Oh, rest assured, I dropped Prime like a hot potato a few years ago, after my back problems surfaced. The kiddos and I are on Standard.
This is true, and sadly, the source of many of our arguments.
I suppose I meant “traditional” in the sense that daughters have very strict rules and expectations for behavior, whereas my brother did not, I am expected to keep a spotless home, have supper on the table every night, serve my husband and children, etc. To be clear, I am happy to do those things, as I love my family desperately and love taking care of them. Unfortunately, both of my parents really buy into the whole “well, you have one boy and one girl, now you can stop!” mentality.Your post was very kind, very supportive, and much appreciated. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.I was scared I would not word it the right way. And I can’t help but think there are times when one needs practical advice not just praise for their strength. Sadly, I have no practical advice to give (which I suspect the OP was needing).
I must admit, I feel relieved that my post came across in the good way I was hoping it would
I go off post for everything; medical, dental, vision. So do our children.Thank you so much (and I adore the quote in your signature. I’m a classical violinist, and that really speaks to me!). So, cool story. My husband and I never find out the sex of our babies ahead of time. The day I went into labor with our older daughter, I was on a Catholic website, reading about saints whom I was unfamiliar with. I started reading about St. Catherine di Ricci, and I noticed that her birth name was Alessandra. I thought that was a funny coincidence, as that was the name my DH and I decided on if we were to have a girl. Six hours later, our very own Alessandra was born.
Your lifestyle affects their lifestyle. I bet your parents want to be a good grandparents–and they fear they’ve surpassed their limit. Just as some parents feel that they can only “handle” a certain number of children, grandparents can feel that way about grandchildren. Your mother and father each have a certain a number in mind, based on how involved they’d like to be, how much time and money is available, and how much they can afford to spend on “spoiling” them as society seems to expect grandparents to do.
congratulations on your pregnancy!
I also told her that unplanned pregnancies were hardly exclusive to Catholics, and I just got the “self-righteous, arrogant, unkind and uncharitable” remarks again. At that point, I was crying so hard I could barely see, and I knew the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, so I hung up on her. My DH was standing next to me the whole time, and I thought he was going to absolutely blow a fuse. I’ve never seen him so angry. Later on, I sent my mom a text message, and I told her that I wasn’t going to keep her grandchildren from her. She could FaceTime with them whenever she wants (my parents live in Wisconsin, we live in Colorado). However, I said that if this is truly how she feels about me, I don’t want to have anything to do with her. She never responded, and I suppose that’s for the best.I’m so sorry to hear about your gallbladder issues. The gallstone attacks I had leading up to my surgery were unbearable; it was truly the worst pain I’ve ever felt. However, I can tell you that one my gallbladder and stent were removed, the quality of live improved a thousandfold!! Congratulations on your pregnancy as well. You will be in my prayers.Firstly I would like to say that you are an incredibly brave woman to have been what you have been through and I am so pleased you have such a wonderful supporting husband
Secondly, as a non Catholic, I have never been able to fully understand the no contraception rule (it’s one of the reasons I haven’t joined the church yet) HOWEVER that is no excuse for the appalling way in which your parents treated yourself and your husband. Regardless of how, why, when etc a baby is created…a response such as theirs is never helpful even if the root of their anger is their love and concern for you. They should learn to form their responses into a more loving embrace and supportive response.
Personally I would say to your parents that you love them, but you can’t take the added stress of their anger in such a dangerous time for you and your baby. You need to focus on your health and your baby. I would say that if they wish to support you in a loving way, you would embrace them but otherwise stay away until they have control of their anger.
I’m surprised they see themselves as traditional Italian! To me a traditional Italian family would be Catholic and embrace a large family but then I’m not Italian so I can only go by the families I know
Stay strong and please do keep us informed of the progress of your pregnancy!
(I have a much milder experience of the panic of finding out you are pregnant! I’m currently pregnant and had been suffering from severe gall bladder problems, when I found out, I knew the operation would have to be postponed and I would have to manage the attacks on reduced medication due to pregnancy - it was scary!! Anyway, the attacks grew worse and I was hospitalised twice in 3 weeks with pancreatitis. They chose to operate anyway 2 weeks ago while pregnant and now (hopefully) all is well! I shall be praying that your health can be managed also during this pregnancy! All the best!)
Why? Why text her and ask her to talk if you didn’t want to hear her honest opinion?
Just to be clear, I wasn’t texting her in hopes that I would get her approval. I knew that would never happen (and I came to terms with that a long, long time ago). I texted her in hopes that we could just talk and get our feelings/concerns/whatever out, and move on from there. My mom was tentatively making plans to come out and visit us, and I didn’t want there to be any awkwardness or anger during her visit, especially around my children. I was hoping that we could have a calm, reasonable talk, she could explain her concerns about this pregnancy and my health-which I certainly understand-and I wanted to tell her that while I understand and respect her concerns, our family planning decisions are between my husband and I, and no one else. Obviously, that did not happen. But no, please believe me when I say I was not seeking approval from my mother. I stopped caring about parental approval a very long time ago.
Pray for your mom and know that she loves and cares about you. She is very concerned and is therefore, freaking out.Update.
I figured I would give my parents the weekend to get used to the news, and come to terms with it. I sent my mom a text message this morning, asking her if we could talk. She called me a few minutes later, and…it did not go well. At all. To make a very long story short, my mom accused me several times of being “self-righteous and arrogant about everything.” When I told her that her questions about our family planning were intrusive and inappropriate, and said, “see, right there! You’re self-righteous and arrogant!” I asked her why keeping the ins and outs of family planning between my husband and I was arrogant, and my mom just went on a tirade about how stupid NFP is. When I pointed out that she got pregnant twice while contracepting, she said “that’s different.”
I feel sick to my stomach, and I’ve been crying all morning. DH is livid; he says I do not need this stress and anxiety while I’m pregnant (or anytime, really), and it’s taking every ounce of his self-control not to call my mother and go ballistic on her. Please pray for me, and my parents. I really feel like I’m losing my mother, and it breaks my heart. We used to be so close.