Understanding a husbands masterbation

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actorgirl said:
he shouldn’t tkae the easy way out.

I don’t understand

Can someone please tell me what is SO wrong with not expecting a spouse to have sex with you every time you feel like it
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There’s nothing wrong with it, as long as there is not complete rejection every time you happen to not be overly in the mood. That goes back to expecting and using each other vs loving each other.
 
as to why I posted. I would not have. It was only when someone stated if the wife was doing her job, he wouldn’t have to. That I took issue with
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Actorgirl,

I’m pretty sure it was my post that you took issue with. I did not intend that if a wife was doing her job, a husband wouldn’t have to masturbate. No husband “has to”. That’s why I jumped all over Penitent Man for choosing the wording “forced to”.

This thread was started by a concerned wife. We owe it to her to give her the best advice we can. If keeping her husband’s apetite satisfied with “good things” can help him stay away from bad things, then she can follow this advice.

I wasn’t suggesting that she become a toy for her husband. I was suggesting that she become a saint for her husband. See, Jesus didn’t say that we should “take the timber out of our own eye…then shut up”. He said we should take the timber out of our own eye first, then help remove the speck out of our neighbors eye.

Go read Gerryanneco’s post. She already stated - she never says “no”. Do you see how Gerryanneco is on a higher ground to argue with her husband and insist that he stop his selfish addictions?
 
searching06 said:
if we follow church teachings, we can’t pick and choose. This is the biggest struggle for me in this area - it doesn’t seem to make sense and goes against what you think God gave us. But then, the learning process is why I came to the forum…
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I respect your desire to learn and to be loyal to your Church.

However, I don’t share the view “we can’t pick and choose.” I do it all the time. There are several official teachings of the Church that I find ludicruous, so I ignore them, but I get to Mass anyway.
 
Black_Jaque said:
Masterbation is a mortal sin.

A mortal sin separates us from God.

If we die separated from God, we go to hell.

What you just said:

“I don’t mind if my husband spends eternity in Hell.”
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I find your logic to be . . . breathtaking. Are you actually advocating that a person who masturbates will go to eternal damnation – hell ?
 
harmon3110 said:
I respect your desire to learn and to be loyal to your Church.

However, I don’t share the view “we can’t pick and choose.” I do it all the time. There are several official teachings of the Church that I find ludicruous, so I ignore them, but I get to Mass anyway.
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That’s where prayer and faith will come in. Believe me, I am not trying to pontificate. And I almost sent this as “private”, but hopefully it makes sense. But until a few years ago, my wife and I did not know what the Catechism taught in the area of sex. We followed NFP to avoid pregnancy and did whatever we wanted in between; we thought we were within teachings. As we read, it made us look at everything, not just sex per the church. And so while you may not agree with everything - I surely do not and it causes problems - you really cannot, as a fully practicing Catholic - pick and choose from what the church teaches.

The infallibility of the magisterium is a tough one, but the key is not that man is infallible - the guidance of the Holy Spirit is.
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Jaque forums.catholic-questions.org/images/buttons_cad/viewpost.gif
A) Because he finds it easier to avoid temptations to mortal sin afterwards.
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he shouldn’t tkae the easy way out.
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Yah right! No, in matters regarding your eternal soul - if there is an easier way to keep it - do it! You don’t flirt with the gates of hell just to puff your ego.
Can someone please tell me what is SO wrong with not expecting a spouse to have sex with you every time you feel like it
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Whoa There! We’re not expecting a wife to have sex with us every time we feel like it. Ha! If that was the case nothing else would get done.

There’s a huge difference between expecting a wife to accept us even when she doesn’t feel like it, and expecting a wife to accept us whenever we feel like it.

There might be 10 times when a husband feels like he could use the embrace, for every 1 time that his wife is in the mood. So if a couple does it 3 times, they will have done it once while they both felt amorous, and twice when only he felt like he needed to be close. *But there were 7 times when he felt like he needed her embrace but they didn’t do anything. *And probably 6 of those 7 times, the wife never even knew the husband felt the need for her embrace - he just read the queues and went for a jog instead.

Does that make sense?
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B) Because he realizes that his job is to help his wife get to Heaven. Women don’t get to heaven by self indulging. It’s a good thing for a husband to raise the bar a little on his wife (and vice versa).
I don’t understand
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Do you believe in Heaven? Do you believe that to get there you have to follow Jesus? Do you understand that following Jesus means dieing on the cross?

Do you know the passage where Christ spoke most harshly to Peter? He called Peter “Satan”! --It was when Peter said he wouldn’t let Jesus die on the Cross. Peter thought he was doing a good thing trying to stop Jesus from giving himself up - and Peter got a scorching reprimand!
 
Black_Jaque said:
Whoa There! We’re not expecting a wife to have sex with us every time we feel like it. Ha! If that was the case nothing else would get done.

There’s a huge difference between expecting a wife to accept us even when she doesn’t feel like it, and expecting a wife to accept us whenever we feel like it.
!
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well sure

well what in the golly gee willerkers are we arguing about!:rotfl:
 
I find your logic to be . . . breathtaking. Are you actually advocating that a person who masturbates will go to eternal damnation – hell ?
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You’re kidding right? You do know that this is the Catholic Church’s position right?

Now there’s a whole bunch of qualifiers such as Actorgirls husband stated - that you will only go to hell if you don’t repent - but that’s sort of implied by my saying that you die separated from God.

There’s also some qualifiers such as culpability. Little kids that have never been taught about this can be invincibly ignorant. Then, out of that ignorance a nasty habbit can form. If this habbit is really bad, and later this person learns that what they are doing is evil, but still the habbit persists - their culpability is reduced. But this person, knowing they have an evil habbit, must begin taking action to stop the habbit.

So my logis was intended to be simple - to illustrate what a wife who doesn’t care if her husband masturbates is really saying.
 
harmon3110 said:
No. But, I reject the teaching authority of the magisterium as infallible. And, I find this teaching to be unaccaptable.
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So tell me how you feel about other teachings of the Church:

Homosexuality?

Pornography?

Contraception?

Lust?

Sex outside of marriage?
 
Black_Jaque said:
I did not intend that if a wife was doing her job, a husband wouldn’t have to masturbate. No husband “has to”. That’s why I jumped all over Penitent Man for choosing the wording “forced to”.
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Guilty! 🙂
 
Black_Jaque said:
You’re kidding right?
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Actually, I was serious.
You do know that this is the Catholic Church’s position right?
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Yes. I also find it to be one of the most ludicrous teachings of the Catholic Church. I find the idea that someone will be damned to everlasting torment for touching him/herself to be ludicrous.

The most credence that I could give the idea is that it can act as a gateway to more sexual activity, and that would be wrong for certain people – especially people who have vowed to be celibate. A classification of masturbation as sinful in that kind of scenario would make sense.

Otherwise, I think this is a tempest in a teapot.
 
I am curious, because I am new to this Forum: Are most people here as strictly conservative in their views as the people who have posted on this thread?
 
harmon3110 said:
I am curious, because I am new to this Forum: Are most people here as strictly conservative in their views as the people who have posted on this thread?
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Orthodox would be a more appropriate term. Most people on this forum believe in following what the Catholic Church teaches. Most people on the forum do not choose what they like from church teaching and disregard the rest. Masturbation is not an optional teaching. If you do it you must confess it and resolve not to do it again. Sometimes habit makes it difficult to break but one most still confess it when he/she falls and try, try again.
 
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