Unity Candles: do they have a licit place at Catholic wedding Masses?

[benedictgal]

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Quote:
Originally Posted by bpbasilphx View Post
How about doing it the opposite way: consider the Unity candle analagos to the Christ candle or Paschal candle, the bride and groom light their candles from it, and spread it to the congregation?

I hope that you are being facetious on this one.**

No, I’m not being facetious.

But is there any reason why it can’t be done AFTER the dismissal just before the recessional—the idea that the couple becomes a new prism for the Light of Christ to shine forth upon those they love and the world.

As someone who had to assist the wedding coordinator (our Cathedral had over 85 weddings a year), I can tell you that on a practical level, that will not work. First of all, I don’ t know if you’ve ever worked with couples, but, immediately after Mass (and the picture taking), they all want to beat it to the reception hall.

Second, and even more importantly, why do you want to tack on something to the Nuptial liturgy? The Paschal Candle and the Unity Candle are two entirely different things that have two very distinct meanings. Plus, you would be tacking on something to the liturgy when you have no right to do so.

 

[bpbasilphx]

Second, and even more importantly, why do you want to tack on something to the Nuptial liturgy?

The very fact it takes place AFTER the dismissal proves it’s not “tacked on” to the Liturgy or anything else.

You may as well claim the recessional is part of the Liturgy. It isn’t.

I was just throwing out an idea.

 

[benedictgal]

Second, and even more importantly, why do you want to tack on something to the Nuptial liturgy?

The very fact it takes place AFTER the dismissal proves it’s not “tacked on” to the Liturgy or anything else.

You may as well claim the recessional is part of the Liturgy. It isn’t.

I was just throwing out an idea.

But, that’s how things get started and confused and then, abused. You start “introducing” something based on a fad or an idiosyncracy and then it takes a life of its own, without any control. That’s why people should check their creativity and idiosyncracies at the door when it comes to the liturgy.

Inasmuch as you suggest it could happen after the dismissal, that would open up a whole can of bad worms that will result in more confusion and disarray than what it’s worth. Unless you’ve personally been involved in planning Nuptial liturgies (and want to stay behind and clean up the mess), you need to look at the practicalities involved.

Case in point about messes: When my friend was rector, he didn’t allow the flower girl to throw rose petals down the aisle. The liability was too high on the parish (if somone slipped on one of those things and fell, we’d have a huge problem on our hands because it happend on church property). One time, one darling bride did it anyway, and I had to follow the flower girl with a dust pan picking up all of the rose petals. We also had to clean up after the wedding party when they left stuff like bubble bottles and other little celebratory items behind.

 

[OSUbride0708]

my priest asked me if i had a unity candle…i said i didn’t know what the proper thing was (i can’t remember the last wedding i attended) and he said he wouldn’t recommend using one and that it was more of a protestant thing and a big part of their ceremony,and since our ceremony is basically focusing on the same thing the unity candle is symbolizing, it’s kind of a moot point. i agreed.

 

[benedictgal]

my priest asked me if i had a unity candle…i said i didn’t know what the proper thing was (i can’t remember the last wedding i attended) and he said he wouldn’t recommend using one and that it was more of a protestant thing and a big part of their ceremony,and since our ceremony is basically focusing on the same thing the unity candle is symbolizing, it’s kind of a moot point. i agreed.

Your priest is a wise man. Besides, your consent and your vows unite you. Your rings are the visible symbol of that union.

 

[THurifer2]

The unity candle is a protestant thing. Protestants do it because they are human. Humans are created by god as ritualistic creatures mainly becuase it is how god communicates to us and how we recieve grace. Since the protestants have been neutered of true ritual …they have come up with this unity candle thing out of instinct…unfortunately it is like scratching at straws and they get nothing out of it…sad really but they are just making an attempt to unwittingly quench their thirst…which can only be quenched by the barque of peter.

Unfortunately this ridiculous practice has contaminated the Catholic liturgy. Mostly because the vast majority of Catholics in our country darken the door of a church at easter, Christmas and their wedding days.

 

[Guitar]

One of the problems associated with the Untiy Candle, aside from the things already stated, is that it is not done the same way at different weddings. I have seen it done different ways and at different parts during the wedding. I do agree that it creates a new symbol and detracts away from the primary symbols of the sacrament.

I’ve seen it used in two ways, kinda “180 degrees out of phase” with each other, so to speak.

Sometimes it supposed to symbolise the joining of two families, which kinda bothers me because a marriage is the creation of a new family. Sure, each spouse becomes part of the other’s family but that to me isn’t the focus on the wedding day.

The other way I’ve seen it done is where the mothers each light a family candle at the beginning of the ceremony, then after the vows the B&G each light a taper from their family-of-origin candles and jointly light their wedding candle. Sometimes they then blow out the family candles, and that doesn’t seem right to me either.

The second case is more common than the first, and when couples tell me they are going to do this it’s often their way of publicly acknowledging their mothers, giving them a “part to play” on a par with the bride’s father walking her down the aisle. (Dunno what they do about the groom’s father, maybe they make him feel loved and wanted by letting him write some cheques. )

At risk of sounding heartless, I think it’s at best redundant “clutter” unless there is a strong cultural tradition involved, and there hasn’t been any such tradition any time I’ve seen it done - somebody saw it at somebody’s wedding and thought it was a nice thing to do. Surely the public exchange of lifelong vows, blessing of rings etc are visible enough. A candle ceremony can also give off-kilter messages, as stated before.

I would agree though that it could be a lovely thing at a reception.

 

[benedictgal]

The other way I’ve seen it done is where the mothers each light a family candle at the beginning of the ceremony, then after the vows the B&G each light a taper from their family-of-origin candles and jointly light their wedding candle. Sometimes they then blow out the family candles, and that doesn’t seem right to me either.

The second case is more common than the first, and when couples tell me they are going to do this it’s often their way of publicly acknowledging their mothers, giving them a “part to play” on a par with the bride’s father walking her down the aisle.

At risk of sounding heartless, I think it is redundant “clutter” unless there is a strong cultural tradition involved, and there hasn’t been any such tradition any time I’ve seen it done - somebody saw it at somebody’s wedding and thought it was a nice thing to do. Surely the public exchange of lifelong vows, blessing of rings etc are visible enough. A candle ceremony can also give off-kilter messages, as stated before.

I would agree though that it could be a lovely thing at a reception.

Nope, I don’t think that sounds heartless at all. If the couple want their mothers to have a “role”, let them bring up the gifts at the offertory. That’s what we used to do at the Cathedral. We would have the groomsmen take up the collection (if the wedding Mass happened after the first anticipated Sunday Vigil) and then the mothers would bring up the gifts. That’s a pretty good way to fix the situaiton.

 

[Phemie]

Your priest is a wise man. Besides, your consent and your vows unite you. Your rings are the visible symbol of that union.

One bride asked me if she had to have a unity candle. I told her that our pastor allowed it but that she and her husband were the primary symbols in the wedding ceremony, followed by the rings. She breathe a sign of relief and said “Good, I can tell my MIL that it’s a BAAAD idea. I never wanted it.”

 

[Phemie]

I’ve seen it used in two ways, kinda “180 degrees out of phase” with each other, so to speak.

Sometimes it supposed to symbolise the joining of two families, which kinda bothers me because a marriage is the creation of a new family. Sure, each spouse becomes part of the other’s family but that to me isn’t the focus on the wedding day.

The other way I’ve seen it done is where the mothers each light a family candle at the beginning of the ceremony, then after the vows the B&G each light a taper from their family-of-origin candles and jointly light their wedding candle. Sometimes they then blow out the family candles, and that doesn’t seem right to me either.

The second case is more common than the first, and when couples tell me they are going to do this it’s often their way of publicly acknowledging their mothers, giving them a “part to play” on a par with the bride’s father walking her down the aisle. (Dunno what they do about the groom’s father, maybe they make him feel loved and wanted by letting him write some cheques. )

If the bride and groom did the procession the way it is in the Rite there would be no need to create a role for mom. Bride and groom enter together in the entrance procession with their witnesses and their parents.

I make a point of telling brides that their dad is not giving them away – while that is very much a part of a non-Catholic wedding there is no “Who gives this woman in marriage?” in the Catholic wedding. I’m waiting for the day that the bride in a non-Catholic wedding interrupts and says, “Hey, nobody’s giving me away in marriage, I’m giving MYSELF away.”

I’ve recently argued with a priest who said that how they enter is of no consequence, that it’s the theology of marriage that counts. When the Rite is written to support the theology, ignoring it doesn’t seem like a good idea.

Blowing out the ‘family’ candles is very bad, symbolically. They may become one flesh but they don’t become one person. Case in point, I’ve had the question put to me “Why can’t a Protestant couple both be Christian witnesses at a baptism along with the Catholic sponsor, after all they became one person when they got married?”

 

[Guitar]

When the Rite is written to support the theology, ignoring it doesn’t seem like a good idea.

I’ll drink to that.

 

[Joannm]

We had a situation at our parish where the stupid candles wouln’t light and when they did light they kept going out…what kind of symbol was that?

 

[PatienceAndLove]

We had a situation at our parish where the stupid candles wouln’t light and when they did light they kept going out…what kind of symbol was that?

One that should be abandoned

What about the unity sand? if we allow unity candles, then we would have to be open to unity sand and the zillions of other “unity” symbols.

 

[Phemie]

One that should be abandoned

What about the unity sand? if we allow unity candles, then we would have to be open to unity sand and the zillions of other “unity” symbols.

That one came up at a recent wedding. At the last minute bride opted for candle, thank God! because if she’d brought the sand thingie to the pastor he’d have said yes.

 

[dixieagle]

We had a situation at our parish where the stupid candles wouln’t light and when they did light they kept going out…what kind of symbol was that?

I HATE the unity candle thing; I find it trendy,trite and redundant. Our older daughter and husband didn’t want it, but it apparently is a big tradition in the part of the country where the groom grew up, and his parents about died when they found out it wasn’t planned. They are dear people, it was OK with the priest (it is gently discouraged but not forbidden here) so we did the candle thing…

I have a fear of lighting matches from paper matchbooks (something lingering from childhood; I have long forgotten the reason) so had safety matches waiting at the candle stand. That worked, but I then stepped back and away from the candle, gracefully tripping and quite nearly landing sitting down near the side altar

I am very happy that my younger child and fiance want no part of the candle at their upcoming wedding; I would have to protest vehemently for a variety of reasons.

 

[hasikelee]

It is also part of the Filipino wedding mass rituals (as there is a lot of Spanish influence on my mother’s culture). They call the laso “cord”, there is also a “veil”, etc. When we were married, they still permitted the unity candle and actually our godparents lighted the candle. But now our archdiocese “discourages” it (unity candle ceremony - not the laso/veil/arras etc.) So most parishes in our diocese no longer do it, which I’m fine with

From what I read in wedding websites after I got married the unity candle is a fairly new phenomenon starting around the 70s and in Protestant wedding ceremonies.

For our wedding and all weddings I’ve ever performed as a musician for the Presentation to the Blessed Mother has always been done before the recessional and after the post communion prayer.

I had a Marian procession, lasso, arhias and veil, but no unity candle. I thought that would be too much and I didn’t feel a lot of Catholic symbolism from it.

 

[Sarabande]

I had a Marian procession, lasso, arhias and veil, but no unity candle. I thought that would be too much and I didn’t feel a lot of Catholic symbolism from it.

If we had to do it over again, we would not have done the unity candle. (We actually would have loved a Tridentine Rite nuptial mass.) We did it because the Filipino side of my family (My father’s side is German/English/Irish) told me that it was part of the Filipino Catholic traditions along with the rest of it. But since learning more about it, I realized that the unity candle was a “tacked on” tradition, whereas the others have been around for quite a while - at least since Spanish rule in the Philippines.