Want to leave the Church for my fiance

[Pedro_1987]

My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it’s either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I’m effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She’s extremely sensitive, and it’s tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I’m not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl’s faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

 

[Oren]

Jesus said, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters–yes, even his own life–he cannot be my disciple.”

It’s tough, but following Jesus is tough. God is above everything. If she can’t accept that you are Catholic then you must break up with her. You are not destroying her faith in humanity, it’s her problem, not yours. You’re not the one insisting that she be Catholic or you’ll break up with her. She’s being unreasonable and if she can’t see that then you’ll avoid a lot of problems later on down the line in a marriage to a person like that.

 

[LilyM]

Why would your refusal to change shatter her faith in humanity? She knew that you were Catholic when she met you. If she doesn’t have faith in you now, she never will no matter how many things about yourself you change to try to reassure her.

 

[Marysann]

Why do you think you will destroy her faith in humanity? The time might come when she may investigate the faith just to see why it was so important to you.

Also please do not consider this patronizing since it is coming from a grandmother, but in my experience, the time came when I thanked the Lord for the heartbreak of being dumped by various “boyfriends.” This left me available to marry the wonderful Catholic man that He eventually sent my way almost thirty-eight years ago. You know what the right thing to do is, so do it. Our prayers are with you.

 

[Tietjen]

My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it’s either leave the Church or break up with her.

Why? Did she make that ultimatum? If she did, then the whole thing is her decision. Let her go and be thankful that she has shown her true colors before the relationship went further.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I’m effectively doing precisely that.

No you’re not. When you made that promise did she know you were Catholic? If so, then she is rejecting your promise. IOW, in her eyes, because you are Catholic, you’re not good enough to be allowed to keep that promise.

This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She’s extremely sensitive, and it’s tearing me apart seeing her pain.

Then tell her to get over it and accept you completely… Catholic and all. If she refuses then the whole situation falls back on her and you shouldn’t feel as though you were the cause of the break-up.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I’m not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl’s faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

Destroying? How are you destroying her by being Catholic? This situation is ridiculous. You say that you believe that the Catholic Church is the one true Church and yet you sound as though you are seriously considering turning away from it because a girl doesn’t like Catholicism. How stupid is that?! “I know something is true, but I will say it isn’t true in order to have a girl like me.” Give me a break.

Perhaps I’m being too harsh and if I am I apologize. However, I will say this… if you decide to turn your back on the Church that you already know is the true Church, you will never find happiness with this girl and she will never simply be satisfied that you gave up your faith for her. She will continue to insist that you give up or take on other traits that she wants until you wake up one day and have no idea who you are anymore. Rather than go through all that garbage, find yourself a nice Catholic girl to court.

 

[PazzoGrande]

It’s understandably a difficult situation, but remember we’ve had saints who gave up their own lives rather than give up being Catholic.

Not so long ago, Cardinals Van Thuan and Ignatius Kung were thrown in prison for decades and tortured precisely because they refused to abandon Catholicism.

Romantic love can understandably make you want to change, but we have high standards we have to live by. It isn’t easy. But these are our duties.

Maybe a better solution would be to at least expose her to the more beautiful parts of Catholicism. I know it isn’t easy if she’s an American and this protestant culture has ridiculous biases against Catholics, and it would take a lot of work and study on your part. Apologetics is not an easy topic.

Archbishop Fulton Sheen had a saying: Not 100 people in the United States hate the Catholic Church, but millions hate what they mistakenly believe is the Catholic Church.

I’ll keep you and her in my prayers.

 

[coachdennis]

Sorry for the bluntness:

She is giving you an ultimatum. That is not love…that is manipulation.

It sounds like she has had some bad experiences in her life. However, that does not give her the right to use her “hard life” to get what she wants. She may not be aware that she is doing this, and could probably benefit from professional help.

Overtime, you will begin to “resent” her for this. That won’t help your relationship and eventually poison it.

 

[anruari]

Don’t leave the Church. YOu know it to be the True Church, to leave it would be a sin of the most grave type.

Similarly you don’t need to make your fiancée convert to Catholicism, for you to marry her sacramentally she only has to accept a truly biblical understanding of Marriage and Family Life. And accept that you will, as a matter of faith, raise your children as Catholics. She will agree that they must be raised as Christians, so you have strong common ground. a properly educated apologist can help you to explain these areas to her.

Most protestants have a strongly developed sense of the importance of Freedom of Religious Practice. Let her see that you are sincere in your beliefs, and:

• Very much want to marry her
• Wont abandon Your faith
• are keen to share your faith with Her, but dont plant to force her to change.
• Are motivated in all thinkgs by Love of God first, and Love of your neighbour second - as commanded by Jesus.

Don’t dump her over this. If she makes ultimatums then you need to follow your consience and may need to let her push you away… but that will be her decision - You are betrothed to her and must *Love *her. Love is not a romantic feeling. it is a Verb. An Action. :

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Love in the English translation, is almost always translated from the Greek / Latin route:
Caritas. from this we get the English word Charity.

Think of the latin hymn :
Ubi Caritas, et Amor
Ubi Caritas Deus ibi est.

where there is Love (charity) and Love (affection), God is there.

Our society has forgotten all meanings of Love other than Amor and Eros (Greek word with same route as erotic. it is sexual desire).
We had reduced the meaning of “Marriage” to be simply an expression of Amor and Eros - this is a that was only made possible by Hollywood. in previous centuries to marry for Amor/Eros would have been very rare. Marriage was too important to pick a mate on feelings. rather you picked a suitable mate and learned to Love them in all meanings of the word.

 

[Zairra]

Just being “against” a faith is not enough for a person to risk losing everything they hold dear.
There may be something serious between her and Catholicism that makes her act this way, and you better find out what exactly it is. Another possibility is that she’s very serious about her faith and is trying to save your soul by force, so to say. Yet another is that she wants to make sure that you belong to her completely and have no roam of your own. Even these three options require very different approaches, and there may be much more. So I believe you should first find out what’s going on with her, and then act.

 

[SmartBuffy]

No one who loves you would give you such an ultimatum. Catholicism is part of who and what you are.

Having said that, I will add that the more I listen to the EWTN radio station where I live, the more I, too, want to run from Catholicism. I have many reasons for this.

I don’t aspire to sainthood. I don’t want to be mortified and suffer. I kind of see your fiancee’s point, but disagree with the ultimatum.

I don’t think I am really Catholic any longer anyway. I have posted my questions but they never get answered. No where left to turn.

So…all that is left, then, is to stop going to Mass.

 

[MrsHappy]

Sorry for the bluntness:

She is giving you an ultimatum. That is not love…that is manipulation.

It sounds like she has had some bad experiences in her life. However, that does not give her the right to use her “hard life” to get what she wants. She may not be aware that she is doing this, and could probably benefit from professional help.

Overtime, you will begin to “resent” her for this. That won’t help your relationship and eventually poison it.

Sooo true!!

 

[MrsHappy]

No one who loves you would give you such an ultimatum. Catholicism is part of who and what you are.

Having said that, I will add that the more I listen to the EWTN radio station where I live, the more I, too, want to run from Catholicism. I have many reasons for this.

I don’t aspire to sainthood. I don’t want to be mortified and suffer. I kind of see your fiancee’s point, but disagree with the ultimatum.

I don’t think I am really Catholic any longer anyway. I have posted my questions but they never get answered. No where left to turn.

So…all that is left, then, is to stop going to Mass.

Don’t stop going to mass…it sounds like you are going through desolation, don’t lose hope and faith in Our Lord! Cling to him in these times, he is testing you to see your love for him. I know it can be so hard, lonely and tremendously disheartening. But it reminds me of the footprints in the sand story…
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

                              This bothered me because I noticed
                            that during the low periods of my life,
                         when I was suffering from
                     anguish, sorrow or defeat,
                 I could see only one set of footprints.

      So I said to the Lord,
  "You promised me Lord,
     that if I followed you,
         you would walk with me always.
               But I have noticed that during
                      the most trying periods of my life
                             there have only been one
                                   set of footprints in the sand.
                                       Why, when I needed you most,
                                      you have not been there for me?"

                             The Lord replied,
                      "The times when you have
              seen only one set of footprints,
      is when I carried you."

Praying for you
Just never give up on your catholic faith!! It is Gods wonderful gift to us

 

[aicirt]

Were you not aware of her devotion to her own church before you put the ring on her finger? Is this something she hid until you became engaged?

Personally, when a Catholic dates someone of another religion, I think it immediately registers that this could be a potential problem down the road. Caution lights go blinking!
Now you are engaged and she’s tossed out an ultimatum…me or the Church. If you do chose her, there will be more ultimatums. You know she isn’t going to convert and you know she will not allow you to raise your children Catholic. You don’t believe in her beliefs. How can you live practicing a lie just to appease her?

 

[GEddie]

If you genuinely believe the Catholic Church to be true, then by doing as she wants you would be turning your back on our LORD to be with her.

There is no way a life based on such a choice could prosper. Sometimes there is just no way that a relationship can be salvaged, but our LORD must always come first.

Don’t break up with her, but make sure she knows that HE comes first and you are sticking to the Church that has HIS body!

If she then says “sayonara”, that would be her doing, not yours.

God bless, anyhow. This is certainly a heavy trial.

ICXC NIKA

 

[anruari]

No one who loves you would give you such an ultimatum. Catholicism is part of who and what you are.

Having said that, I will add that the more I listen to the EWTN radio station where I live, the more I, too, want to run from Catholicism. I have many reasons for this.

I don’t aspire to sainthood. I don’t want to be mortified and suffer. I kind of see your fiancee’s point, but disagree with the ultimatum.

I don’t think I am really Catholic any longer anyway. I have posted my questions but they never get answered. No where left to turn.

So…all that is left, then, is to stop going to Mass.

SmartBuffy
You sound like you’re hurting. I’d like to address that but don’t want to divert this thread.

You say you have posted questions but they have gone unanswered. I see you have previously posted in the “Meet and Greet”, and indeed I cannot easily find a direct reply.

Many many people end up feeling hurt by the Church or God. Often it is due to the sins or neglect they have suffered by other people.

I would very much like to address these questions for you. Can you start a new thread in the appropriate forum? Perhaps you could go to the “Spirituality” Forum in “Catholic Living”

that’s Here:
forums.catholic-questions.org/forumdisplay.php?f=19

Start a new thread, and ask one or 2 specific questions there.
I will reply. but it may not be today.

as I cannot guarantee when to reply, it would help if you could send me a PM with a link to your thread so I can pick it up straight away when I log back in.

I will send you a PM with a link to this answer to help you. but unless questions are of a confidential nature, it’s better to keep the discussion in the main forum. that way others can also answer you.

I’m very sorry you feel neglected and unanswered.

Ruairi

 

[Mamanurse]

My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it’s either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I’m effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She’s extremely sensitive, and it’s tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I’m not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl’s faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

Being married to a man that despises the CC has been a very challenging road for me. If I could change the past, I would never have married him. You may feel now that you just don’t want to hurt her, but if you truly believe in that the CC is Christ’s Church, then you would never consider this as an option. If she knew that you were a practicing Catholic when you met, then it is her fault for staying in a relationship when she had every hope and intention of changing you. Once you have children how will they be raised? And believe me, once those children start coming you will have an even greater desire to be in the CC. Please prayerfully consider what you are thinking about. Talk to your priest and ask our Heavenly Father for guidance.

 

[Kal2012]

Who’s to say that she’ll stay with you, even if you leave the church?

I almost didn’t marry my husband because of faith issues. Still, he never asked me to give up my faith for him. I never asked him to give up his faith for me. I had to learn to accept him for who he was, not who I wanted him to be. I would never ask my spouse to be someone he’s not. NEVER! :nope:

If you decide to change for her on this, then plan on changing yourself in other ways for her later.

Relationships are about compromising, but your faith isn’t something you compromise. What if she had asked you to give up this whole “Jesus” business? Would you consider that too?

If you believe that the Holy Catholic Church is the real church, then why aren’t you asking her to convert for you? You’d never do that, right? You respect her enough to make her own decisions about what she wants to regarding her faith. So, why would you want to be w/someone who doesn’t respect you enough to give you the same freedom of choice?

I get that she’s a great girl. I get that you love her. Still, if she loves you, then she’d never - ever - ask you to change or leave your faith.

 

[Carolus_Martell]

Don’t do it …pentacostal’s are fubar and will believe anything.

 

[PatriceA]

My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it’s either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I’m effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She’s extremely sensitive, and it’s tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I’m not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl’s faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

There are so many red flags in your OP. Even if you two were both Catholic, the way you are describing your relationship with this girl sounds very unhealthy. You can’t be the one thing that she looks forward to, that’s not a good foundation for a marriage, that’s being codependent on someone. She needs some professional help, you can’t make her pain your responsibility entirely. Marriage doesn’t work like that. Your relationship sounds one-sided, and any marriage that one partner is solely responsible for the emotional well being of the other spouse is not a healthy marriage. I think both of you could use some spiritual counseling or in your girlfriend’s case, some professional counseling…

 

[CrazyRachel]

My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it’s either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I’m effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She’s extremely sensitive, and it’s tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I’m not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl’s faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

Oh man, my heart goes out to you. Hold on to your faith. Dont ever let anyone change that. She knew you were Catholic when she got with you and if she dosnt like it then thats just tough. Sorry to be harsh, but its the truth. And Im sorry for her, it sounds like she’s had alot of turmoil and trauma in her life but that does not give her the excuse to be prejudice against anyone’s beliefs, least of all the fine man who’s been there for her through thick and thin. Its not your fault she’s sensitive. Also bare this in mind; if it were the other way around, if it were a man trying to change a woman for his preferences and making her go against her beliefs and who she is just to suit him, it would be called emotional abuse. Think about it. It sounds like you love her for who she is, but she is unwilling to love you for who you are. The Church, Jesus and His Blessed Mother will always be here for you.