Want men's opinion on women's modesty

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Siobahn said:
Comparing apples to oranges I think. A man’s size or personality is not really his choice, it’s who he is. A woman wearing a mini skirt or a halter top is her choice. Being attracted to a great personality regardless of whether we are male or female and then having to control lustful thoughts is very different than finding oneself lusting b/c someone isn’t covered or is covered in clothing that is so tight that it conceals nothing anyway. Yes, it’s still lust but when you like and care about the person it makes it a little different that simply lusting after an object. Not that lust in either situation is good, but what is leading to that lust is very different.
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I actually don’t see that it is different. Men with nice muscles attract me also.

There is a stunt man that played a famous horror monster recently. (embarrassment will keep me from writing his name:o ) I saw him on TV and probably had the same amount of sudden lust as any guy. I certainly did not know the man, personally, or care about his personality. I liked his size, the length of his hair and his muscles.

As I have said over and over on this thread, I think that women should dress modestly in honor of their own self worth and self respect. But when we make ourself responsible for other people’s temptations and lust then we are setting ourselves up for failure.

People get tempted by such a wide range of things. In Afghanistan for example, women can’t wear heels because somehow the sound of a woman’s feet will tempt a man.:confused:

As far as wearing skin tight clothing…I am only advocating a middle ground. Use common sense, (no underwear exposed, nothing skin tight, )but certainly don’t think that simply being attractive or having a female form is something that must be covered up and hidden.

I think that most of the men here have expressed pretty easy guidelines for women to follow, so I am not in disagreement. I think that it is the females who tend to go to an extreme.
 
I wonder to what extent women are aware how the way they dress affects how they are perceived by other men and who they attract. Modest dress can be very attractive! In fact, from my own point of view, more attractive than immodest dress. Too “sophisticated” is a little intimidating, but fashionably casual yet modest sets off alarm bells, in a positive sense.

I think it’s because various types of clothes send different messages. If I’d see a pretty girl dressed immodestly, I’d frequently be provoked to lust, but I’d not be interested in the person at all. I’d make a semi-conscious judgement about what sort of person she is. I would only be interested if I were looking for a casual relationship, and the thing I’d be interested in would be the body and not the woman. I am also far more aware of even minor flaws like a little excess or not enough weight etc.

If, on the other hand, I saw the same pretty girl dressed modestly, I’d be physically attracted too, but not in a lustful way. You tend to make an assumption that this person is worth knowing, and that there’s more to her than just the attractive physical appearance. I’d seek an opportunity to get to know her, even just for the sake of friendship. But the message that her dressing that way would send to me, if I were interested in a relationship, would be that she is not available just to anyone, and therefore is more valuable. And that is what makes her even more attractive. I’d be inclined to make an effort to improve myself to be acceptable.

Not all men may agree with me, but I’m sure some do.

As for the question:
  1. Wear no pants, as it almost always causes men to lust. - Disagree. Depends on what sort.
  2. Keep arms covered to the elbows. - Uncovered arms do not cause me to lust, though I think covered arms send a different message.
  3. Clothes should be loose enough that no lines from
    undergarments are visible. - Agree
  4. Skirts should be at least 2 inches below the knee, preferably 8
    inches below the knee. - Slightly below the knee is reasonable.
  5. No slits in skirts ever. - If they reveal too far above the knee, I absolutely agree. Otherwise, no problem.
  6. Nothing sheer. - Agree
  7. No bare backs, and no necklines more than two fingers widths
    below the pit of the throat. - I never understood bare backs. Must be freezing! Wouldn’t cause me to lust, but you can’t go wrong with nice clothes that cover the back and chest.
  8. No writing on chest of back of pants. - Agree. I read everything in sight. I can’t walk past a billboard without reading the small print.
  9. While she does not state this in her book, she does imply that women and men should never swim together. - Disagree. I think there is a completely different standard for swimming altogether.
 
Ana said:
My dreadlocks are a statement of my rejection of the tyrannical fashion industry and an outward sign of my inner devotion to the important things in life.

I have even been leered at when I ran to the gas station at 6 in the morning for milk in my husbands pajama pants and a hoodie with a severe case of bedhead and morning breath.
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Wow! You can get bedhead with dreadlocks?! I thought dreadlocks was bedhead! 😃 😛

Seriously Ana, I was wondering about what you said about not wearing any jewellery (except wedding ring) while your brother and sister were hungry. Did you mean your literal siblings or brothers/sisters in Christ starving throughout the world? And do you think it is in poor taste to wear expensive jewellery while this is happening? I have pondered this point…it could be seen as a kind of immodesty to be dripping in jewels while those around us lack basic needs.
 
RonRule said:
If it’s seriously all about avoiding lust, sport some Mom Jeans.
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:rotfl:

This is so funny! My Mum had jeans like this when I was growing up! I can’t wait to show it to her! In fact I think in her heart she still favours “the comfy high waist”. So hard to come by these days!
 
I think that a person really has to examine their reasons for wearing what they are wearing. I can’t help my Hubby at work if I’m in a skirt. (tearing down siding and cutting out carpet) But, if I’m going to church or out to eat someplace nice, I will wear a skirt. The low neck, no-back stuff is stupid, we might as well put a neon sign that points to our breasts or the beautiful smooth skin of our backs. As far as slits, Knee hieght only please! Sheer- depends on what parts are shear. Arms, who cares? Over the chest or lags…nah
 
I think some poeple are making much ado over nothing. An open back dress does not mean there might as well be a sign pointing to her breasts. The back is not a womans breasts. Pants dont make a man lust any more than anything else i feel, why would they? I do feel some females dress too provacativly but these things are no big deal. I have seen woman with a nice knee lenth dress and a shirt that is too tight, (not that she is trying to be provacative) that exposes views of her bra from the side, sometimes they just dont realize its showing slightly.
 
As far as I am concerned it does not matter what women wear or don’t wear with respect to their modesty. Obvioulsy what women wear will give me an impression of them but if a woman is immodest enough to walk nude down the street it is still up to me how I process that and I would process it differently when I was 10, 20, 30 and 40 just as womens modesty likely changes over time and circumstance.
 
well the thing is, every guy is different, and i know i’ve heard more guys then i can count commenting on girls behinds,

the fact is, there are guys who are trying to be pure, and guys who are willingly lustful, and i believe that woman should dress modestly for both,
for the guy who wants to be pure - to make it easier for him, and for the lustful guy because he will sin and not care, and Jesus teaches to love thy neighbor, so to let someone sin and say it’s not your problem, well that’s just not what Jesus wants.

i am personally a very modest person, and even though some guys will bother me about it, there are also some guys who compliment me on it, there are really more guys out there that like modest girls then you would think,
of course i know it’s very hard dressing modestly considering our options in the clothing stores, but i feel the most important place to wear unrevealing clothes are from the neck down to below the hips,
and dressing modestly doesn’t mean dressing ugly, because i get complimented on my clothes just about every time i go out(aside from my work clothes)

i actually have that book, dressing with dignity, we were passing a bunch of them out at church last year,
very good book,

i think a good way to decide how you should dress is instead of just thinking what would look good, think what would God want me to wear?
it’s good to take pride in your appearance, but not to the point of vanity,
we can still look good without revealing our figures or to much skin.
 
  1. Wear no pants, as it almost always causes men to lust.
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Well, that’s only if it’s too tight. Otherwise I’m pretty ok with pants.
  1. Keep arms covered to the elbows.
  2. Clothes should be loose enough that no lines from
    undergarments are visible.
  3. Skirts should be at least 2 inches below the knee, preferably 8
    inches below the knee.
  4. No slits in skirts ever.
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I agree.
  1. Nothing sheer.
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What do you mean by that?
  1. No bare backs, and no necklines more than two fingers widths
    below the pit of the throat.
  2. No writing on chest of back of pants.
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I agree.
  1. While she does not state this in her book, she does imply that
    women and men should never swim together, and that until the last few hundred years, it was never done except among the promiscuous.
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That depends upon the outfit worn while swimming. I’m certainly not comfortable when women are in bikinis. 😦
 
“That depends upon the outfit worn while swimming.”

i don’t think there are any swim suits that are modest that a woman can wear,
unless you can honestly say that a woman can walk around town in
what you consider an acceptable bathing suit,

if a man will be turned on by a woman wearing a bathing suit in public, how will that be any different at the beach or pool?

i don’t think men and woman should swim together, and i personally do not go swimming because of that.

well, i’ll go swimming at a private pool with girls, but no guys.(although i can’t swim, but i still like getting in the water)
 
I think that the world would greatly benefit if we followed the advice in the book by Colleen Hammond. It would be hard to change because it is so drastically different from dress now, but society would see the benefits.
 
well a few years back a woman could have worn a garbage bag and if she had what i would call a pretty face that would have been good enough for me to get “lusty”…for myself there isn’t a feature of a woman that i don’t find attractive…lust doesn’t really invovle the seeing of the person but the intent of the beholder…in one of the posts i read one stated writing isn’t an issue.i say it is cause it draws the eye to the message,that’s when one starts to unintentionaly notice what is under the message.Why did God have to make women so attractive to males???
 
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