocese are absolutely correct! This is how these problems can be nipped in the bud.
 
She should let someone know - even if it is a more senior priest and receive guidance. At the very least counsel her to bring it up at her next confession when she brings up missing mass and most likely that priest will guide her on what to do about the situation.
 
Your friend should immediately write a letter to the pastor with a copy to the bishop documenting the facts as they occurred. Don’t waste any time! This priest needs psychological help. Please don’t delay. Others may be harmed.

Jim Dandy
 
Yes, I would say to report him… A good, Holy Priest is an image of Christ, and Our Lord did not set such a bad example for his flock… The Holy Catholic Church is NOT in need of Priests, She is in need of GOOD, HOLY Priests who are worthy to be an image of Christ and a role model for others. There are a few Priests who need to be defrocked, because the Priesthood is a Holy organisation and it is a discrace to taint God’s Kingdom with evil… :dts:

I feel very strongly about this, because I am currently discerning the Priesthood myself, and it hurts me deeply to see such horrible things going on, when I am trying so hard to make myself worthy of that great responcebility… :doh2:
 
Jim_Dandy said:
Your friend should immediately write a letter to the pastor with a copy to the bishop documenting the facts as they occurred. Don’t waste any time! This priest needs psychological help. Please don’t delay. Others may be harmed.

Jim Dandy
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While his “advice” may be unwarranted and improper, he does not necessarily need “psychiatric help.” If he is not doing anything else wrong, then you would not want to ruin his life by getting him dismissed. So, if at all possible, do not get the bishop involved. Talk to the pastor first (if he is not the pastor himself), and see what he has to say.
 
Young_Thinker said:
While his “advice” may be unwarranted and improper, he does not necessarily need “psychiatric help.” If he is not doing anything else wrong, then you would not want to ruin his life by getting him dismissed. So, if at all possible, do not get the bishop involved. Talk to the pastor first (if he is not the pastor himself), and see what he has to say.
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This is NOT true. Any priest asking a young woman what she does when she “gets horney” needs to be STOPPED! It’s not wrong to talk to the Bishop who can then investigate. What if one other woman has already written about him and the Bishop’s office thinks it’s all her. By writing you may suddenly find, “Wow 3 women have complained” and that’s merits investigation. This man needs help all right…help packing if he doesn’t change his ways. The church doesn’t need HIS kind of help.

Lorrie
 
Irishgal49 said:
This is NOT true. Any priest asking a young woman what she does when she “gets horney” needs to be STOPPED! It’s not wrong to talk to the Bishop who can then investigate. What if one other woman has already written about him and the Bishop’s office thinks it’s all her. By writing you may suddenly find, “Wow 3 women have complained” and that’s merits investigation. This man needs help all right…help packing if he doesn’t change his ways. The church doesn’t need HIS kind of help.

Lorrie
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I understand what you are saying. I just do not want any man (particularily a priest) to get hurt if he is really just being quirky rather than actually dangerous to other people.
 
I agree this situation needs to be escalated. I would not get too excited about it though. It is better to stay calm and talk to the appropriate person in the diocese about this matter. I believe this is the Vicar in the diocese. At least that is the way my diocese operates.

Remember, you have only heard one side of the story, … second hand.
 
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