Struggling with resentment has been a real battle for me. Every time I’m tempted to feel bitter, I just run to the Lord because if I don’t, it is almost impossible to get rid of. I try to remember what a difficult thing I’m asking my family to do, and that helps me be patient. It’s funny bc my dad was always the one encouraging me to find what I loved and make it my career… I don’t think he had Jesus in mind at the time (and neither did I at that point!) Just another little irony
Thank you again!
Philomena, You may think it a strange thing to say, but you are very blessed to have this conflict with, and triumph over resentment BEFORE you enter the convent.
Think of it. You give up everything, family, friends, marriage, children, a relatively soft life and enter Carmel. Things go along swimmingly for, say, six months, with many graces in prayer, much joy in the Lord and in the community. They love you, you love them. And then one day you have a small request, for example, you need an extra fifteen minutes sleep, or you ask to be excused from some difficult task for a reason that seems good to you, but you are refused. Think of it! You have given up EVERYTHING and you only asked for a trifle, a nothing. What the heck! Talk about injustice! Talk about unfair! Such are the thoughts that satan whispers in one’s ear. Of course you obey, but sin is crouching at the door. The silence is very conducive to meditation, but your heart is aflame with indignation and you think about nothing else. But this is righteous indication, is it not? Surely if anyone has a right to be angry it is you.
Inside you are no longer a nun and it will not be long before your superiors will realize this, and you will be calling your Mom and Dad to come and pick you up.
So you can see that being absolutely triumphant over this sort of thing is more important to your life as a Carmelite than quickly paying down your debts, or learning Latin or anything else.
Code:
There are many books on this topic, and I have read many of them, yet the sure way to victory can be outlined in a few paragraphs.
It took me decades to discover it, but forgiveness is a choice not a feeling. Realizing the need to forgive, I would forgive and have feelings of forgiveness. Then the original offense would come to mind, the feelings of forgiveness would flee and I was back to square one, pickled in unforgiveness and resentment.
Fortunately I encountered some teaching that went something like this: Forgiveness, like love, is a choice. It is primarily in the will, not the feelings. So a) choose to forgive. A simple act of the will, a simple choice. That is easy enough to do, for it is not AT ALL a question of having forgiveness feelings, much less needing to work them up. The feelings are not at all important, and FOLLOW on the choice in any case, if they come at all. A simple choice: Lord, I forgive X.
But this is not enough, for the old memories of the original offense will come flooding back at some point, tempting you to anger and resentment once again.
SO, After choosing to forgive, b) PRAY FOR THE PERSON. Not a novena, not even a rosary, a more or less perfunctory prayer- for after all, in thinking about the person and the offense you are going very near to temptation. An Our Father, a Hail Mary- make it brief.
Repeat as necessary.
This works. For the genius of it is that at bottom the old memories, the temptation to anger and resentment are just that, temptations that come from our ancient enemy. When he discovers that these temptations
lead to prayer, he will leave you alone. That is why this works, and why it is such a definitive victory.
Code:
Yes, it is really that simple, but it took me till age 35 to discover it. Then I was ready to get married, and not a moment before, and the right woman appeared on cue. As a result, we have had a prayerful, peaceful, joyful marriage, for a solid foundation was in place.
Now, after further reflection and experience with this line of thinking, I have come to the conclusion that it is very likely that many thoughts come my way from the evil one, not only memories of old injuries, but of anything that will get me out of the will of God, distractions of all types. Prayer is the answer.
So you should thank God that he is giving you some time to become absolutely victorious in this area, because, believe me, this is the main issue in religious life. Once I asked Fr. Daniel ( my 103 yr old Cistercian monk/friend at New Melleray) "What is the main sin that monks face?" His immediate answer was, "I would say, judging other monks." In other words, judging them and being angry with them. So going into contemplative life completely triumphant over this sort of thing, or at least knowing how to deal with it, puts your vocation on a very solid foundation.
But I would be remiss if I did not encourage you to make plentiful use of the Sacraments in conjunction with the above.
Who knows if you will change your father’s mind before you enter, or ever, for that matter. As you must realize, it is a VERY easy thing for the Lord to do. I am sure you are praying about it, but really storm Heaven with Masses, with prayer requests lodged with various contemplative communities, with the prayerful old ladies of the parish, etc… Don’t try to do this by yourself. If you do that, and nothing changes, accept it lovingly as a cross from God, given to you for your own salvation and that of your family. Who ever heard of a Carmelite nun without a cross? It may very well be your ladder to Heaven, Philomena.
I’m also glad to hear that your daughter is happy at Valparaiso (but I’m not surprised at it
) I remember my first impression of the place was a mixture of relief (at finally finding it!) and shock at the Spanish style monastery in the middle of a cornfield! (I had been given a heads up about the Latin, but I understand how that might be a shock)
(I’ll send you my name in a private message so I don’t have to put it on the wall)