Unloved sinner, faith dissipating

[josh987654321]

Hello, friends,

Hi Lenaghan

I shall try to keep this as concise as possible - my faith journey has been made incredibly difficult in my life so far. In my adolescence, I lost a friendship that has affected me greatly to this day, as I suffer with a severe chronic depression that I receive medication and counselling for. Every day, I struggle with myself, my relationships, any sense of meaning, and I feel like I am constantly seeking a desire to be loved by something, or somebody, to no avail. This daily desolation has been impossible to unite with the idea of a benevolent God.

If I am honest, a lot of my unbelief is due to this emotional pain I go through, everyday. It is impossible to translate my own experiences in any sense that would capture the gravity of what I feel to another external person for just an instant. Again, for the sake of conciseness, I will try to be short - I am a person with a vast potential to love, care and be good towards, but given my condition, I very much depend on being loved in return, or at least positively nurtured in a positive direction. This is difficult (to put it mildly) in everyday life, but when I go to bed at night, I just do not feel the love of a God who is supposed to be the epitome of love. This is beyond distressing, and I am completely desolate.

http://s24.postimg.org/s91lh9u91/Crucifixion.jpg
"Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**Contemplate My wounds and see if there is anyone who has suffered as much as I, to show their love…

Contemplate for a moment these bloodstained hands and feet… This naked body, covered with wounds, with urine, and blood. Dirty… This head punctured by sharp thorns, soaked in sweat, full of dust, and covered in Blood…

Contemplate your Jesus, hanging on the Cross, without being able to make the slightest movement… naked, without fame, without honor, without liberty…

Contemplate Me in the image of the Christ that weeps and bleeds. There and in this way the world has Me.**

Jesus to Catalina:

I Have Given My Life for You - loveandmercy.org/Eng-IHG-Reg.pdf

**To redeem all of mankind, a child’s cry, a moan, a single tear of Mine would have been enough… Would you have understood My Love in the same way? If with so many great proofs you still take so long to accept it, what would have caused you to believe in My Love, if I had limited Myself to what seemed paltry? …

It is because of all this that you must believe in Love, principally, in My Love …

Only by going beyond the limit of “what is necessary” would many eyes be opened to My Love.**

Jesus to St. Faustina -

Remember My Passion, and if you do not believe My words, at least believe My wounds. (Diray, 379)

If My death has not convinced you of My love for you, what will? (Diary, 580)

Sacred Heart of Jesus Image - (St Margaret-Mary Alacoque)

http://s7.postimg.org/4jx43bm1n/Christ_7.jpg

Jesus to St Margaret-Mary Alacoque -

**"Behold this Heart which has loved men so much that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting **(Crucifixion) and consuming itself (Last Supper, Eucharist) in order to testify to them it’s love."

In my confusion, I have dived into philosophy to seek answers that I am not entirely satisfied with through scripture, doctrine or traditional upbringing (I do not think it is wrong to ask “why”). After discovering and exploring the depths of epistemology, I came to the sad realisation of the total uncertainty of anything at all if one were to abandon God. I question my Catholic faith furiously (yet I will be the first to admit that I have great bias towards this), and have stopped my prayer, spiritual activities and even attending mass. All the while, I feel like a failure as a Child of God, and a filthy soul, despite my doubts, sadness and anger. I know that to the pious reading, I a crime worthy of a spittle in my general direction, but please read sympathetically, if not empathetically.

St Faustina's Diary:

Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska - liturgicalyear.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/divine-mercy-in-my-soul.pdf

In the evening, when I entered the small chapel, I heard these words in my soul: My daughter, consider these words: “And being in agony, he prayed more earnestly.” When I started to think about them more deeply, much light streamed into my soul. I learned how much we need perseverance in prayer and that our salvation often depends on such difficult prayer. (Diary, 157)

Extract from 'The Art of Loving God' by St. Francis de Sales:

Have confidence in God’s Mercy

You ask me if a soul sensible of its own misery can go with great confidence to God. I reply that not only can the soul that knows its misery have great confidence in God, but unless it has such knowledge, the soul cannot have true confidence in Him; for it is this true knowledge and confession of our misery that brings us to God.

All of the great saints – Job, David, and the rest – began every prayer with the confession of their own misery and unworthiness. And so it is a very good thing to acknowledge ourselves to be poor, vile, abject, and unworthy to appear in the presence of God.

Please continue to next post -

 

[josh987654321]

I was a novice Benedictine Oblate, and for a while I felt as if perhaps I had found some respite in the Order, but this has not continued. I shall probably opt out of the programme, as I do not feel I am appropriate or deserving of any kind of attempt. Yet, there is something of faith that I cannot abandon completely, as if it is always tugging at my sleeve from behind. Faith has not given me a desire to live, much less given me anything in the way of happiness, hope, or above all, love. I feel I am completely unloved, and fear that I am so far gone to the extent that if it were shown love, I would not recognise its face. I am apathetic, stagnant and forsaken, and I fear that when I die, I will not only validate these three, but be truly cast aside in what is to come. I do not want this, and wish to be a Saint and soldier of God, but I cannot do this given the state I am in, the dice in life I have been thrown, and the love that has eluded me for all of it.

Divine Mercy Image - St. Faustina

http://s8.postimg.org/422f1cyxh/Christ_9.jpg

Jesus to St Faustina -

These two rays issued forth from the very depths of My tender mercy when My agonized Heart was opened by a lance on the Cross. (Diary, 299)

**My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. I desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to Me as often as possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In this way you will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to so many proofs of love! My heart drinks only of the ingratitude and forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything, but they have no time to come to Me for graces. **(Diary, 367).

My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. Who can measure the extent of my goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed myself to be nailed to the cross; for you I let my Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come, then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. (Diary, 1485).

I am offering people a vessel with which they are to keep coming for graces to the fountain of mercy. That vessel is this image with the signature: “Jesus, I trust in You. (Diary, 327)

I am not sure what I can ask of you. I am certain (with respect to your time and consideration) that the nature of a lot of possible answers may frustrate me, whether that is rational or irrational on my part. If you have read thus far, the least I could ask is if you could pray for my situation, and that God may finally move in it as to lift this darkness from me, or open my eyes in a direction I could never have foreseen. Please, pray for love, for me. I also ask if you were to reply, please do so carefully - I would rather this post remained the single OP with tens of meek prayerful eyes helping quietly in the background, than tens of physical replies that are harmful. Yet, do not be afraid to reply if you believe I need a spiritual smack.

This is, though seemingly ironic, the concise version of my heart - the entirety would require days of intense study. Please pity and pray for me -

I will

an unloved sinner.

http://s28.postimg.org/6bvy5pai5/Prodigal_Son.jpg
Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

I want to teach sinners that because they have sinned, they should not distance themselves from Me thinking that they no longer have recourse and that they will never be loved as before they sinned. Poor souls! These are not the feelings of a God who has shed all His Blood for you. Come to Me all of you and fear not, because I love you. I will cleanse you with My Blood and you will be as white as snow. I will drown your sins in the water of My Mercy and nothing will be able to snatch from My Heart the Love that I have for you.

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**12) I live amongst sinners to be their salvation and their life, their doctor and medicine; yet they, in return, in spite of their sick nature, distance themselves from Me. They offend Me and scorn Me.

1. My children, poor sinners! Do not distance yourselves from Me. I wait for you night and day at the Tabernacle. I will not reproach you for your crimes; I will not throw your sins in your face. What I will do is to wash you with the Blood of My wounds. Do not be afraid; come to Me. You do not know how much I love you.
2. And you, dear souls, why are you cold and indifferent to My love? I know you have to attend to the needs of your family, your home, and of the world that constantly demands of you. But, can it be that you do not have a moment to come and give Me proof of your love and gratitude? Do not allow yourselves to be carried away by so many useless worries; reserve a moment of your time to visit the Prisoner of Love. If your body is sick, can you not find a few minutes to seek the Doctor who must cure you? Come to He who can restore strength and health of the soul. Give alms of love to this Divine Beggar, who calls you, wants you, and waits for you.**

Thanking you for you time, consideration and prayer,

Lenaghan

I hope this has helped

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[Lenaghan]

Dear friends,

I had imagined previously that my little post would quickly sink to the bottom of this forum with no more than mere glances, but instead I have been left overwhelmed with your support and prayer. I have read through them all, and I have been given much strength that you seem to believe in me, and this has given me much motivation to do everything that you rightly ask of me to do to come at least a little closer to discovering love.

I cannot thank you all enough for your time taken to reply to me, and your written, spoken and silent prayers behind the scenes. I am greatly comforted in my own feeling, and have been duly reminded of the love that God floods for me. I am sorry for my comparatively poor reply - I am really quite speechless!

Please know that today my step is a little lighter, and my heart a little softer, because of all that you have shared with me. I, in return, will try to offer you my poor prayer in thanks for yourselves, and in all your own individual situations.

With immense gratitude,

Lenaghan

 

[josh987654321]

.

I hope you don’t mind if I share a little bit that I believe may help.
Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**1) …Look at Me, My beloved ones. Letting Myself be led with the meekness of a lamb to the terrible torture of the scourging. On My Body, already covered with blows and overwhelmed with fatigue, the executioners cruelly discharge terrible lashes with braided rope, with rods. They punish Me so violently that there was no part of Me which was not prey to the most terrible pain… The blows and the kicks caused Me countless wounds… The rods tore away pieces of My skin and flesh. Blood flowed from all My limbs. Time after time I fell because of the pain caused by the blows to My manliness. My Body was in such a state that I resembled a monster more than a man. The features of My face had lost their shape; it was all swollen.

1. The thought of so many souls, who would later be inspired to follow My footsteps, consumed Me with Love. **

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**5) The fatigue that I feel is so great and the Cross so heavy that halfway along the path, I fall from weakness. See how those inhuman men lift Me up in the most brutal manner. One grabs My arm, another pulls My clothes that are stuck to My wounds, tearing them open again… This one grabs Me by the neck, another by the hair; others discharge dreadful blows to My whole Body, with their fists, and even with their feet. The Cross falls upon Me and with its weight causes new wounds. My face is scraped by the stones in the road and the blood which runs down My face sticks to My eyes that are almost closed because of the blows they have received. The dust and the mud mingle with the blood and I am turned into the most repugnant of objects.

1. My Father sends Angels to help support Me so that My Body does not lose consciousness when it falls, so that the battle may not be won before its time and all My souls are lost.
2. I walk over the stones that destroy My feet. I stumble and fall time and time again. I look at both sides of the road, searching for the slightest look of love, of surrender, of union with My pain, but… I do not see anyone.
3. My children, you who follow in My footsteps, do not let go of your cross no matter how heavy it seems to you. Do it for Me because by carrying your cross, you will help Me carry Mine, and on the difficult path, you will find My Mother and the holy souls who will give you encouragement and comfort.**

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**6) …there are souls, and not few, who, moved by their desire for salvation but above all, by the love inspired in them by the vision of what I have suffered for them, decide to follow Me on the path to Calvary. They embrace the perfect life and give themselves to My service, not to help Me carry just a part of the Cross but all of it. Their only desire is to give Me rest and to console Me. For that purpose, they volunteer for everything that My Will asks of them, searching for how they can please Me. They do not think about the merits or the reward that awaits them, or the tiredness or the suffering that will result for them. The only thing that they have in mind is the love that they can show Me, and the comfort they give Me…

1. If My Cross is presented as an illness, if it is hidden under a job contrary to their inclinations and of little agreement with their abilities, if it comes accompanied by the thoughtlessness of people surround them, they accept it with total submission.
2. Oh! These are the souls that truly carry My Cross; they adore it. They make use of it for obtaining My Glory with no interest or payment other than My love. They are the ones that consider Me and glorify Me.
3. If you do not see the result of your sufferings, of your self-denial, or if you see it later, be certain that they have not been in vain and fruitless but, on the contrary, the fruit will be abundant.
4. The soul who truly loves, does not keep count of how much it has suffered or labored, nor does it expect this or that reward, but it seeks only that which it believes glorifies its God… For Him it spares neither labors nor weariness. It does not become agitated or restless, far from it, for it does not lose its peace if it finds itself thwarted or humiliated, because the only motive for its actions is love, and love abandons the consequences and the results. Therein lies the purpose of souls who do not seek rewards. The only thing that they hope for is My Glory, My comfort, My rest, and, for that reason they have taken My Cross and all the weight that My Will desires to place upon them.
5. My children, call Me by My name, for Jesus means everything. I will wash your feet, those feet that have trodden a slippery path and are now wounded by the blows against the rocks. I will wipe away your tears, cure you, kiss you, and you will remain healthy and know no other path but the one that leads you to Me.
6. We are now at Calvary! The mob is excited because the dreadful moment is near… Exhausted by fatigue, I can hardly walk. My feet bleed because of the stones on the way… Three times I have fallen along the way: once to give sinners used to sinning the strength to convert; another to give encouragement to souls who fall because of being frail and to souls who are blinded by sadness and restlessness, encouraging them to rise and embark with courage upon the path of virtue; and the third time, to help souls depart from sin at the hour of their death.**

I hope this has helped

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[nuntym]

+JMJ+

Lenaghan, I’m sending prayers of love for love for you.

Let me share with you and the others here how I find joy in suffering and sorrow.

I had posted in other threads what Fr. Henri Nouwen wrote about transforming your pain to the pain while he was suffering debilitating depression upon losing a friendship. You may want to read them here, but let me explain and elaborate it even if you will not have time to read it.

-o-

All of our sufferings, pains, and sorrows are unique, and they came about because of circumstances that are also unique from all others, but letting them remain as unique, letting them remain yours, you will not fully understand your pain.

You will deceive yourself into believing that if the people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist. (Henri Nouwen)

Indeed, focusing at your pain can make you feel insecure, ashamed, angry, vengeful, isolated, alone. “Why am I suffering this? Am I not good enough? What did I do to deserve this? If only I have been more careful!”

This might be partly true, but the deeper truth is that the situation which brought about your pain was simply the form in which you came in touch with the human condition of suffering. Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity.

Paradoxically, therefore, healing means moving from your pain to the pain…[R]eal healing comes from realizing that your own particular pain is a share in humanity’s pain. That realization allows you to forgive your enemies and enter into a truly compassionate life. That is the way of Jesus, who prayed on the cross: “Father forgive them; they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23: 34). Jesus’ suffering, concrete as it was, was the suffering of all humanity. His pain was the pain. (Henri Nouwen)

Maybe I can make this more clear with the meditation I use often for myself so that I can understand and recall what Fr. Nouwen wrote.

Feel the sorrow, the pain, the depression, the loneliness you are currently feeling…what seems you always are feeling. They are real, they are concrete, there is nothing rosy nor sweet about it. Pain is pain, and it is yours. Now imagine opening your eyes and you see that you are in the trenches in a battle. The pain you had been feeling has been transformed to the misery of trench warfare, where everything is a stalemate, as progress-less as you feel your life is. The lines had not moved since the battle between good and evil had started years, centuries, even millennia ago. Death is everywhere, explosions all around you and above you raining shrapnel, gunfire everytime you poke your head up to look across no man’s land, everything is mud, everything stinks, including you. You are miserable, you are hungry, you are bloody, you are hurt.

You look to one side, and you see other people in the trenches. Is it really hard to imagine someone who, though the circumstances are different, experiences the same pain as you? Are you the only one who suffers chronic depression as you? Maybe you already met them when you are going to your appointments. ClearWater here also has depression too, as he/she mentioned. Maybe you are not as alone as you think you are?

You look to the other side, and you see some other people, people who are worse off than you. It is not that hard to imagine them, right? Those who had worse feelings of depression than you, those who do not access to the same level of help as you, who cannot afford them or too ashamed to get them, those who have less friends than you, those who have other sicknesses and worse problems to deal with.

As you see these people, a new perspective about your pain could be starting to form. Though the circumstances are different, very different even, could it be that you are sharing the same pain? That the pain you and the others are feeling just one and the same, though you may be feeling less of it compared to some and more of it, and maybe a different aspect of the same pain, compared to others? The same pain of all humanity? That we are all in the same miserable stinking trench?

Look further to either side, and you might see them, the others who lived before you who had the same pain. Did you know that Abraham Lincoln most probably suffered chronic depression the rest of his life upon the death of his first love, Ann Rutledge, at a young age (civilwarwomenblog.com/ann-rutledge/)?

Are you starting to feel it, as I had? Yes the pain is still there, the sorrow is still there, the suffering is still there, but it is lighter now. There is even, no matter how small it is, the beginnings of joy. The joy that your suffering has never been meaningless, nor do you have to suffer alone, even if nobody is around you, because you never have been alone.

 

[nuntym]

(…Continued from above)

Then you might start seeing the luminous ones, the strong ones before us, the Saints. The ones who really know this truth, and thus are joyful. The ones who love the Cross, who love their suffering and sorrow because it brings them joy.

So they took his advice, and when they had called in the apostles, they beat them and charged them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name. (Acts 5:40-41)

Let us bless pain. Love pain. Sanctify pain… Glorify pain! (St. Josemaria Escriva)

They suffer pain gladly because their pain has use. St. Therese of Lisieux, near the end of her life, suffered crippling temptations against faith for, as she discerned, the sake of atheists. Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta suffered 40 years of the dark night of the soul for those who do not feel the love of God and other people. And these are just a couple of examples off the top of my mind, I am sure there are countless other examples.

And countless they are, as you might see the whole Communion of Saints all around you, all in the same trenches as you, fighting with you, for you, before you, and behind you. The whole Church Militant, and even the Church Triumphant and Church Expectant, is with us, in the same trenches as us. Why? It is because we are one body, and as one body, we share one pain. The pain of humanity, in Christ Jesus.

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ…If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. (1 Corinthians 12:12, 26-27)

And speaking of Christ, after seeing all these, you might see Him more clearly now. He who is beside you in the trenches, nearer to you that you are to yourself. He stands before you, a Lamb as if just slain (Revelation 5:6); that is, the wounds He sustained in His Passion will always be fresh, always be bleeding, for us. He became man so He can suffer and die with us for us, and, united with Him, the sufferings of all men and women are forevermore just One Pain, One Suffering, from which we can always find healing, joy, and solidarity.

By His passion and death on the Cross Christ has given a new meaning to suffering: it can henceforth configure us to Him and unite us with His redemptive passion. (CCC 1505)

Once you discover that you are called to live in solidarity with the hungry, the homeless, the prisoners, the refugees, the sick, and the dying, your very personal pain begins to be converted into the pain and you find new strength to live it. Herein lies the hope of all Christians. (Henri Nouwen)

Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I complete what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church…(Colossians 1:24)

Jesus Christ, our King who has Suffered with us and for us, tells us to ready our weapons for the charge through no mans land. You look down on your weapon, and it is your life. Your Cross. We fight evil by how we live our lives, the decisions that we make, the sacrifices we take. Scripture says,

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, “For thy sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Roman 8:35-39)

To conquer our pain is to love and be loved in spite of our suffering and pain. To more than conquer is to love and be loved through and using our suffering and pain, just like it is that to more than conquer our enemies is to make them our friends.

And thus my sufferings and and sorrows are now my sources of joy and hope. It is the joy that can never be taken away (John 16:22), for even my sadness, my weaknesses, my temptations can be my joy. And this joy, the Joy of the Lord, is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10), the strength I use to fight for others and against sin.

Will you let your pain become the pain? Will you let your sorrow be your source of joy? Will you let your suffering save yourself and others?

Will you join me when our King blows the whistle to charge no man’s land?

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (Matthew 16:24-25)

 

[tweedlealice]

we all have times of darkness w our faith. God says.“Take up your cross and follow me”
I will not compare my crosses to yours. Yours make your cross heavy enough for you.
We are privileged to carry His cross. When I thank Him for the crosses, I, then, will climb Calvary’s hill and lay my burdens at the feet of Jesus’ cross and plead for His blood to heal me. “Be still and know that I am God.” Lie on your bed and picture His angels around your bed cooling you w their wings. Picture Jesus touching you and healing you from your doubts. You will know that you know that you know.“He who the son sets free is free indeed.” As Mary said to Gabriel," Let it be done to me according to His will."
Love in Christs’ love
: Alice:getholy::bible1:

God commands you to love yourself in the two great commandments. " to love your neighbor as you are to love yourself."

I corrected this. I think my cursor had jumped and erased some of my initial message.
YOU ARE LOVED

 

[tweedlealice]

we all have times of darkness w our faith. God says.“take up your cross and follow me”
i will not compare my crosses to yours. Yours make your cross heavy enough for you.
We are privileged to carry his cross. When i thank him for my crosses,i lay the crosses down and say over and over again. “be still and know that i am god.” lie on your bed and picture his angels around your bed cooling you w their wings. Picture jesus touching you and healing you from your doubts. You will know that you know that you know.“he who the son sets free is free indeed.” as mary said to gabriel," let it be done unto me according to his will."
love in christs’ love
: Alice:getholy::bible1:

corrected reply. I shouldn’t do this at 0300hrs in the morning, maybe.

 

[tweedlealice]

Dear Lenaghan,
I have read some of the threads sent to you and I wish I knew how to work the different sites and copy and paste such beautiful uplifting pictures and dialogues… My meager contribution tonight is to remind you of that song in church that goes: " I believe in the sun, even when it isn’t shining. I believe in love, even when there is no one there. And I believe in God. I believe in God, even when He is silent."
I don’t feel He is silent. I feel you are keeping too much clutter around to hear him. That relationship of years ago that you lost, I guess is gone? Have you tried to repair it?? Can it be repaired? If not, maybe, that person was going to interfere w your relationship w God??
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and everything else will be added unto you.”
Here I am a married woman of 47years by God’s help. We have 4 wonderful children who love us. But they are not going to church. 3 believe. 1 is an atheist after her 24yo husband was killed in Iraq. If there was a God, He would have saved him. After 7 yrs she fell in love w a wounded soldier who was shot the same year her husband was killed. He is a paraplegic and is wheel chair bound. He is an atheist, too. I wanted to be a Franciscan nun.So, I am wishing I was were you are and you want out. I have wonderful children but where will they spend eternity; Was I meant to be a nun and missed the boat.
God loves us even in our dry spells. You have choices. You can’t be happy and sad at the same time. Chose happy. Look for the sunshine. Find a soul sister in the convent. It is hard to start this “chose happy” routine. I am bipolar w a tendency towards depression. So, I know how it feels to fight depression. I used my full armor of God. It is in Ephesians: maybe Chapter 5. I love Ephesians 3:17 which is Pauls prayer for the church(us). Write down the scripture verses that uplift you and quote them everyday in your prayer time. Jeremiah 29:11 "…I have a plan for you and it is a plan for good and not for evil…
Say the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I am just learning this.
Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins. Save us from the sorrows of hell. Lead all souls to heaven. Especially those most need of your mercy.
Be at peace. Message me how you are doing.
In Christs’ love,
tweedlealice:hug3:
.

 

[tweedlealice]

Oh Lenaghan,
I just read your other note where you are further withdrawing. God doesn’t mind us questioning things. He gave us a soul that questions. But, if you pick up some literature that will confuse you at a time of confusion without a spiritual counselor you are leaving yourself open to interfering spirits. Please, go to your spiritual counselor, so they may help pull you up from the bottom of despair that you are in. I just want to hold you so you can be enveloped w the love of Jesus that is in me. I feel His presence all the time. I am a sinner saved by grace. In our Charismatic group, I received a gift where if I lay hands on people who have pain, the pain can go away. A frozen shoulder released once. I am humbled that He uses me. I know I am not spiritually where I was before and yet, He still uses me. You are leaving Him. He is reaching out to you as He did for Peter when he was sinking in the water and Jesus was in the boat. Grab His Hand.
“They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up w wings as an eagle. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not faint. Teach us, Lord, to wait.” Isaiah 40’s somewhere. google it.
Spirit of depression leave her. Spirit of joy fill her up. Angels of the Lord surround her and protect her. Jesus fill her up w your grace and love and mercy. Holy Spirit comfort her.Amen. All for the sake of your sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world. Still message me and let me know how you are doing; Alice.

 

[tweedlealice]

]Dear Lenaghan,
I have read some of the threads sent to you and I wish I knew how to work the different sites and copy and paste such beautiful uplifting pictures and dialogues… My meager contribution tonight is to remind you of that song in church that goes: " I believe in the sun, even when it isn’t shining. I believe in love, even when there is no one there. And I believe in God. I believe in God, even when He is silent."
I don’t feel He is silent. I feel you are keeping too much clutter around to hear him. That relationship of years ago that you lost, I guess is gone? Have you tried to repair it?? Can it be repaired? If not, maybe, that person was going to interfere w your relationship w God??
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and everything else will be added unto you.”
Here I am a married woman of 47years by God’s help. We have 4 wonderful children who love us. But they are not going to church. 3 believe. 1 is an atheist after her 24yo husband was killed in Iraq. If there was a God, He would have saved him. After 7 yrs she fell in love w a wounded soldier who was shot the same year her husband was killed. He is a paraplegic and is wheel chair bound. He is an atheist, too. I wanted to be a Franciscan nun.So, I am wishing I was were you are and you want out. I have wonderful children but where will they spend eternity; Was I meant to be a nun and missed the boat.
God loves us even in our dry spells. You have choices. You can’t be happy and sad at the same time. Chose happy. Look for the sunshine. Find a soul sister in the convent. It is hard to start this “chose happy” routine. I am bipolar w a tendency towards depression. So, I know how it feels to fight depression. I used my full armor of God. It is in Ephesians: maybe Chapter 5. I love Ephesians 3:17 which is Pauls prayer for the church(us). Write down the scripture verses that uplift you and quote them everyday in your prayer time. Jeremiah 29:11 "…I have a plan for you and it is a plan for good and not for evil…
Say the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I am just learning this.
Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins. Save us from the sorrows of hell. Lead all souls to heaven. Especially those most need of your mercy.
Be at peace. Message me how you are doing.
In Christs’ love,
tweedlealice:hug3:
.

 

[tweedlealice]

]Dear Lenaghan,
I have read some of the threads sent to you and I wish I knew how to work the different sites and copy and paste such beautiful uplifting pictures and dialogues… My meager contribution tonight is to remind you of that song in church that goes: " I believe in the sun, even when it isn’t shining. I believe in love, even when there is no one there. And I believe in God. I believe in God, even when He is silent."
I don’t feel He is silent. I feel you are keeping too much clutter around to hear him. That relationship of years ago that you lost, I guess is gone? Have you tried to repair it?? Can it be repaired? If not, maybe, that person was going to interfere w your relationship w God??
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and everything else will be added unto you.”
Here I am a married woman of 47years by God’s help. We have 4 wonderful children who love us. But they are not going to church. 3 believe. 1 is an atheist after her 24yo husband was killed in Iraq. If there was a God, He would have saved him. After 7 yrs she fell in love w a wounded soldier who was shot the same year her husband was killed. He is a paraplegic and is wheel chair bound. He is an atheist, too. I wanted to be a Franciscan nun.So, I am wishing I was were you are and you want out. I have wonderful children but where will they spend eternity; Was I meant to be a nun and missed the boat.
God loves us even in our dry spells. You have choices. You can’t be happy and sad at the same time. Chose happy. Look for the sunshine. Find a soul sister in the convent. It is hard to start this “chose happy” routine. I am bipolar w a tendency towards depression. So, I know how it feels to fight depression. I used my full armor of God. It is in Ephesians: maybe Chapter 5. I love Ephesians 3:17 which is Pauls prayer for the church(us). Write down the scripture verses that uplift you and quote them everyday in your prayer time. Jeremiah 29:11 "…I have a plan for you and it is a plan for good and not for evil…
Say the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I am just learning this.
Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins. Save us from the sorrows of hell. Lead all souls to heaven. Especially those most need of your mercy.
Be at peace. Message me how you are doing.
In Christs’ love,
tweedlealice:hug3:
.

Dear Lenaghan,
I have assumed you are a female. If I am wrong-forgive me. Will you RSVP me or the group, so we know how you are doing, please? Thank you. In Christs’ love, Alice

 

[me_zimm]

I had once been a Protestant, but it is precisely as a result of spiritual darkness of the exact ilk you are describing that I challenged everything I thought I knew (even the very existence of God!) - and came out Catholic, of all things.

Make no mistake. Spiritual darkness sucks. It was well known to some of the greatest saints, like St. John of the Cross, St. Therese of Lisieux, Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, and even St. Paul (why else would he have said “Wretched man that I am! Who will save me from this body of death?”)

Do not beat yourself up for feeling like this - it is not of your own doing, but is rather proof positive that you are called to great things. It is when we feel most distant from God that we can be assured that he is hard at work making us the people we are meant to be.

Do not be afraid of learning: the answers are out there for those who seek them. Ask, and it shall be given. Knock, and it shall be opened. Look into apologetics if you’re scared that the faith doesn’t hold up under scrutiny (because I can assure you, as a convert to the faith myself, that it holds up better than anything else!)

Lastly. You are loved. You are so valuable, so precious, and the world is made better by your presence on it. I understand that you are going through a dark period right now, but hope. The Creator of the Universe does know you, and he **wants **you. I understand that you don’t feel this love - I seldom “feel” it myself, but I know it is a reality whether I feel it or not. I’m a puny mortal of limited insight and intelligence; it is not up to ME to tell the Almighty whether he’s doing the right thing. He always, always, always comes through and makes things as they should be; the whole project of life is learning to accept that. And the sooner we accept that, the easier our lives become.

Please talk to a friend, a counselor, a spiritual director, a priest, whoever you feel comfortable with; there is only so much I can do through this screen after all. I will be praying for you.

 

[Sunbreak]

Can you get a pet? I know it doesn’t take the place of a person but having a pet can be of great comfort to people. Dogs especially are so loyal and happy to see their owners.