Upsetting Confession experience

[Mystical_Seeker]

If people confess and truly are repentant and don’t commit those sins anymore, what’s the point of going to confession? I mean, if people are truly repentant and they don’t sin…what’s their reason for going to confession? I’d think if one was truly sorry and wanted to not repeat their sins, they wouldn’t, or at least not as frequently as some people go to confession.

Those are the “rules of the house” which distinguish between “mortal” and “venial” sin.

 

[Faith1960]

Those are the “rules of the house” which distinguish between “mortal” and “venial” sin.

I think going week after week, for ME would be tiresome to confess that I lied or almost lied, got angry with my hubby, or cussed. I don’t mean to sound holier-than-thou but honestly, those are the kinds of sins I have and if I really tried harder, as hard as I think God would want me to, I wouldn’t commit those sins often, either.

 

[Elizium23]

I think going week after week, for ME would be tiresome to confess that I lied or almost lied, got angry with my hubby, or cussed. I don’t mean to sound holier-than-thou but honestly, those are the kinds of sins I have and if I really tried harder, as hard as I think God would want me to, I wouldn’t commit those sins often, either.

Frequent confession gives grace which prevents future sins. Also a frequent examen will turn up sins you didn’t even notice before. Also, frequent confession makes it easier for you to fit it in when you have sinned mortally and you need to go as soon as possible.

 

[seagal]

I think going week after week, for ME would be tiresome to confess that I lied or almost lied, got angry with my hubby, or cussed. I don’t mean to sound holier-than-thou but honestly, those are the kinds of sins I have and if I really tried harder, as hard as I think God would want me to, I wouldn’t commit those sins often, either.

I think once a month is more the norm, or even once every couple of months. I think the holier you are the more clearly you can see your sins. And you see them not just as sins but as impediments in your relationship with God. You are truly sorry for the harm you’ve caused your relationship with him and resolve to do better. I haven’t gotten there yet

 

[Faith1960]

I think once a month is more the norm, or even once every couple of months. I think the holier you are the more clearly you can see your sins. And you see them not just as sins but as impediments in your relationship with God. You are truly sorry for the harm you’ve caused your relationship with him and resolve to do better. I haven’t gotten there yet

The amount of times I go varies but never more frequently than every two months. I feel silly confessing what I confess since they are sins like I described above. It reminds me of that saying – listening to a nuns confession (I’m not a nun) is like being pelted with popcorn.

 

[Elizium23]

To me, sitting in judgement of our sins is solely the prerogative of God alone and happens at our death. What you described as judging I would call evaluating, simply to determine the type of sin.

No, I would say he rightfully evaluated your actions as non-sinful.

That is a circumlocution just so you can avoid saying “judged”.

Catholic Encyclopedia: The Sacrament of Penance

Penance is a sacrament of the New Law instituted by Christ in which forgiveness of sins committed after baptism is granted through the priest’s absolution to those who with true sorrow confess their sins and promise to satisfy for the same. It is called a “sacrament” not simply a function or ceremony, because it is an outward sign instituted by Christ to impart grace to the soul. As an outward sign it comprises the actions of the penitent in presenting himself to the priest and accusing himself of his sins, and the actions of the priest in pronouncing absolution and imposing satisfaction. This whole procedure is usually called, from one of its parts, “confession”, and it is said to take place in the “tribunal of penance”, because it is a judicial process in which the penitent is at once the accuser, the person accused, and the witness, while the priest pronounces judgment and sentence. The grace conferred is deliverance from the guilt of sin and, in the case of mortal sin, from its eternal punishment; hence also reconciliation with God, justification. Finally, the confession is made not in the secrecy of the penitent’s heart nor to a layman as friend and advocate, nor to a representative of human authority, but to a duly ordained priest with requisite jurisdiction and with the “power of the keys”, i.e., the power to forgive sins which Christ granted to His Church.

Teaching of the Church

The Council of Trent (1551) declares:

As a means of regaining grace and justice, penance was at all times necessary for those who had defiled their souls with any mortal sin. . . . Before the coming of Christ, penance was not a sacrament, nor is it since His coming a sacrament for those who are not baptized. But the Lord then principally instituted the Sacrament of Penance, when, being raised from the dead, he breathed upon His disciples saying: ‘Receive ye the Holy Ghost. Whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven them; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained’ (John 20:22-23). By which action so signal and words so clear the consent of all the Fathers has ever understood that the power of forgiving and retaining sins was communicated to the Apostles and to their lawful successors, for the reconciling of the faithful who have fallen after Baptism. (Sess. XIV, c. i)
Farther on the council expressly states that Christ left priests, His own vicars, as judges (praesides et judices), unto whom all the mortal crimes into which the faithful may have fallen should be revealed in order that, in accordance with the power of the keys, they may pronounce the sentence of forgiveness or retention of sins" (Sess. XIV, c. v)

(emphasis is mine)

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

If people confess and truly are repentant and don’t commit those sins anymore, what’s the point of going to confession? I mean, if people are truly repentant and they don’t sin…what’s their reason for going to confession? I’d think if one was truly sorry and wanted to not repeat their sins, they wouldn’t, or at least not as frequently as some people go to confession.

Because they are seeking a life of perfection and holiness. They are striving to fulfill the universal call to holiness and by making frequent use of the sacrament of penance, they receive an enormous amount of sacramental graces to help them not only avoid mortal sins, but to avoid venial sins as well over time. Many saints went to confession daily.

 

[Abba]

That is a circumlocution just so you can avoid saying “judged”.

Catholic Encyclopedia: The Sacrament of Penance

(emphasis is mine)

I think it is worth noting that a priest does not ‘judge’ if we are guilty. This is what I had in mind when I wrote that a priest cannot judge. I, for instance, cannot go to Confession, and tell the priest - well, I was in this or that situation and people got hurt but I don’t think or I am not sure that I have any responsibility in the tragic out come (e.g. a battle in a war etc…). Yet, it obviously bothers me and my conscience is pressing - but I refuse to face it and take responsibility. The priest will not try to get the details and decide for me if I am guilty or not. In this respect, the priest does not judge. The penitent needs to accuse himself or herself and be repentant.

The priest may decline to ‘forgive’ because through the power of the Holy Spirit he sees/understands the person is not truly repentant and will commit the sin again or the person does not recognize the importance of the Sacrament of Reconciliation etc… in this area they are ‘judging’/evaluating.

 

[Faith1960]

Because they are seeking a life of perfection and holiness. They are striving to fulfill the universal call to holiness and by making frequent use of the sacrament of penance, they receive an enormous amount of sacramental graces to help them not only avoid mortal sins, but to avoid venial sins as well over time. Many saints went to confession daily.

What did these saints confess and why didn’t they just stop doing what they were doing?

 

[TK421]

@EstherTherese:

Whether in the Confessional or in any other social medium in life imaginable, we are never going to have the power to control how other people are going to react to us. There will always be, no matter what, that element of uncertainty that somebody will react in a way that can be very much unsettling.

What we can control is ourselves. For 1, it’s pretty straightforward: if you want another Confessor, then go to another Confessor. All Confessors are equal in terms of giving what is necessary (absolution), but obviously not all Confessors are equal in terms of giving what is beneficial (an edifying & nurturing experience in the act of receiving absolution).

Remember that Confession generally isn’t intended to be an occasion for heavy discussion. It’s not a moment where you lay back on the couch and spill your thoughts. It’s a moment to tell Christ where you have sinned, and then to receive absolution, healing, and access to the bread of life. You don’t need a “transition” from one sin to the next. Christ does not hunger for eloquence; he hungers for honesty, humility, and a contrite heart. If you want to do a simple grocery list of sins, then do a simple grocery list of sins.

I wouldn’t allow this experience to keep you away from Confession. Go to another parish for Confession, and while driving there, do nonstop prayer in the car for Divine Aid, in order to alleviate your anxiety and receive the grace to be brave. Do intense exercise & push-ups before driving there. Breathe deeply and heavily. Throw your fears before Our Lady and ask her to hold your hand while you walk in. It will just take one edifying experience in the Confession after this in order to undo your fears and restore your sense of safety & trust.

 

[SuperLuigi]

This morning, I had probably my worst confession experience yet.

I started my confession as normal, saying what was on the forefront of my mind. Though I have participated in this sacrament many times, I always get a little nervous. When I was trying to find a way to transition to different sins, I started talking about a bad habit I had. It wasn’t technically a sin, but I wanted to preface what I would say next. Without going into detail, I talked about how I tend to misunderstand God’s grace. I’ll sin or do something wrong without much resolve to change as much as I should because I know I’ll be forgiven. This is something I know is wrong, and something I’ve said in confession before without an averse reaction from the priest.

The priest got a little louder, saying “Is this a joke to you?! You need to be serious. This is serious!”

I started tearing, saying that I was serious, that I was just trying to explain something.

He continued, “You need to have resolve!”
He continued for a bit, but I didn’t understand everything. He had an accent, but I wasn’t sure from where. The language barrier made him sound terse, probably without intent.

While I was trying to say I was serious and knew I was at fault, he started interrogating me.

“Do you pray every day?”
“Morning and night prayer?”
“Do you read Scripture?”

I said yes to all three; I’m scared of what he would have said if I said no to any of them.

I tried to gather myself, but hesitated to speak again. He told me some advice and a penance, then asked me to say an Act of Contrition. I was still trying to gather myself, until he retorted “Say it!”

I left crying, humiliated. I didn’t feel forgiven; I felt judged.

The priest probably has a point; perhaps I have a disordered approach to confession, but I wanted to be as honest with him as possible.

I’m having a very hard time recovering from this. Am I justified for feeling upset?
Many of my friends and peers have abandoned the faith (we are all in our early to mid-twenties), so this incident made me feel even more alone. I’m trying to fight the thoughts of doubt that they express about the Church.

This may sound trite, but I am sorry this happened to you.

I think it’s dangerous to compare yourself to your friends or to a general swath of people. I don’t know your friends (I presume), but I can say a lot of people leave the Faith for selfish, unenlightened reasons.

Please don’t be among that lost flock.

I understand your experience was not good. I have a family member who hasn’t been to Confession since the 80s, I believe, because a priest yelled at him in Confession.

I cannot sit here and tell a priest how to conduct a Confession, but I can say that this behavior you describe seems to drive people away from the Faith in our culture, and I would imagine the art of feedback and communication is important even in Confession.

I would highly suggest going to a different priest from now on, but I really must ask you not to give up on the Faith or on Confession.

 

[Faith1960]

@EstherTherese:

Whether in the Confessional or in any other social medium in life imaginable, we are never going to have the power to control how other people are going to react to us. There will always be, no matter what, that element of uncertainty that somebody will react in a way that can be very much unsettling.

What we can control is ourselves. For 1, it’s pretty straightforward: if you want another Confessor, then go to another Confessor. All Confessors are equal in terms of giving what is necessary (absolution), but obviously not all Confessors are equal in terms of giving what is beneficial (an edifying & nurturing experience in the act of receiving absolution).

Remember that Confession generally isn’t intended to be an occasion for heavy discussion. It’s not a moment where you lay back on the couch and spill your thoughts. It’s a moment to tell Christ where you have sinned, and then to receive absolution, healing, and access to the bread of life. You don’t need a “transition” from one sin to the next. Christ does not hunger for eloquence; he hungers for honesty and a contrite heart. If you want to do a simple grocery list of sins, then do a simple grocery list of sins.

I wouldn’t allow this experience to keep you away from Confession. Go to another parish for Confession, and while driving there, do nonstop prayer in the car for Divine Aid, in order to alleviate your anxiety. Do intense exercise & push-ups before driving there. Breathe deeply and heavily. It will just take one edifying experience in the Confession after this in order to restore your sense of safety & trust.

 

[Elizium23]

The priest may decline to ‘forgive’ because through the power of the Holy Spirit he sees/understands the person is not truly repentant and will commit the sin again or the person does not recognize the importance of the Sacrament of Reconciliation etc… in this area they are ‘judging’/evaluating.

Yes. All praise and glory to Jesus, The Pretty-Good Evaluator.

 

[Mummsie]

The amount of times I go varies but never more frequently than every two months. I feel silly confessing what I confess since they are sins like I described above. It reminds me of that saying – listening to a nuns confession (I’m not a nun) is like being pelted with popcorn.

Hi Faith, I can remember being in your place (still go there at times) But, when I started looking more at my sins of “omission” rather than “commission”, I found the whole experience more fruitful. There are so many ways I could have loved my neighbor, but didn’t. It’s a daily struggle.

God Bless You.

 

[Mystical_Seeker]

What did these saints confess and why didn’t they just stop doing what they were doing?

Exactly. Either that or how does this differ from scrupulosity?

Unless I am mistaken and the point of going to confession is to become absolved of mortal sin.

If my main reason for going going is basically to have a nurturing experience even in the absence of mortal sins, then I what I think I really need is a spiritual director to meet with.

I heard JPII confessed every day, while pope. I have no idea what it’s like to be pope or frankly whether he even did that so I don’t know whether that is comparable.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

E

I heard JPII confessed every day, while pope. I have no idea what it’s like to be pope or frankly whether he even did that so I don’t know whether that is comparable.

Probably urban legend.

Pope John Paul II did go to confession, but everyday would be unlikely and sign of scrupulosity on his own part.

Jim

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

I can’t get over the ignorance and judgmentalness people on here have about the saints making frequent use of the sacrament of confession.

As one grows in holiness and love of God, they realize how offensive their sins and imperfections are to God. Not all sins are voluntary. Some venial sins are involuntary that require the grace of God to help not commit.

Who are we to judge the spiritual practices and the consciences of the saints?

 

[seagal]

Exactly. Either that or how does this differ from scrupulosity?

Unless I am mistaken and the point of going to confession is to become absolved of mortal sin.

If my main reason for going going is basically to have a nurturing experience even in the absence of mortal sins, then I what I think I really need is a spiritual director to meet with.

I heard JPII confessed every day, while pope. I have no idea what it’s like to be pope or frankly whether he even did that so I don’t know whether that is comparable.

According to this article John Paul II went to confession every week. It’s not just for mortal sins, it’s for all the little venial sins that keep us from being the person God wants us to be. Everyone has a “favourite” sin or 2, things that keep tripping us up. So we keep needing forgiveness.
John 1:8 says “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.”

 

[JimR-OCDS]

According to this article John Paul II went to confession every week. It’s not just for mortal sins, it’s for all the little venial sins that keep us from being the person God wants us to be. Everyone has a “favourite” sin or 2, things that keep tripping us up. So we keep needing forgiveness.
John 1:8 says “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.”

The link appears to be broken.

It’s more likely St John Paul II received spiritual direction on a weekly basis, which may or may have not included confession.

Either way, confession is an important part of our spiritual journey.

There are good confessors, poor confessors and outright bad confessors.

Seek the good one and hang on to him for dear life, as St Teresa advises.

Jim

 

[detoutcoeur]

The link appears to be broken.

I had trouble, too; I found it cached. Great article.

webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:rwvs7F-Bl40J:www.zeitun-eg.org/JPII.htm+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

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