Believe it or not, you are in a much better situation than you could be in. You don’t have kids. That means that there is no collateral damage here if you take dramatic steps.
And you should take dramatic steps. Right now, you’re like another kid on the playground who says, “If you take another step, I’ll punch you!” But then the first kid takes another step, and you say, “But OK, if you take one more step, I’ll punch you!” And so on.
Actions are the only thing that can speak to this man. If I were you, I would be tempted to set up all the computers/screens in the house to erotica before he comes home one day, and then when he comes in, I would walk out for good, and say, “Here, I’ll leave you alone with the love of your life, and stop bothering you.”
He wants you to share him with his obsession. I know what that’s like, because I’ve wanted my wife to share me with my own obsession – which isn’t exactly porn, but is related. But it would be completely unfair to my wife to ask that of her, and not only because my obsession involves sin. I promised to be *true *to her.
Here is the only language he speaks that you can listen to: his repentance. I don’t mean words like “I’m sorry” or “it’ll never happen again.” I mean words like, “Here is my plan to break free” or “I’m going to see a counselor” or “I want you to help me lock the internet off my phone”. Those words mean something. Everything else – not really.
Your days as good cop, bad cop, need to be over. You need to be humble, and realize that you have sinned in various ways during this process. But you can apologize to Jesus, not your husband – certainly not your husband when he’s like this. What your husband needs is a firm rejection. It is your duty to love him, not to trust him. Right now, he needs to be spoken to in the language of no.
God bless you!
Prodigal
