Unwed baby on the way -- what to say?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Wryman
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Life is an unqualified good, but obviously the out-of-wedlock birth is not. I think you don’t need to say anything. Perhaps your silence on the subject might let them know how you feel without directly offending them. And then if they push you into an admission of your disapproval, you can just say, “You asked”.
 
At this point the baby is already on the way. Since the past cannot be changed, working towards the future is the best idea. A new life is something to celebrate and as a few others have said perhaps this new life will encourage the parents to step up and be everything their baby needs?
 
IMO to the OP, if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.
FriendlyFace said:
I agree with what others have said. “Congratulations” is the only proper response, and a baby is always good news. Let’s hope they get married and raise it together. 👍
Click to expand...
Spot on.
 
thewanderer said:
The point is that you are not congratulating them for having sex, but for the child which they are expecting. It is never sinful to have a child. It is always something to be congratulated. The situation of the parents is not always something to be congratulated, but the birth of the child is.

Would you also refuse to congratulate a married couple for having a child? After all, all their doing is what is expected, not murdering their child, so hey, why would you ever congratulate them for doing something that is expected of them? And if you say that you would congratulate them anyway, but not because they are just doing what is expected, not murdering their child, then what are you congratulating them for? Having marital relations? Do you really think they would appreciate being told congratulations if they knew that was what you were congratulating them for? I seriously doubt it.
Click to expand...
Not sure how I feel, but we cannot do evil to accomplish good, which premarital relations clearly fall into. But that is presuming you are discussing this plan ahead of time.

Now, once the deed is done, I am not sure what the Church would advise, other than civility and love without approval of behavior.

I’d probably not say anything until I saw the baby, then just love the baby like family, honestly.
 
Also, pray you are one of the Godparents, so you can influence this child in ways the parents may not in terms of truth, religion, and reality. it’s a longshot, but life isn’t supposed to be easy. That way they’ll know what we know about sex, marriage, and the truth they may not get at home.
 
Frank_Drebin said:
Not sure how I feel, but we cannot do evil to accomplish good, which premarital relations clearly fall into. But that is presuming you are discussing this plan ahead of time.

Now, once the deed is done, I am not sure what the Church would advise, other than civility and love without approval of behavior.

I’d probably not say anything until I saw the baby, then just love the baby like family, honestly.
Click to expand...
Oh, of course you wouldn’t encourage them to have kids beforehand, but once they have a child? I was particularly responding to the pp who claimed that there was no reason to congratulate someone who is having a child because they didn’t do anything special, all they did was not murdering their child… which really makes one wonder what that person does congratulate people for. Married people do no more than unmarried people in having a child, they don’t murder them. So to follow pp logic, they either have to refuse from ever congratulatin anybody who is having a child, or when they congratulate themcongratulate them not for their child, but for their moral sex. Otherwise they would just be being inconsistent. 🤷
 
I want to say thank you so much to everyone who responded. This really helps! Seems the consensus is “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater”!!
 
A couple more ideas: Wow, I can’t believe I’m going to be a great-aunt/great-uncle! God bless you and your little one! Hope you’re feeling well / Prayers for a healthy pregnancy / etc…
 
I’d mind my own business if it was me. Sorry for being so harsh.
 
The only appropriate way to respond to a baby announcement is “Congratulations”, no matter what the circumstances. If you can’t say that, don’t say anything.
 
robwar said:
Keep it simple like “I’ll keep you all in my prayers and that the baby is healthy”.
Click to expand...
I agree with this. I am sorry, but to say congratulations–what exactly are they to be congratulated on? This shows thought and concern and no one can object to someone hoping that everything goes well and that their baby is healthy. But it is not condoning the actions that got them where they are either.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I agree with this. I am sorry, but to say congratulations–what exactly are they to be congratulated on? This shows thought and concern and no one can object to someone hoping that everything goes well and that their baby is healthy. But it is not condoning the actions that got them where they are either.
Click to expand...
Congratulations on the miracle of life growing inside the woman. That’s the way I look at it.🤷 No matter how the baby came about, its still God’s work and its a blessing to be a part of that miracle in creating a new soul for God.
 
What else do you say besides congratulations and offer to help if you’re close by? What good are you doing in terms of spreading the Gospel if you shun them because they are sinners? Offering to help with the pregnancy and new baby is not the same thing as condoning their sin. It’s providing Christian charity. In short, it’s exactly what we’re called to do.

News flash: We all sin. 90% of married Catholics are using contraception. Are you going to shun your Catholic friends, your fellow parishoners, your neighbors when they conceive children because they too engaged in sexual sin?
 
The_Bucket said:
What else do you say besides congratulations and offer to help if you’re close by? What good are you doing in terms of spreading the Gospel if you shun them because they are sinners? Offering to help with the pregnancy and new baby is not the same thing as condoning their sin. It’s providing Christian charity. In short, it’s exactly what we’re called to do.

News flash: We all sin. 90% of married Catholics are using contraception. Are you going to shun your Catholic friends, your fellow parishoners, your neighbors when they conceive children because they too engaged in sexual sin?
Click to expand...
Exactly.

I wasn’t apart of the Catholic church when I became pregnant…but I had begun to seriously consider my conversion and began to attend Church.

I can’t think of a better way to send me sprinting in the opposite direction then a cold, “holier then thou,” shoulder I could have received from some of my fellow parishioners who had got it “right” in their lives.

I was embarrassed and scared to start RCIA and felt really vulnerable because I was very, very pregnant and not married.

But everyone was so wonderful and supportive. I was CLEARLY a sinner. Guess what…so is everyone else!

But if you want to change hearts and minds…watch your mouth and keep your judgements to yourself.
 
As a pretty judgmental person myself, I find it exceedingly difficult to strike that narrow balance. I find it really tough to “instruct the ignorant” and “admonish the sinner” while also performing all of the other works of mercy I am called to do. It’s easy for God, you know? He’s all-merciful and all-just at the same time. I don’t have that luxury!

But I think perhaps the best way to do it is to simply practice what you preach. Go out there and defend marriage. Defend life. Practice chastity in your life as a single or married person. But don’t become insular! Don’t live in that little bubble. Because there’s plenty of sin even in that little bubble; you’re just lying to yourself if you think otherwise. Better that you get out there with the unwashed masses where the sin is always before you. You’re not condoning sin by loving people.

Christ called us to repentance. Think about that. He bumped elbows with the biggest sinners out there, cured the sick, showed love and charity to everyone… but also called them to repentance. He refused to condemn people but told them to go and sin no more. The thing that’s so interesting about that message is that as God, I’m sure Jesus was well aware that the people who He was telling to “sin no more” were surely going to sin again. Did that stop Him from loving them? Did that stop Him from dying for them? Nope. It has to be the same with us.

We can refuse to condone sin while still loving the world. And it need not be “tough love.” It can just be love.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top