Want to marry, but find the opposite sex repulsive?

[yellowbird]

Is there anything on CAF that isn’t fabricated? I don’t want to get jumped for this but I take everything on here with a grain of salt.

I assume that most things on CAF are truthful. I guess that’s because I am a truthful person and I can’t imagine, unless someone is totally twisted, why anyone would go through the trouble of making stuff up?

I’m sorry you think it’s all fabricated. I actually think you are wrong about that.

 

[jwashu]

What?! You’re traumatized and feel terrible because your boyfriend masturbated? LOL, you’re overreacting.

Please! I’ve seen a ton of posts about girls addicted to masturbation. We’re not repulsive.

While funny… this is true. Yes more men, what is the joke 99% of men masturbate and the other 1% lie or something like that, masturbate than women but the recent studies I have seen where women were really honest about it was close to 70% of those in the 20-40 age range.

See if you can pickup the book, The Good News about Sex and Marriage by Christopher West, it’s pretty frank but he does a great job of summarizing JPII’s theology of the body and helping us to understand why sex is so important… and it’s pretty darn spiritually cool

 

[Amber2]

Hi there
I think you just need time to grow up. At 19 I was not ready to look for a husband or even to have a boyfriend. You are still so young. I think you should give yourself a break. Focus on other things in your life. God, school, education, friends, experiences etc. There is so much life to be lived before you settle down, so much that is good to learn BEFORE you marry. I grew up in a home with no talk about sex as well and then read very pious catholic books that gave a rather negative impression of sex.
I also think that in some years when you are more mature and further on your way with God He will lead you to your future husband. And you will fall in love and realise that no man/woman is perfect but that every human being is created in the image and loved by God and you will love your husband’s body and soul. Also the broken parts, as Christ loves.
I wish you all the best
Amber

 

[Kit15]

I agree with everyone else that probably all you need is time…and maybe the right guy. shrugs

When I was your age I was is the tail end of my “sex is icky” phase. And even after I began to think of it as being not so gross but beautiful instead…I was still very disinterested in it. I didn’t start to become “interested” until I was dating my eventual husband for a little over a year.

I’m still “disinterested” to an extent. I enjoy being intimate with my husband very much…but it doesn’t really go beyond that. Desiring people sexually was never anything I really experienced never mind struggle with. No burn ya know?

 

[Galadhrimarrow]

Thanks guys. So you think I need to wait and mature a little before looking for a husband? And as for education and traveling the world I really don’t have a desire for those things, it’s not like we can afford it anyway. I did get accepted to a college this year, but we found we couldn’t afford it even with a few grants and loans.

 

[sauce]

I’m more concerned that you can’t afford college. School takes care of a lot of things.
Put your attention there, even if it’s just part time. Sex takes care of itself. And a good old-fashioned Novena never hurt anybody. We’re taliking about your “life” here.
Get that education. and cast your cares upon the Lord. He’s got your back.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Thanks guys. So you think I need to wait and mature a little before looking for a husband? And as for education and traveling the world I really don’t have a desire for those things, it’s not like we can afford it anyway. I did get accepted to a college this year, but we found we couldn’t afford it even with a few grants and loans.

I’m more concerned that you can’t afford college. School takes care of a lot of things.
Put your attention there, even if it’s just part time. Sex takes care of itself. And a good old-fashioned Novena never hurt anybody. We’re taliking about your “life” here.
Get that education. and cast your cares upon the Lord. He’s got your back.

I agree with sauce…

So, can I ask a dumb question? (I’m good at that. ) What are you doing now? Obviously you’re out of high school… Are you working? What about community college?
It just sounds like you’re putting the cart before the horse here… You’re 19, living at home, not going to school, and talking about marriage & children?? Probably need to mature a little more before jumping into that stage in life.
Just my thoughts…

 

[Galadhrimarrow]

I agree with sauce…

So, can I ask a dumb question? (I’m good at that. ) What are you doing now? Obviously you’re out of high school… Are you working? What about community college?
It just sounds like you’re putting the cart before the horse here… You’re 19, living at home, not going to school, and talking about marriage & children?? Probably need to mature a little more before jumping into that stage in life.
Just my thoughts…

You guys do have a point, but no I’m not going to college community or otherwise. We are not dirt poor but just the next level up. I am finding work on farms and whatnot but I need money to pay for physical therapy and of course the usual stuff (clothes, hygiene stuff, etc. ) I try not to make my mom and dad pay for everything for me. Work is really hard to find out here in western Oregon having the second highest unemployment rate of all the states. I have been looking for half a year now. My two older sisters are married, they both found great guys to marry and neither of them went to college. My oldest sister has three kids and she is not employed, she stays at home with the little ones. so it’s possible to go through life without college.

 

[Jesuslives]

Hello, I’m nineteen years old and would like to (I’m praying that God would like me to do this, I have a strong feeling) get married and start a family. I love caring for things, dogs, cats, kids etc. and think that I would make a great wife and mother. I myself had a wonderful mother (she had ten of us!) but here is the thing, while I might have a strong feeling for this, when I think of being married and then the act that would result in children I just get really grossed out. The thought of sex is just a little gross right now! It might be the result of being in a relationship where my ex looked at porn and MB’d. He would look at Sears and JC Penney catalogs in the bathroom too. I have been scarred by this I think and have it in my head that all men are selfish in this way. When I think of it (I don’t think about it like that way, I just know that I would have to do it, ya know?) I kinda get defensive in my head with thoughts like “Get your grubby hands off me!” or “I wish that I could get married and have kids without the sex” it sounds weird, but it’s how I feel. Can anyone help me? I want a family, but I have it in my head that all men are gross and perverted and there are no good ones out there. Thank you for reading! And I know not all men are gross, but it’s how I feel right now, my ex made me feel very horrible, just look at any post or thread about any girl who had a boyfriend that looked at porn and you will understand.

I had a similar problem. It hurts so bad to realize the imperfect nature of all of us humans. But men are a little more susceptible to sexual sin for some reason. Our society is infiltrated with modern pornography everywhere you look. And sometimes when I go out with my friends I think the same way about men. The way they look at me or the way they act creeps me out completely.

You have to find someone who is also Catholic and believes this the same way you do. Someone who has self control. And when you begin to trust him you won’t find him repulsive. But remember that none of us are perfect and society right now is not helping.

Pray and trust that God will send you a good man! There are a few left. I have a few brothers that are good men and do think that sort of thing is wrong and disgusting.

Pray that God will heal your soul and make you stronger as well.

 

[Galadhrimarrow]

I know you’re right about porn or soft porn being everywhere. It’s really no wonder there are so many creepo’s out there. I read once that if a women wanted to put herself in a man’s shoes who was trying to be chaste in today’s society, she should imagine pretty much every man offering her chocolate and try not to take any. This doesn’t work if you don’t like chocolate, but you get my point

 

[MarieVeronica]

What?! You’re traumatized and feel terrible because your boyfriend masturbated? LOL, you’re overreacting.

Please! I’ve seen a ton of posts about girls addicted to masturbation. We’re not repulsive.

With all due respect, I really see no reason to invalidate the OP’s question, by informing her of the “track records” of other forum members. Sure, it’s something that a lot of people have struggled with. But she is asking for help for herself.

She is obviously trying to live a chaste life, herself. Or she wouldn’t have come here and bared her personal feelings, this way. I don’t think she is overreacting, to express revulsion at her ex-boyfriends habit of looking at porn… and masturbating. They are both “disordered” and sinful … according to the teaching of the Catholic Church. She indicates that she doesn’t want a future relationship, where these problems are present. I wouldn’t, either. And she has every right to hope for a future husband… who doesn’t behave this way.

To the OP. I’d first like to say, that there ARE men out there… who do NOT look at porn and who DO live, chastely. :yup: Since you have asked for our opinions… if I were in your exact circumstances, I think I would seek the advice of a CATHOLIC priest. And then, follow whatever course he suggests.

God bless you. It took great courage for you to bare your soul, to us… as you did.

MV

 

[JPUSC]

With all due respect, I really see no reason to invalidate the OP’s question, by informing her of the “track records” of other forum members. Sure, it’s something that a lot of people have struggled with. But she is asking for help for herself.

She is obviously trying to live a chaste life, herself. Or she wouldn’t have come here and bared her personal feelings, this way. I don’t think she is overreacting, to express revulsion at her ex-boyfriends habit of looking at porn… and masturbating. They are both “disordered” and sinful … according to the teaching of the Catholic Church. She indicates that she doesn’t want a future relationship, where these problems are present. I wouldn’t, either. And she has every right to hope for a future husband… who doesn’t behave this way.

To the OP. I’d first like to say, that there ARE men out there… who do NOT look at porn and who DO live, chastely. :yup: Since you have asked for our opinions… if I were in your exact circumstances, I think I would seek the advice of a CATHOLIC priest. And then, follow whatever course he suggests.

God bless you. It took great courage for you to bare your soul, to us… as you did.

MV

It is ridiculous to refer to males as “repulsive” when many women have the same problem. The Catechism recognizes that the gravity of the sin of masturbation is lessened when there are other issues involved, such as immaturity or habit. If the OP’s ex-boyfriend was a teenager, I am totally not surprised.

And yes, she should seek the advice of an orthodox Catholic priest, not a traditionalist/sedevacantist priest as she refers to herself as a “pre-Vatican Ii Catholic.”

 

[TraderTif]

I agree with the people who mentioned that you’re still young, and your opinions might change over time.

I found men pretty “repulsive” when I was 19…but I gradually changed my mind over the next few years. It can happen.

 

[Primox]

There are moments when my DH–who is a good Catholic man–forgets himself and comes after me like a cave man. I actually find it pretty repulsive, and push him away til he approaches me in a more respectful manner.

That’s kind of a funny image. Many guys do have a cave-man-like drive - it doesn’t negate respect or love, I don’t think. My demeanor is a tad cavemanish as it is, but I think I would feel dejected if I was denied on that pretence. My love and faithfulness is as strong as ever it could be.

Men’s bodies are disgusting and repulsive so I would say that is a normal reaction. I am a man and trust me sometimes I disgust myself. Not only that but some of the things men do when no women are around are enough to choke a maggot.

Let’s add some kindling to this fire . I agree with you on the disgusting things that guys do though. We can be, unfortunately, pretty crude and pretty corporeal.

I’m still “disinterested” to an extent. I enjoy being intimate with my husband very much…but it doesn’t really go beyond that. Desiring people sexually was never anything I really experienced never mind struggle with. No burn ya know?

This is the fear of a great many men - that drives won’t sync up in marriage.

I think it’s important to realize that while women, on a biological level, pride themselves on nurturing, men pride themselves on their potency. I’m sure they don’t mean to be so base. It’s hard being a guy with a big sexual appettite (or even one that deviates from what God intended). The perplexed wife says “my husband spends hours looking at pictures of succulent foods!” and the husband shamefully replies, “I’m sorry, I’m just so hungry.” This is not a defence (don’t get me wrong ladies), I just want to let you know what’s going on in man-land (at least some of the time). I don’t watch porn, I don’t think people ought to, but I understand how some unfortunate men get wrapped up in it. I think we sync up on our food senerios, Galadhrimarrow.

I’ll be very honest: I try not to entertain lustful thoughs and I don’t watch pornography, but given the opportunity, I would enjoy either thoroughly. I don’t think guy’s are creepos because they enjoy, by nature, what their body says “enjoy! Take fill!” A righteous man is not necessarily one who finds a the buzz from a few drinks unenjoyable, a puff of the 'erb unrelaxing, or sensual imagery or stimulation unsatisfying; a righteous man is one who recognizes the pleasure in vices and abstains from them. There are men like this in the world. I have faith you can find one

God Bless!

 

[dakotagirl]

I totally think that listening to guys make lewd remarks about the opposite sex can make one feel aversion to getting married LET ALONE having had a bf who looked at porn. I don’t blame you one bit for feeling the way you do. That is all.

 

[Cat]

I think a man’s body is beautiful, breath-taking. After all, God made man in His Own Image. When we see Man, we catch a glimpse of God.

When my mother was still alive, her hero was Olympic track star Michael Johnson, who certainly has one of the best male bodies of any man. i.a.cnn.net/si/2004/writers/mike_fish/08/24/track.records/p1_johnson_getty.jpg

My mother would say, “He’s so strong and fast. He’s so beautiful to watch when he runs.”

Other male athletes and dancers are so perfectly formed (lots of hard work got them that way). And many men who work in physical labor are also well-built, sturdy, strong, gleaming with healthy sweat and muscles–I admit, I’m one of those women who will stare at construction workers! (Remember that Diet Coke commercial where all the women were staring at the working men?!)

For years, my family has been involved with the sport of figure skating, and many of the males in this sport have bodies that are unbelievably beautiful. Brian Boitano is tall for a skater, and so well-muscled–yes, beautiful. mystid.tripod.com/9515715.jpg

At St. Louis University, there are quite a few nude statues (Germans like nude humans in their art!), including male figures. Yes, we giggle, but oh, my, the male bodies are so stunning. Strong, toned–God certainly put all of His best into forming Man at the Creation.

My husband says, “We’re all lumpy and hairy.” Well, yes, but that’s what an ideal man should look like. A man should not be soft and hairless like a woman.

Yes, many men do not match the beauty of the ideal male form due to age or weight, but a woman who loves the man can see that ideal form anyway.

As for the male genitalia, well, we have to be careful here, since this is a family forum! But when you consider how well-designed males and females are, how well they fit together, and how pleasurable is the act that results in the creation of a new human being, IMO, the male genitalia IS beautiful. The Bible says that even though a woman has pain during childbirth, she will still desire her husband.

I’m not suggesting that the OP become a “man-watcher”, but I do think that perhaps she should try to read some anatomy and physiology textbooks and marvel at what God has created.

 

[Galadhrimarrow]

Thank you everyone! All your words has made me feel much better in a few days than trying to ignore and get over this feeling by myself for three months. (I have been single for that long) See, it’s not that I find men ugly, I tend to find the sweaty farmer guys very attractive, it’s when I think about their exclusive parts and me having to submit myself to that is when I get a little more than uncomfortable. My ex would verbally and physically attack me as well, so that might have something to do with it.

It’s interesting hearing from guys, my dad never said a word to me about men except that they only want one thing and my mom, the only thing she told me was when I was 12, she told me that boys have something that touches a girl and then you have a baby! I was very confused until just this last year.

 

[Primox]

Mmh, great assessment, Cat.

 

[lumenorientale]

Thank you everyone! All your words has made me feel much better in a few days than trying to ignore and get over this feeling by myself for three months. (I have been single for that long) See, it’s not that I find men ugly, I tend to find the sweaty farmer guys very attractive, it’s when I think about their exclusive parts and me having to submit myself to that is when I get a little more than uncomfortable. My ex would verbally and physically attack me as well, so that might have something to do with it.

Yeah, I’d think that being verbally and physically abused would sort of mess a person up. I’m sorry you went through that. But not all men are that way. I know, I married the most handsome, kindest, most nurturing man in the world. He treats me like a queen. But, if I were you, I’d let yourself recover from the hurt from of your prior relationship before you even think about getting in another. And try to figure out what drew you to such a person in the first place. What were you looking for? Did you see any warning signs in the beginning, but ignored them? Try to figure out something that you learned from this whole situation.
I know kind of what you must feel. I was in a long term relationship that ended rather abruptly and painfully. It took me about a year before I found men to be attractive again. 3 more years before I was able to get into the relationship with my now husband. Maybe this pain of the betrayal you must feel is being experienced in a different way. You must feel very betrayed by him–in effect, he was cheating on you.
My recommendations are to continue to post here. If you can’t afford counselling, at least you can let off steam and get some common sense advice from people here. Pray also, and know that we pray for you. Try to get a hold of some of the books these folks have told you about, like Theology of the Body. And finally, take it easy on yourself. You don’t have to figure it all out right now, just let your healing come naturally.

It’s interesting hearing from guys, my dad never said a word to me about men except that they only want one thing and my mom, the only thing she told me was when I was 12, she told me that boys have something that touches a girl and then you have a baby! I was very confused until just this last year.

Galadhrimarrow, greetings and well met!

 

[MarieVeronica]

It is ridiculous to refer to males as “repulsive” when many women have the same problem."

I looked… but I couldn’t find anywhere that the OP referred to males as “repulsive”. In fact, in the original message, she said the following:

And I know not all men are gross, but it’s how I feel right now, my ex made me feel very horrible, just look at any post or thread about any girl who had a boyfriend that looked at porn and you will understand.

“JPUSC”, I don’t mean to jump on you, personally. :hug1: I’m just saying, that this isn’t about men or women, with a “common problem”. It’s about something that happened in the OP’s past relationship… which has left her with a “scar” that needs healing.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church describes masturbation as an “intrinsically and gravely disordered action”. The fact that extenuating circumstances can sometimes exist (immaturity, anxiety or whatever)… doesn’t erase the fact, that it is a sinful habit; and once a person realizes that it IS a sinful habit, he OR she… must pray for the grace to overcome it. And work really hard, at resisting temptation.

Unfortunately and sadly, we live in an age where young people are being constantly slammed by the media (movies, TV, video games, music) with sex, sex and MORE sex. Tragically, many fall into these bad behaviors. And because “society” says… “Hey, everyone’s doing it! It’s ok!”… they figure, it’s “normal”. :nope:

But praise God… Chastity is now starting to make a come back! . And there are many ministries, which assist young people with these very issues.

I applaud the OP for stating her desire to find a guy who is chaste, for her future husband.

St. Joseph, most chaste spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary… please pray for our young people that they may embrace chastity; and that if called to the vocation of marriage, they may find chaste spouses. Amen.

God bless.