Vocations and parental role/What are you doing or not doing?

[contemplative]

" It is no wonder that vocations are down in places. The children are learning all the wrong things. Just look where parents priorities are, thats what children learn."

This is a quotation by BzyCath CA forum member. His quotation inspired this new thread.

What are parents doing or not doing to encourgage or discourage their children to religious vocations?

I wish those who contribute to this thread do a little soul searching and honestly reflect here what they see in themselves and in others. We all may learn a great deal from one another.

 

[Penitent]

I have a 7-year-old daughter who goes to Catholic school. She not only comes to Mass every Sunday, but on days she’s off school, summer included (on the days where she doesn’t have camp or when my husband is already off to work), she comes to daily Mass with me. Once in a while, I take her to adoration with me–she now requests on occasion that I take her to adoration.

We talk about Scripture based on what’s going on in her life, or our family life, or based on something we may have heard or seen. She joins me often for holy hour recitation of the rosary and Benediction. Driving, we talk about God and what various things mean–like today, we discussed what “dying to the world” really meant, because she heard it in a homily and I wanted to explain it to her.

Recently, I bought this pretty, leather, small Catholic prayer book with big print. I’ve let her use it a few times a day to read morning, mid-afternoon and evening prayers. The day before yesterday, she took it from me. I asked for it back and she told me, “I think it’s mine. Please go order another one for yourself.” The same day I bought the book, I bought a small crucifix. She took it from the living room wall the same day she took the prayer book.

I always ask her to keep in her mind consideration on becoming a nun–and I have explained to her a nun’s relationship to Christ. She assures me (as best a 7-year-old can) that she will always consider it. But more importantly, she knows to pray often about it as she grows.

This child is, like, one of the most “Catholic” people I know…she just asked me why she can’t receive first Holy Communion now and why she has to wait. She’s friends with our priest, so I’ll let him field that one. I’ve explained it but she asks often anyway. I consider myself so blessed–I hope she doesn’t do a 180 and cause me more grief than I’ve ever imagined!

Penitent

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

What are parents doing or not doing to encourgage or discourage their children to religious vocations?

Most people don’t want their children in vocations they want grandchildren.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Lilyofthevalley:

Most people don’t want their children in vocations they want grandchildren.

While this may be part of it I think it goes more to the way parents act.

When they act like material possesions are more important than everything else they teach their children that it is more important to get a big pay check.

When they make disparaging comments about religious where their children can hear them, they discourage their children from religious life.

When they bring a bag of toys and food for their children to Mass, they teach them that Mass means nothing. Now I understand doing this for very young children, but there comes a time when children need to learn that Mass is important and they need to pay attention. After all, Mass usually isn’t even an hour long.

In my experience, I have heard many stories about how nasty someone’s parish priest is, how mean he is. I have over heard, and been told, only a gay man would want to be a priest. I have been asked why I want to throw my life away because I am discerning a vocation.

It is mindsets like that, that turn our children away from religious life.

It is not only parents. Others can influence our children. Children hear everything. Try listening to what is being said in the pews at Church. Find out what is being said at the Catholic school.

This is something that has greatly affected me but I am working though it.

 

[Penitent]

ByzCath:

While this may be part of it I think it goes more to the way parents act.

When they act like material possesions are more important than everything else they teach their children that it is more important to get a big pay check.

When they make disparaging comments about religious where their children can hear them, they discourage their children from religious life.

When they bring a bag of toys and food for their children to Mass, they teach them that Mass means nothing. Now I understand doing this for very young children, but there comes a time when children need to learn that Mass is important and they need to pay attention. After all, Mass usually isn’t even an hour long.

In my experience, I have heard many stories about how nasty someone’s parish priest is, how mean he is. I have over heard, and been told, only a gay man would want to be a priest. I have been asked why I want to though my life away because I am discerning a vocation.

It is mindsets like that, that turn our children away from religious life.

It is not only parents. Others can influence our children. Children hear everything. Try listening to what is being said in the pews at Church. Find out what is being said at the Catholic school.

This is something that has greatly affected me but I am working though it.

I’ll tell you, I am so grateful for my parish and our parish priest. Our parish is truly a gift from God. Seldom do people behave the way you describe above, and one of the only criticisms I’ve heard about our priest is that “he is too holy” (go figure, but I think the person was just saying he was uncomfortable because of the extreme piety of the priest)–yet this priest is a regular guy, albeit holy, LOL–outside of Mass. I don’t see children chomping on food, gulping drink, or playing with toys. I’m beginning to think we were dropped in this heavenly parish just so my daughter could flourish in her Christianity and really grow to love the Lord. I could go on and on about some of the stuff, but I won’t bore you. But you are right, a really good parish combined with a solid Catholic upbringing would bring our vocation shortage to an abrupt holt.

Penitent

 

[acadian]

Good question - one I’ve been wondering about myself.

I can imagine my 10 year old becoming a priest some day, but I’m unsure about how much encouragement (for lack of a better word) to give him. I don’t want him thinking he has to be a priest to make me happy.

We go to church on Sundays, and he and his brother have just started serving at some Masses. I go to daily Mass a few times a week, and I spend some time in prayer concerning vocations (whatever they may be) for my sons.

My best friend joined the Poor Clares in her mid 30’s. I hope that if one of my sons announces that he has a vocation, that I will take it better than her mother did and not tell them that they’re “throwing away their lives” or some such thing.

 

[Giannawannabe]

" It is no wonder that vocations are down in places. The children are learning all the wrong things. Just look where parents priorities are, thats what children learn."

This is a quotation by BzyCath CA forum member. His quotation inspired this new thread.

What are parents doing or not doing to encourgage or discourage their children to religious vocations?

I wish those who contribute to this thread do a little soul searching and honestly reflect here what they see in themselves and in others. We all may learn a great deal from one another.

Every day during morning and evening prayers, we pray for guidance in following God’s will for our lives. We always pray that we are obedient to God’s will with regard to vocations, and I make it clear that entering religious life is perfectly acceptable to me and is actually a WONDERFUL choice.
I have tried very hard to instil in my children a deep understanding of The Catholic Faith–good Orthodox Catechism classes, daily Mass, Adoration, knowing their Prayers, trying to get to confession (my goal is at least once per season)–I’d like to do more!!. Every morning we go over Baltimore Catechism questions before school—after school we tune into Saint stories, or EWTN programming. I just hope and pray I’m doing enough—maybe we could all pray for each other and for our children!!!

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Again, its not just what you do or say, it is also what others do and say.

Here is another example of something that children can learn, not just from the parent involved but just by seeing this happen.

A priest I know will not go out wearing his clerics any more unless he is making a sick call or going to a parishoner’s home. He will not do so for this reason.

One night he went out for dinner, as he was going up to the door to the resturant a parent came walking out with their small boy. The parent grabbed the boy and pulled him back saying, “Be careful, you don’t know if that priest might molest you.”

Yes, that parent is ignorant but how many other children saw that? How does it affect them?

I know when I go out to dinner with my priest friends, I notice that many people give us strange looks.

It’s just sad.

 

[Shari]

Lilyofthevalley:

Most people don’t want their children in vocations they want grandchildren.

We want grandchildren too, and someone to carry on the family name. So the way we figure it is have a lot of kiddies then that gives some to religious life and some to maybe married. Not to mention it is fun having all these little ones. But in all seriousness if all of ours are called to religious life that’s fine by us. We have 5 children so far, almost 7 to 5 mo, and we always tell them to pray about what God wants them to do. 2 girls and 3 boys, the boys are in the middle. We have a mass kit and they like to play mass, we make unleaved bread with the wheat flour and water and then cut it into little round hosts. Now I just have to figure out how to get the bread rolled out a little thinner. And if I could just get the boys to quit fighting about who gets to play priest, lol I guess that is a good thing to fight about. My 4 yr old says he wants to be his grandparents priest when he grows up and be in Gods army to fight the devil. Then some days he says he wants to be a pizza man. My 5 yr old says he wants to be a priest also, although he can’t make up his mind between that and spiderman. And my almost 7 yr old daughter just can’t wait to receive Jesus. Any way enough of my rambling.

 

[contemplative]

The first thing that comes to my mind is how I have offered stability in my home to my children. I emphasize ‘in my home’. My children have always been welcome to be a part of my regular prayer life at home. My prayer life at home is the top priority and that is the best stability I offer them. I have always believed that safe and healthy personal habits at home are an important part of stability too.
Children love stability. Children thrive in stability and when they do they have a mind and heart strong enough to grasp and believe where a parent will lead them. Over time I have assessed and reassessed what stability in my home means because life full of fluctuation. Dinner times will change. Bed times will change but prayer to God is a constant.
Outside the home - where should parents lead them?

Till next time…

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Lilyofthevalley:

What are parents doing or not doing to encourgage or discourage their children to religious vocations?

Most people don’t want their children in vocations they want grandchildren.

Let me throw another twist out there.

In the Byzantine Churches you can have both, a child who is a priest and married so you will get your grandchildren.

 

[Giannawannabe]

Shari:

We want grandchildren too, and someone to carry on the family name. So the way we figure it is have a lot of kiddies then that gives some to religious life and some to maybe married. Not to mention it is fun having all these little ones. But in all seriousness if all of ours are called to religious life that’s fine by us. We have 5 children so far, almost 7 to 5 mo, and we always tell them to pray about what God wants them to do. 2 girls and 3 boys, the boys are in the middle. We have a mass kit and they like to play mass, we make unleaved bread with the wheat flour and water and then cut it into little round hosts. Now I just have to figure out how to get the bread rolled out a little thinner. And if I could just get the boys to quit fighting about who gets to play priest, lol I guess that is a good thing to fight about. My 4 yr old says he wants to be his grandparents priest when he grows up and be in Gods army to fight the devil. Then some days he says he wants to be a pizza man. My 5 yr old says he wants to be a priest also, although he can’t make up his mind between that and spiderman. And my almost 7 yr old daughter just can’t wait to receive Jesus. Any way enough of my rambling.

Shari

Tell us more about this “Mass kit” thing!!!

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

When they bring a bag of toys and food for their children to Mass, they teach them that Mass means nothing. Now I understand doing this for very young children, but there comes a time when children need to learn that Mass is important and they need to pay attention. After all, Mass usually isn’t even an hour long.

so, how is a child under 6 supposed to sit perfectly still for mass? I am sorry but children are children and we are past the days of beating children to make them sit still for mass.

In the Byzantine Churches you can have both, a child who is a priest and married so you will get your grandchildren.

I would certainly encourage my son to become a clergy member if it was his calling and he could still have a family.
Our of curiosity is the number of priests dropping in the Byzantine Catholic Church or is it steady?

 

[contemplative]

Shari:

We want grandchildren too, and someone to carry on the family name. So the way we figure it is have a lot of kiddies then that gives some to religious life and some to maybe married. Not to mention it is fun having all these little ones. But in all seriousness if all of ours are called to religious life that’s fine by us. We have 5 children so far, almost 7 to 5 mo, and we always tell them to pray about what God wants them to do. 2 girls and 3 boys, the boys are in the middle. We have a mass kit and they like to play mass, we make unleaved bread with the wheat flour and water and then cut it into little round hosts. Now I just have to figure out how to get the bread rolled out a little thinner. And if I could just get the boys to quit fighting about who gets to play priest, lol I guess that is a good thing to fight about. My 4 yr old says he wants to be his grandparents priest when he grows up and be in Gods army to fight the devil. Then some days he says he wants to be a pizza man. My 5 yr old says he wants to be a priest also, although he can’t make up his mind between that and spiderman. And my almost 7 yr old daughter just can’t wait to receive Jesus. Any way enough of my rambling.

This Mass kit you mention sounds different.

I can recall being forbidden to this. When I was very young my brother and I extracted all the white Necco wafer candies from the rolled wax paper. He was going to be the priest and I was going to recieve! My mother caught wind of this and blew the top off the roof. She said NEVER pretend this…someday you may experience this in reality in church…but don’t ever pretend it. I believe she was wise to restrict our play in this area.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Lilyofthevalley:

ByzCath:

When they bring a bag of toys and food for their children to Mass, they teach them that Mass means nothing. Now I understand doing this for very young children

, but there comes a time when children need to learn that Mass is important and they need to pay attention. After all, Mass usually isn’t even an hour long.

so, how is a child under 6 supposed to sit perfectly still for mass? I am sorry but children are children and we are past the days of beating children to make them sit still for mass.

Please go reread what you quoted from me, I have added bolded emphasis.

I do realize that there is a time for this, but just as there is a time for it, there is a time when it must stop. Six years of age could be such a time but I have seen children much older with toys and books and food.

And then lets thrown in the fact that in the Byzantine Churches, as we give first communion to infants, they should not really be eating food during the Liturgy if they are going to be recieving the Eucharist, but that is a different discussion.

In the Byzantine Churches you can have both, a child who is a priest and married so you will get your grandchildren.

I would certainly encourage my son to become a clergy member if it was his calling and he could still have a family.
Our of curiosity is the number of priests dropping in the Byzantine Catholic Church or is it steady?

Yes we have the same problems. Also our tradition of ordaining married men to the priesthood has yet to be fully restored in North America.

 

[sparkle]

" It is no wonder that vocations are down in places. The children are learning all the wrong things. Just look where parents priorities are, thats what children learn."

This is a quotation by BzyCath CA forum member. His quotation inspired this new thread.

What are parents doing or not doing to encourgage or discourage their children to religious vocations?

I wish those who contribute to this thread do a little soul searching and honestly reflect here what they see in themselves and in others. We all may learn a great deal from one another.

Hello and God Bless “Contemplative”–what a good thread you began. Yes, I do see, this is a most necessary one. I feel, personally, that women should all quit their jobs, and attend to their kids, and that men should “step up to the plate” and be the providers and protectors God called them to. I know this will never happen in today’s world, but nonetheless it is my view. I do feel as well, that yes, we, parents, must encourage Godliness amongst our kids, otherwise, the world will just swallow them up in all its greediness, etc., I do feel real roles, as God ordained must be exercised, that men just MUST be men, and women just MUST be women, not off to some “career”. This simply leads the young of today into total oblivion, confusion, role-confusion, hatred, gender confusion, etc., etc.,\

I do thank you, for this thread, and feel it is a most necessary one to contemplate. God help us all in this day and age. For it is one most sick.

 

[Shari]

Lilyofthevalley:

so, how is a child under 6 supposed to sit perfectly still for mass? I am sorry but children are children and we are past the days of beating children to make them sit still for mass.

I have five children ages almost 7 and under. We do not bring food or toys to mass, as not only is this teaching the kids bad habits, but it also creates a distraction for the others around us. We sit up close so the kids can see, which helps with paying attention. It is hard for little kids to watch the back of peoples heads. Our life at home carriers over into church, if that makes sense. We take prayers and living life according to Gods laws very seriously. My children know Jesus is present in the tabernacle(even my 2 yr old) and they wouldn’t want to do anything to disappoint Jesus. I really think it is how you handle the issue, yes kids will make noise and most people understand that. But if you let them know it is unacceptable and really work with them on how to behave in church this helps. Also rewards after church for being so good, or just a lot of praise. Our kids know if they don’t behave there are punishment with love. Also one other thing is to practice at home, we do this too. We sit on the couch and show the kids how to sit and not fiddle around, and we pretend we are in the communion line so the kids know how to walk up and not be a distraction. My children love mass and love adoration. They just sat thru a 2 hr healing mass and it was hot, but they were little angles. Hope this helps.

 

[Ana]

contemplative:

This Mass kit you mention sounds different.

I can recall being forbidden to this. When I was very young my brother and I extracted all the white Necco wafer candies from the rolled wax paper. He was going to be the priest and I was going to recieve! My mother caught wind of this and blew the top off the roof. She said NEVER pretend this…someday you may experience this in reality in church…but don’t ever pretend it. I believe she was wise to restrict our play in this area.

I LOVED playing Mass when I was little, my cousins and I would use pickle slices and grape juice. We even had a little bell to ring at consecration! This is one of my most cherished childhood memories. I shared this with our parish Priest and he shared how he used to do the same thing, only he didn’t use pickle slices. My children break up a pecan roll and use that. I think it is very cute, and also beneficial. I certainly don’t mind that there is room in thier play for imitating those things that have an impact on them.

Do you also think it would be unwise for a little girl to play Mommy, or does it degrade the sanctity of motherhood?

 

[Shari]

contemplative:

This Mass kit you mention sounds different.

I can recall being forbidden to this. When I was very young my brother and I extracted all the white Necco wafer candies from the rolled wax paper. He was going to be the priest and I was going to recieve! My mother caught wind of this and blew the top off the roof. She said NEVER pretend this…someday you may experience this in reality in church…but don’t ever pretend it. I believe she was wise to restrict our play in this area.

The mass kit my boys have is from the company our fathers house at least I think this is it. We only have part, the chalice, patent, cruxifix and the bells for the altar server. Although there is much more. I would like to get my boys a vestment. They don’t take the mass lightly. And our priest said he had one when he was younger, that it helps to foster a love of the mass as well as helps the young men to maybe think about priest hood. We use the magnifakid because it has the readings as well as the all the prayers. I noticed it is really making my kids excited to learn more and be ready for their first comunion. I don’t see anything wrong with it nor does our priest. As soon as I find that web address I will post it.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

have five children ages almost 7 and under. We do not bring food or toys to mass, as not only is this teaching the kids bad habits, but it also creates a distraction for the others around us.

That’s fine I am happy what you are doing is working for you, however some parents may want to parent their children differently than you parent yours.