Understanding a husbands masterbation

[actorgirl]

I’ll tell you that there were times when my wife was not in the mood, or overly amorous, but knew I needed her - sometimes physically, other times to be emotionally close - and she opened herself to me physically and emotionally. Because she loves me. She may have been passive and just let me love her softly, but she was there for me even when she was not “in the mood”. That is what people are talking about “sacrificing” - lovingly, not as an object. There’s a difference.

I understand all that. I understand a wife doing that for her husband But why would YOU want to do that.

eta: close talk and snuggling could be just as intimate

 

[searching06]

He understands. He just doesn’t agree. Which I know will be problematic for many of you here. This is also why I said ** When it all is said and done it will be between that person and God**

Have him or help him continue to fight it, but go to confession if he fails. Not agreeing doesn’t take away it being a sin; being unrepentant is a problem, but again, he and God will be the only ones who know that. It is tough, I know…

 

[PennitentMan]

He understands. He just doesn’t agree. Which I know will be problematic for many of you here.

You are right. I think it would be…

But I have to add this:
Don’t you think then that your (name removed by moderator)uts on this thread are not really relevant, since you are not Catholic and your husband is not following the Catholic teachings on masturbation…and this thread is about masturbation and marraige. Am I right?

 

[PennitentMan]

eta: close talk and snuggling could be just as intimate

I actually addressed this a bit earlier: (I only now see how many spelling errors I’m making! Ouch, sorry! )

“Understand that your husband needs to be shown that you love him. He needs spousal intimacy, he needs and yearns to share himself with you and for you to share yourself with him…and most men show and let it be shown to them through intimacy.”

It’s the “Love Language” that most guys speak…

 

[searching06]

I actually addressed this a bit earlier: (I only now see how many spelling errors I’m making! Ouch, sorry! )

“Understand that your husband needs to be shown that you love him. He needs spousal intimacy, he needs and yearns to share himself with you and for you to share yourself with him…and most men show and let it be shown to them through intimacy.”

It’s the “Love Language” that most guys speak…

I have to echo PM here. Being open to him even if you are not in the mood as much, shows your acceptance of him and your love. Not being there for him equals unspoken rejection, and if he is already struggling with masturbation, it can build resentment and a ton of anxiety on top of any guilt he may be feeling. May sound odd to you, but as a guy who has been there and is dealing with infrequent relations and intimacy issues, it’s quite real.

 

[gerryanneco]

i happened on this forum and thread by chance seeking help for a problem with a husband of 43 years (eight children)… in our marriage we have had peeping tom, playboy, hustler, xxx movies, lap dancers, prostitutes, two (or more) girl friends, of course masturbation, alchoholism, gambling and most recently (after being clean of them 22 years) cigarettes. i never said no to my husband, not even when i had given birth three days earlier. this past year i have tried to cope with the fact that my husband now smells like my mother who died 12 years ago of lung cancer. tastes like her too! in spite of the fact that i am a lusty, loving, affectionate woman who thoroughly enjoys the pleasures God gave us to share as man and wife, and even though i took him for better or worse and got the worst even i can’t convince myself that i can hold my breath and stop my nose long enough. i trust in God to make all things right in the end but meanwhile here on earth i am a weeping lonely wife. when our children were young he would lay on our couch while i cried in our bed of loneliness. in the morning i would pick up his ‘used sock or handkerchief or kleenex’ so his children would not find it. he could not even clean up after himself. if any of you out there are husbands with loving wives i beg you to spare them any more of your pitiful addictions!!!

 

[searching06]

All I can say is God bless you, and I am just as sure that each of us here will pray for you…

 

[jedimasterham]

Why is it wrong to masterbate??? It’s kind of silly isn’t it, to be so opposed to it. I don’t see how its really useful to do it, or to talk about it so much… If someone does, thats fine, they’ve got their reasons.

 

[actorgirl]

You are right. I think it would be…

But I have to add this:
Don’t you think then that your (name removed by moderator)uts on this thread are not really relevant, since you are not Catholic and your husband is not following the Catholic teachings on masturbation…and this thread is about masturbation and marraige. Am I right?

correction: initially he said he didn’t believe masterbation=hell. Then I told him that you all said it was the case. He said that was not church teaching. That a sin doesn’t directly send you to hell. That we are all sinners and as long as you** repent **and are truly sorry you are fine.

amazing how one word changes everything. . my bad

as to why I posted. I would not have. It was only when someone stated if the wife was doing her job, he wouldn’t have to. That i took issue with

 

[harmon3110]

Please remember that this is YOUR personal opinion, not the teachings of the Catholic Church.

Uhm, that’s why I began my post with the word “Personally…”

It is becoming obvious that you do not understand the teachings of the Church …

Actually, I do understand them. I just reject some of them as ludicuous. For example, this one:

The Catholic Church has taught us that sex must be (EACH TIME) unitive (uniting the wife to her husband, renewing their wedding vows if you will) and preocreative (open to life). If these two are not present, the act is sinful.

 

[PennitentMan]

if any of you out there are husbands with loving wives i beg you to spare them any more of your pitiful addictions!!!

I will definately pray for you. And also for your husband that he will see the error of his ways and repent and confess his actions to you and to God.
And also to try as hard as he can to get his addictions under control and to beat them.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Uhm, that’s why I began my post with the word “Personally…”

Actually, I do understand them. I just reject some of them as ludicuous. For example, this one:

If you reject the teachings of the Catholic Church, then you reject your Catholic faith?

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Why is it wrong to masterbate??? It’s kind of silly isn’t it, to be so opposed to it. I don’t see how its really useful to do it, or to talk about it so much… If someone does, thats fine, they’ve got their reasons.

Simply put…because God said so and the Catholic Church teaches this as well:

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."138 “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."139

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

 

[searching06]

Uhm, that’s why I began my post with the word “Personally…”

Actually, I do understand them. I just reject some of them as ludicuous. For example, this one:

You will find throughout other threads that this also is one of the major contentions many Catholics have with Church teachings. But if we follow church teachings, we can’t pick and choose. This is the biggest struggle for me in this area - it doesn’t seem to make sense and goes against what you think God gave us. But then, the learning process is why I came to the forum…

 

[PennitentMan]

correction: initially he said he didn’t believe masterbation=hell. Then I told him that you all said it was the case. He said that was not church teaching. That a sin doesn’t directly send you to hell. That we are all sinners and as long as you** repent **and are truly sorry you are fine.

Ah, I understand now. I was under the impression that he was an active masturbator with no repentance. I’m sorry for the confusion and I hope I was not overly harsh

amazing how one word changes everything. . my bad

no worries!

as to why I posted. I would not have. It was only when someone stated if the wife was doing her job, he wouldn’t have to. That I took issue with

Ah, I understand now!

Do you understand where the Catholic viewpoint comes from now thought? Husbands and wives need to submit to each other…it’s totally a two way street

 

[Black_Jaque]

I understand all that. I understand a wife doing that for her husband But why would YOU want to do that.

It’s not like a husband wouldn’t prefer that his wife be in the mood - that would be perfect. And it’s not like the husband is unwilling to do whatever needs to be done to put his wife in the mood. Sometimes the wife is not in the mood, and there’s nothing her husband can do to change that.

Now, why would a husband choose to embrace his wife even if she isn’t in the mood?

A) Because he finds it easier to avoid temptations to mortal sin afterwards.

B) Because he realizes that his job is to help his wife get to Heaven. Women don’t get to heaven by self indulging. It’s a good thing for a husband to raise the bar a little on his wife (and vice versa).

A good marriage is one in which both spouses have permission to patiently and lovingly call each other to higher levels of self-sacrifice. They challenge each other, and encourage each other. Thus they become great saints.

A weak marriage is one in which it is seen as selfish to expect your spouse to sacrifice. Thus they both stay out of each other’s way. Never expecting much from each other. And if they do expect something, they might dilude themselves into thinking that what they expect is small.

 

[actorgirl]

Ah, I understand now. I was under the impression that he was an **active masturbator **

with no repentance. I’m sorry for the confusion and I hope I was not overly harsh

sorry that made me giggle. I actuakky asked him if he does. His response “who has the time”

Do you understand where the Catholic viewpoint comes from now thought? Husbands and wives need to submit to each other…it’s totally a two way street

 

[actorgirl]

A) Because he finds it easier to avoid temptations to mortal sin afterwards.

he shouldn’t tkae the easy way out.

B) Because he realizes that his job is to help his wife get to Heaven. Women don’t get to heaven by self indulging. It’s a good thing for a husband to raise the bar a little on his wife (and vice versa).

I don’t understand

A weak marriage is one in which it is seen as selfish to expect your spouse to sacrifice. Thus they both stay out of each other’s way. Never expecting much from each other. And if they do expect something, they might dilude themselves into thinking that what they expect is small.

Can someone please tell me what is SO wrong with not expecting a spouse to have sex with you every time you feel like it

 

[PennitentMan]

sorry that made me giggle. I actuakky asked him if he does. His response “who has the time”

 

[PennitentMan]

Can someone please tell me what is SO wrong with not expecting a spouse to have sex with you every time you feel like it

I don’t think it’s really 100% like that.

It’s more like if you have been appart for areasonable amount of time, in stead of ignoring it, it’s better to be intimate again and strengten the marital bonds, in stead of ignoring it and growing appart.

If it was like you said, it would most probably be driven by the urges for pleasure, but it’s the yearning for intimacy and the bonding of souls, so the expectation would be far less than “every time you feel like it.”

I hope I explained myself properly?

PM