Want what I can't accept

[claymcdermott]

Gonna throw it out there, I might recommend a year long or so dating fast. Not telling you what to do, but it sounds like it is something to think about based on what I am reading. Could be a good idea.

 

[scout_1]

Gonna throw it out there, I might recommend a year long or so dating fast. Not telling you what to do, but it sounds like it is something to think about based on what I am reading. Could be a good idea.

I don’t quite know what that is.
I don’t have any girl friends, nor do I have or had a girlfriend. I’m open to making friendships with girls my age, and would ponder a relationship if the option arose. Being if a option arose it’d be more obvious than God slapping me on the side of my head with a fish. (watch someone throw a fish at me tomorrow)

If it’s a purity thing, which I think it is. I haven’t had a problem with lusting on girls I’ve met or know. Only problem that I have had with lusting on girls irl was with girls I didn’t know nor will I ever know. Usually wearing yoga pants, skin tight clothing, short shorts extreme cleavage etc. The lusting on girls irl has stopped completely. Now only looking too long is a problem, but I’m doing it less and less.
As I said my current problem is lusting on the Internet. Mostly at clickbait ads, YouTube, meme sites(ie photo sharing sties where people sometimes post pics of hot girls, (not nude), tv, or just random pictures of hot girls. I never intend to look for that stuff though. I would stare or lust when it appears. But now I occasionally lust or just look too long. I’ve adjusted filters to see less of that stuff and am gaining more control almost every time I’m confronted. Am I failing some days? Yes. I meet that with more prayer in return.

I do not feel it is necessary, tell me with the information I’ve provided if you still think it would be a good idea and I’ll look into it.
God will know when I’m ready, he just needs to make it obvious when I am.

 

[claymcdermott]

No, a dating fast is not a purity thing. Everybody is purity obsessed around here

It is just that, you seem so eager to get married in a certain timeframe, which you rephrased as having goals, but that is still not a good attitude.

You have said that you think that “if a option arose it’d be more obvious than God slapping me,“ which is so not true, not every time a Catholic girl is willing to go out with you is it a sign from God.

You claim that marriage after 23 is “Not what I’m call for,“ which is like…how could you even know, and the answer is you cannot. Especially because you decided at age 1O that this was for you. We need to seriously question decisions we make at age 1O. Not that they were all wrong, just that they deserve special scrutiny.

There is also this sense of frustration at singleness that you have.

SO

A dating fast allows you to embrace that singleness you are rejecting, for a time, rather than fight against it. It makes this thing that is frustrating you, which in reality God has sent you rather than a wife, to be your choice. It enables you to not see all girls you barely know as potential girlfriends. It will free you from fear of missing out, because in a year, you will still know girls you like and you will see that there isn’t a rush, nor will you get so invested in someone you barely know.

Think of it as exposure therapy. If you are afraid of singleness, consciously deciding to be single for a year is the only cure. You may come out the other end glad about being single.

 

[scout_1]

No, a dating fast is not a purity thing. Everybody is purity obsessed around here

It is just that, you seem so eager to get married in a certain timeframe, which you rephrased as having goals, but that is still not a good attitude.

You have said that you think that “if a option arose it’d be more obvious than God slapping me,“ which is so not true, not every time a Catholic girl is willing to go out with you is it a sign from God.

You claim that marriage after 23 is “Not what I’m call for,“ which is like…how could you even know, and the answer is you cannot. Especially because you decided at age 1O that this was for you. We need to seriously question decisions we make at age 1O. Not that they were all wrong, just that they deserve special scrutiny.

There is also this sense of frustration at singleness that you have.

SO

A dating fast allows you to embrace that singleness you are rejecting, for a time, rather than fight against it. It makes this thing that is frustrating you, which in reality God has sent you rather than a wife, to be your choice. It enables you to not see all girls you barely know as potential girlfriends. It will free you from fear of missing out, because in a year, you will still know girls you like and you will see that there isn’t a rush, nor will you get so invested in someone you barely know.

Think of it as exposure therapy. If you are afraid of singleness, consciously deciding to be single for a year is the only cure. You may come out the other end glad about being single.

I figured it was a thing to make sure purity stays. Or something. I understand being with someone physically could cause some “feelings” or personal temptation. (physical i mean holding hands, hugging, etc). But none of that has seemed to affected me so…

I said it’d “have” to be more obvious than God slapping me on the side of my head, with a fish. I don’t take notice to anything settle, which for the most part God acts very settle. I was referring to a sign, not the willingness of a Catholic girl going out with me. Which implies I have to ask her first, I won’t unless I got a sign from God. What that will be? I don’t know.

You are really, really splicing my words. I said “I kinda knew I wanted to marry since I was little, was sure at 10” I wasn’t sure of what I wanted, I was sure I wanted to marry. “I was sure of what I wanted since 15” (for the most part, wasn’t speaking in absolutes).
Yes most decisions I made when I was 10 I’d probably regret. But it wasn’t a decision, it was a very powerful feeling. Same as the feeling of when I was little. When I was 15 I made the conscience decisions of what standards were needed, what my likes and dislikes are, and what qualities I wanted. All to what has formed over those two years to form that list and then some.
It’s not like one year I wanted a stripper, next year a porn star, to this year a 1950s housewife. It was always along the same lines, even from when I was younger than 15.

Yes I want to marry young, no I didn’t make that choice when I was 10. I said I was aiming for 21/23, now I don’t know what context I used those 5 words in but I’ll assume I didn’t set my age goal in stone in that sentence, especially with what I’ve been told here. All I know is I would like to marry young, yes it’s a goal, yes I’m eager, but if I’m waiting to be financially stable and wait for God to give me the green light, I don’t know how I’m being overly eager.

I may have come across as frustrated with my singleness, but I feel more so with the lack of female friendships, I mean, I’ve only had two, both of them used me and stabbed me in the back.

The reason this girl has come up so many times is because I originally just used her as a talking point. It was easy to type out something in mind with someone in mind that has my interest. After people asked questions about her or something relating to her it developed into me crushing on her or I’m imagining my future with her when all I know is she has the qualities I like. The original topic, was me not feeling worthy enough for someone of her caliber, not specifically her, I just used “her” to type out my thoughts.
I do think about that stuff occasionally. But don’t dwell on it. I do like her, but she could move away tomorrow and I wouldn’t lose sleep.

I’ve waited to get my purity in check before even looking at relationships, now that it is, and I got my worthiness problem situated, I’m going to wait for a sign. How those work, feel free to give me advice.

Just stop twisting and splicing my words. You based your entire conclusion off of my words, but you twisted my words WAY to much to make any meaningful or honest recommendation for a dating fast

 

[claymcdermott]

Maybe you meant to write “have to be more obvious than God slapping me” but originally you omitted the word “have.” That makes your sentence mean something entirely different.

And I could get into how what you said, even in your last entry, is a little convoluted on when and how you discerned marriage was right for you, but if what you have typed makes sense to you, and is a good explanation for you who can understand it, then good for you.

My reason for saying this is that virtually not a single sentence you have written has been either grammatically correct, or conceptually clear. Not to be a grammar Nazi, but your lack or proofreading makes it very hard to understand you sometimes, and proofreading is a courtesy to your correspondents.

Anyway, as I said, I thought it *could *be a good idea, and something to think about. I was not telling you what to do.

Now, you are talking about signs again, and while I am not big on signs, I might be misunderstanding your writing again as you might mean to say the exact opposite - but whatever, do what you think is best.

 

[scout_1]

Maybe you meant to write “have to be more obvious than God slapping me” but originally you omitted the word “have.” That makes your sentence mean something entirely different.

And I could get into how what you said, even in your last entry, is a little convoluted on when and how you discerned marriage was right for you, but if what you have typed makes sense to you, and is a good explanation for you who can understand it, then good for you.

My reason for saying this is that virtually not a single sentence you have written has been either grammatically correct, or conceptually clear. Not to be a grammar Nazi, but your lack or proofreading makes it very hard to understand you sometimes, and proofreading is a courtesy to your correspondents.

Anyway, as I said, I thought it *could *be a good idea, and something to think about. I was not telling you what to do.

Now, you are talking about signs again, and while I am not big on signs, I might be misunderstanding your writing again as you might mean to say the exact opposite - but whatever, do what you think is best.

It appears I did remove “have.” However the sentence still does not imply a Catholic girl is willing to go out with me. It does imply that if a “option” arose I would merely ponder the idea of a relationship. Now what option means would most likely mean a Catholic girl showing a little interest or a girl physically asking me out. Neither situation would be me initiating contact, but me pondering the idea of a relationship. As I said proior to that statement I won’t pursue a relationship without a green light or sign. If a relationship came to me, that’s a different story. It requires a 3rd party seeing me for what I am, not me putting someone on the spot. By that nature there is a good idea that I might be ready for a relationship.

If you can’t understand the simple fact I’ve felt the call to marriage since I was little, firmly knew since 10, and decided on what I wanted in my future wife at 15, I have no clue what to tell you or how to rephrase it. You still spliced my words there.

I’m sorry if my grammar is incorrect or incoherent. I’ve never been able to articulate myself well through text, much less with being on a small mobile device with crappie auto correct.

Yes you did only suggest it, on a misunderstanding and splicing of my words. I’ll look into it if my eagerness becomes a problem, I’ve held off on relationships till my purity was in check, now that it is, I’m waiting for the green light.

I asked for advice on what signs are. You aren’t a fan of them. Tell me why, I’m curious if what I’m waiting or looking for is wrong. If it is tell me what I should look for or do. I’m doing what I think is best by being here, not wondering around aimlessly looking for a girl to wave at me and taking that as a sign saying I’m ready.

 

[claymcdermott]

Word splicing is either when you mix the letters or individual words or when you edit a video so that…you know what, never mind.

Apparently I am unable to follow you and you are unable to follow me.

I hope you and I both grow in holiness and serve more.

 

[scout_1]

Word splicing is either when you mix the letters or individual words or when you edit a video so that…you know what, never mind.

Apparently I am unable to follow you and you are unable to follow me.

I hope you and I both grow in holiness and serve more.

You were splicing my words, not word splicing. Two different things. But whatever man.

Agree to disagree.

Thanks