Vent/Rant against non denominational Lack of Oversight

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StrawberryJam

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I will start out by openly admitting my deep anger towards one particular non denominational church operating in the midwest area. I am aware they are all different and that all humans individually can sin, and that sins have occured in all faiths. BUT- I am very angry now and need to let this out, and feel that this kind of thing can happen easily in an enviornment where popularity and charasmatic magnetic personalities can cloud minds and are allowed to be in power by voting and popular opinion.

Last night I recieved a phone call from my niece, who lost her father to cancer only eleven months ago. It seems that a month after her father died she became close with a few nice girls who started inviting her to their youth group. She went. Fast forward to last night. She is now pregnant. The father? The LEADER of the youth group!! She is only 17 years old. He is going to tell the church about her pregnancy, and he is going to announce their engagement and marriage. He is going to admit a teary confession of his sin, and claims that they will still keep him. He says if they don’t HE WILL START HIS OWN CHURCH.

Without going into more details, which as I type this I am holding back from going to meet this guy… I am going to ask how can this happen??? He knew she was grieving the loss of her father, he started to offer to drive her home, and then pounced on her at a time in her life when nothing made sense to her at all. I am so angry that he had a large following and the most “popular” youth group in the area and used this as a vehicle to prey on kids.

Parents, don’t allow some magnetic personality to lull you into a false sense of security. Stop voting your ministers in, and start another way to do this. People looking to hear what they want to hear get only what they want to hear. If things go south, they will simply start a new cult somewhere else. I know this can happen in any religion, in any denomination and I am not thinking this through in my anger but the “anything goes” loose rules I see in denominations with little authoritative structure make me wonder if it is time people started seeing these groups for what they are- totally lacking in any accountability!
 
I can understand your anger.

How does your niece feel about this? Presumably, she’s going along with the engagement and marriage?
 
Newbie2 said:
I can understand your anger.

How does your niece feel about this? Presumably, she’s going along with the engagement and marriage?
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She is going along with the pregnancy engagement and marriage. She also is mesmerized by this man. She thinks each word he utters is pure magic.:mad:
 
Not much one can do, I’m afraid, except pray for them both.

Wow. I’d be crossed-eyed with anger.

You have my sympathy, SJ.
 
Newbie2 said:
Not much one can do, I’m afraid, except pray for them both.

Wow. I’d be crossed-eyed with anger.

I am going to make another appointment with the priest I talk to about things. He may be able to calm me down. I’m leaving a message with him now. I am finally calm enough to do that much.
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StrawberryJam said:
I will start out by openly admitting my deep anger towards one particular non denominational church operating in the midwest area. I am aware they are all different and that all humans individually can sin, and that sins have occured in all faiths. BUT- I am very angry now and need to let this out, and feel that this kind of thing can happen easily in an enviornment where popularity and charasmatic magnetic personalities can cloud minds and are allowed to be in power by voting and popular opinion.

Last night I recieved a phone call from my niece, who lost her father to cancer only eleven months ago. It seems that a month after her father died she became close with a few nice girls who started inviting her to their youth group. She went. Fast forward to last night. She is now pregnant. The father? The LEADER of the youth group!! She is only 17 years old. He is going to tell the church about her pregnancy, and he is going to announce their engagement and marriage. He is going to admit a teary confession of his sin, and claims that they will still keep him. He says if they don’t HE WILL START HIS OWN CHURCH.

Without going into more details, which as I type this I am holding back from going to meet this guy… I am going to ask how can this happen??? He knew she was grieving the loss of her father, he started to offer to drive her home, and then pounced on her at a time in her life when nothing made sense to her at all. I am so angry that he had a large following and the most “popular” youth group in the area and used this as a vehicle to prey on kids.

Parents, don’t allow some magnetic personality to lull you into a false sense of security. Stop voting your ministers in, and start another way to do this. People looking to hear what they want to hear get only what they want to hear. If things go south, they will simply start a new cult somewhere else. I know this can happen in any religion, in any denomination and I am not thinking this through in my anger but the “anything goes” loose rules I see in denominations with little authoritative structure make me wonder if it is time people started seeing these groups for what they are- totally lacking in any accountability!
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👍👍
 
bluerose said:
Your niece is 17… how old is this guy?

Is 17 too old for this to be a crime? :confused:
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She was impregnated at the age of 16 by this “man of God” and he is 32 years old.
His big credentials was being a bible beliving christian for all his life, and a boy scout leader for 5 years. They voted this guy in when there was a vacancy.

I am going to see what age in that state qualifys for statutory rape right now. I will pay a lawyer to go after this man.
 
Wow, I can understand why you are so mad. Personally it would be the planned teary confession that would get to me. He obviously isn’t repentent.

I’d certainly persue legal channels, since he should not be in such a possition of power over youth.

edit: And even if where you are 16 is considered to be past the age of consent, many places have laws against people in possitions such as his doing what he’s done.
 
Your anger is probably 100% justified. You have every right to be angry about this. I would be.

So how old is the “youth minister”? If she is only 17 years old, he could be in some legal trouble.

When is he going to announce all this? I would hope it is soon.

Anyways, I will be praying for your niece.
 
Ugh…I’m going to be SICK. That is awful. Yes, please pursue this man to the fullest extent of the law. He ought to be in jail. His being a “youth group” leader makes no difference. What a scumbag. I lost my mother to cancer at the age of 14 and it was followed by some VERY hurtful experiences at the Presbyterian church I was attending at the time, but nothing like this…! I can hardly begin to imagine…I would probably end up in jail for threatening this guy if that had been my niece! :mad:
 
This made me cry.:mad:
You are to be applauded for speaking to a priest for guidence on this matter:thumbsup:
Which is not something i would have thought of till it was too late.
 
Strawberry Jam,

I came to your post stating his age, 32…and came here…

This is a serious crime. He is a predator sounding from the brief history.

You have my utmost sympathy and active prayers.

Kathleen
 
kimmielittle said:
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Agnostic, not atheist. Two different philosophies and what does feeding of one’s ego have to do with this situation. One doesn’t need to be Christian or religious in any way to see that this young woman has been preyed upon by a person who should have been consoling her.

My thoughts are these: this could happen anywhere, in any church or school or organization where adults interact with teen agers. We’ve certainly seen it in our own parishes, in public schools, in Scout troops…I certainly prefer the authority of the Catholic Church to guide us, but Non-Denomination lack of oversight isn’t the problem here. A bad apple can get into just about any barrell. One of my high school friends began a relationship with the young priest in charge of our senior retreat. They’ve been married since the early 70s. No lack of oversight there.

What does her mother have to say about all this? Does the girl need parental permission to get married at 17? This girl will need a lot of emotional and spiritual support. We all need to remember her in our prayers.

I
 
daeve said:
Agnostic, not atheist. Two different philosophies and what does feeding of one’s ego have to do with this situation. One doesn’t need to be Christian or religious in any way to see that this young woman has been preyed upon by a person who should have been consoling her.

My thoughts are these: this could happen anywhere, in any church or school or organization where adults interact with teen agers. We’ve certainly seen it in our own parishes, in public schools, in Scout troops…I certainly prefer the authority of the Catholic Church to guide us, but Non-Denomination lack of oversight isn’t the problem here. A bad apple can get into just about any barrell. One of my high school friends began a relationship with the young priest in charge of our senior retreat. They’ve been married since the early 70s. No lack of oversight there.

What does her mother have to say about all this? Does the girl need parental permission to get married at 17? This girl will need a lot of emotional and spiritual support. We all need to remember her in our prayers.

I
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👍

Ps that’s my signature
 
daeve said:
Agnostic, not atheist. Two different philosophies and what does feeding of one’s ego have to do with this situation. One doesn’t need to be Christian or religious in any way to see that this young woman has been preyed upon by a person who should have been consoling her.

My thoughts are these: this could happen anywhere, in any church or school or organization where adults interact with teen agers. We’ve certainly seen it in our own parishes, in public schools, in Scout troops…I certainly prefer the authority of the Catholic Church to guide us, but Non-Denomination lack of oversight isn’t the problem here. A bad apple can get into just about any barrell. One of my high school friends began a relationship with the young priest in charge of our senior retreat. They’ve been married since the early 70s. No lack of oversight there.

What does her mother have to say about all this? Does the girl need parental permission to get married at 17? This girl will need a lot of emotional and spiritual support. We all need to remember her in our prayers.

I
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thanks Daeve,

I am struggling to see this in a less emotional way, and be more calm and logical about it.
Anger has a hold of me now, and helplesness. A deep and profound feeling of watching a loved one in a car wreck that I can’t stop. A feeling of guilt, that I never knew this was happening. When she called me they were on “vacation” at his parents ranch in Texas. Apparently, they are all “praying over the child” now. His father is an active minister in yet another kind of non denominational church. Married and divorced three times now.
He cut into our phone call, demanded to know who she was talking to, when I told him who I was he hung the phone up. She was calling on HER cell phone. She clearly wanted someone to know what was going on, she dug a hole so deep I think she feels she can’t get out of it.

Her mother, is not handling the death of her husband too well, but none of us really knew how badly until I found out more talking to my niece. They are both handling this in different ways. I wish I had known more. The way her mother found out about this was her friend’s mother calling to let my niece know she left her purse behind, and her daughter had it. Then they both realized she should have been home already. And, they were “caught” red handed. What I want to know is how he got away with saying he would take her home so he could “discuss things with (my niece’s mother) her” but, all the while he took her for car trips, to restaruants, and finally to his place. She told me she knew it wasn’t right, but that I “don’t understand” and he is really “the best thing that ever happened to her”
I asked her to think if she feels her dad would like this.
That’s when she started to cry. Then as soon as she calmed down, that idiot got on the phone, found out who I was and hung up on me. I am leaving emails to her constantly so he knows I am aware of where she is now. I am leaving voice mails on her cell phone (they must be screening the calls now) and I have emailed that church and asked for an appointment with the guy in charge there. I have left messages on their automated answering machine, and am composing letters to mail out to all parties.
I have an appointment set up with my priest, and I left a message with my attorney who I am guessing will call me back tonight or tomorrow to see what he has to say.
 
KathleenGee said:
Strawberry Jam,

I came to your post stating his age, 32…and came here…

This is a serious crime. He is a predator sounding from the brief history.

You have my utmost sympathy and active prayers.

Kathleen
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Depends on the state. Some states actually have the age of consent to be 16. Some have gradual ages, ie, a 15 year old can have sex with a 17 year old but not an 18 yo. a 16 yo can have sex with an 18 year old, but not a 19 year old. They are called Romeo and Juliet Laws but vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.

Either way, I’m almost positive the majority view (the majority of the courts) for the age of consent is 16 years old with any adult.

Personally it ticks me off because preditors are out there and there is no easy way to catch some of them. I have seen a few cases of teachers resigning their positions because, while they didn’t violate the law, they did have sex with students.
 
Xavierlives said:
Depends on the state. Some states actually have the age of consent to be 16. Some have gradual ages, ie, a 15 year old can have sex with a 17 year old but not an 18 yo. a 16 yo can have sex with an 18 year old, but not a 19 year old. They are called Romeo and Juliet Laws but vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.

Either way, I’m almost positive the majority view (the majority of the courts) for the age of consent is 16 years old with any adult.

Personally it ticks me off because preditors are out there and there is no easy way to catch some of them. I have seen a few cases of teachers resigning their positions because, while they didn’t violate the law, they did have sex with students.
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I think you may be right about the age of 16 being legal to have sex with anyone of any age. At least, that is what I am getting out of my search so far. I’ll let my lawyer figure all that part out.

I think that age is far far too young for consent. Of course, if you had asked me when I was that age… I would have said “it depends on the person” and all that BS.

It’s too young. Period. No one at that age is prepared for the consequences of that act.

I’m glad she did not choose abortion. But, I am still upset. I don’t know what to say anymore. I am just so overwhelmed.
 
StrawberryJam said:
She was impregnated at the age of 16 by this “man of God” and he is 32 years old.
His big credentials was being a bible beliving christian for all his life, and a boy scout leader for 5 years. They voted this guy in when there was a vacancy.

I am going to see what age in that state qualifys for statutory rape right now. I will pay a lawyer to go after this man.
Click to expand...
Report it to the police if you wish and push the issue. He’ll be gone if that is what you want.
 
He’s 32 yrs old?? My guess is that he’s done this before. (or something similar)
Have somebody look into his past.
Depending on the state, it may very well be statutory rape.
Consent is no excuse. Have him arrested.

BTW… There is also a law in most states that makes it a crime if somebody such as a minister, councilor, doctor, etc. has sex with a minor, consenting or not.
 
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