Very upset please help

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madlady86

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I have just started my RCIA classes tonight. This is a dream to me. I have always wanted to be a catholic. I have never been baptised and my husband is a r.catholic

We have 2 kids who are both baptised r.catholics and attend our local school and church. I adore the kids and I church way of life. My ultimate dream is being a catholic.

Anyway my husband and I were married in a registry office years ago… this is the problem. My priest told me tonight that I cant be baptised until we are married in the catholic church.

I was really nervous about this because my husband takes nothing to do with the church… thats my responsibility.

I told my husband tonight and he point blank refused to get remarried. I know he wont do it but Im stuck in a dilema.

I was in tears all night but he still refuses… what can I do?? Im devasted I cant convert X
 
There’s nothing stopping you from attending RCIA, growing and living your faith. Of course the fullness of all the sacraments await, but not yet.
I’m thinking this… if you don’t go to RCIA, you won’t learn about the faith, your husband will breathe a sigh of relief maybe, and the status quo will be the status quo.
If you DO go to RCIA, you will learn about the richness of the faith, how to pray with a deepness you’ve never experienced, experience Jesus (if not in the sacraments, you can still spend time in the Blessed Sacrament as MUCH as you want) You will also show your husband and others how big your faith is. Don’t let anyone deter you from growing in holiness. Yes, it’s true, you will have to go through some things before you can receive all the sacraments, and your husband will have to go to confession, you’ll have a period of “difficulty” while you await your marriage being regulated, but it’s worth it.

I taught RCIA for years, and there was a woman and her to-be-husband for THREE years attended, and persevered. I attended their wedding, and her sacraments. How wonderful it all was…

Praying for you to have extraordinary perseverence and a supernatural faith, and for your husband’s heart to soften…/

Bless you.
 
madlady86 said:
I told my husband tonight and he point blank refused to get remarried. I know he wont do it but Im stuck in a dilema.

I was in tears all night but he still refuses… what can I do?? Im devasted I cant convert X
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First of all, stop your tears! This is not an end point to RCIA.

The Church has encountered this situation before and there is a solution.

Ask your pastor about something called “radical sanation.” Here is information from the Archdiocese of Los Angeles about the process: la-archdiocese.org/org/vcs/Documents/Radical%20Sanation%20%28Instructions%29.pdf

Notice what LA says about who is qualified for this:
  • A simple convalidation is impossible because: a. one party refuses to give new consent AND
  • Their marriage is found to be invalid by reason of: a. lack of canonical form;
Sounds like they had you in mind, doesn’t it?

Prayers for you as you continue your journey toward baptism.
 
marlap2 said:
There’s nothing stopping you from attending RCIA, growing and living your faith. Of course the fullness of all the sacraments await, but not yet.
I’m thinking this… if you don’t go to RCIA, you won’t learn about the faith, your husband will breathe a sigh of relief maybe, and the status quo will be the status quo.
If you DO go to RCIA, you will learn about the richness of the faith, how to pray with a deepness you’ve never experienced, experience Jesus (if not in the sacraments, you can still spend time in the Blessed Sacrament as MUCH as you want) You will also show your husband and others how big your faith is. Don’t let anyone deter you from growing in holiness. Yes, it’s true, you will have to go through some things before you can receive all the sacraments, and your husband will have to go to confession, you’ll have a period of “difficulty” while you await your marriage being regulated, but it’s worth it.

I taught RCIA for years, and there was a woman and her to-be-husband for THREE years attended, and persevered. I attended their wedding, and her sacraments. How wonderful it all was…

Praying for you to have extraordinary perseverence and a supernatural faith, and for your husband’s heart to soften…/

Bless you.
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Great post.
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
First of all, stop your tears! This is not an end point to RCIA.

The Church has encountered this situation before and there is a solution.

Ask your pastor about something called “radical sanation.” Here is information from the Archdiocese of Los Angeles about the process: la-archdiocese.org/org/vcs/Documents/Radical%20Sanation%20%28Instructions%29.pdf

Notice what LA says about who is qualified for this:
  • A simple convalidation is impossible because: a. one party refuses to give new consent AND
  • Their marriage is found to be invalid by reason of: a. lack of canonical form;
Sounds like they had you in mind, doesn’t it?

This is the first time I’ve heard of this! 👍 Interesting.

Prayers for you as you continue your journey toward baptism.
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Dear “madlady”,

It sounds like your husband was poorly catechized. You were given very good advice here.;
the good Lord does not make it impossible to follow Him. Radical sanation is the answer.

Go through RCIA and be blessed! As the grace of the Lord shines through you, he can then desire the peace you have and come to better understand the Catholic faith.

May the Lord Jesus Christ and his Blessed Mother be with you on your spiritual journey.

Peace,

Dorothy
 
You’ll be fine. As other posters have pointed out there are pastoral solutions to most anything including this. What you should do it get your husband on here and let me talk to him. Tell him to stop acting like an a** and support you on this. :mad:
 
I’m confused (nothing new 😉 ). Why would someone not be allowed to be baptized? It seems that in the Bible when there were new believers the whole households were baptized? And, the baptisms were done immediately…why would the chance to be baptized be withheld from someone if they are spiritually ready?:confused:

😊 Remember, be gentle with me. 😃
 
spedteacherita said:
I’m confused (nothing new 😉 ). Why would someone not be allowed to be baptized? It seems that in the Bible when there were new believers the whole households were baptized? And, the baptisms were done immediately…why would the chance to be baptized be withheld from someone if they are spiritually ready?:confused:

😊 Remember, be gentle with me. 😃
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Basically, in order to be baptized you have to be living according to the laws of the Church. Unfortunately for the OP, she and her husband are in an invalid marriage. They need to straighten that out first.
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
Basically, in order to be baptized you have to be living according to the laws of the Church. Unfortunately for the OP, she and her husband are in an invalid marriage. They need to straighten that out first.
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It looks like it all boils down to her husband whether or not she gets baptized. But even if he agrees to get married within the Church, she wouldn’t reap the graces of Matrimony until after she gets baptized, if at all. Or will they have to undergo a “radical sanation” on top of that? Something doesn’t sound right with the whole thing.
 
ProVobis said:
It looks like it all boils down to her husband whether or not she gets baptized. But even if he agrees to get married within the Church, she wouldn’t reap the graces of Matrimony until after she gets baptized, if at all. Or will they have to undergo a “radical sanation” on top of that? Something doesn’t sound right with the whole thing.
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They can either exchange consent before a deacon or priest (“convalidation”) or have a radical sanation which relies on their initial exchange of consent. If her husband won’t cooperate then they can’t have a convalidation. (Basically they both have to say “I do” to make that work.) But that still leaves the sanation option open.

And once she’s baptized their marriage will become sacramental rather than natural.

I’m sure I’ve said this before, but the hardest part of RCIA is dealing with marriage issues!
 
I don’t’ understand from the original post how you can be married inthe Catholic church, that is, participate in the sacrament UNLESS you are baptized. I’ve never heard of it the other way around, that you have to get the sacrament of matrimony BEFORE you can be baptized.

see if you can speak directly with your bishop. Try to present your situation calmly, and to avoid being all emotional about this.

I think that it’s incorrect to say that your current marriage is invalid or illegimate. That just can’t be.

I would approach your bishop or his official assistant (a vicar or something like that) and start a the beginning. You are not Catholic but married to a Catholic. What do you need to do to enter the Church (baptism) and have your marriage blessed?

Baptism is a really big sacrament – entering the Body of Christ and becoming a child of God by adoption. This is enormously important and beautiful. Keep up with the RCIA if possible and get an opinion from somebody higher up.

The Second Vatican Council said it was the mission of priests to “urgently bring men (and women) to Jesus Christ.” This is the urgent matter, not this red tape stuff.

“Go for” baptism for the right reasons. It should be a life-changing experience, and I hope it is for you.
 
sirach2v4 said:
I don’t’ understand from the original post how you can be married inthe Catholic church, that is, participate in the sacrament UNLESS you are baptized. I’ve never heard of it the other way around, that you have to get the sacrament of matrimony BEFORE you can be baptized.
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It is possible for Catholics to marry unbaptized people in the Catholic Church. Such a couple has a natural marriage. If the unbaptized person is later baptized their marriage becomes a sacramental marriage without any further action.
see if you can speak directly with your bishop. Try to present your situation calmly, and to avoid being all emotional about this.
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Why? She should start with her pastor since he can handle matters for the couple.
I think that it’s incorrect to say that your current marriage is invalid or illegimate. That just can’t be.
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And on what basis do you think it’s incorrect? Her husband is Catholic. That means that in order for him to have a valid marriage he either has to marry according to Catholic form or get a dispensation. Since he did neither, it is not a valid marriage.
I would approach your bishop or his official assistant (a vicar or something like that) and start a the beginning. You are not Catholic but married to a Catholic. What do you need to do to enter the Church (baptism) and have your marriage blessed?
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She has already been told what she needs to do: bring her marriage into the Church.
The Second Vatican Council said it was the mission of priests to “urgently bring men (and women) to Jesus Christ.” This is the urgent matter, not this red tape stuff.
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An invalid marriage is not red tape.
 
Thankyou so much for your replys. My husband is still refusing to be married in the church. We werent married in a church to begin with it was a registry office. But I will continue my RCIA. This is MY journey not my husbands. So I will continue my journey to developing my faith and I wont let my husband spoil it.

Im still very disappointed but I trust in God.

Thankyou for your words of kindness and support xc
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
Basically, in order to be baptized you have to be living according to the laws of the Church. Unfortunately for the OP, she and her husband are in an invalid marriage. They need to straighten that out first.
Click to expand...
Now I’m confused. The Catholic church Baptizes babies and even grade school age children; in some cases, the church Baptizes adults who are just entering Christianity for the first time. This woman was married outside the Catholic church so I understand their marriage is not valid in the eyes of the church but why would she have to be living according to church doctrine to receive Baptism? I recognize the authority of the pastor/priest but am having a hard time understanding why she cannot be Baptized right now. Then she can receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Or is it, she needs to go through RCIA first to receive Baptism?

Someone please help this confused Catholic. Thank you.:confused:
 
madlady86 said:
I have just started my RCIA classes tonight. This is a dream to me. I have always wanted to be a catholic. I have never been baptised and my husband is a r.catholic

We have 2 kids who are both baptised r.catholics and attend our local school and church. I adore the kids and I church way of life. My ultimate dream is being a catholic.

Anyway my husband and I were married in a registry office years ago… this is the problem. My priest told me tonight that I cant be baptised until we are married in the catholic church.

I was really nervous about this because my husband takes nothing to do with the church… thats my responsibility.

I told my husband tonight and he point blank refused to get remarried. I know he wont do it but Im stuck in a dilema.

I was in tears all night but he still refuses… what can I do?? Im devasted I cant convert X
Click to expand...
Talk to your priest. The Church has ways of dealing with this issue.
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
Basically, in order to be baptized you have to be living according to the laws of the Church. Unfortunately for the OP, she and her husband are in an invalid marriage. They need to straighten that out first.
Click to expand...
This does not make sense to me. The Church would recognize any baptism from other protestant denominations, the Church would also direct any single one of us to baptize the OP if we came across her in an automobile accident and she was close to death. Since baptism saves, and she needs that no matter what her marital situation. Why would she be denied baptism?

The Church saw fit to baptize the children.🤷
 
808Catholic said:
Now I’m confused. The Catholic church Baptizes babies and even grade school age children; in some cases, the church Baptizes adults who are just entering Christianity for the first time. This woman was married outside the Catholic church so I understand their marriage is not valid in the eyes of the church but why would she have to be living according to church doctrine to receive Baptism? I recognize the authority of the pastor/priest but am having a hard time understanding why she cannot be Baptized right now. Then she can receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Or is it, she needs to go through RCIA first to receive Baptism?

Someone please help this confused Catholic. Thank you.:confused:
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Not only that but baptism is the gateway sacrament, so how could another sacrament be required for baptism?
 
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