I’m having a very hard time recovering from this. Am I justified for feeling upset?
In all fairness, I think you may be a little overly sensitive or fragile. I don’t mean that in a bad way, it’s just probably an aspect of who you are, and it’s something that colors your experiences.
On the one hand, yes, confessors probably should have a certain degree of gentleness. No priest should be nasty, and neither should they belittle or mock the penitent. On the other hand, it’s unfair to expect all priests to have a motherly personality. Some are just naturally a bit “tougher,” more “masculine,” and may have less of an instinct to protect your feelings or to be extremely aware of a quiet and fragile soul or to have an advanced ability to empathize.
Some priests may understand their duty as communicating the truth of a situation as clearly—even as bluntly—as they know how. This type of priest may think it’s important for you to understand reality so as to best face it head on. Perhaps they don’t always understand that so many people will simply stop going to Confession if they feel kind of worthless. Whether or not we disagree with those people—and frankly, I certainly do—this is a reality which needs to be addressed.
Priests sometimes do need to exhibit tough love, but then again, sometimes they also need to insure that the penitent is actually hearing what they need to hear, rather than hearing reasons for why they can excuse themselves from going to Confession. “All priests are nasty and make me feel like garbage” is not what should be communicated in Confession. Then again, we do need to realize that we’re there, not for the priest or his personality, but to be with Christ and HIS mercy in a sacrament which He established.
I know of a priest who would be absolutely perfect for you in terms of being a confessor whom you would just absolutely love. If you want, I could PM you his email address, just so that you can get his advice on this situation. Obviously, you probably live too far away to have your confessions heard by him, but I really believe he could help you get some perspective on this. PM me if you’re interested, and I’ll check with him to make sure it’s okay.
