Useless marriage tips

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alice24

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As there are several threads on spouse standards, marriage tips etc…I would like to ask which popular tips for newly weds (or couples in general) are useless or overrated in YOUR eyes 🙂
There are so many people wishing their best and giving tips for me now, so, another point of view would be interesting …
 
“Never go to bed angry”.

Sometimes, putting the debate to rest and sleeping on it is wisdom beyond words.
 
“You’re far to young to get married”
(From several coworkers)

“Don’t have kids straight away. You need to enjoy your time as a newly married couple”
(from a relative)
 
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how old were you? Just out of interest. I heard this from my german coworkers sometimes. The iranian side was glad I finally found my spouse 😅

I hear the second very often, and I am soooo insecure about this. An usual mind versus emotion battle.
 
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alice24 said:
how old were you? Just out of interest. I heard this from my german coworkers sometimes. The iranian side was glad I finally found my spouse
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I was 28 getting married and my wife was 23.
Personally I think it’s the other way around. People in society now are leaving it too late!
alice24 said:
I hear the second very often, and I am soooo insecure about this. An usual mind versus emotion battle.
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The person who said this to me is someone who had one child before marriage which put him in a difficult situation for a while. He eventually married the mother and they then had three kids within three years. I think he’s sorry he didn’t have that time alone with his wife after marriage. But he was trying to convince me to wait for a few years after marriage!

Though if a coworker said it I wouldn’t pay much attentiion. When you have no babies people are asking what’s wrong and when you have more than 2 you have too many!!

My wife and I want babies though. We were avoiding for a while but I’m finished university in May 2018 and we are praying for a baby to come soon.

Well…not JUST praying obviously… 😁
 
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“Love is a daily decision”

No it’s not. You’ve already made that decision before you popped the question. The daily decision is to live out that love.
 
The worst thing I heard was “the first few months of your marriage will set the tone for the rest of your (married) life”

So naturally, I wound up overthinking every little stupid thing that happened and worried and fretted.

It wasn’t even true–people change and grow and learn new things all the time
 
Oh ok…this kind of tips seem to come up so often by people living in more or less unorganised family situations. Fiancé also heared “You haven´t lived together before…you hadn´t a long relationship with another women before her…it´s risky” and we simply skipped this “tips”. Person A saying this didn´t marry the mother of his children for years, person B has cheated on wife often…not really good advice people 😏

The baby question…yes…I feel we can´t make it right for everyone. I see the financial argument as we are on a low income level, but on the other hand, those issues are very unplanable for us in general.
At the moment, I wish I would not have to decide it. Sometimes I think it would be best if it just “happens” tu us and we can´t overthink it. A little stupid, I know (…)
 
TheLittleLady said:
“Never go to bed angry”.

Sometimes, putting the debate to rest and sleeping on it is wisdom beyond words.
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Sounds as I really should remember this. I tend to fight to the last to avoid taking problems with me too long. Thank you!
 
This tip sounds strange to me in general, like “lying for the peace of your marriage”. Good to know there are other people thinking this is not good.
 
alice24 said:
“You haven´t lived together before…you hadn´t a long relationship with another women before her…it´s risky” and we simply skipped this “tips”
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I got this too.Not from family though. Coworkers would ask “are you not living together” and then be surprised when you said you were waiting til after the wedding to move in.

As for the baby thing, as far as I can see there are lots of people who will presume to instruct or lecture you in this area, but it’s up to you and your spouse really.
 
AdamPeter said:
I was 28 getting married and my wife was 23.

Personally I think it’s the other way around. People in society now are leaving it too late!
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We are 28 and 25. It´s a little weird. When would people think it´s a good idea? 40-something after 3 children and the idea “I won´t find someone better fitting”? 😏
I mean, nothing wrong with people marrying late because they wanted it or got to know their spouse later. But this is not the issue.
 
TheLittleLady said:
“Never go to bed angry”.

Sometimes, putting the debate to rest and sleeping on it is wisdom beyond words.
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Yeah, that’s the first thing that popped into my head.

Just go to bed. You’ll be smarter tomorrow.
 
AdamPeter said:
“Don’t have kids straight away. You need to enjoy your time as a newly married couple”

(from a relative)
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I do kind of agree with that one.

There was so much adjustment going on our first year of marriage just with division of labor that I have no idea how I would have managed it pregnant, when I tend to be some combination of sometimes sleepy, sometimes rage-y.

(Not that we did everything perfectly–au contraire–but pregnancy would have been an additional handicap.)
 
My mother in law told me to always wear makeup. Wives need to look attractive at all times to prevent their husbands from straying.

😦

I only usually put makeup on if I’m going someplace that requires a dressy outfit. Not every day.

I do try to care for my skin. So I moisturize, use eye cream and lip balm.
 
That was from “Love Story”.

After seeing the film I sort of thought that Ali McGraw meant that if Ryan O’Neil loved her, than he wouldn’t have acted like a big jerk. Then he wouldn’t have needed to say "I’m sorry ".

In real life, married couples end up being jerks sometimes. Asking a spouse for forgiveness is important and necessary.
 
“Marriage is 50/50”.

I’ve heard this a lot, and it’s just not true. Both spouses should always give 100% of what they are able, and sometimes that means one person is carrying a lot more than the other. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t strive to be fair in figuring out who is responsible for what, but often complete equality just isn’t possible or even quantifiable.

It is hard not to nitpick about things and keep a running tally in your head about all the things you’ve done that you think are more than what your spouse has done, but it just breeds resentment. If you marry a good, kind, person, and both of you do what you can when you can and trust that the other person is doing his or her best, it is a lot easier than getting miffed and making lists in your head about how much more you do. (I still struggle with this- but it has gotten better over time.)
 
alice24 said:
This tip sounds strange to me in general, like “lying for the peace of your marriage”. Good to know there are other people thinking this is not good.
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Of course, one also shouldn’t ask questions like, “Do these pants make me look fat?”
 
I WANT my husband to tell me if my clothes or makeup or hair are unflattering. His opinion is important to me, and thank heavens he is both artistic and honest.
 
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