Understanding a husbands masterbation

[whatevergirl]

LOL…If a wife is ‘not in the mood,’ many times it’s because she is tired…or has something on her mind. But–if a woman puts herself aside say for a moment…and chooses to please her husband…because* he is in the mood*…funny thing happens.

…she ends up getting in the mood.

go figure!

(and I speak from experience on that one)

 

[Margita]

I find the idea that someone will be damned to everlasting torment for touching him/herself to be ludicrous.

The most credence that I could give the idea is that it can act as a gateway to more sexual activity, and that would be wrong for certain people – especially people who have vowed to be celibate. A classification of masturbation as sinful in that kind of scenario would make sense.

Otherwise, I think this is a tempest in a teapot.

It is not about “touching” yourself. It is the improper use of your body, it is a disordered sexual act. Sexual acts have no place outside their sacramental context, i.e. marriage.
As for the “gateway to more sexual activity” - masturbation is a sexual activity, so it is not a gateway. But if you meant it could lead to fornication, sexual acts with other people - is this not bad enough??? Not only for priests, but for lay people who have vowed to avoid the near occasion of sin???

 

[harmon3110]

Orthodox would be a more appropriate term.

That is an odd term for Catholics to use. I assume that “Orthodox” (especially with a captial “O”) is appropriate only to members of the Orthodox Church. I’m genuinely asking: do traditional, conservative Catholics actually refer to themselves as “Orthodox” ?

Most people on this forum believe in following what the Catholic Church teaches. Most people on the forum do not choose what they like from church teaching and disregard the rest.

I see . . .

 

[rayne89]

No. This thread is about masturbation, and I don’t want to go off topic. If you are genuinely interested, you can PM me.

On another thread you said you follow the ten commandments. Might want to check this out: GUIDE FOR A GOOD CONFESSION
saintcyrils.org/confession.htm

THE SIXTH AND NINTH COMMANDMENT

• Did I willfully entertain impure thoughts?
• Did I consent to evil desires against virtue of purity, even though I may not have carried them out? Were there any circumstances that aggravated the sin: affinity (relationship by marriage), consanguinity (blood relationship), either the married state or the consecration to God of a person involved?
• Did I engage in impure conversations? Did I start them?
• Did I look for fun in forms of entertainment that places me in proximate occasions of sin, such as certain dances, movies, shows, or books with immoral contents? Did I frequent houses of ill-repute or keep bad company?
• Did I realize that I might already have been committing a sin by placing myself in a proximate occasion of sin, such as sharing a room with a person I find sexually attractive, or being alone with such a person in circumstances that could lead to sin?
• Did I fail to take care of those details of modesty and decency that are the safeguard of purity?
• Did I fail, before going to show or reading a book, to find out its moral implications, so as not to put myself in immediate danger of sinning and in order to avoid distorting my conscience?
• Did I willfully look at an indecent picture (any form of pornography) or cast immodest look upon myself or another? Did I willfully desire to commit such a sin?
• Did I lead others to sins of impurity or immodesty? What sins?
• Did I commit an impure act? By myself, through masturbation (which is objectively a mortal sin)? With someone else? How many times? With someone of the same or opposite sex? Was there any circumstance of relationship (such as affinity) that could have given the sin special gravity? Did this illicit relationship result in pregnancy? Did I do anything to prevent or end that pregnancy?
• Do I have friendships that are habitual occasions of sexual sins? Am I prepared to end them?
• *In courtship, *is true love my fundamental reason for wanting to be with other person? Do I live the constant and cheerful sacrifice of not putting the person I love in danger of sinning? Do I degrade human love by confusing it with selfishness or mere pleasure?
• Did I engage in acts such as petting, necking, passionate kisses, or prolonged embraces

 

[rayne89]

That is an odd term for Catholics to use. I assume that “Orthodox” (especially with a captial “O”) is appropriate only to members of the Orthodox Church. I’m genuinely asking: do traditional, conservative Catholics actually refer to themselves as “Orthodox” ?

I see . . .

It was a capital O because it was the first word in the sentence.
Main Entry: 1or·tho·dox http://www.m-w.com/images/audio.gif
1 a : conforming to established doctrine especially in religion

From your statements it seems you fall into this category
Main Entry: het·ero·dox m-w.com/images/audio.gif
1 : contrary to or different from an acknowledged standard, a traditional form, or an established religion : UNORTHODOX

 

[whatevergirl]

We spend a lot of time on masturbation/sexual sins on this board …I mean, it’s essential to know the teachings…but it seems to be** thee most talked about ‘sin’**…and I have sinned in my life…and at times, it had to do with impurity…but most of my sins are done*…out of the bed*, shall we say?

I guess I have a hard time getting my yardstick out to measure people’s sexual sins with such harshness…when I know that I fall every day…in non sexual ways. It sometimes feels that we hold sexual sins in worse regard than any other…??

Show me someone who isn’t struggling or has never struggled with sin…and I’ll show you Jesus–ONLY.

Just a different point of view.

 

[harmon3110]

It is not about “touching” yourself. It is the improper use of your body, it is a disordered sexual act.

Interesting. Flabberghasting, actually.

And, it makes me ask a question.

If the Catholic Church wants to motivate people to practice more self-control and holiness in their lives, including the sexual dimension of their lives, why not just tell them that? Why not just tell people that the purpose of life is to become holy, that this requires (among other things) self control, that birth control and masturbation are not the same as sexual self control and therefore trhey cannot practice them, and then tell them the things that can help them acquire self control and holiness: prayer, fasting, almsgiving, the sacraments, etc.

 

[rayne89]

We spend a lot of time on masturbation/sexual sins on this board …I mean, it’s essential to know the teachings…but it seems to be** thee most talked about ‘sin’**…and I have sinned in my life…and at times, it had to do with impurity…but most of my sins are done*…out of the bed*, shall we say?

I guess I have a hard time getting my yardstick out to measure people’s sexual sins with such harshness…when I know that I fall every day…in non sexual ways. It sometimes feels that we hold sexual sins in worse regard than any other…??

Show me someone who isn’t struggling or has never struggled with sin…and I’ll show you Jesus–ONLY.

Just a different point of view.

I think sexual sin comes up so much because many have been “normalized” is secular society as in it’s “normal and healthy”. And most people don’t bring up sexual sins as part of dinner conversation -much easier to talk about on an annonymous forum. I don’t think sexual sins are worse than other sins. I just object to this “everybody does it” “it normal and healthy” “you’re sexually repressed if you don’t” mentality which is very common in this day and age. Absolutely I need confession regularly, I commit sins. I don’t look down on people because their sins are somehow worse than mine.
I think it’s important to be truthful about the church teaching. I certainly don’t want to be responsible for someone continuing in the wrong direction because I was afraid to speak up. I hope others would do the same for me.

 

[harmon3110]

It was a capital O because it was the first word in the sentence.
Main Entry: 1or·tho·dox http://www.m-w.com/images/audio.gif
1 a : conforming to established doctrine especially in religion

From your statements it seems you fall into this category
Main Entry: het·ero·dox m-w.com/images/audio.gif
1 : contrary to or different from an acknowledged standard, a traditional form, or an established religion : UNORTHODOX

I’m guilty as charged. Just keep in mind that the members of the Orthodox Church would regard Catholics (especialy so called “orthodox” Catholics) as heterodox.

 

[rayne89]

Why not just tell people that the purpose of life is to become holy, that this requires (among other things) self control, that birth control and masturbation are not the same as sexual self control and therefore trhey cannot practice them, and then tell them the things that can help them acquire self control and holiness: prayer, fasting, almsgiving, the sacraments, etc.

Sounds like our average Sunday homily to me. We hear exactly that all the time.

 

[whatevergirl]

I think sexual sin comes up so much because many have been “normalized” is secular society as in it’s “normal and healthy”. And most people don’t bring up sexual sins as part of dinner conversation -much easier to talk about on an annonymous forum. I don’t think sexual sins are worse than other sins. I just object to this “everybody does it” “it normal and healthy” “you’re sexually repressed if you don’t” mentality which is very common in this day and age. Absolutely I need confession regularly, I commit sins. I don’t look down on people because their sins are somehow worse than mine.
I think it’s important to be truthful about the church teaching. I certainly don’t want to be responsible for someone continuing in the wrong direction because I was afraid to speak up. I hope others would do the same for me.

No…i understand what you are saying-i do. I’m not saying people should repress their opinions…but at times, some on here appear a bit self righteous over the topic…as if to say…Well,* I *don’t masturbate, therefore I’m not in the same category as you are.

That’s all I’m saying. I agree–we have made it a healthy thing to do in our society, so it is no wonder people don’t see it as sinful…and this is a good place to ask questions. I just sometimes see people becoming a bit…hmmm…condemning at times. I think someone said to someone (not this thread but another)…‘you will go to Hell if you masturbate and don’t repent.’ That person doesn’t know that. No one knows who will go to Hell…but God.

 

[Margita]

I’m guilty as charged. Just keep in mind that the members of the Orthodox Church would regard Catholics (especialy so called “orthodox” Catholics) as heterodox.

But they would never approve of masturbation

 

[harmon3110]

We spend a lot of time on masturbation/sexual sins on this board …]

Then that is sad. There is more to the Gospel than one’s genitals and the use or misuse thereof.

I have stated my opinion on this matter, and now I am done.

 

[Margita]

Interesting. Flabberghasting, actually.

And, it makes me ask a question.

If the Catholic Church wants to motivate people to practice more self-control and holiness in their lives, including the sexual dimension of their lives, why not just tell them that? Why not just tell people that the purpose of life is to become holy, that this requires (among other things) self control, that birth control and masturbation are not the same as sexual self control and therefore trhey cannot practice them, and then tell them the things that can help them acquire self control and holiness: prayer, fasting, almsgiving, the sacraments, etc.

I think the Catholic Church does a pretty good job at telling people all these things. That’s why I can post such “flabberghasting” stuff here. I haven’t heard anything else since I was born.

 

[whatevergirl]

Then that is sad. There is more to the Gospel than one’s genitals and the use or misuse thereof.

I have stated my opinion on this matter, and now I am done.

Not sure if it’s sad that we talk about it so much…or we need to talk about it so much because it’s happening so much? Either way…it’s the tones of some that confuse me, to tell u the truth. That’s all.

 

[harmon3110]

But they would never approve of masturbation

I’ll let you get the last word in after this reply, because I am really done. True, the Orthodox also disapprove of masturbation. But, they take a therapeutic approach to guiding the the soul back to repentance, rather than a judgemental approach of obey or be damned.

Now I really am done with the topic.

 

[whatevergirl]

you’re not done lol

 

[rayne89]

I’ll let you get the last word in after this reply, because I am really done. True, the Orthodox also disapprove of masturbation. But, they take a therapeutic approach to guiding the the soul back to repentance, rather than a judgemental approach of obey or be damned.

Now I really am done with the topic.

Catechism of the Catholic Church

**2352 **By *masturbation *is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

(my emphasis)

 

[tutor5]

WHOW!!! Was not expecting so much response to this thread… perhaps being a new member I am not aware of how these threads evolve and take on a life of their own??? as indeed this one has!

The candid responses from men have confirmed what my husband has graciously communicated to me during the past week or so. It could seem a little disappointing that it has taken ten years for us to address this issue properly, but a new leaf has been turned, our marriage has grown and faith strengthened! What a revelation it is to have a fuller understanding of man as God created him!!! So thanks again to those who have been willing to speak openly on such important yet personal issues… I’m a better woman for it!

Gob bless and keep the faith!

 

[Black_Jaque]

Whatevergirl

That’s all I’m saying. I agree–we have made it a healthy thing to do in our society, so it is no wonder people don’t see it as sinful…and this is a good place to ask questions. I just sometimes see people becoming a bit…hmmm…condemning at times. I think someone said to someone (not this thread but another)…‘you will go to Hell if you masturbate and don’t repent.’ That person doesn’t know that. No one knows who will go to Hell…but God.

It’s probably a personal preference thing. I prefer a priest who cuts to the quick, tells you exactly what mortal sin is and what will happen. Condemning? OK if you want to call it that. But I just don’t see any reason to sugar-coat a turd. It best left exposed for exactly what it is - that way people know not to step in it.

As for knowing what will cause us to go to Hell or not - sure we can know. The big criteria is that last part “and don’t repent”. How long does it take for someone to repent? A fraction of a second maybe? So, if a person dies, an as their life passes before them - at the very last instant they repent - then, well I guess they get to go to heaven don’t they. Because we never can fully know whether a person repented or not before they died THAT’S the reason we don’t know if they go to hell or not.

But if they commit a mortal sin, and do not repent, then sure - they go to hell and we know it.

If it sounds scary - it should be.