Want men's opinion on women's modesty

[Ana]

I agree with you man has responsibility.

We do know that men are visually stimulated. So if a woman wants to stimulate a man she knows exactly what to wear. The questions goes back to exactly what is she trying to advertise, knowing men are the consumers. And why would a happily married woman want to stimulate many other men.

I agree that a woman that wants male attention knows what to wear, but I would also add knows how to behave to get the attention. VIBES.

Heres my take.

If I want male attention, I am GUARANTEED it if I dress like a slut. If I want male attention, I can still get it even dressed in a potato sack, (it’s in the eyes.)

If I don’t want men leering at me, I should dress modestly, but that is no guarantee because some men leer at all pretty woman REGARDLESS of how they are dressed.

Because I have been cursed with beauty, I have been sexually abused, raped and discredited (you can’t be pretty AND smart.)

I also went throught the deperate I must cover myself, two fingers below the collerbone, only skirts no slit phase. Because I am pretty I was still looked at as decorative, and I was still leered at.

Honestly, I got sick of worrying about it. I am responsible for myself and I am tired of living the consequences of other mens lust. I WILL NOT let them still affect my life by allowing their influence to dictate my clothing. I will not dress like a slut, because I am not one. I am not going overboard in the other direction on their behalf because then I am dressing out of fear of them, and still allowing them to influence me. I refuse to live in fear.

I dress for my state of life. I am a young mother. Jeans and tshirts. I also dress to make a statement of my beliefs. Except my wedding ring, no jewelry. I cannot wear an expensive piece of jewelry when one of my brothers or sisters is going to bed hungry. My dreadlocks are a statement of my rejection of the tyrannical fashion industry and an outward sign of my inner devotion to the important things in life.

And still (sigh) … men leer. Short of slashing my face, there is nothing else I can do. Some men are just perverts.

BTW, I do not consider an admiring and respectful glance a leer. Leers are different, (it’s in the eyes.)

When men leer at me, I used to just look away and feel gross and dirty inside. Now I give them the finger.

I have even been leered at when I ran to the gas station at 6 in the morning for milk in my husbands pajama pants and a hoodie with a severe case of bedhead and morning breath.

My dress speaks what I am … if I am not a slut, why do I need a bunch of rules telling me how not dress like one?

If I was, I wouldn’t check the slut rulebook, I would wear what feels nice and slutty. KWIM?

That’s the extent of my responsibility. Beyond that, it is out of my hands.

 

[Ana]

I apologize for the little house on the prairie comment.

 

[sanpablo]

• 1. Wear no pants, as it almost always causes men to lust.
     *What? So should they just wear something, as in a burlap sack with arms all the way down in case a dress, skirt, etc, causes men to lust? Also, its easier to sit down when they don’t have to worry about someone seeing up it.

1. Keep arms covered to the elbows.
   *Very impractical for running track in. Men should learn how to control their lustful thoughts. *
2. Clothes should be loose enough that no lines from
   undergarments are visible.
   *depends… it takes quite a bit to get that tight to see all that stuff.

1. Skirts should be at least 2 inches below the knee, preferably 8
   inches below the knee.
   *I think its fine to go about 2-4 inches above the knee. No higher than that, otherwise that can be not very good. On the other hand, shorts…soccer, track…etc. Im not telling mis hijas that they can’t play any sports.

1. No slits in skirts ever.
   Not too high
2. Nothing sheer.
   Yo no puedo comprender esta palabra
3. No bare backs, and no necklines more than two fingers widths
   below the pit of the throat.
   umm…cough prom cough
4. No writing on chest of back of pants.
   *So no jerseys?

 

[fin]

NICE ONE!!!

please also remind me to also give her a nice black burqa on her next birthday =)

 

[Catholig]

Little Flower:

1. Wear no pants, as it almost always causes men to lust

I don’t necessarily see pants as attractive, but I’d appreciate it if women wore more dresses. I actually find them nice looking…

2. Keep arms covered to the elbows.

Okay.

3. Clothes should be loose enough that no lines from undergarments are visible.

Definitely

4. Skirts should be at least 2 inches below the knee, preferably 8 inches below the knee.

Fair enough for every day activity. But I’m not sure how many men are leg people…

5. No slits in skirts ever.

Not too many people at my school where skirts to start with, less where skirts with slits (they are usually too small for slits), but this rule should be followed.

6. Nothing sheer.

Need to get out my dictionary

7. No bare backs, and no necklines more than two fingers widths below the pit of the throat.

Good rule because as I said before most guys aren’t leg people…

8. No writing on chest of back of pants.

Good rule. Attention is instantly drawn to that area if there is any writing.

9. While she does not state this in her book, she does imply that women and men should never swim together, and that until the last few hundred years, it was never done except among the promiscuous. We women can discuss this ad infinitum, but we need to hear from you. Are slacks an occassion for sin for you? Is there such a thing as modest pants? She also advocates for skirts simply because they are more feminine and better reflect the way God made us, namely women and not men. Please let us hear from you guys!

I don’t see anything wrong with swimming with women in bathing suits, or even some of the semi-bikini things that were allowed at school last year. The reason: you are in the water swimming (active). You are wearing swim trunks and don’t exactly look like a model (shy). And maybe there is something to do with the distortion between the water and what is under it that prevents temptation as well.

Catholig

 

[salushonor]

A woman should keep her dignity and mystery. Dress with class. Most men will judge a woman by what she wears as to her values and self worth.

A question men ask is - would I want her to be the mother of my children? And would I want my daughter to be seen in public dressed like that?

I sure judge a woman’s decency by clothes, and way of expressing herself=does she seem to use also xuss words a lot? Most women who dress sexy are desperate for a man’s attention.

 

[mosher]

NICE ONE!!!

please also remind me to also give her a nice black burqa on her next birthday =)

Which brings up the interesting point that the burqa has its roots in the Christian East.

 

[Ana]

*6. Nothing sheer. *
Yo no puedo comprender esta palabra

Sheer means see through. Kind of like pantyhose material.
Buen dias.

 

[salushonor]

I agree that a woman that wants male attention knows what to wear, but I would also add knows how to behave to get the attention. VIBES.

Heres my take.

If I want male attention, I am GUARANTEED it if I dress like a slut. If I want male attention, I can still get it even dressed in a potato sack, (it’s in the eyes.)

If I don’t want men leering at me, I should dress modestly, but that is no guarantee because some men leer at all pretty woman REGARDLESS of how they are dressed.

Because I have been cursed with beauty, I have been sexually abused, raped and discredited (you can’t be pretty AND smart.)

I also went throught the deperate I must cover myself, two fingers below the collerbone, only skirts no slit phase. Because I am pretty I was still looked at as decorative, and I was still leered at.

Honestly, I got sick of worrying about it. I am responsible for myself and I am tired of living the consequences of other mens lust. I WILL NOT let them still affect my life by allowing their influence to dictate my clothing. I will not dress like a slut, because I am not one. I am not going overboard in the other direction on their behalf because then I am dressing out of fear of them, and still allowing them to influence me. I refuse to live in fear.

I dress for my state of life. I am a young mother. Jeans and tshirts. I also dress to make a statement of my beliefs. Except my wedding ring, no jewelry. I cannot wear an expensive piece of jewelry when one of my brothers or sisters is going to bed hungry. My dreadlocks are a statement of my rejection of the tyrannical fashion industry and an outward sign of my inner devotion to the important things in life.

And still (sigh) … men leer. Short of slashing my face, there is nothing else I can do. Some men are just perverts.

BTW, I do not consider an admiring and respectful glance a leer. Leers are different, (it’s in the eyes.)

When men leer at me, I used to just look away and feel gross and dirty inside. Now I give them the finger.

I have even been leered at when I ran to the gas station at 6 in the morning for milk in my husbands pajama pants and a hoodie with a severe case of bedhead and morning breath.

My dress speaks what I am … if I am not a slut, why do I need a bunch of rules telling me how not dress like one?

If I was, I wouldn’t check the slut rulebook, I would wear what feels nice and slutty. KWIM?

That’s the extent of my responsibility. Beyond that, it is out of my hands.

Let’s not forget that us men are very visual, and depending the sexiness in clothes a woman has on, we can get aroused, and sin by a certain private solitary sin.

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

Let’s not forget that us men are very visual, and depending the sexiness in clothes a woman has on, we can get aroused, and sin by a certain private solitary sin.

Yes, men are visual. But I do not agree that a man’s decision to commit solitary sin depends on the sexiness of the clothing he sees. It depends on a decision of his own free will. A scantily-clad woman is a temptation, not a twist of fate. It is correct and good for women to dress modestly as an act of Christian charity toward men, and as an act of humility. This is encouraged in scripture. But let us not forget that in scripture men are also instructed to either let purity reign over their thoughts or to avoid looking upon things that provoke them to lust. They are not instructed to sit back and wait until 100% of the women begin to dress and act with modesty. It is fruitless to blame one’s own sins on another.

 

[salushonor]

Yes, men are visual. But I do not agree that a man’s decision to commit solitary sin depends on the sexiness of the clothing he sees. It depends on a decision of his own free will. A scantily-clad woman is a temptation, not a twist of fate. It is correct and good for women to dress modestly as an act of Christian charity toward men, and as an act of humility. This is encouraged in scripture. But let us not forget that in scripture men are also instructed to either let purity reign over their thoughts or to avoid looking upon things that provoke them to lust. They are not instructed to sit back and wait until 100% of the women begin to dress and act with modesty. It is fruitless to blame one’s own sins on another.

Yup, but MODESTY would help.

 

[Julianna]

Yup, but MODESTY would help.

As soon as construction workers stop wearing tight tank tshirts (and taking them off in the middle of the in the middle of the street), and the Tour de France tells the men “no more bike shorts” and male lawn care workers stop wearing shorts with gorgeous tanned legs…I’ll hang up my mini skirt forever.

 

[Little_Flower]

I have to learn how to do those quote excerpts! To mijoy, I don’t think admiration and lust are the same. I think this is why modesty is a hard thing for a woman to grasp. If I see a man with a wonderful physique, I’ll admire him, but certainly won’t have impure thoughts about him.

To the poster who thought the two finger rule and no bare backs was unreasonable, this has been the easiest for me to adopt. It’s the neckline most basic t-shirts have. They also just happen to look better on me, and this cut also prevents having to worry about seeing too much if you bend over.

I think there is defininitely a middle ground between burka and skin tight spaghetti strap belly shirts with mini-skirts. A young lady I know just became a eucharistic minisiter and has bought some very fashionable below the knee skirts at Kohl’s. Places like Coldwater Creek, Eddie Bauer, and even QVC have nice cloths that are fashionable and modest. Modesty is so much easier the older you get. As the years march on, I find I simply look much better when cloths camoflage and don’t show off the body. Now modesty is a community service. When I was a teen, it would have been a virtue. Too bad I never thought about it then. Thank heavens for confession.

 

[Ridgerunner]

In “Dressing With Dignity”, author Colleen Hammond outlines the following suggestions for modest attire that will help men see women without lusting after them. In genreal cloths should veil the woman’s form and not draw attention to it.

1. Wear no pants, as it almost always causes men to lust.
2. Keep arms covered to the elbows.
3. Clothes should be loose enough that no lines from
   undergarments are visible.
4. Skirts should be at least 2 inches below the knee, preferably 8
   inches below the knee.
5. No slits in skirts ever.
6. Nothing sheer.
7. No bare backs, and no necklines more than two fingers widths
   below the pit of the throat.
8. No writing on chest of back of pants.
9. While she does not state this in her book, she does imply that
   women and men should never swim together, and that until the last few hundred years, it was never done except among the promiscuous. We women can discuss this ad infinitum, but we need to hear from you. Are slacks an occassion for sin for you? Is there such a thing as modest pants? She also advocates for skirts simply because they are more feminine and better reflect the way God made us, namely women and not men. Please let us hear from you guys!

1. Skirts are far sexier than pants. Wrong on this one. Extremely tight slacks are not so much lust-inspiring as they are simply vulgar, in the same sort of way that extremely low-riding pants on men are vulgar.
2. Absurd. Any man who lusts after a woman’s bicep would lust after a sweet potato. Truly bizarre.
3. Something to this, but not much. Don’t see how a woman could ever do this across her back just by wearing loose clothing. A big, fuzzy sweater, maybe. But I don’t think a bra line across a woman’s back is an irresistable instigator of lust.
4. Bizarre. Unless a guy is a knee fetishist, I don’t understand this at all. I would say once a skirt hem gets to the upper part of the lower third of a thigh, that’s a good place to stop.
5. Depends on how big the slit is. Can’t see anything wrong with those little slits on the side that are just a few inches long. Mid-thigh-high, yeah, excessive.
6. Depends on what it is and where. Sheerness, per se does not seem to me to be a source for lust. Those sheer outer blouses that have an opaque blouse under them don’t seem at all immodest to me.
7. No. A woman’s back? No. Just plain no. Two fingers width is overdoing it as a limit.
8. I hate writing on a woman’s chest or derriere, but it’s just stupid most of the time, not a temptation to lust. A college sweatshirt though? I see nothing wrong with that. If a man is going to look at a woman’s breasts lustfully, he doesn’t need writing to impel him to do it.
9. Weird. Sure, if a bathing suit consists in the absolute minimum to barely cover, well, you know. But a decently modest bathing suit? I think prohibiting men and women from swimming together is just silly. Should a man never enter into a grassy field if a woman is present? They could roll in the grass, you know. No, this is just silly.

I personally think this kind of thing is just nutty. Certainly, some attire can be immodest and lust-encouraging. But lust is in the heart of the observer, almost 100%. A man can lust at a woman in a burka and, I expect some do. A man can see a woman in reasonably decent but, well, mildly sexy attire and simply find her attractive and celebrate her beauty. Lust is voluntary, not involuntary. To me, a woman’s attractiveness is a gift from God; an encouragement to young men to marry young women and an encouragement for married men to maintain physical interest in their wives. Those are good things. All beauty is but a participation in the beauty of God. I think it’s awful to say the beauty of women is an exception; that it’s evil.

But then, I’m part Italian. Does this stuff mean we are going to have to cover up the paintings in the Sistine Chapel and put burkas on all the lovely, graceful feminine statuary? Oh, God forbid!

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

Yup, but MODESTY would help.

That’s exactly what I said.

Modesty would help.

…and when a man doesn’t receive the help he wishes he had … he’s just gotta strive to be pure all by his lonesome self, not capitulate to sin and blame it on a miniskirt.

(Well, not entirely alone. There is plenty of help from above, free for the asking.)

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

That’s exactly what I said.

Modesty would help.

…and when a man doesn’t receive the help he wishes he had … he’s just gotta strive to be pure all by his lonesome self, not capitulate to sin and blame it on a miniskirt.

(Well, not entirely alone. Jesus is always there waiting to help us bear our crosses.)

 

[Penny_Plain]

The Huz says this is insane. Why not just wear a flour sack and have done?

 

[marybee]

I heard that the least lusted group is the obese. I think we should all gain fifty pounds and wear mumus. Being thin is an occasion of sin in itself.
just kidding

 

[Augustine]

1. Wear no pants, as it almost always causes men to lust. Skirts and dresses are definitely more feminine, but loose pants are a big turn off. The real problem is tight pants actually.
2. Keep arms covered to the elbows. A woman’s shoulders are very attractive, and if they’re exposed, chances are that so is part of the breasts in current fashion. Arms and elbows are OK.
3. Clothes should be loose enough that no lines from undergarments are visible. Yes, thank you.
4. Skirts should be at least 2 inches below the knee, preferably 8 inches below the knee.That sounds about right. If the knee can be seen it starts becoming more of a temptation than tight pants, especially when the woman sits down.
5. No slits in skirts ever. As long as the slit doesn’t go above the knee, it’s OK.
6. Nothing sheer.Yes, thank you. No transparent clothes showing the bras, please.
7. No bare backs, and no necklines more than two fingers widths below the pit of the throat. Yes, thank you. As long as no cleavage shows.
8. No writing on chest of back of pants. Yes, thank you.
9. While she does not state this in her book, she does imply that women and men should never swim together…Yes, thank you. Where are the one-piece swimsuits?
   Are slacks an occassion for sin for you? Is there such a thing as modest pants? As I said above, loose fit pants are the opposite of temptation…
   She also advocates for skirts simply because they are more feminine and better reflect the way God made us, namely women and not men.Skirts and dresses does set women apart and make them stand out in their femininity. IMO, they celebrate a woman’s gender.
   

PS: isn’t it interesting that it’s mostly women who decry any attempt to set practical guidelines of modesty as we see in this thread?

 

[Purgation_Road]

`1. Wear no pants, as it almost always causes men to lust.

Unless they are tight or have some other defining attribute, this rule is wrong.

1. Keep arms covered to the elbows.

Arms can be an occasion to sin for me, but only if they are very shapely. I don’t mean mannish, but somewhat muscular. This is fairly rare.

1. Clothes should be loose enough that no lines from
   undergarments are visible.

True. Also no black bras under whites shirts (that’s a sure lustful thought there).

1. Skirts should be at least 2 inches below the knee, preferably 8
   inches below the knee.

I don’t know, if there was only an ankle to look at, I’m sure we would lust at that.

1. No slits in skirts ever.

Very strong occasion to sin.

1. Nothing sheer.

Very strong occasion to sin.

1. No bare backs, and no necklines more than two fingers widths
   below the pit of the throat.

Necks are incredibly sexy and thus very strong occasion to sin.

1. No writing on chest of back of pants.

Also a head turner and, thus, cause for confession for me.