Virtue while "parenting"

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CruceSignati

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Hi everyone, I’m a 15 year old girl who takes care of 4 of her siblings at home since both parents are often at work. We homeschool. 😛
Now here’s my question: how do I practice virtues and grow in my faith while at the same time, discipline the kids (who are 3, 6, 8, and 10, and the 3 year old and the 6 year old fight with each other almost constantly 😦 ) and still teach them about the faith?? I have been struggling with this for a little while now.

God bless!
 
Have you asked your parents about this? What are their thoughts?
 
At 15, it shouldn’t be your job to teach your younger siblings. You have your own education to be concerned about. One of your parents should be home at least most of the time. I can see a teen caring for younger siblings for a few hours, but not to be responsible for their educations.

We homeschooled our children & we decided it would be best for me to be home. That means less income & a lower standard of living, but it is doable. I did work parttime when I could either take the children with me or leave them at home with their father.

If your parents find themselves working the same shift, one should cut back on his/her hours to be a parent to you and your siblings.
 
Have you talked to your parents about this? I know that at one point my 14 yr old son was feeling overwhelmed at home trying to discipline, teach and care for the younger kids. His older brother is 19 and away from home, only comes home on weekends now. I also homeschool, but just had a new baby so I had a lot falling on him. I didn’t realize how much he was struggling until he finally brought it up to me. We talked about it and came up with some solutions–he took over more of the housework and I took over more of the childcare and school lessons. Honestly, that is how it always should have been anyway.

You are setting a wonderful example for your younger siblings just by doing the best you can to help out at home. At 15, you are doing far more than most your age. I am proud of you and impressed at how much you help your family. As for the two little ones fighting, it really is normal behavior for their ages. Try keeping them busy with something constructive such as small easily done chores, arts and crafts, coloring sheets, and lots of outdoor play. Praise them for team work, and quickly and firmly discipline them as soon as they misbehave. Feel free to PM me if you need specific guidance or just need to vent. But please also talk to your mom.
 
When you say that your parents are often at work, do they work outside the home or do they work from home? If they work outside the home, do they work full time?
 
Thank you everyone! Yes, I have talked to my parents about this, and they are very grateful for all of the work that I do at home. Dad will be home a little more this summer, so things should get a little better then.

Part of the problem in our house is the lack of routine. This is kind of weird, but I read the book A Mother’s Rule Of Life. What a dream that would be! Our house has almost zero routine, next to nothing for family prayer time, and not a very great schoolwork plan. Oh well, it has to be this way for now :o

God bless! 🙂
 
Evania said:
When you say that your parents are often at work, do they work outside the home or do they work from home? If they work outside the home, do they work full time?
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Firstly, we live on a farm that has over 1,000 animals, that require food, water, etc.

Mom works part-time as a Public Health Nurse (Mon. & Tues.), but on Wednesdays, she sometimes teaches CPR. Thursdays are piano lessons, Fridays we will sometimes go to Mass/Adoration, and Saturdays/Sundays are for catching up on everything else.
Dad is building a B&B that will be opening in June, and since he is doing most of the work himself, he is gone at 6 AM and home by 5 PM. Long days
 
You have too much of your parents’ responsibility, but what a wonderful attitude you have! Try to get everyone on regular routines. That should help. Prayers!
 
CruceSignati said:
Part of the problem in our house is the lack of routine.
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You have identified the problem, now correct it. Set a time for prayer with your brothers and sisters (after breakfast, before or after lunch). Take a half an hour to read to them from the Bible and discuss it with them. Follow your mothers advise, if they have time to fight, then they have time to work. 😉

Set a routine for yourself and let your siblings join you. 🙂
So first, I went in the kitchen to get a piece of chocolate. Chocolate always helps
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:rotfl: 👍
 
One thing you can do is to lead them in prayer. Even the littlest ones will be able to participate and it will help you in guiding them in their faith.

Start each day with an Our Father, Hail Mary and then talk to God in prayer with them. A good guide I have used in teaching my little ones in the following : Thank you for…, I’m sorry for…Please help me more…

They can all take turns filling in the blanks and it will help all of you grow closer in having conversations with God which would be a great first step if no such family prayer time already exists.
 
I think you have a wonderful attitude in trying to take all this on! In all honesty though, I think it sounds like a bit too much is on your plate. Certainly, it is great to help out when you see that work needs to be done, but you also have your own education to worry about. Have you talked to your parents about the difficulties you are encountering? It might benefit them in hiring someone a few days a week to help out.
 
I had a somewhat similar situation when I was 15 and afterwards. My mom had cancer and I had a lot of household responsibilities while she was sick for our family of 5 (mom, dad, me, 12-year-old sister, 6-year-old brother). We were all in public school and I didn’t have kid responsibilities, though I had lots of fights with my 12-year-old sister over who was going to do the dishes. I worked VERY hard at cooking and doing laundry and dishes as well as doing my school work and getting ready for college, but it was for a single school year.

I think your parents may have lost sight of the fact that 1) you are a child and 2) they are the parents of their children 3) you children are more important than a B and B or a bunch of farm animals. If they are not going to be around to parent you, you (or at least some of you kids) should be in school or (and I don’t like to say this) the 3-year-old should be in daycare.

I commend you for your efforts, but I think the situation is not optimal. Also, it seems to me that once the B and B gets going (if your family is going to be running the B and B), there’s a very large risk that the business is going to eat your family. My family launched a business when I was your age (in addition to the farm and existing family jobs), and I’m afraid my youngest sibling wound up being neglected in favor of the business (he turned out OK, though). Everything started revolving around the business.

I think it’s time for you to sit your parents down some night after the littlest ones are in bed and have a meeting with them. Sooner or later, you are going to be leaving home, and the next siblings in line are not big enough to take on the work you have been shouldering. The three of you need to make a workable plan for the future. You should keep having meetings every few months, as the situation changes.
 
Also, you might want to mention to your parents that your family is in some danger of getting investigated by child protective services if they are gone much of the time and you are in charge of homeschooling your younger siblings by yourself.
 
CruceSignati said:
Firstly, we live on a farm that has over 1,000 animals, that require food, water, etc.
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If you have the responsibility of taking care of these animals while at the same time watching your siblings, I really hope the majority of these are small, confined animals like chickens & rabbits! If you are taking care of large animals with the younger children in tow, or leaving them unsupervised, please consider your own safety and the safety of the younger children. My own son, when he was about 3, got kicked by a pony while I was “watching” but distracted. No permanent harm, tho he’s not cared for horses since. However, the pony could have kicked him in the head instead of the leg.
 
Xantippe said:
Also, you might want to mention to your parents that your family is in some danger of getting investigated by child protective services if they are gone much of the time and you are in charge of homeschooling your younger siblings by yourself.
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That’s my concern as well. This has happened to a family I know simply because their neighbors didn’t approve of them homeschooling and thought this was a good way to bully them. Yes, homeschooling is legal but there are so many out there that will scrutinize a family for that reason alone. If people knew a 15 year old girl was responsible for the education of other children on top of her own, while the parents were working, they may call CPS.
 
I think it’s great that you want to take this chance to grow in virtue! I think you will probably be much better able to do so if you can get some order into what you are doing.

You say your siblings are 3, 6, 8, and 10. And then there’s you. What I think you need to do is to think outside the box–the 3-yo needs probably almost constant supervision at this point, but he does take naps.

Consider what’s going on with the youngest (whom I will call him). Is he most able to play quietly by himself in the early morning, late morning, just after his nap? When does he need some running around outside time? Etc. He will be much more peaceful if he’s on a schedule that meets his needs.

At a time when he is able to play quietly by himself at one end of the room is a time when you can help the others as they need help. The other time for that will be when the youngest takes a nap. Other than that, you may have to be firm and not work with them too much, because you yourself need to get some schoolwork done!

See which of the older children will be best suited for playing with the youngest at times whne that is needed. For instance, I found that my oldest and youngest did chores together really well, but my two youngest played together the best; see how those things work out in your family.

Also see when the two youngest quarrel the most: a certain time of day? While you are trying to get something done in the kitchen? When they are playing together more than a certain amount of time? Etc. I found that mine would break out into a fight several minutes after starting to laugh somewhat wildly, so I always broke in when I heard that.

So, have one of your siblings watch/play with the 3 yo for a while and then switch so another child is watching/playing with the 3yo. Have the 6yo watch/play with the 3yo doing things where they don’t end up fighting, which may be something like playing with playdoh at the kitchen table while you make lunch.

Have activities planned for the times when each is watching the 3yo: playdoh, playing outside, playing with cars or dolls, etc.

I know this probably seems like a lot of organizing, and it is, but it will help in the long run. Your siblings will be either working on schoolwork or watching/playing with the youngest, and hopefully you will have a bit of time to get your schoolwork done!

I hope all goes well with you during this time of transition for your family!
 
Bonnie said:
If you have the responsibility of taking care of these animals while at the same time watching your siblings, I really hope the majority of these are small, confined animals like chickens & rabbits! QUOTE]
Yes the majority of them are small animals:)
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Thank you sooooooooo much everyone, for your reponses!
This evening, the kids and I sat down and we made a plan. We listed what needs to be done every day, how long it takes, and how prayer works with all of it. We will hopefully be starting tomorrow. I don’t really expect miracles; it will still be tough some days, but it might just be an improvement from what things are like now. 😃

If you would like to see how all of this plays out, you can check out my blog, crucesignatiblog.wordpress.com

Thanks again, and God bless!!!
 
Bonnie said:
At 15, it shouldn’t be your job to teach your younger siblings. You have your own education to be concerned about. One of your parents should be home at least most of the time. I can see a teen caring for younger siblings for a few hours, but not to be responsible for their educations.

We homeschooled our children & we decided it would be best for me to be home. That means less income & a lower standard of living, but it is doable. I did work parttime when I could either take the children with me or leave them at home with their father.

If your parents find themselves working the same shift, one should cut back on his/her hours to be a parent to you and your siblings.
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It seems to me that if both parents are working, then there’s no one to “Home School.”
As a former home school mom, and as cold as it might sound, I think the kids need to go to school. That isn’t home schooling. It’s not a child’s responsibility to raise a family.
 
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