Waiting and waiting to go to Confession

[Deo_Gratias42]

When there is only an hour for confessions, (in this case 4 to 5pm), it does seem rather inconsiderate for a penitent to take 20 minutes to confess. Apparently two penitents took up 40 minutes of the hour.

I go to confession usually before a weekday Mass. In theory the priest hears confessions for 30 minutes before Mass; in practice, he often arrives early, making the total time closer to 40 or 45 minutes available.

I try to arrive before the priest does, and there are always people waiting. I’ve noticed in many cases that he hears 15 to 20 confessions before it’s time for Mass. Couldn’t do that if everybody took 20 minutes.

IMHO, there aren’t enough confession times scheduled for an entire parish to go to confession regularly even if they don’t take 20 minutes.

 

[TrueLight]

I agree that these situations are great for us to grow in virtue.

But that doesn’t mean that those who make it a habit to take 15 minutes in a confessional when confession is only half and hour are not being selfish. Nor does it mean a priest cannot speed things along in the way he handles the confessions.

Sometimes when I know confession is almost over, I let the priest know there is someone after me so that the person gets a chance to confess too.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

IMHO, there aren’t enough confession times scheduled for an entire parish to go to confession regularly even if they don’t take 20 minutes.

Before Easter, there was a notice on the door of the chapel where the confessionals are, that we should say our Act of Penance after we were done with our confession, so as to allow as many people to confess as possible.

 

[acadian]

If we had more vocations, this would not be a problem. We could maybe even set up an express line, “15 sins or less.”

Along those lines…I wish more people who had been away from the sacrament were encouraged to come back. Many the priests could have an evening for everyone who’s been away for 30+ years, 20-30 years. Etc. Some people think they’ve been gone too long to come back, and no one tells them differently.

 

[thomasf]

The difference between seeing a doctor and a priest for confession is a doctor doesn’t have a time limit to see you before a mass, and a doctor has longer office hours. I agree with the OP. If you’re going to spend 20 min of an hour of confession time with the priest, you should make time to see the priest when others aren’t waiting.

That being said, a little patience doesn’t hurt either.

 

[GwenL]

I think you are absolutely normal to be upset.

This is not acceptable behavior by either the penitent or priest. There’s no need for a 20 min confession, and the priest should make people get to the point (I’ve learned this talking to priests). If the peinitent is making confession into a counseling session, the Priest should say “Please just state your mortal sins in kind and number, and I will ask for more detail if needed”.

God Bless

This is so wrong on so many levels. There is quite often a need for a 20 minute confession. My pastor has told me that, at least two or three times a week, someone walks into the confessional after a 20 year or more gap since their last confession. Most of those people simply won’t make an appointment–they are too scared to go face-to-face, or even to call the parish office. Many of them come to the normally scheduled confession time and leave in fear, often doing this several times before getting the courage to enter and start their confession. And when they start, they need a lot of help and guidance. They might have been very poorly catechized, and not even know (or remember) the difference between mortal and venial. They just know that they’ve been called by Christ to repent and confess.

Best to assume, when someone takes a lot of time, that they are a lost soul returning to Christ and His Church. As you wait in line, realize that all the angels and saints in heaven are singing for joy at the return of this soul. If you are still in line when the priest has to leave the confessional, ask him to hear your confession after Mass. Or, you could be the courageous one and make an appointment.

 

[JimG]

This is so wrong on so many levels. There is quite often a need for a 20 minute confession. My pastor has told me that, at least two or three times a week, someone walks into the confessional after a 20 year or more gap since their last confession. Most of those people simply won’t make an appointment–they are too scared to go face-to-face, or even to call the parish office. Many of them come to the normally scheduled confession time and leave in fear, often doing this several times before getting the courage to enter and start their confession. And when they start, they need a lot of help and guidance. They might have been very poorly catechized, and not even know (or remember) the difference between mortal and venial. They just know that they’ve been called by Christ to repent and confess.

Best to assume, when someone takes a lot of time, that they are a lost soul returning to Christ and His Church. As you wait in line, realize that all the angels and saints in heaven are singing for joy at the return of this soul. If you are still in line when the priest has to leave the confessional, ask him to hear your confession after Mass. Or, you could be the courageous one and make an appointment.

Certainly there could be reason for a 20 minute confession, although it seems to me that the sins of a lifetime could be pretty much summarized in that amount of time! On the other hand, it may simply be a scrupulous parishioners who needs to go over every minute of the last week looking for sins.

 

[GwenL]

Certainly there could be reason for a 20 minute confession, although it seems to me that the sins of a lifetime could be pretty much summarized in that amount of time! On the other hand, it may simply be a scrupulous parishioners who needs to go over every minute of the last week looking for sins.

Someone who is well organized, knows how to do a good examination of conscience, and has no hesitation or fear could probably confess the sins of a lifetime in much less than 20 minutes. However, that’s not who normally walks into the confessional. You might be that good. I imagine that most people who have been away from confession for many years just aren’t quite that organized and prepared. Give them some slack.

Yup, it might be scrupulous parishioners. It might be anything. My point is, best for your own soul, while waiting in line for people who seem to take forever, is to not assume the worst. Assume that it’s a lost soul coming back to Christ, and pray in thanksgiving, rather than letting yourself be occupied by frustration and suspicion.

 

[JimG]

Someone who is well organized, knows how to do a good examination of conscience, and has no hesitation or fear could probably confess the sins of a lifetime in much less than 20 minutes. However, that’s not who normally walks into the confessional. You might be that good. I imagine that most people who have been away from confession for many years just aren’t quite that organized and prepared. Give them some slack.

Yup, it might be scrupulous parishioners. It might be anything. My point is, best for your own soul, while waiting in line for people who seem to take forever, is to not assume the worst. Assume that it’s a lost soul coming back to Christ, and pray in thanksgiving, rather than letting yourself be occupied by frustration and suspicion.

That’s good advice, and I really don’t assume the worst. But I often have felt bad for those left in the line when the priest had to leave to start Mass. And once I got left out myself. I’m just glad that I’m in a parish where I can come in six days out of the week for confession. But now I always get there early, because there’s usually a line.

And if confession every catches on again with most parishioners, there will be an even longer line. Our priests routinely tell us to say our act of contrition in the pew.

 

[GwenL]

That’s good advice, and I really don’t assume the worst. But I often have felt bad for those left in the line when the priest had to leave to start Mass. And once I got left out myself. I’m just glad that I’m in a parish where I can come in six days out of the week for confession. But now I always get there early, because there’s usually a line.

And if confession every catches on again with most parishioners, there will be an even longer line. Our priests routinely tell us to say our act of contrition in the pew.

We are similarly blessed. Our Franciscan friars offer confession on Saturday afternoons, and Thursday evenings. People come from all over the area–they are very good. The lines are usually long. I think they are going to add another weekday evening. Also, they will always hear confessions after daily Masses, or by appointment.

Especially for the Thursday evening confessions, at least one priest will stay in the confessional until everybody has had the opportunity.

I think that too many people think too much about why someone might be taking too long in the confessional. It’s nobody’s business, period. And really, it does hurt your soul to prepare for confession by thinking bad thoughts about other people. As with the OP. Not only did he get angry, he failed to take an action he knew to be charitable and right (letting the elderly, disabled man go before him). All because he was wound up about people taking (his perception of) too long in the confessional.

We also should be trusting that our priests actually know what they are doing, and are doing their best to help people along. I think that most priests know that other people are waiting, and they have to use skill and judgement to figure out how to help a reluctant or shy or fearful penitent without chasing them away.

 

[fastenatingguy]

I don’t know about everyone else, but our confessionals are DARK, and there is no real sense of time passing.

Personally, I normally go to Saturday morning confession which is after our only mas at 8:00am. I bring my bible and read while I watch the line get shorter and shorter. Then when I notice that there are no “newbies” I get the last spot.

When I approach the priest, I say “Good morning Father, I think I am the last one in line” and then we get started.

 

[JimG]

I don’t know about everyone else, but our confessionals are DARK, and there is no real sense of time passing.

Personally, I normally go to Saturday morning confession which is after our only mas at 8:00am. I bring my bible and read while I watch the line get shorter and shorter. Then when I notice that there are no “newbies” I get the last spot.

When I approach the priest, I say “Good morning Father, I think I am the last one in line” and then we get started.

We have standard confessionals. No face to face. But they are well lit. Confessions are available every day before afternoon Mass and for an hour on Saturdays, but even on Saturday there is a line. And if you don’t get there early enough you are likely to be waiting in line for the entire hour (and this where the average confession time is about 2 to 3 minutes!) So you get in line and take your chances.

 

[AnneTeresa]

Someone who is well organized, knows how to do a good examination of conscience, and has no hesitation or fear could probably confess the sins of a lifetime in much less than 20 minutes. However, that’s not who normally walks into the confessional. You might be that good. I imagine that most people who have been away from confession for many years just aren’t quite that organized and prepared. Give them some slack.

Yup, it might be scrupulous parishioners. It might be anything. My point is, best for your own soul, while waiting in line for people who seem to take forever, is to not assume the worst. Assume that it’s a lost soul coming back to Christ, and pray in thanksgiving, rather than letting yourself be occupied by frustration and suspicion.

This. When I returned to the church after many many years I had no idea what to do or say and I went to the dark confessional because I was too scared to call up and talk to a priest. I took longer than most people in confession, but I needed it. And it happened more than once. One time I remember people glaring at me when I came out.

If I had been treated rudely by the priest or been totally cut off by him I never would have returned. Now when I am waiting in line a long time or when I don’t get in because someone takes too long, I remember that they may be in a place similar to where I was once. And I pray for them and for me to be able to be patient.

Also if I see someone who is obviously restless and nervous, I sometimes tell them to go first if it appears we won’t both be able to get in. I think that’s the least I can do when someone is clearly hurting and anxious. We can treat it as an extra penance.

 

[CatholicFireman]

I try to get to confession a half hour early. The lines are typically long and even “the regulars” take a long time in the confessional. Sometimes I think they are there for spiritual advice and I think to myself they should make an appointment for that. Then I tell myself it’s not my place nor my business (sometimes that works ).

Hey, I’m just happy to see so many people wanting to go to confession. My old parish in NY was lucky to have three people in line on Saturday nights.

 

[Tigg]

In our former parish where confession lines were normally quite long on Saturdays, our pastor would sometimes come out, look at us and say…since there are so many in line I would ask you to:

"BE brief, BE brutal, and BE gone!"

True story!

 

[Rejoice_Always]

In our former parish where confession lines were normally quite long on Saturdays, our pastor would sometimes come out, look at us and say…since there are so many in line I would ask you to:

"BE brief, BE brutal, and BE gone!"

True story!

:clapping:

 

[grasscutter]

IMHO, there aren’t enough confession times scheduled for an entire parish to go to confession regularly even if they don’t take 20 minutes.

I agree. That’s why I think we need to pray for vocations. People might feel like they can’t take the time they need because of a big line-up behind them and therefore make a quick and perfunctory confession out of courtesy.

And I also get the OP’s anxiety about not having available time.

So, again, pray for vocations!

 

[grasscutter]

I try to get to confession a half hour early. The lines are typically long and even “the regulars” take a long time in the confessional. Sometimes I think they are there for spiritual advice and I think to myself they should make an appointment for that. Then I tell myself it’s not my place nor my business (sometimes that works ).

Hey, I’m just happy to see so many people wanting to go to confession. My old parish in NY was lucky to have three people in line on Saturday nights.

I agree with you about your happiness! And, when I was a kid, I felt self-conscious if I spent too long in the confessional because people behind me would judge me as a major sinner. I was too young to understand that most people in line are pre-occupied with their own sins. As am I, as an adult… :bighanky:

 

[grasscutter]

Along those lines…I wish more people who had been away from the sacrament were encouraged to come back. Many the priests could have an evening for everyone who’s been away for 30+ years, 20-30 years. Etc. Some people think they’ve been gone too long to come back, and no one tells them differently.

I’m soooo! glad that you posted this!!!

 

[Dorothy]

I find that when I pray for patience, God usually puts me into a situation like that to help me *practice *patience! Like being in the supermarket behind the little old lady who has a million coupons and wants to write a check, lol.

Seriously, a priest told me to never pray for patience, because God gives us what we ask for. (putting you in situations where you need to be patient.) He then went on to say to pray this way: "Jesus, be my patience.

By asking the Lord to be your patience, you are asking Him, in your soul, to take over and be your patience.

Then he went on to tell us other things we can ask for such as:

Jesus be my poise
Jesus be my emotional control
Jesus be my compassion
Jesus be my sense of humor
etc.

This kind of praying fosters a reliance on His strength, not ours. We can do nothing without Him.