Wait... What?

[esieffe]

I know this kind of thing really hurts. It is such a rare find isn’t it when you run into someone who appears to respect your boundaries and and has some depth to them, only to find out that the person was just another alley cat.

I find the rosary very comforting when I am sleepless, upset, and depressed.

I feel encouraged for you that you stuck to your religious values, and that it did not last any longer than it did. You stood with the right one, in the end, it is our relationship with God and his Son that matters the most as you know.

Now that your dedication is been tested, the next one that comes along and hangs around might very well be the right one!

 

[EmeraldOak]

My first thought is count your blessings that it only took 4 months for him to show his true colors. I mean that so sincerely. I am sorry for the pain you are in

 

[John_Lazarus]

I think some number of guys theoretically like the idea of female chastity, but find it a pain in practice. They’d like you to be pure with everybody but them, so to speak.
!

This for the win.

The man you fell in love with does not exist (at least where this fellow is concerned) – it was a facade he created to get you in the sack.

Do one thing, though, before you cut him alltogether:

Say a prayer for him. I think he needs all the help he can get.

 

[RPRPsych]

Smoke and mirrors, he probably googled advice from some PUA site/forum on how to pick-up christian women and “persuade” them… Intersting that he held out for 4 months

What is sad is that PUA trash is now being enthusiastically endorsed by some alleged Christians (and even some alleged Traditional Catholics).

 

[RPRPsych]

He broke up with you through email because you wouldn’t have sex with him? He is not a man.

Well said!

 

[Cricket2]

The four-month relationship that I was in just ended and I am just blown away. The man I was dating left me because I would not give into sex. He wrote me in an email that “my values are not his values” and that although he respects them, he doesn’t agree with all these rules. Instead, he said he “wants a relationship where he feels there aren’t that many rules.”

I KNOW that I dodged a bullet with this guy. I really do. But it still doesn’t ease the pain of heartbreak and loss. I remember him telling me he prayed to God to bring him a good woman into his life and he finally felt like God answered his prayers. He also said that although he knew I could provide for myself, he wanted to be able to support and provide for me. He often told me how much he looked forward to what the future held. He knew early on I did not want to have sex and he said he understood that, and that he would never pressure me to do something I wouldn’t want to do.

Right now, my ego is upset. I wonder if he will ever realize what he just let go. Since he broke up with me through email, I didn’t get the chance to ask him-- if you believe that God finally answered your prayers for a good woman, why on earth would you dump her because she chose to live a Godly way? Still trying to wrap my mind around this.

Thoughts?

As another poster suggested, this sounds like a manipulator to me. You have really not lost someone that would ever stick with you through thick and thin. That did not have the guts to breakup with you in person indicates that he had little courage, morals or respect.

Let your heart mend for a while, before seeking another relationship with someone, and stick to your beliefs. It sounds like you have things right, and though it can be a costly place to be because people generally don’t care much for the truth anymore, it is the best place to be. Don’t yield to the pressures of those who would mock your Faith and moral integrity. Hang in there.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

Though it hurts also keep in mind that dating is a learning experience. We not only learn about others but we learn about ourselves. You proved to yourself that your values are important to you, which is a good thing.

My one big dissent from the crowd is that the big thing missing when I used to date is something analogous to an exit interview since we often have unanswered questions about what happened. A week or two or however long it takes to calm down might be a good time to write a thoughtful email back including among other things that virtue is important to some women and that unlike many who make the claim you are not a hypocrite. (Experiences of other guys I know show that a lot of those professing such values don’t live them).

Beyond that, I’d say cheer up. This is literally the best outcome. You didn’t waste years with him and you didn’t become hopelessly attached and you proved something to yourself. Sounds like a win to me.

 

[Razanir]

He broke up with you through email because you wouldn’t have sex with him? He is not a man.

As a guy who knows not to break up with girls via email and who’s waiting for marriage, I can stand behind this statement.

 

[Isca]

I’m really sorry that you are feeling hurt and let-down. He wasn’t what you hoped he was, whereas you were honest with him. It’s hard to take.

However, as time passes, I bet he misses you more than you’ll miss him. I admire you for sticking to your principles. I hope you soon meet a guy who will appreciate and respect you.

 

[LongingSoul]

The man I was dating left me because I would not give into sex. He wrote me in an email that “my values are not his values” and that although he respects them, he doesn’t agree with all these rules. Instead, he said he “wants a relationship where he feels there aren’t that many rules.”

hmm, there’s a nasty piece of work. He didn’t need to make you feel bad for your values. Why didn’t he just say he wasn’t feelin’ it or something generic that most decent people would do. What a cad. People like your ex friend make my blood boil.

He’ll be a distant joke in the years to come. Endure and be proud of yourself.

 

[red0207]

Thank you all for the words of encouragement and support. Much of what you have pointed out is beginning to make sense. You are all correct – his intentions were not good and he was probably going to try and wear me down. Since I actually followed through with my morals and principles, what he called “rules”, this made it abundantly clear what kind of person he is.

I take all of your words and remind myself of them when I begin to feel sad… because you all pointed out truth. In a world where others see nothing wrong with sleeping with someone before marriage, it is wonderful to talk to others who still hold on to the value of saving myself until marriage, and encourage me to continue my walk with Christ. I can’t tell you how much that helps. Thank goodness for these forums.

Thank you all again! God bless each and every one of you!

Red

 

[Musician]

Someday you will meet a real man who will respect your life and values, and who will be willing to wait for you. You’ll be glad this creep is out of your life then.
I met my DH after being in a relationship where I clearly wasn’t first and where I felt uncomfortable. A few months later I met my husband. 28 years later I can barely remember this guy’s name!!