Vasectomy-the male abortion

[cathcapt]

I “got cut” six years ago and I regret it to no end. I feel compelled to write about my experience because if I can connect with one guy or one gal who’s husband is considering it and convince him to stop then this post is worth it.

STOP RIGHT HERE IF YOU THINK YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH!

My wife and I thought it would be a great idea. It would mean lots of fun sex whenever we wanted it. No more limits of NFP A sexual free-for-all. It was going to spice up our sex life and draw us closer. Well, I’ve got news for you–WRONG!!!

WRONG WRONG WRONG in so many ways. It seemed so clear, so right. We prayed about it. What we didn’t do was seek the advice of a solid Priest or a lay person devoted to the church. There’s a reason the church says it’s a mortal sin. I don’t need a lecture or to read anything about it. Expo-facto, simply being honest with one’s self is all you need to understand. It becomes obvious as you lie in the waste left by Satan’s lies. That’s all a “V” is-one big Satanic lie. I give exception to valid one’s which are very rare(like abortion).

Reality check–it almost tore our marriage apart. The sex early on was just what we had hoped for but then… The doors to all kinds of stuff flew wide open. We didn’t need to pay attention to fertility cycles since the life-giving aspect of sex was now gone. We no longer needed to communicate about our bodies or how we were feeling or what we were thinking at that moment. If we were in the mood, we did it-even if only one person was in the mood-still game on. It didn’t take long for sex to become just another activity. It turned into “Hmmm-what do I want to do now, go for a walk? play tennis? play cards? or #$% my wife.” That’s it-plain and simple. not only did that part of my body get cut but a part of my soul and part of my brain did to. The beautiful, God-created conjugal act deteriorated into nothing more than f%@&n. Sorry to use such strong language here but this is just that serious of a matter and such language is necessary .

Another door that flew wide open was the one that allowed for an affair. Of course I got caught. It was fun and what the heck-it was just an activity. It wasn’t even intercourse any more-it was just that “f” word. Getting cut numbs a man to the reality that his purpose to to assist in the creation of a new human life. Without the life-giving element, sex at home became boring. Since my wife was now an object of my pleasure, she became like any other object a person uses-get bored with it, go get a new one-the latest and greatest version.

Getting cut opens the door to things you can’t imagine. Your are probably reading this thinking “what an idiot-that won’t happen to me”. I thought I felt in the deepest part of my being that it would never happen to me either.

Vasectomy, subconsciously, distorts a man’s view of women over time. Sex is no longer open to life therefore you don’t even need contraception which leads to objectivcation of women which opens the door to affairs. I won’t even start on how porn comes into play here because that really makes things messy.

IF YOU WANT PROBLEMS-GET CUT! YOU WILL HAVE MORE PROBLEMS THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE.

DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT! NO MATTER HOW RIGHT IT SEEMS-DON’T DO IT! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T DO IT!

Praise be to Jesus for giving my wife the strengh to stand by my side. Things are good now. I’ve changed my view on sex. I’ve had to force myself to change. It’s been hard but worth it. Once I realized that my wife is one of the only persons in this world who truely cares about my soul, I began to look at her in a new light. We are lucky. Don’t tempt fate. It’s like drinking and driving-you may survive or you may destroy many lives.

Oh-and why it’s the “male abortion”? You think I don’t regret it? How do you think I feel now when I hear of other guys talking about wanting to have kids? Like a woman who is honest with herself after an abortion, I too realize that something has been destroyed forever. THINK ABOUT IT then don’t. God bless!

 

[whatevergirl]

*Oh my gosh, I applaud your courage here and honesty in telling this story! WOW! I actually have tears in my eyes, because I took ABC at various points in my marriage, for birth control, and for medical reasons. It creates a self centered mentality. I relate in the sense that we lost the sense of beauty in the marital embrace, and it became more like how you describe. I’m no longer on that, and things have been restored, and it’s like the scales fall from your eyes!

I really commend you for posting this here. God bless and spread the word. You should teach about this at your parish, I can see it! *

 

[Lynxdk]

Don’t get bullied into it either!

One of the most joyous events in my life was the birth of my daughter. I even got to hold her first after the doc and brought her to my wife =)

but a few months afterwards, my wife started bringing up this subject… it started as hints, as if it would improve our sex life, but over a few weeks it started turning into other things.

She would get her tubes tied, but it was far more dangerous for her to do that than it was for me to “get a little snip”.

At her age(mid-30’s), another pregnancy could be dangerous to her health.

At her age, any other children she had might have birth defects.

If I didn’t do it, it proved I didn’t love her!

If I didn’t do it, it just showed that I didn’t care about her at all and was just using her as a baby factory!

She just bashed away at me till I gave in, no matter how I said I felt about it, or her, or the Church, ~nothing~ mattered except that ~she wanted this~

We stopped having sex, my heart really just wasn’t into ~her~ anymore. It wasn’t about the sex, I lost my ~connection~ to her and any future children we might have had, which I’d have been overjoyed with each one, had it been so…

The only good that came of the Vas is that I didn’t have any more children with her, which would have made it harder for me and my daughter to get out of that mess.

 

[Hiskid1973]

Interesting…I had one 40 years ago and never had any issues like you shared…I have three wonderful kids…It was a mutual decision for us…Personally. I think porn is a more damaging problem…

 

[Am2010]

Interesting…I had one 40 years ago and never had any issues like you shared…

My dh had one 6 years ago and it’s been wonderful.We’ve always had a fantastic sex life but not worrying about getting pregnant makes it even better.We are very happy with the four kids we have.No regrets at all…

 

[KCT]

I’m sorry it harmed your life, but please be careful about calling it “male abortion”. Sperm do not have souls; it is not abortion.

 

[flyingfish]

I don’t think you should be blaming vasectomy for your affair. There are plenty of men out there who are infertile or are married to infertile women but who don’t have affairs. Are you saying that for those people sex is boring and their wives are just an object of their pleasure?

 

[HouseArrest]

I don’t think you should be blaming vasectomy for your affair. There are plenty of men out there who are infertile or are married to infertile women but who don’t have affairs. Are you saying that for those people sex is boring and their wives are just an object of their pleasure?

I would think that infertile through no fault of your own and infertile by one’s own decision are two different things. Maybe similar, but not exactly the same as, a miscarriage vs. an abortion.

 

[cathcapt]

For clarification purposes, I relate Vas to abortion in terms of it’s long term effects. In both cases, there is a sense of loss that is not unusual. I addressed that in the last paragraph.

Next, I’m not here to be a judge. Of course there is a variety of different experiences to the same event. I guess I do find it a bit concerning when someone commits any mortal sin and has no regrets doing it. The fact that, in general, sterilization is a mortal sin. Any one who participates in it must confess it accordingly.

Regarding the affair. Of course the Vas wasn’t the only reason. The point is that many dangerous doors open and an affair is one of them. Some people are lucky that they never go through that door. The Vas increased the chance of the affair happening.

A person becoming a sexual object is one of the likely results of a vas similiar to the use of contraception.

God Bless

 

[Paul1961]

My dh had one 6 years ago and it’s been wonderful.We’ve always had a fantastic sex life but not worrying about getting pregnant makes it even better.We are very happy with the four kids we have.No regrets at all…

Our experience is similar to Am2010.

To the OP…Your self destructive behaviors are not the result of the vasectomy. You have chosen a scapegoat for your decisions and behavior.

I suggest that you take a long honest look in the mirror. Own your mistakes and culpability or you are destined to repeat them.

 

[flyingfish]

I would think that infertile through no fault of your own and infertile by one’s own decision are two different things. Maybe similar, but not exactly the same as, a miscarriage vs. an abortion.

Sure, but he is saying that because he could no longer have children his sex life with his wife became boring, he started objectifying her, and eventually had an affair.

Well there are plenty of people who can never have children, maybe it’s not by choice, but the outcome is the same. Eventually all couples reach this stage when the wife enters menopause. Sex with a woman who is already pregnant also has nothing to do with making babies. It just seems like the OP wants to blame a vasectomy for what happened in his marriage, but the simple fact of being unable to make babies doesn’t lead to those things.

 

[whatevergirl]

*I didn’t get the sense that he was blaming the affair on the vasectomy…but I think he just meant that it made reckless behavior ‘‘easier.’’ That;s how I read that, anyways. *

 

[Rascalking]

This was very interesting. In our society so many people joke about vasectomies and no one really thinks about the effect afterwards.

Never thought of it as the male abortion…

 

[HouseArrest]

Our experience is similar to Am2010.

To the OP…Your self destructive behaviors are not the result of the vasectomy. You have chosen a scapegoat for your decisions and behavior.

I suggest that you take a long honest look in the mirror. Own your mistakes and culpability or you are destined to repeat them.

Maybe it hasn’t hit you yet.

 

[AHapka]

To the OP…Your self destructive behaviors are not the result of the vasectomy. You have chosen a scapegoat for your decisions and behavior.

I suggest that you take a long honest look in the mirror. Own your mistakes and culpability or you are destined to repeat them.

I agree with whatevergirl. I don’t think he’s blaming the affair on the vasectomy. He’s trying to say that made it just a little easier in that he didn’t have to worry about getting her pregnant.

I don’t see any scapegoating goin on here.

 

[Lutheranteach]

For clarification purposes, I relate Vas to abortion in terms of it’s long term effects. In both cases, there is a sense of loss that is not unusual. I addressed that in the last paragraph.

Next, I’m not here to be a judge. Of course there is a variety of different experiences to the same event. I guess I do find it a bit concerning when someone commits any mortal sin and has no regrets doing it. The fact that, in general, sterilization is a mortal sin. Any one who participates in it must confess it accordingly.

Regarding the affair. Of course the Vas wasn’t the only reason. The point is that many dangerous doors open and an affair is one of them. Some people are lucky that they never go through that door. The Vas increased the chance of the affair happening.

A person becoming a sexual object is one of the likely results of a vas similiar to the use of contraception.

God Bless

I don’t think your vasectomy is at the root of your issues.

 

[apricot_yogurt]

A friend of mine,everytime she sees me,(presumably because I am Catholic),lets me know how damaged she has been by her husband’s vasectomy. She has always practiced NFP, and grieves because her monthly cycle is an ever present reminder of what she has lost. She is very keen on joining the Catholic church, and this issue has galvanised her, as the Catholic church is the only church which says that a vasectomy is a bad thing. Now she knows this unfortunately for herself.
I have no doubt that the OP is correct in saying his vasectomy contributed to his having an affair. Satan bombards us with temptations every day, and knowing that your mistress will not get pregnant removes a natural barrier a man might have. Perhaps you other men who have had vasectomies have not experienced this, I am sure you will never do it, but for some men, they don’t need that added safegaurd removed.
The thing is, by having a vasectomy you are committing a sin, and blocking Christ’s grace, and so in a sense,asking for trouble. Your sin will have an effect somewhere even if it is not obvious in your marriage.

 

[AnotherChance]

Cathcapt, thank you so much for sharing your story so sincerely. I am sorry that so many on this thread have felt the need to judge you, make downright rude comments, and imply that you don’t understand what has happened in your own marriage. I feel compelled to point out for your benefit that it seems that most of the people with this attitutude have committed what you correctly point out to be the mortal sin of vasectomy. It is ironic that their attitudes are similar to the post-abortive woman who is pro-choice in an illogical way, and claims that anyone else’s experiences that led them to be pro-life are invalid. In pointing this out, I am probably opening myself up to the same type of insults that you have received here, but I will risk it.

Your analogy between vasectomy and abortion has merit. Even though a life is not taken with vasectomy, it is all part of the culture of death.

My husband has been discussing the possibility of this horrible act. Your post has inspired to even more strongly speak against it. I don’t think he will do it against my will, but when he first brought it up I was just heartbroken.

 

[MercyMia]

What an honest and courageous post. Thank you!
This is a discussion that is rarely ever heard out of the mouths of males… yet it needs to be heard.
Nevermind the attacks you are getting here, some people just do not want to hear this message because it threatens their perceptions of their own moral standing. It was clear that you were not blaming your surgery for having an affair…you were simply showing how one sin invites another.
May God continue to bless you and your wife.

 

[whatevergirl]

What an honest and courageous post. Thank you!
This is a discussion that is rarely ever heard out of the mouths of males… yet it needs to be heard.
Nevermind the attacks you are getting here, some people just do not want to hear this message because it threatens their perceptions of their own moral standing. It was clear that you were not blaming your surgery for having an affair…you were simply showing how one sin invites another.
May God continue to bless you and your wife.

Exactly…he wasn’t blaming it, just saying that it opened the door to reckless behaviors, similiarly to how ABC does for women. I thought it was a very good admission, personally…we are all weak sinners, and I think his thread will help many faced with the temptation of having a vasectomy.